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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22817464">The Courtship of a Southern Belle</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapinrose/pseuds/Lapinrose'>Lapinrose</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alpha Ben Solo, Alpha Poe Dameron, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternative Universe - Historical, Alternative Universe - Southern, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Courtship, Dominant Ben Solo, Dream Sex, F/M, Fluff, Have faith in lapinrose, Heavy Petting, I find your lack of faith disturbing, Louisiana, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Misogyny, New Orleans, Older Man/Younger Woman, Omega Rey (Star Wars), Romance, Southern Rey, Stop asking if there's going to be a HEA and take your angst punishment like a good girl, Wet Dream, courting, southern</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:40:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>131,973</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22817464</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapinrose/pseuds/Lapinrose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In 1860 New Orleans, Louisiana, Rey Josephine Camille is a young girl about to enter womanhood. Her year-long secret courtship with popular alpha Poe Dameron has not been fruitful: he has not proposed nor has he asked to be her escort at the debutante ball! Before she turns 16, she must get engaged or become an outcast in New Orleans high-society but she will only marry for love. That's when she meets aloof alpha and eligible bachelor Benjamin Solo Augustus.</p><p>All NSFW Chapters are labeled with '*' in their title.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey &amp; Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1205</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1147</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A Chance Encounter With A Scoundrel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time I met the scoundrel, Benjamin Solo Augustus, he had dirt covering his black leather congress shoes.</p><p> </p><p>We stood about five feet apart in Mademoiselle Suzanne Perrot’s back garden. You see, I, along with her friends and family members, was there to celebrate her sixteenth birthday. He gracelessly stepped out of the rose bush and, holding a handkerchief to cover his lower face, began laughing at me. The first thing I noticed was how tall he was, how did such a tall man manage to remain hidden for so long? He was broad too, an Alpha no doubt. </p><p>                   “Monsieur!” I gasped, my heart racing faster than a passenger train, “You should have announced your presence!”</p><p>In a move quite unladylike of me, he overheard me seconded with my secret sweetheart, Poe. By the time the scoundrel made himself known Poe had already left. At that moment I was relieved that we did not kiss or hold each other, lest word gets out and ruin my reputation.</p><p>                 “You must forgive me, Madame.” The words slipped out in between fits of laughter, “I was searching for a lost cuff when you and your… sweetheart appeared. I felt it would be rude to intrude on your moment.”</p><p>There was nothing he could say to quell my anger. Following Suzanne's advice, I had convinced Poe to chat with me in the garden, I thought he would finally catch the hint and ask for my Papa’s permission to escort me to the Debutante Ball. But he was aloof, like always.</p><p>                  ‘Poe!’ I said, ‘If you don’t present me and ask Papa for my hand then I will be ruined! Won’t you feel guilty for having manipulated an innocent Omega?’</p><p>                 Poe, with a smirk and a raised brow, tutted, ‘Ruin you? Rey don’t repeat such nonsense. I adore your spirit, how shameful it would be were it tarnished by you repeating words of gossiping dowagers. Regardless, I hardly manipulated you.’</p><p>                   I pouted and blinked my full bristly lashes, ‘But you have. Darling Poe, you’ve pulled me along for a year now. If you take any longer to approach my Papa, I’ll rot like fruit on a vine.’</p><p>                 He laughed at my analogy. Poe’s slender hand reached into the pocket of his morning coat and he pulled out a cigarette. ‘I have done no manipulating. And you know you’re no innocent Omega,’ he lit the cigarette then turned his eyes to me, ‘do innocent omegas write lascivious poetry?’</p><p> </p><p>I blushed, Poe and I had been exchanging poems for about a month now. While I did confess my feelings in rhyme there was nothing outwardly lewd or libidinous about my prose. Still, I had not expected him to be so forward, nor did I expect him to discuss such matters out loud<span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">—</span></span>outside of the bedroom of a married couple! Being a young handsome unmarried Alpha, with a good fortune, from a good family, and good breeding; he often faced little repercussion for his garish behavior.</p><p> </p><p>                 ‘Poe. My ring finger won’t stay nude forever. If you don't approach my Papa soon then he will marry me off to some dull stranger.’</p><p>                 </p><p>                 ‘No, no, it won’t. Sweetling, we’re both young,’ he put up his hand to stop my protests, ‘I know. I know. Listen to me, when the time is right. Things will fall into place. Be a good young lady and wait.’ He tucked a single strand of my hair behind my ear, ‘Now I must bid you adieu, Carter and I are needed with the gentlemen.’</p><p> </p><p>With that, he turned on his heels and walked back into the Perrot mansion. I had not noticed my breathing was shallow, when, in anger, I grabbed the silk handkerchief he gifted me months ago and threw it onto the dirt, I struggled to mutter: ‘That cad!’ </p><p>                 </p><p><em>That’s</em> when the scoundrel showed himself. I sat down on a nearby bench, placing one hand on the armrest, and faced him. I breathed slowly returning my mind to the present. “Monsieur, I can see you’re not native to New Orleans but as I am unmarried the correct honorific is Mademoiselle.” I corrected him coldly.</p><p>                 He smiled and threw his head back in laughter, his face full of mirth, “No you are <em>certainly</em> not married, and from what I witnessed, you won’t be. Forgive my crassness, Mademoiselle .” He bowed in an exaggerated manner flourishing the handkerchief in his hand.</p><p>                 “Well, you are no gentleman! And I doubt your story about your cuff!” I could not hold back my sharp tongue, Poe’s rejection was embarrassing but it was doubled having someone else witness it, “Do you know it is rude to eavesdrop?”</p><p>                 “No,” he smiled wickedly, the lamp lights gleamed and danced in his dark eyes, “do you know when someone is being kept around as a backup.”</p><p>I stood up abruptly, my voice squeaking, “Backup!?”</p><p>                 “Yes, Mademoiselle. Your darling Poe clearly has someone else in mind, otherwise, he would not have you wait.”</p><p>                 I hmphed and curled my fingers into fists. “You know nothing Monsieur, this is no way to speak to a lady.”</p><p>                 “That is true,” he stepped forward his voice was low and husky, “but from what I heard you are no lady. Regardless, I’d love to read your poetry<em>, </em>Mademoiselle.”</p><p> </p><p>Taking several small steps back, I placed some distance between myself and the imposing stranger. I turned back to the Perrot mansion and stomped away doing my best to ignore his laughter. </p><p> </p><p>That scoundrel! That eavesdropper! That rogue! I tried to push aside his comments and returned to the saloon where Suzanne sat with a few party guests. Lifting my deep blue velvet skirt, I was in a sour mood. I no longer cared if I was presentable or if there was dirt on the hem of my dress.</p><p>                 Suzanne gestured toward me, “Rey, there you are.” She sat with a balding old goat, away from the other groups. The chatterings of guests was almost audible under the jaunty tune slipping out of the dance hall, “I was just telling Monsieur Perrot-Jacques about your embroidery.”</p><p> </p><p>                 The old man appeared as bland as the other older family members whom Suzanne had to invite. I curtsied quickly, not interested in letting him kiss my hand, “Monsieur forgive me, but I must borrow Suzanne.”</p><p> </p><p>Before either could respond I grabbed Suzanne's hand and led her out of the saloon. No doubt Mama would chastise me for my incivility, but Monsieur Jacques did not appear to be a resident of New Orleans, so who would he tell?</p><p> </p><p>                 “Rey?” She called out my name as I led her into the hallway.</p><p>                 “We will need some privacy,” I said leading her upstairs to her room.</p><p> </p><p>She struggled to keep her silk maroon scarf in place as I almost dragged her up the marble stairs. We were dressed in matching outfits; except she wore maroon and I wore a deep blue close to lapis. We were both dressed in evening attire suitable for high-society ladies of our age. Our dresses were imported from France as a gift for Suzanne from her betrothed, a young Monsieur with a handsome countenance and an even more handsome estate, named Charles Booke. The sleeves hung off our shoulders with lace ruffles adorned with hanging pearls, the bodice embroidered with flowers, our waists were the envy of many at 17 and 18 inches. The cinched waist led to the ruffled skirt which bloomed like a rose with layered fabric.</p><p>                 </p><p>                 “My Lord! Rey, slow down. I will never forgive you if you rip my dress.”</p><p> </p><p>We quickly reached her bedroom, and I threw open the twin doors. Her bedroom smelled like lavender, her favorite scent, and it was clean. No doubt because of the maids. Suzanne couldn’t keep her bedroom clean for longer than a few hours.</p><p>                 “Rey, what’s the matter?” She closed the door and turned me around to face her, “What’s upset you so?”</p><p> </p><p>Before I could hold myself back, I began whimpering. Although I did my best not to cry, I would not allow myself to ruin my best friend’s birthday.</p><p>                 “It’s Poe.”</p><p>                 She forced me to sit down in front of her vanity, “Oh, poor darling. <span class="QXzCSe"><span class="fJyiwb">Ma chérie</span></span>. Don’t cry.” Suzanne dabbed my eyes with her linen handkerchief. “Rey please, he is not worth a single tear.”</p><p>                 “I spoke to him like you said,” tears were now forming in my eyes, “and<span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">—</span></span>and<span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">—</span></span>” my voice fluttered in my throat, the words struggling to escape. Suzanne shushed me and placed a kiss on my cheek. “Suzanne<span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">—</span></span>he<span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">—</span></span>he told me to wait. Again!”</p><p> </p><p>I could no longer hold back and began crying. She let my tears flow, ruining my powder and causing streaks of tanner skin to appear. I looked at my reflection: my eyes and nose were starting to redden, were it not for my tears I would have been a portrait of the ideal Southern Belle. Round face, pink lips, pale skin but it could have been paler if I did not enjoy garden tea parties as much as I did.</p><p> </p><p>                  “My darling Rey,” Suzanne dabbed my eyes, “This may be the final sign you needed.”</p><p>                   I shook my head, “Oh, Suzanne please don’t say that! If Poe does not propose, I don’t know what broody boring stranger I will be forced to marry! I love him!”</p><p> </p><p>She simply hugged me, gripping me tightly. As if she hugged me tight enough then my pleas would disappear, like the flames of longing and fear would dissipate and I would be left behind. Simply Rey. Sweet brown-eyed giggling rosy-cheeked Rey. She held onto me for what felt like forever until finally, my torrents of despair simpered into a trickle. She turned to my reflection and begin reapplying powder with gentle hands.</p><p>                 </p><p>                 “There, there now. I tell you that Poe might have others fooled but good countenance counts for nothing if you’re a rogue.” I couldn’t help but giggle at her cutting words. It seemed like Suzanne was the only person who was not instantly smitten with Poe. When he was first introduced to the high society of New Orleans, which was during Monsieur Armitage Huxley’s 1855 barbeque, Suzanne was the only one who refused to shake his hand.</p><p>                 ‘I don’t appreciate the way his eyes linger on women.’ She told me at the time.</p><p>                 ‘Still, you must admit he is handsome.’ I argued.</p><p>                 ‘I often find that handsome men get away with more.’ She retorted and we returned to drinking tea and listening to gossip about much older women and more adventurous young girls</p><p> </p><p>Now here we were. Five years later, he was still a bachelor and Suzanne was still dismissive. Despite my over-enthusiastic pursuit of him, she was a truly loyal friend and supported me when he began secretly courting me. </p><p> </p><p>                 She sighed against my head, “Rey, promise me you’ll let this fool go. There are plenty of eligible alphas outside of New Orleans, even more<span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">—</span></span>outside of the state.”</p><p>                 “If that scoundrel I found in your garden is any indication of men outside of Louisiana I might as well die a spinster.” I placed my hand over hers. Her face twisted into a confused look, her trademark pouty lips parted.</p><p>                 “A <em>scoundrel</em> in <em>my</em> garden?”</p><p>                 “Yes. And he had the gall to eavesdrop too.”</p><p>                 Suzanne plumped onto her bed. “Darling, what do you mean?”</p><p>                 “Well there was this man<span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">—</span></span>obviously not from around here<span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">—</span></span>he laughed at me after what Poe said.”</p><p> </p><p>                 She laid further back, resting her head in her arms, “I couldn’t possibly keep track of everyone at the party, Mama was in charge of the invite list. What did he look like? So I can go give him a talking to!”</p><p> </p><p>I laughed and turned to face her, she looked adorable laying there. I often found myself forgetting that she was now to be married off and soon she’d become a baby-making plantation… That I would soon become one as well. Suzanne was lucky to find Charles, at least he doted on her and showered her in gifts before he would ruin her body.</p><p>                 “Well, he was very tall. Taller than Poe even.”</p><p>                 “Taller than Poe?” She raised her eyebrows in feigned shock.</p><p>                 “Yes!”</p><p>                 “Now you’ll be telling me he is even more handsome!” She placed her hand on her chest dramatically.</p><p>                 “No. His face was too broad. And his nose jutted out. And he was immeasurably rude!”</p><p>                 She nodded enthusiastically, “Rudeness is unbecoming of a gentleman.”</p><p>                 “But he was no gentleman.”</p><p>                 “Unlike Poe of course.” She smiled. I sighed and looked down at the hem of my dress, it was covered in brown dust. I did my best to shake off what I could.</p><p> </p><p>                 </p><p>                 “Come, darling, let’s dance. A waltz will clear your mind.”</p><p> </p><p>We made our way back downstairs to the larger drawing room which had been transformed into a dance hall for the evening. There was a band on a makeshift stage and the mahogany floors were polished so well they reflected the light of the chandelier. Waiters scurried about to the tables lining the walls where guests sat. From the entrance, we could see dowagers and old wives sitting in tables gossiping about the young women, and young women dancing along with equally young eligible bachelors. As soon as Suzanne entered, she was immediately approached by two or three young men asking to dance with her, the evening festivities were of course dedicated to her.</p><p>                 </p><p>                 “Don’t you worry about me Suzanne. I’ll find someone.” I gave her my approval and she began dancing with a random boy I did not recognize, most likely a distant relative. I stopped a waiter and grabbed a glass of water, doing my best to not appear like a wallflower.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Mademoiselle.” A familiar voice called out. I turned to my left to find the heartbreaker, Poe, with his softly curled hair slicked back. His black coat was finely pressed and crisp. “Aren't you going to ask me to dance?”</p><p> </p><p>                 I looked him over, the bitter taste of rejection still in my mouth. When my eyes instinctively caught the light bouncing off copper hair. Armitage!</p><p>                 “Huxley!” I called out, “Oh Huxley, there you are.” Huxley was sitting next to some other married men. I recognized my older brother Louis next to him, leaning backward with a cigar in his mouth. Huxley looked at me in surprise, he cleared his throat.</p><p>                 “Mademoiselle Camille, forgive me, I did not notice you.”</p><p>                 “That’s hardly an issue. But you did promise me a dance before, I’m sure these gentlemen won’t mind if I borrow you for a bit.” I put out my hand expectantly. Armitage noticed Poe standing behind me, he threw him a cheeky smile and promptly stood up. Were this a formal event I should have been ashamed to ask a gentleman for a dance but we were all close enough. And the night was late enough, and people had drunk enough, that no one cared for the intricacies of civility.</p><p> </p><p>Armitage was the perfect gentleman. He held my hand in his gloved hand, and the other deftly placed on my waist. He led me into a waltz. He leaned his head forward and whispered:</p><p>                 “Mademoiselle Camille, I see your plan is to make Poe jealous, you know I’m married and mated, correct?”</p><p>                 “We are only dancing. Is dancing a crime?”</p><p>                 He chuckled and spun me around, “You look lovely in blue.”</p><p>                 “It’s lapis.” I corrected him with a smile. Armitage still enjoyed flirting despite being claimed. Maybe it was the Alpha in him? I allowed him to lead me, the sound of small heels clicking against the wooden floors when the music was low enough. We continued dancing for minutes, as Armitage was a healthy young man in his 30s he easily kept up with my twirls. I never once saw him break a sweat. It made me picture him running with his two young sons, I wonder if he will want a third? A girl perhaps to complete his family? I was lost in thought when I saw him.</p><p> </p><p>In the corner of my eye, I noticed him. The scoundrel. His stare was so intense, I felt like he was undressing me with his eyes. He lifted a champagne flask with a smile and tilted his head toward me. When his pouty lips met the rim of the glass I heard myself inhale quickly.</p><p> </p><p>                 "Are you alright?" Armitage asked. He had always been an observant gentleman. The scoundrel's eyes never left mine, his gaze burrowed into my very being making the back of my thighs tingle. Was it nerves? Fear? I could not say.</p><p>                 “Yes," I broke away and faced Armitage, "Thank you for the dance.”</p><p>                 “But it was so brief? Surely-”</p><p>                 “You must excuse me Monsieur. I promised Suzanne I would return to her, my deepest apologies Huxley. I could not have asked for a more charming or talented dance partner.” I smiled, intent on keeping my gaze on him and not returning to meet the eyes of the scoundrel. I curtsied, he bowed,  and I began looking for Suzanne again.</p><p> </p><p>Couples twirled around me and laughter floated above the light music. First Poe, now this stranger… If I continued running into such ungentlemanly men, I would end up vomiting on the dancefloor. My eyes scanned the room again until I found a curvy brown-haired woman sitting with a young, similarly brown-haired, boy.</p><p>                 “Caroline!” I called out for my sister as I made my way toward her.</p><p>                 “Rey! Rey! Did you see me dance with Ambelia?”</p><p>                 “My darling Gerald, its pronounced Amelia.” I corrected my little brother and sat next to him.</p><p>                 Caroline raised her brows, “Have my eyes deceived me, or did I see you cheating on Poe?”</p><p>                 I shook my head, “The correct term is snub. I snubbed Poe. And it serves him right, after his rotten behavior toward me earlier. I’ll tell you about it later tonight. Perhaps in the carriage ride home.”</p><p> </p><p>Caroline, Suzanne, and Gerald were the only people, besides Poe and I, who knew about our secret courtship. Unlike Suzanne, Caroline was somewhat supportive of the relationship. She would have flirted with Poe were she not betrothed to his cousin. However, in New Orleans, it is not necessarily improper for a lady to flirt; it is only improper for her to be caught flirting by unwanted parties. Parties like family members, gossiping old wives, and their husbands. And while Poe was a rogue, he was not such a rogue that he would steal a lady from underneath a family member.</p><p> </p><p>I heard a slight squeak as a chair was pushed up beside me. It was Suzanne, after placing herself between Caroline and myself she plumped down on the seat, letting out a long sigh.</p><p>                 “That Caswell boy knows how to steal your breath away.”</p><p>                 I lifted a brow, “That good of a dancer?”</p><p>                 Suzanne laughed and sat up with perfect posture, “No, I could smell his dinner from last night!”</p><p> </p><p>We laughed in unison, then I noticed the tall scoundrel sitting on the other end of the hall. He was laughing and clinking a glass with Armitage. I leaned forward with my hand on Suzanne's back drawing her in closer for a whisper:</p><p>                 “Do you see that strange man with Armitage?”</p><p>                 “Where?” She asked and began looking around.</p><p>                 “No! Don’t make your staring obvious. I’m talking about that tall man with shoulder-length black hair and black eyes.”</p><p>                 Suzanne paused then nodded. I continued, “That’s the scoundrel that was eavesdropping on Poe and me earlier.”</p><p>                 She paused again as if lost in thought then began, “Oh! That’s no scoundrel, that’s Benjamin.”</p><p>                 “Benjamin?” I leaned back giving her some space, I grabbed a fan on the table and began fanning myself.</p><p>                 She smiled at me, “Well he is a bit of a scoundrel. But a rich one. He's a distant relative from the Perrot-Augustus branch of the family.”</p><p>                 “Hmm, I see.” I said, not seeing the familial connection, he was a brunette and Suzanne was a blonde, “So his a cousin?” She grabbed a small glass of wine and began sipping it, leaving a small pink stain on the rim of the glass.</p><p>                 “Yes. He came down from up North, as I understand it, at least how momma tells it, that’s where his business is. He's currently staying with the Huxley’s. Apparently, they’re old friends.” </p><p>I was shocked, how could a man of such standing and honor such as Armitage bear to be friends with, let alone allow a man like Benjamin to remain on his estate?</p><p>                 </p><p>                 “What’s he doing back south?”</p><p>                 Suzanne shrugged, “I don’t know. I heard enough rambling from Mama about all the distant relatives that would be visiting that I hardly remember. I only paid attention to the gossip. I do know that he is a bit controversial,” she answered my question before I could even open my mouth, “He dropped the Perrot from his name so now he is Benjamin Solo Augustus.”</p><p>                 I giggled, “Dropping the Perrot from your name makes you controversial?”</p><p>                 Suzanne laughed along with me, “That may be his biggest sin in the eyes of the Perrot family clan.”</p><p>                 "Benjamin Solo Augustus." I let the name roll off my tongue, "A fitting name for a scoundrel."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Unexpected News</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was originally a much longer chapter but I felt 4,000 words were too much! I only write a lot because I feel like character reactions and interactions should flow as they would in person. I would like to thank everyone who left kudos, who bookmarked, and who subscribed. At my stage in life, this is the only thing keeping my spirits up. </p><p>Also, feel free to let me know how I can improve my writing.</p><p>Avec amour, Lapinrose.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I was lounging on the settee, lazily sipping black tea, watching the fieldhands plow new fields of tobacco with energy and vigor under the relentless Louisiana sun. Summer in Louisiana was always hot, hardly ground-breaking news, but I never did mind that much. I often found the heat dragged on and on throughout the midday, leaving me immobile and drowsy, so I lounged about the Camille plantation.</p><p> </p><p>Because of our status, unsurprisingly, Papa owned a tobacco plantation. The Camille Plantation, named after his father, was an hour or so out of New Orleans and our city manor. As much as I loved New Orleans; its people, the opera, the balls, and the import shops, the countryside had certain advantages. On the plantation I could walk freely without a chaperone, I could stay outside as late as I wanted, and even walk barefoot! That did not mean there were no repercussions; no doubt my midnight walks caused my Mama’s ulcers. Yet, I could not help it! In New Orleans society a lady is called upon to maintain her propriety in a manner of ways; before Louis got married, he would have to chaperone me everywhere! I made him watch Mozart’s Don Giovanni twelves times, on the thirteenth time he threatened to abandon me to walk home alone. Now Gerald was too young to be my chaperone, so I had not seen an opera in a year and Louis rarely stayed long enough to chaperone me to the theater.</p><p> </p><p>On this mid-summer afternoon, my intent in lounging outside was to avoid Francoise O'Connor. Madame O'Connor was a friend of my Mama because of circumstances. Her husband, Marcus O'Connor, owned the plantation next to ours and both ladies found it convenient to have a willing ear so close by. I found Francoise to be insufferable. She had awful fashion sensibilities and always compared her daughters and nieces to me. Despite this, I was still expected to be polite to her. This did not mean I had to be around her.</p><p> </p><p>As I poured myself another cup of tea, I heard the front door creak open, our maid Florrie stuck her head out and gave me a foul look. </p><p> </p><p>         “Mademoiselle!” She hissed at me, her brows low and her bottom lip puffed out. To her displeasure, I preferred to ignore rude guests and I spent too much time in the sun.</p><p>         I looked back to the field and continued sipping my drink, “I’m just sipping tea.”</p><p>         Florrie was sharper than Mama, especially given that she spent more time raising us children, and she could see through my veneer. “Rey, I know why you are out here, young lady. Now be a good hostess and keep Madame O'Connor entertained.”</p><p>         I huffed and pushed my tea away keeping my voice low, “I hate that old she-demon.”</p><p>         Florrie walked behind the settee with a scowl on her face. “Good young ladies don’t freely run their mouths.”</p><p>         “Maybe I don’t want to be a good young lady.”</p><p> </p><p>She opened and closed her mouth, as if holding back, then she slid her hand along the top of the settee. I closed my eyes and lay back down on the feather stuffed cushions, “I see now young Miss,” I heard her fiddle with her apron, “I suppose you’ll miss out on her gossip about a young Monsieur Dameron.”</p><p> </p><p>         I opened one eye and was greeted by her crooked, mischievous grin. “What gossip?”</p><p>         She daintily placed her fist against her lips, blinking at me, “Good servants do not spread gossip.”</p><p>         “No,” I stood up and fixed my hair, “they just start it.” I stuck my tongue out at her as she leaned forward to help me straighten up my dress.</p><p>         “Now remember your good manners, don’t go acting casual around Madame O'Connor.”</p><p> </p><p>Without a reply I made my way into the manor; Florrie was the best maid in all surrounding parishes. And I did not think so just because she helped raise me. Everything in the reception area was perfect, not a smudge or stain to be seen. My small heels clicked on the maple floors, occasionally interrupted by the imported Moroccan rugs and Madame O'Connor’s raucous laughter, as I walked to the parlor. I stopped in front of the open door and gently knocked.</p><p> </p><p>         I spoke through a time smile, “Good afternoon, I am sorry to interrupt.”</p><p> </p><p>Mama, Caroline and Madame O'Connor were sitting around the marble top table drinking tea. Mama was the first person to notice me, she looked up at me with reassuring brown-eyes. She smiled and the skin around her eyes pinched, “Darling.”</p><p> </p><p>         I lightly curtsied to Madame O'Connor, “It’s lovely to see you again Madame.”</p><p>         She was busying herself stuffing Turkish delights in her old yappy mouth. She took a moment to wipe away the powdered sugar with a handkerchief, she smiled, “Good afternoon little Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>Instinctively I winced and quickly tried to cover up by smiling with my teeth. Insufferable old goat, she loved to remind me of how little I was. Despite hitting puberty, I had not developed as fast or as greatly as her daughters did.</p><p> </p><p>         Caroline cleared her throat, “Good of you to join us, Rey.” She indicated for me to join Mama on the chair next to her. Following her gesture, I made sure to keep my posture perfect as I sat down, making sure the back of my knees touched the chair first then slowly bent down. I would give the old wench no ammunition to use against me.</p><p> </p><p>         “Please forgive me for not joining earlier, I was quite enraptured in a book.”</p><p> </p><p>         Mama placed a hand on my knee, “My Rey! She simply adores literature. It’s hard to pry her away from a book.”</p><p> </p><p>Across from me, Madame O'Connor continued to slovenly eat Turkish delights. The red treats squeezing in her naked hand, almost as red as her plump cheeks. “Mmm,” she finally stopped eating to reply, “you’re still getting lost in books? Rey, you haven’t changed!”</p><p> </p><p>Again, I smiled and nodded. I did not want to dignify her comments with a response.</p><p> </p><p>         She wiped her face again and turned her attention to Mama, “Well Gwen, how is Monsieur Camille?”</p><p> </p><p>         Mama finished sipping her tea and set it down, “While his condition has not changed, it also has not deteriorated.” It broke my heart how her light voice seemed to darken when talking about Papa, “God willing he will recover.”</p><p> </p><p>While I loved Papa dearly, we were never close. I knew biologically he helped create me, but that was the extent of our relationship. In the beginning, he was too busy trying to acquire wealth and then when Gerald was born he was showered with attention and fatherly love. </p><p> </p><p>With inheritance laws, and customs, being what they were I would have to be married off or live off someone’s charity. Louis, being the eldest and a man, would automatically receive half of Papa’s estate upon his death. Then the other half would go to Gerald, even though he was younger than me; he had the good wits to be born male. Caroline was going to be married in a month, a little while after the debutante ball, and naturally she would move in with her husband. That left me. Little old Rey without a beau. That is why I had to convince Poe to make our relationship public and marry him. Next year would be my sixteenth year, and my own body conspired against me. </p><p> </p><p>As a high society Omega, I had been bred, raised, and groomed all in preparation for when I finished developing. Then I could be married off to secure an alliance or resources for my family. How quaint our practices are! Omegas typically matured in their mid-teens, and the way I had been maturing it seemed like I was following Caroline’s path. I was thirteen when she experienced her first heat at sixteen, and while she was promised to someone, he was completing a degree in Europe and could not be there for her. It was a terrifying experience, she would wake up all sweaty, her undergarments clinging to her, she would eat twice her weight, and would not stop speaking about… <em> unladylike </em>things. Since then I avoided her every time she went into heat. </p><p> </p><p>There was no doubt in my mind that I would experience my first heat at sixteen. Then I would turn into that same gluttonous lustful sweaty monster.</p><p> </p><p>         “God willing.” Madame O'Connor nodded bringing me back into the moment, “Well, my nephew is a doctor. I’m sure he would not mind if I asked him to look at the good Monsieur, as a favor for old friends.”</p><p> </p><p>         Mama’s eyes were glassy, they often were these days. I guess that’s what love does to someone. She cleared her throat, “Oh that’s alright. I greatly appreciate that, but we’ve seen many doctors<span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">—</span></span>"</p><p> </p><p>         “Nonsense!” She leaned over the tea set to place her hand on Mama’s elbow, “You have always been there for me. Please allow me this.”</p><p> </p><p>         Caroline spoke up breaking the tension, I imagine if it kept building up Mama would have started crying: “Your nephew? If I recall that would be Carter Lucien?”</p><p> </p><p>         Madame O'Connor released Mama, she leaned back in her seat and lifted her cup to her mouth, “Yes, a lovely young man, unclaimed and not betrothed either.”</p><p> </p><p>She looked at me and I felt the great weight of expectations fall on me suddenly. Despite the constant reminders that I would never be as beautiful or as charming as her daughters and nieces, somehow, in her old mind, she felt I should speak to Carter. Beyond that even, she believed that Carter and I should marry. While he was no doubt a nice young man, and a doctor as well, he was blander than unsweeten oatmeal. Worse yet, the few times I had spoken to him he incessantly discussed war strategies. Additionally, he was clumsy! The year before, during Armitage’s annual barbeque, he spilled corn over my mint green dress.</p><p> </p><p>I could forgive him for being a dull conversationalist. I could not forgive, or even go so far as to marry, a man who ruined my dresses. Madame O'Connor stirred her tea with a small smile. Although I may not be a mind reader, I could tell she wanted me to take the bait.</p><p> </p><p>         “That’s unfortunate. Where’s Louis?” I blinked rapidly, I loved feigning innocence.</p><p>         “Louis hmm,” Caroline looked up, “Oh! I believe he was horse riding with a friend.”</p><p>         I giggled, “Louis has friends?”</p><p>         Mama slapped my arm, “Of course he does. He's a charming young man.”</p><p>         Madame O'Connor put her tea down and turned to Caroline, “Fine weather for horse riding. Which friend is it?”</p><p>         Caroline thought for a moment, “That gentleman whose staying with Armitage. Benjamin, I believe his name is.”</p><p> </p><p>I felt my smile drop. Scoundrel.</p><p> </p><p>         “Benjamin Augustus?” Madame O'Connor questioned and was met with a nod, “Ah! The Perrot’s relative. He has... an interesting face.”</p><p>         Mama giggled, “Francoise! You shouldn’t speak of him like that. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”</p><p>         Caroline, struggling to contain her laughter, added, “I agree with Mama, I find him to be rather handsome. Regardless, you never need worry about appearances if you have his wealth.”</p><p>         “Absolutely. However, he must have some character defect, for all his wealth and proper etiquette he does not have a wife.” Madame O'Connor spoke wiggling her finger in disapproval.</p><p>         “How unfortunate for the ladies of New Orleans,” I added, trying not to sound bitter.</p><p>         Madame O'Connor turned to me, “It seems the ladies of New Orleans have caught a whiff of his wealth. Last week, at Suzanne’s birthday party, I saw Rose with her hand on his shoulder.”</p><p>         Caroline audibly sighed, “I cannot stand the way she flings herself at men.”</p><p>         “Well,” Madame O'Connor played with the skirt of her dress, “Poor dear, lost her husband three years ago. I do not imagine he left her a great estate – that is – that must be why she runs after men.”</p><p>         Mama shook her head, “If only that were the case.”</p><p>         Caroline chirped up again, “Her husband, bless his soul, was wealthy. She just enjoys flouting around her <em>freedom  </em>as she likes to call it.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose was a few years older than me and despite her unladylike behavior, I could not deny I was jealous. Her Alpha husband died shortly after they consummated their marriage. He left her all his wealth and she had no family in New Orleans, she could act freely. She was her own agent.</p><p> </p><p>Why, if I were to be made a wealthy widow, I would spend my days dress shopping. I would be a great library filled with books imported from England and France! I would even have the resources to learn Italian, or I would hire an Italian teacher and a Pianist to play for me each night as I ate supper.</p><p> </p><p>         Madame O'Connor’s voice broke through my fantasies of freedom, “Quite right. The night after the party I saw her shopping with Monsieur Poe Dameron.”</p><p>         I could not keep the words from running out, “Rose was with Poe?”</p><p>         “Yes!” Her cheeks overshadowed her eyes as she laughed recalling the memory, “Although it will lead nowhere. Poe is already promised to someone.”</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Afternoon Tea with a Scoundrel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The world stopped spinning over as I felt the heat rise at the bottom of my spine. With the speed of lightning, it traveled up and spread to my arms and legs. Simultaneously, I felt my hands tremble and my insides felt empty, her words hollowed me out. </p><p>         </p><p>         “I thought…” I forced a gulp, afraid I would vomit, “Poe is a bachelor. Unbetrothed also.”</p><p>         Madame O’Connor continued, so absorbed by her own words that she did not notice my discomfort. For once, I was thankful for her arrogance, “That’s what we all thought. But I spoke to,” she began to ramble off a mental list of people, “… who spoke to me, who told me that most of his family is in Georgia. You see he was expelled from Georgia University and, as punishment, he was sent here to learn how to run a plantation under Armitage.”</p><p> </p><p>She continued rambling on barely stopping to take a breath. A part of me did feel offended by her actions. She continued to talk and talk as if the world had not lost its color. As if I had not been struck by lightning where I was seated.</p><p> </p><p>          “Armitage is his father’s cousin.” She gestured aimlessly with her hands, “Regardless, my original point being that he is not the bachelor we thought he was.” A coy smile spread across her face, “He has a lovely young omega waiting for him back in Georgia.”</p><p>         “But he never thought to bring any of this up?!” The words escaped from my lips abruptly, I did not think about how my words betrayed me.</p><p>         Mama leaned back on her chair and with a confused look questioned, “Rey, what is the matter?”</p><p>         Caroline gave me a disapproving look, “Rey! I need your help me with a matter in the study.”</p><p> </p><p>I could not respond; I was petrified with different emotions ranging from rage to heartbreak. I nodded. Caroline, ever the observant sister, stood up and guided me out of the parlor. <em> That cad </em>… Surely all those months meant something to him otherwise he would not have continued our relationship. Surely, he is not a swindler of love. No one could be so heartless as to string along a young lady for a year as a backup! No, he must be courting me because he intends to break the betrothal and propose. I clenched my fists so hard they were shaking. I gracelessly stomped to the front patio, I felt like standing in the fields and yelling into the sky. Caroline followed by closely.</p><p> </p><p>         “Ma <span class="QXzCSe"><span class="fJyiwb">chérie</span></span>.” I felt her hand graze my shoulder, “Wait. Slow down. There are others my darling.”</p><p> </p><p>I pushed the front doors open and trudged towards the banisters. I gripped the wooden fence so tightly I could crush it, were it not a strong material. I did not wait for Caroline to speak:</p><p> </p><p>         “I need to hear it from him.”</p><p>         I heard a dejected sigh, “What other proof do you need?” She asked as she gently hugged me from behind.</p><p>         “I <em>need </em>to hear it from his lips. Otherwise, this all would have been for nothing. He must have a reason; he must be choosing me over her.” All the flurry of emotions made me numb in the end.</p><p>         Caroline spun me around tightly gripping my arms, “Stop this madness!”</p><p>         “No,” I shook my head, “I cannot accept any other reason.”</p><p>         She huffed and let go of me, “Rey, there are those who adore you. Carter<span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">—</span></span>a good man and he looks at you like you put the stars in the sky.”</p><p>         “But I don’t love him. I don’t even know him.” I gestured with one hand, almost flailing, while the other hand still gripped the fence.</p><p>         “Because you will not allow yourself to know him!” Her brows were so furrowed I thought they would finally meet.</p><p> </p><p>I rolled my eyes and walked toward the settee. I stared out at the fieldhands, sweat making their cotton shirts cling to their backs. Further on the driveway leading to the patio, I saw two men on galloping horses. I turned to face Caroline; my heart had slowed down to a tremble: “I may not have much freedom in this world. But I refuse to give my life and body to a man I do not love.”</p><p> </p><p>         “You do not need love to be in a happy marriage.” She insisted.</p><p> </p><p>Before I could retort, we heard the horse riders slowly approach.</p><p> </p><p>         “Hello there!” I heard Louis’ gleeful voice call out, his voice softened my heart, as it always does, “Good afternoon ladies.”</p><p> </p><p>Louis, ever the gentleman, tipped his hat. I saw Benjamin, in a black riding coat and black hat, his dark hair slightly curled by the sweat of his brow. He did not tip his hat, he merely touched his hat and nodded towards us.</p><p> </p><p>How rude. </p><p> </p><p>Yet I could not deny his figure. He was so tall and imposing that my eyes could not help but be drawn to him. Like a wart on someone's nose.</p><p> </p><p>         “Did you gentlemen enjoy your ride?” Caroline asked, it was a not a genuine question, she was just being a good hostess and filling up silence.</p><p>         “Yes, the Camille Plantation is delightful. And,” Benjamin’s deep baritone carried easily on the air, “Louis you were great conversation. Although you must tell me what your<em> dear </em>Senator is planning.”</p><p>         Louis laughed and climbed off his horse, “You know I am not at liberty to discuss that.”</p><p>         “You cannot fault a man for trying.”</p><p>         “I suppose not, regardless, I enjoyed the ride. It was nice to get some fresh air.”</p><p>         Benjamin smiled looking down at Louis, “Yes, it was apparent that you needed some space from the women.”</p><p> </p><p>They both laughed. The ass even had the indignity to talk about us like we were not there. I considered this to be further proof of his ill manners. Although this was not the first time <em>gentlemen </em>had made such comments around me. It was particularly distasteful given my history with the scoundrel.</p><p> </p><p>         “We would have enjoyed your company Monsieur, you two should have joined us in the parlor.” Caroline butted into the conversation again.</p><p>         “Oh, I don’t know about that,” Benjamin ran a hand over his lapels smoothing them down, “I’m afraid I do not have anything interesting to say.”</p><p> </p><p>Before Caroline could reply I spoke up, his presence only added to my annoyance, “I doubt you do.” He raised his brow and his lips twitched, as though he was stifling a smile.</p><p> </p><p>         Caroline and Louis gave me disapproving glares before Caroline feigned laughter, “Monsieur you must forgive my sister. Sometimes her jokes can come off as cruel.”</p><p>         “You have nothing to worry about, I appreciate honesty.” He returned his burning gaze to me and Caroline’s shoulders dropped, his words seemed to placate her.</p><p>         “You are too kind mannered Monsieur!” Louis turned to Caroline, “Caroline, could you show me where Florrie keeps her recipes? Adrienne insists I grab her…”</p><p> </p><p>Louis continued chatting away about how his wife demanded he bring back this and that recipe. I could not pay attention. All my energy was spent on <em>acting </em>like I was paying attention. I could feel Benjamin’s gaze on me. Like a burning flame against my face, his eyes bore into me just as they did when I was dancing.</p><p> </p><p>         “Rey, you keep Ben company.” Louis turned back to Benjamin who was getting off his horse, “Rey is excellent conversation, and I won’t be too long.”</p><p>         Caroline nodded and leaned forward, whispering to me only, “It would behoove you to keep your manners and act like a lady of the Camille house!”</p><p> </p><p>She followed Louis, however, as she turned to the door, she left she threw me a pleading look, <em>please behave</em> it seemed to say. I could hear Benjamin’s heavy footsteps thud against the wooden stairs leading up to the patio. His steps were slow, measured, considered. His presence made me feel… different. Not uneasy, I was not afraid of him. It was a new feeling I could not place my finger on. It confused me, as I was still upset with him for catching me unaware with Poe.</p><p> </p><p>Although there was a chair right across from the settee, he chose the chair immediately to my right, the wood lightly creaked as his weight fell on the cushion. Instinctively I looked up at the noise, he was not watching me, he was staring at the fieldhands.</p><p> </p><p>Likely due to the heat and the horse ride, his pale skin had slightly reddened. He must have spent a lot of time in the north because he was quite pale. Almost the same color as me, but that was expected of me. Young ladies were expected to keep their skin as pale as a calla lily. So, what was his excuse? </p><p> </p><p>It was an indication that he did not perform physical work. At least not outside as it was obvious that he was broad and built. His broad shoulders tapered down to a strong waist. Perhaps he was the kind of man who fixated with his appearance? It would account for the matching set of embroidered gloves. His chest rose and lowered in a slow steady motion, a single bead of sweat ran down the side of his forehead, down the side of his neck, and down to his chest. I wonder what path it would take. Down his chest and navel – no Rey, remember the good book. I sighed and refocused my attention back on the fieldhands. It was improper to allow my eyes to linger and lately, they have been wondering and lingering on the opposite sex. </p><p> </p><p>I kneaded my lips between my teeth and tried to steady my attention back to the moment. The heat… the birds… the devil sitting next to me who insisted on appearing at the worst possible moments. Just my luck! First I receive news of heartbreak, then I am left to babysit a man with affected manners!</p><p> </p><p>         “Camille is beautiful.” His cool voice broke the silence and pulled my scattered attention toward him.</p><p>         “What?” I turned to look at him, careful to avoid his direct gaze.</p><p>         “The plantation.” He was not afraid to make eye contact as I was, “It’s quite beautiful. Louis tells me it’s over 1000 acres.” Being this close I noticed that his eyes were not dark: his pupils were surrounded by brown specs and his iris was actually hazel. His mustache was perfectly trimmed, and small beauty marks dotted his cheeks and neck. He was an alright looking gentleman when he was not eavesdropping.</p><p>         I played with my hands, conscious of how I was now staring, and exhaled through my nose, “I detest pointless conversation. If there is to be silence, let it be.”</p><p> </p><p>Usually, my coldness offended, however, I noticed the corner of his lips lift slightly. He seemed to delight in annoying me and buggering me – well maybe not <em>buggering</em>. The thought of using the wrong word humored me and I had to fight not to smile.</p><p> </p><p>         “Well I did say I appreciated honesty; I won’t go back on my words now.”</p><p>         “Good. Then let your words rest, it’s a lovely afternoon and I can’t hear the birds chirp with you talking.” I stared out at the fieldhands, but I could feel it. His gaze. I could sense him eyeing me. I heard him chuckle. From the corner of my eye, I saw his form soften and he smiled before he spoke again, “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile. Not that it detracts from your countenance, you looked beautiful dancing with Armitage.”</p><p>         “Jealous, are you?” I put on a sardonic grin.</p><p>         “Maybe.” He tilted his head slightly to the side, his roguish smirk did not waiver.</p><p>         I tilted my head mirroring him, “Tell me, Monsieur Augustus, did I look beautiful when you were eavesdropping or when you were laughing at me?” I was in a sour mood, and although I did not intend to confront him, his teasing brought out the worst in me.</p><p>         He tsked, “Madame—" he quickly corrected himself, "Mademoiselle, I did not think we would be discussing this so early in the day.”</p><p>         “Well, I haven’t forgiven you.” The words dashed out so quickly I was worried my tongue would trip over them. The wooden floors creaked as he leaned forward. His long muscular arms draped over the armrests, they were dangerously close to my body.</p><p>         “Look at me.” His deep voice was hard to ignore, I followed his instructions and saw genuine intent in his eyes, “I truly am sorry for eavesdropping. Would you believe me if I said it would have been too awkward to interrupt you? I fear I would have upset you further.”</p><p>         My face softened. Perhaps he had a point. “I accept your apology.”</p><p>         He nodded in response but said nothing. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow as if he was expecting something.</p><p>         “And I suppose I am sorry… your manners are somewhat those of a gentleman.”</p><p>         He smiled again, “Good to hear Mademoiselle.” Suddenly his voice lowered and he seemed to lean further toward me, “And I meant what I said. You looked beautiful.”</p><p> </p><p>Boys had called me beautiful before, but all those I could count on one hand. Firstly – Gerald, but he is my little brother, so he is obliged to do so. Then there was Carter, but he wanted to woo me so I felt his words were disingenuous. Then there was Poe, I often had to earn compliments from him. He first called me beautiful after I gifted him a new riding coat. I could feel my heart flutter against my sternum. Although I did not like the fellow, his honeyed words still affected me.</p><p> </p><p>         I stifled a chuckle trying to dismiss the fluttering in my chest, “Well now, Monsieur you’re trying to flatter me. I must have looked flush and worn out by the dancing.”</p><p>         I felt his fingers almost brush against my knee, almost breaching the territory onto my thigh, “On the contrary. I think your face was brightened by the movement<em>.</em>” He almost whispered the last word and it drew me forward, his plump lips slightly parted.</p><p> </p><p>Just before I could become accustomed to his heat he pulled back and leaned comfortably onto the cushioned chair. His fingers interlacing with each other. I heard the front door open once more as Caroline and Louis stepped out. My mind was empty. Did he do that on purpose? Did he rile me up before leaving me sitting there awkwardly? Only I knew of his words and his touch. What was he implying? Why was this scoundrel still teasing me? I only noticed that I was holding in my breath when Caroline sat next to me and Louis spoke to me:</p><p>         “Rey, what do you think?”</p><p>         “Of what?”</p><p>         Louis and Benjamin laughed, “Pay attention now! What of helping me give Ben a tour?”</p><p>         I opened and closed my mouth, forgetting how words functioned, the only thing left was the desire to escape the awkward atmosphere: “I cannot. I must go.”</p><p> </p><p>I made my way inside as fast as I could ignoring Caroline’s condemnations and eventual apologies to Benjamin. My heart was no longer fluttering, it was now constricting and jumping violently. I felt a heat spread through my back and to my front. It rested within my abdomen. I refused to give in, not this soon, I should still have another year.</p><p> </p><p>I clambered up the stairs and into my room, into the corner where I kept the wooden hassock in front of a small table. Carefully, I moved the skirt of my dress so my knees made direct contact with the scratched wood. I violently forced my knees to scrape against the scratching and began reading my bible: “…they are dragged down by their own evil desire and enticed. Then after desire has conceived it gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Thieves of Happiness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>University became very busy, especially with the covid-19 pandemic. Anyway, here's the next chapter. Again, thank you for your patience and support.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I loved New Orleans.</p><p> </p><p>New Orleans was the lifeblood of Louisiana. The dreary agricultural world of the plantations gave way to a thriving metropolitan filled with the newest fashions from France and England, all imported by high-society women. The French Quarter was alive, the people roamed through the tight streets, like blood pumping through the veins of the city. I often found myself lost in the stream of people; yet that did not bother me, I loved all the citizens of New Orleans.</p><p> </p><p>I enjoyed watching people sat outside restaurants, haughty men tutting about the quality of tea in America compared to the continent, the old world, Europe. Or I would watch maids and servants run about completing everyday tasks, doing their best to avoid attention, poor things. They were often closely followed by their mistresses who shrieked – yes shrieked – about the wrong number of eggs or the wrong cut of meat. Then there were the married couples strolling about the winding streets, enjoying each other’s company. I knew that would be Poe and I soon, then I can stroll about publicly with my beau. Poe, my beau. I repeated the tune in my mind: Poe, my beau. He does not care much for nicknames, but I hope he will allow me to call him beau when we’re wed. I watched a young handsome Omega walk hand in arm with her husband, both laughing, probably about some amusing story she heard in another lady’s saloon. Their servant followed close in tow with a little one clutched against her bosom.</p><p> </p><p>Before my eyes, a lovely young family was blossoming. Yet here I was, babysitting my ungrateful little brother while Suzanne abandoned me to walk with Charles. That traitor.</p><p> </p><p>Despite the oncoming fall weather, my body heat did not relent. The high neck of my mint green shirt nipped at my chin as I trudged through the hot streets. Usually, I adored the fashion of the times; a lady was allowed to wear as many frivolous layers as she wanted, but she was to be completely covered during the day. It made the afternoon sun even more unbearable. My parasol arm was wavering, and I could no longer shield myself from the assaults of hot wind. My other hand was pulled and twisted by Gerald. Why mother allowed him to come shopping with us, I’ll never know.</p><p> </p><p>I turned back to see the happy couple: Suzanne and Charles Booke. Suzanne beamed up at Charles, and he returned a cheeky smile before turning his attention back to Louis. Their happiness revolted me.</p><p> </p><p>                  “Rey.” Gerald’s soft voice called out as he tugged on my hand.</p><p>                 “Stop pulling my arm!” The words were harsher than I intended, “What do you want?” The heat trapped between the layers of my skirt added to my frustration. I should have taken Florrie’s advice, I should have worn something lighter, but I just had to insist that Suzanne see my newest skirt! Idiot Rey! Idiot!</p><p>                 Gerald continued lazily sliding his feet, forcing me to drag him across the pavement. He was undeterred by my annoyed scowl, “Why is Monsieur holding hands with Mademoiselle Suzanne?”</p><p>                 “Well, they’re married.” I huffed and pulled him up roughly.</p><p>                 “They’re not married!” He squealed likely reveling in the thought that he would share new information, “They didn’t have a wedding!”</p><p>                 “Hush Gerald,” I tried to wipe the sweat off my lip with my parasol hand, “they’re married legally, but they haven’t held a wedding. Now if you’ll stop lazing about,” He chortled as I accidentally smacked my face with my parasol, I flared at him, “I’ve half a mind to take you over my knee in public!”</p><p>The threat seemed to work. Gerald stopped tugging on my hand and behaved himself. I looked back again. Mademoiselle would no longer apply to her, and my dear Suzanne would become a Madame. I would lose her in all ways. She walked with ease, and newfound confidence, a bit like the young women I saw walking hand in arm with their husbands. Why did all married woman walk with such ease and confidence? Even when I could not stand to be around a woman who was married, they always pranced about as if they knew something the rest of us did not. And now? Suzanne walked with her husband with that same smug confidence.</p><p> </p><p> It raised my suspicions.</p><p> </p><p>Did they? I know legally they could but – did they? Before their wedding?!</p><p> </p><p>I should not be rude, do not intrude on private bedroom matters!</p><p> </p><p>However, I was her best friend. Was I not owed the truth? I let her in on my deepest secrets and fears, and perhaps she would be forthwith in return. It is a wife’s duty, after all. A duty I would have to <em>perform</em> soon.</p><p> </p><p>I gripped Gerald’s hand tighter. Well, I know that my Poe would be gentle. </p><p> </p><p>To elaborate: I am not a complete innocent. I know what goes on with people behind closed doors: I read about it in medical books! A few years back, when Louis dropped out of medical school, much to the chagrin of Papa, he left the books in our family study. There were a lot of diagrams. Further, I once saw a Beta fieldhand’s…. I wonder what an Alpha’s would look like?  Suzanne once told me they had knots but I couldn’t find any diagrams of it and … well, a lady shouldn’t think of such things.</p><p>How would people react if they knew how a young lady could be lustful for a fieldhand? For someone beneath her station? Or would they be shocked that she felt confusing lustful, sensual longings? Still, a part of me felt guilty for even imagining such things – what would Poe think? What also made me feel guilty was, well, Charles was not necessarily attractive, he wasn’t hideous either, but he was respectful and well-mannered toward Suzanne. I could not help but be jealous.</p><p>Was I jealous of her? Or was I jealous that he had replaced me?</p><p> </p><p>I sighed; I would have to do more readings after our little outing.</p><p> </p><p><em>If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. </em>I repeated verses in my head. <em>Watch and pray, lest you enter not into temptation: the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.</em></p><p> </p><p>I paused when I saw the delicate black and gold lettering that read ‘Lafitte’. I almost gasped in excitement.</p><p>                  “Another one?” Charles called out incredulously; his complaints threatened to ruin my mood. Charles had no care for social skills – I thought it was mostly Alphas who spoke their thoughts out loud, yet here was this Beta chirping away about his irritations.</p><p>                 I turned to face Charles as the rest of our outing party made their way towards Gerald and me, “This is indeed the boutique.”</p><p>                 Suzanne immediately jumped to my defense, “You know darling,” she pulled his attention back to her, “choosing a debutante dress is a complicated affair.”</p><p>                 He huffed in disbelief, “This is the sixth boutique today!” Suzanne shot him a warning glare.</p><p>                 “Monsieur Booke.” I interrupted their conversation, “It is indeed a complicated affair. You would not sign a contract without reading it, no?” He shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>Pleased with his reaction, I smiled, admittedly I felt quite smug, “Likewise, a prudent lady would not purchase a dress before seeing all your options.”</p><p>Tugging at Gerald, I turned to cross the street when I heard Louis’ voice call out: “No, I agree with Monsieur Booke. You already have a dress waiting for you at home. You don’t need another one.”</p><p>                  “I don’t plan on sitting around like a wallflower. I want to grab the attention of a bachelor!” I teased. Despite his protests, I knew how to get what I wanted. I waited until a carriage passed, and before the next one came, I ran across the street, Gerald ran ahead of me. Looking back, I could see Louis shake his head and Suzanne giggle. Charles was unimpressed. As usual. He treated Suzanne well but was such a bore! Poe would have laughed at teasing and teased back. Unlike Monsieur wet blanket Charles.</p><p> </p><p>Lafitte was a fashionable boutique run by a Frenchman. As soon as we walked in, a charming young clerk greeted us. She had a perfectly round face, her hair was parted in the middle and decorated with small braided loops to emphasize the roundness of her face. Although we had the same hairstyle, she wore it better.</p><p> </p><p>                  “Welcome!” She greeted us, but I pushed her voice out of my mind as I looked around for a perfect white dress. I politely waited and nodded at the appropriate intervals until she left to greet another customer. Luckily, Lafitte was not quite as busy today.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Will this store be the one?” Charles teased under his breath. Suzanne swatted at his arm, and he chuckled.</p><p> </p><p>What an ass.</p><p> </p><p>I only invited Suzanne to come shopping, with Louis as our chaperone, and I thought my day was ruined when Mama forced Gerald to join us! My day further worsened by Charles’ insufferable attitude. I do not know why she invited him along, but I had half a mind to tell her afterward how much I loathed his ill manners. He was less like an uninvited houseguest and more like a mouse in the cabinet.</p><p> </p><p>On my left, I heard the soft patter of heels on carpet steadily approaching.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Camille.” A smooth voice called out.</p><p> </p><p>It was a conceited, somewhat nasally, voice. A voice that belonged to an Omega who was full of herself. The very sound of the haughty Omega who made fun of my light sprinkling of freckles.</p><p> </p><p>                 My lips struggled to stretch into a tight smile, “Netal.”</p><p> </p><p>Bazine Netal’s green eyes contrasted her maroon dress and bonnet. I may not like the woman, but I will not deny she knew how to dress.</p><p> </p><p>                 “You look quite dewy.” If she was complimenting me, I couldn’t tell.</p><p>                 “Thank you. You look lovely today.”</p><p>                  She raised her brow before covering her mouth and giggling, “Oh yes. Well. That was not intended to be a compliment. Is it warm outside?”</p><p> </p><p>I heard Suzanne inhale, no doubt intending to speak on my behalf before Charles interrupted her.</p><p>                 “Darling. How about we look at some dresses for you?” He directed her away before she could get involved. Despite my dislike for Charles, I admired his decisive action. If Suzanne remained, she would have fought with Bazine.</p><p>                 My smile dropped, “Yes. The afternoon sun can be relentless.”</p><p>                 She shook her head and gave me a condescending smile, “Oh Rey. You know how to amuse me. You never change.”</p><p>                 “What are you doing here?”</p><p>                 “Well,” she gestured to our surroundings, “we are in a boutique! I’m also looking for a Debutante dress.”</p><p>                 “I’ll let you know if I find something.”</p><p>                 “Not if I find it first.” She winked at me and clicked her fingers at a clerk—<em>i</em><em>nsufferable she-devil</em>.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Looks like you’ve got competition.” Louis teased playfully.</p><p>                 “Indeed. Gerald, stay with Louis.” I ordered my little brother away and began examining the dresses available. I took slow, measured steps as the back of my shoe rubbed against my blisters. In the lead up to the debutante ball, the New Orleans Ladies’ Society held dancing classes. Caroline’s fiancé generously paid for extra dancing lessons for me, a show of goodwill toward our family, plus I did need more lessons. I was born with two left feet. I had to be impeccable! I turned the past disappointing news regarding Poe into something useful: motivation to be the best dancer. <em>Would that grab his attention? </em>A creeping doubt floated above all my other thoughts. I sighed.</p><p> </p><p>My life is slowly spiraling out of control…</p><p>I slowly made my way between the tables, snaking between the dress forms and colorful materials spread out. At one point, a clerk walked past me spraying lavender mist. I felt a hand brush against my shoulder, a familiar soft, reassuring touch. I smiled at Suzanne, “I am so pleased you were able to join me today.”</p><p>                 She smiled back, “As am I. Charles and I have been so busy.”</p><p>                 I raised my brow, “Busy, huh?”</p><p>                 She giggled, we continued walking and touching the dizzyingly luxurious materials of all the white dresses Lafitte had to offer. “You know.” She cleared her throat, “I had another motivation for joining you today.”</p><p>                 “Oh?” I said absent-mindedly. It seemed there was a shortage of pretty white dresses. Every eligible young lady had the same idea as me</p><p>                 “Yes.”</p><p>                 “Pray, tell, what was it?”</p><p>                 “Don’t hate me for this.” She whispered.</p><p>                 “Uhh.” I groaned and rolled my head to stretch my neck, “Do not tell me you have joined Caroline’s crusade.”</p><p>                 She cupped my face, “My darling. I would only crusade for you!”</p><p>                 I smiled; this was why Suzanne was my best friend; she always knew what to say to calm me.</p><p>                 “But,” she swallowed, “darling, I feel you are ready to move on. You still have a few weeks until the ball.”</p><p>                 I pulled her hand away from my face and twirled my closed parasol, “Whatever do you mean?”</p><p>                 She followed me as I strutted about like a peacock, “You know what I mean!”</p><p>                 “I do?”</p><p>                 “Rey!” She whined a little too loudly, “We have all heard the rumors.”</p><p>                 “Ah – rumors are just that… rumors!” I led us to the back of the boutique.</p><p>                  “When was the last time you spoke with him? Have you asked him to confirm the rumors?”</p><p>                 I played with my parasol, “We last spoke at your birthday party.”</p><p>                 “Why- so you haven’t even been sending letters?”</p><p>                 My eyes roamed over the dresses; there were embroidered motifs, low cut bodices, and off the shoulder sleeves. Lafitte was supposed to be the height of fashion, yet none of their dresses spoke to me. None of them screamed:</p><p>
  
</p><p>                 “Rey!”</p><p>                 “What?” I almost yelled at my poor friend.</p><p>                 “Let him go. You are a lovely young lady and men would line up for a chance to… to….”</p><p>                 “To what?”</p><p>                 “Be sneezed on by you!”</p><p> </p><p>We paused for a moment then broke out into raucous laughter.</p><p> </p><p>                 “There is no one else for me.” I assured her.</p><p>                 Her smile faltered, “But what if there is?”</p><p> </p><p>I ran my hand over a gorgeous dress with a deviously low sweetheart cut. A light layer of lace adorned the bodice and sleeve, with a small white ribbon on the front of the bodice. Like the wearer’s bosom was a present. The skirt bloomed forth from the waist, with a sharp pleat, decorated with rose and leaf motifs. The upper half was attention-grabbing. The bottom was beautiful, like a lovely impressionist painting of a garden.</p><p>Was this too raunchy? Too luxurious? No! This was <em>the</em> dress.</p><p>                 “This is the dress!”</p><p>                 “Rey, that’s good to hear. I’m happy for you, but please remember… there are others for you.”</p><p>                 “That’s the problem, Suzanne,” I sighed and signaled for the store clerk to join us, “there is no one else to match my spirit.”</p><p>                 “I thought Charles and I would not mold well, but we get along fabulously! You should give others a chance. I was so frightened that we couldn’t be in the same room. Anything can happen if you give someone a chance!”</p><p>                 “I’m sure that’s true.” I said dismissively. I saw the way my words hurt her by the way her smile dropped. “Oh please Suzanne don’t be hurt, I didn’t mean—”</p><p>                 “Mademoiselle?” The clerk called out.</p><p> </p><p>I made a mental note to apologize to Suzanne, then set about instructing the clerk that I wished to purchase the dress and to deliver it to the Camille estate.</p><p>                 “Excellent choice Mademoiselle, this was recently brought in from France!”</p><p>                 “Lovely.” I had no interest in talking about the dress’s history. The hassles of the day were starting to give me a headache.</p><p> </p><p>Charles and Louis made their way towards us, with Gerald following closely behind. Before he spoke, I prepared myself for complaints, “Well?” Charles lifted a brow, “Is this the one?”</p><p>                 I smiled and nodded, as long as he was married to Suzanne, I would be civil with him, “Yes.”</p><p>                 “Are you sure?”</p><p>                 Suzanne sighed, clearly irritated, “Charles!”</p><p>                 “It’s quite alright, Suzanne, my dear. As for you Monsieur, a lady knows when she knows.”</p><p>                 He nodded and smiled; it seemed genuine. “About time.”</p><p> </p><p>Ass.</p><p> </p><p>                 “And how much will I be paying for this?” Louis crossed his arms and looked down at me. His presence would be imposing, maybe even frightening, if one hadn’t grown up alongside soft-hearted Louis. My sweet Louis.</p><p>                 “You will be properly compensated in the form of someone taking my hand in marriage!” I exclaimed, Suzanne and Charles laughed. That was the first time I made Charles laugh.</p><p>                 “Perhaps I should leave you to convince Papa to pay for you?” He retorted, “Is there even a bachelor waiting in the wings?”</p><p>                 “I’ve already been approached.” A lie.</p><p>                 “By who?”</p><p>                 “I believe the correct term is whom.” I corrected him.</p><p>                 He unfolded his arms and placing his hands on his hips, gave me a disappointed look, “Really. Who?”</p><p>                 Suzanne and I looked at each other, holding a silent conversation. She spoke up this time, “A lady does not kiss and tell.”</p><p>                 “<em>Kiss </em>and tell?!” He gave me a pointed look, and I smiled.</p><p>                 Suzanne gestured dismissively, trying to calm him, “I misspoke! A turn of phrase.”</p><p>                 Charles laughed, releasing the tension, “Come now, Louis. Your sweet Rey is obviously uh… waiting to surprise us all!”</p><p>                 Louis sighed and rubbed the side of his face, “Fine.” Before I could speak my thanks, he interrupted me, “But this is the last time I purchase something for you.”</p><p>                 I pouted, and he shook his head at my response.</p><p> </p><p>The clerk that greeted us was writing up our receipt at the counter when she was interrupted by a young man. I watched intently as he whispered something to her, and she went pale. She looked at me then quickly turned her head to the man. Out of the corner, Bazine’s familiar maroon skirt swashed against the wood floors, she stood close to the young man, peeking over his shoulder at the dress. While I was too far away to hear what they were talking about, I had a sick feeling in my stomach.</p><p>The outing party was huddled up next to a table with an assortment of dresses when the young man approached us.</p><p>                 “Mademoiselle Camille.” His voice was shaky.</p><p>                 “Oui Monsieur.”</p><p>                 “Mademoiselle.” He swallowed, “Please forgive us. That dress has been reserved.”</p><p>                 “Oh… yet it was not labeled as such?”</p><p>                “Our mistake Mademoiselle,” He bowed slightly, “Lafitte is not here, unfortunately, but he would be happy to offer you any other dress.”</p><p>                 I raised my brow, “Provided it is not reserved, oui?”<br/>
                 One could see him biting the inside of his cheek and he nodded again.</p><p>                 “Well now Louis,” I said with a dejected sigh, “it appears you can’t get rid of me just yet.”</p><p> </p><p>The clerk slowly shuffled away, he bumped into a table, and the materials rustled, falling on the floor, he quickly bent down to fix his mistake. I sighed again. <em>Breathe, Rey, breathe.</em></p><p>                 “Where shall we go now?” Charles asked.</p><p>                 “Home. Naturally.” I quipped, the events of the day were so unbearable I could not stand to be around others for much longer.</p><p>The rest of the outing party began chatting amongst themselves as we made our way out of the boutique. I felt the tension release from my shoulders. <em>You’ll go home and rest. There is always another day. Always other boutiques.</em></p><p> </p><p>I felt Louis’ large hand on my forearm, “Rey,” he turned me to face him, “why don’t you stop by Lafayette’s Sweet Emporium? Hmmm? Grab some sweeties?”</p><p> </p><p>“That sounds lovely Louis! All this Debutante stress has caused me to-“ I was interrupted from spilling my heart out.</p><p>                 “Louis!” Gerald tugged at Louis’ morning coat, “Can you spoil me for once?”</p><p>                 Louis squatted down, so he was level with our brother, “I spoil you more than I spoil Rey!”</p><p>                 Much to my amusement, Gerald pouted, “Yes! Well…” he began fidgeting. Louis raised a brow.</p><p>                 “You’ve twisted my arm. Here,” he handed him some money, “go buy something sweet.”</p><p>                 “Yes!” Gerald turned to run out of the boutique before Louis grabbed him by the arm.</p><p>                 Louis tsked, “No. Rey will go with you.”</p><p>                 “No.” I objected drawing out the oh sound.</p><p>                 “Yes!” Louis stood up and using his commanding voice directed me, “You will go with him and see that he doesn’t spend it all in one go.”</p><p> </p><p>There was no point in fighting it. Gerald would wear us both down until we gave in to his demands.</p><p> </p><p>                 “And don’t go too far now.”</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I threw my parasol on my bed and huffed.</p><p>                 “Sour puss.” Florrie tutted.</p><p>                 “Help me get out of this heat trap!”</p><p> </p><p>Florrie stood behind me as I threw away my bonnet, her slim tanned fingers went to work as she helped me undress. She deftly removed my top layer skirt while I removed my outer shirt.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Did you find anything you liked?”</p><p>                 “Florrie. Please. If I talk about my day I will start crying.”</p><p>                 “Right Mademoiselle. What about Suzanne? Didn’t she want to stay for tea?” Florrie could multi-task so well, while other times it was a benefit, right now, it was upsetting.</p><p>                 “Louis is chaperoning her and Monsieur Booke home.”</p><p>                 “Mademoiselle, did you behave yourself?”</p><p> </p><p>I removed my hoop, slowly allowing it to fall to the floor then slumped on the bed.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Miss Camille! Your temper will be the scandal of this good house.”</p><p>                 “I don’t care anymore.”</p><p>                 “Oh, yes, you do! Or you better start caring soon too! Your negative energy will-“</p><p> </p><p>I lay against the soft mattress and allowed Florrie’s words to pour over me. I did not feel like listening. First, Charles stole my best friend. Then, secondly, Bazine stole my dress. Thirdly, some stranger stole my beau.</p><p> </p><p>                 “I have nothing left.”</p><p>                 “Oh!” Florrie gasped, “There is no pleasing you, Miss Camille.”</p><p> </p><p>Florrie huffed then left me to lay on my bed and wallow in my self-defeat.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Bargains with Fools</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Bet y'all weren't expecting a new chapter so soon!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</p><p>Orange rays of sunlight flittered through the lace curtains. On the dark oak table before me, the faint shadows of the sunset danced on my book pages. While the evening could be lovely, my attention was elsewhere. On my lap lay the tattered piece of paper Poe’s manservant delivered earlier, already damp with tears. It read: ‘Monsieur Dameron is busy preparing for the arrival of his betrothed.’</p><p> </p><p>Not only were the rumors true, something I was subconsciously aware of, but that cad didn’t have the backbone to tell it to my face. Cad!</p><p> </p><p>Slobbering rascal without the spine to speak his caustic words in my presence.</p><p> </p><p>What a bounder.</p><p> </p><p>Cur.</p><p> </p><p>Mongrel.</p><p> </p><p>Rat bastard!</p><p> </p><p>Such epithets are unworthy of ladies, but as he said, I am not a lady.</p><p> </p><p>I looked back at the note, my tears resting at the tip of my nose. The words were like a violent coup de main against my heart; I held my handkerchief to my mouth to silence the wails. Luckily, I was the only person in Papa’s study. From the second floor of the Camille estate, I could hear the servants scuttling about under Florrie’s orders. No doubt preparing for tonight’s supper, we were expecting guests.</p><p> </p><p>I couldn’t centre my thoughts. I grabbed the paper and, on shaky legs, slithered back to my room. Perhaps if I rolled into a ball, I could shrink until I disappeared. A heartbroken sob escaped my burning throat and I scratched at my neck to stop others from escaping.</p><p> </p><p>Hot tears of despair continued to roll over the hills of my cheeks and onto my peach dress. <em>Be silent my broken heart</em>. Once I entered my cold lifeless room, I turned toward my prayer corner. Perhaps if I cry out to God; if he were to hear my shattered voice, hoarse from crying, my sobs, flowing eternally, and my candid prayers. Then maybe, he would guide my love back to me. I kneeled in front of an opened bible and began praying.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Good Lord,” my throat struggled to form words, “Good. What good you’ve done me? Why are you punishing me?”</p><p> </p><p>I turned my head to look up at the ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Good… <em>sweet</em> Lord. Please give me a reason. Why have you allowed this to transpire? Are you upset over my secret courtship? Good Lord, I prayed for forgiveness, and I continue to pray for forgiveness now. Please. Bring my beau back. Give me a sign of your intentions, of your schemes for me.”</p><p> </p><p>I remained kneeling, but nothing changed. Florrie’s voice carried throughout the house; the servants continued to run amok struggling to keep up with orders. I slammed my open palms against the table before me. If one were outside my bedroom, no doubt they would hear the smacks of flesh against wood. The force of my strikes caused my papers and ink to jostle, eventually causing my bible to slide off to the floor.</p><p> </p><p>I stopped when I heard it’s ‘thunk’ against the floor. There, on the ground, through unkempt strands of hair, I saw the brown leather book. My instincts commanded I pick it up, clean it off and place it back on the table where it belonged. Despite my anger and confusion towards a Lord that I felt had abandoned me, I complied.</p><p> </p><p>After a few moments of collecting myself, I flopped on my bed and continued to cry.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>By the time I woke up, the sun had set. The sky was dark, the lights inside the chateaus of our neighbors crept in through the lace curtains and stung my eyes. I looked down at myself; I was still dressed in my peach dress, now with dried tears, it seemed I had fallen asleep, and no one bothered me. Good.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly I forced my aching muscles to help me out of bed and sat at my vanity. Even in the dark light, I could see the unkempt nest that was my hair. Leaning forward, I lit my gas lamp and began to examine the mess I had left behind. My eyes were hollow and swollen. They were no longer pink, but the evidence of my tears remained. My typically rosy lips were dry –</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>               “You need to moisturize.” I spoke to myself. Sometimes one needed to be their own mother. Lord knows I can’t let Gwen Camille see me in this state. I grasped for my ointments and oils. What would she say?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>By God Rey, what have you been crying over this time? </em>
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  <em>Remember, those men are only real in books. </em>
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  <em>There’s no such thing as a –</em>
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</p><p>               “Right, that’s enough.” I reminded myself. While it may be useful to speak to yourself as though you were a parent talking to a child, one should not allow themselves to be lost in the character. I looked at the depressed melodramatic girl in the mirror. All that heartbreak left me with a pale countenance, a true southern belle, at least I got something out of that news. I began working the knots out of my hair when a knock at the door interrupted me:</p><p> </p><p>               “Ah, there you are ma cherie!” Florrie entered my room without waiting for a response, as was typical of her. She tutted and grabbed the hairbrush out of my hand.</p><p>               “The Lucien's are coming today. You will have supper with them.”</p><p>               “Mhmm.” I hummed as her fingers made quick work of my frazzled hair. With deft fingers, she spread olive oil in my hair. That was her secret. Olive oil on everything!</p><p>               “See now Mademoiselle; I don’t need to warn you to behave.”</p><p>               “Oh?”</p><p>               “Oh indeed!” She raised her brows at my reflection as she pulled my hair back, “Your Papa will be joining us for supper.”</p><p>               “Lovely.” I said it without sarcasm, I hadn’t seen poor Papa since early in the morning and he was looking colorful today. It would also help to have someone not interested in small conversation presiding over the table. And Lord help anyone who thought of discussing politics or the idea of Louisiana seceding. My Papa was a proud southern man through and through! He would not lay down and let a Yankee walk into our towns and tell us what to do.</p><p> </p><p>               “Yes. And he will expect you to act like a lady deserving of the Camille name.”</p><p>               “Fiddle-dee-dee.”</p><p>              I yelped when she slapped my shoulder.</p><p>               “What’s all this drama for? I am a lady!”</p><p>               “Fiddle-dee-dee.” She retorted, and I couldn’t contain my smile. Florrie’s soothing hands continued to shape and weave my hair into a presentable image. My hair was parted in the middle with two large plaits intertwining in the back.</p><p> </p><p>               “You’ve been quiet today, Mademoiselle.” Florrie smoothed the middle part, the warmth of her hands, allowing the oil to seep into my scalp.</p><p>               “I have nothing to speak of darling Florrie.”</p><p>               “My, my, my,” she pouted and reached over me to grab the pomade container, “that is certainly unusual for you. Even when you were little, Rey, when you had nothing to say you’d invent something.”</p><p>               I relaxed my expression as she applied a light layer of the pomade, “Yesterday, that nasty she-devil Bazine stole my dress. Louis left for Baton Rouge this morning, and now I have to co-host dinner for boring guests. What is there to discuss?”</p><p>               “Ma cherie, you poor dear! That nasty little Bazine will get what's coming to her. I’ve always said: you can be born into money but still carry yourself like white-trash!”</p><p>               “Indeed.”</p><p>               “But what were you crying about?”</p><p>               “Me?”</p><p>               “No, the girl in the mirror. Yes, you! Unless you expect me to believe you cried over a little dress? And a brother who will be returning shortly?”</p><p>               I huffed and turned to face her, time to play the aloof socialite, “Is there anything else worth crying over?”</p><p>               Florrie laughed, “Oh Mademoiselle. Yes.” The sound of a loud clang rang throughout the house, “Good help is becoming harder and harder to find. You go on and get ready now. I will see you downstairs in five minutes!”</p><p> </p><p>I wanted to ask her to stay – to plead for company to distract me from the hollowness inside myself.  My heart still ached. All the colors around me once opulent are now dead, mute. I strode toward the window and began to people watch. New Orleans society allowed unmated Omegas few hobbies, but people watching was the number pass time for socialites. Being unmated, and given our designation, we were ‘threats’ to public order. But a man said that and other men made it law, so who is to say that I would cause chaos if I walked outside without a chaperone? Would my scent truly drive someone wild? Would it cause Alphas to fight inside cafes and ruin pretty table lace?</p><p> </p><p>Men. The cause of all the world’s problems. Sometimes they make laws prohibiting you from taking a late-night stroll. And sometimes they drag you along for a year, only to shatter your heart into a million pieces.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly a carriage pulled up to the front of our estate, and I watched as the senior Lucien and Carter Lucien hopped out. As if by instinct, Carter looked up at me and I smiled. Perhaps this was the sign I needed? He smiled back before turning his attention to our servant, Finn.</p><p> </p><p>Indeed this was the sign I needed! The cogs in my mind started turning. Carter Lucien: wholly infatuated with me, a man of good enough breeding, and a doctor no less.</p><p> </p><p><em>If I make Poe jealous then perhaps, I can win my beau back, otherwise, well Lucien has a handsome estate. </em>Yes, I would have to force out a child or two, but I don’t need to be around him. Mama and Papa were lucky, they enjoyed each other’s company, but as Caroline said, you need not love someone to be with them! I shuddered at the thought of allowing Lucien to lay with me. Until I win my beau back, I would acquiesce to his advances.</p><p> </p><p>Despite their civility toward each other, I knew Poe hated Carter. What if he were to see me in the arms of the man he hates? I pictured myself spinning in Carter’s arms, the lace of my skirt lifts with the force of our dance, and Poe sits on the other side of the ballroom. He tries to appear unaffected, but we both know. At the thought of Poe’s jealousy, I ran back to my vanity and massaged a light coating of red over my cheeks. Another homemade remedy of Florrie’s. I gave myself another look over as I cleaned the red from my hands. Flawless Rey.</p><p> </p><p>With measured steps, I made my way downstairs to the front door. My posture was perfectly erect.</p><p>             </p><p>               “Gwen, it would seem we have another child.” Papa’s voice was smooth and calm, like always. He rolls his r’s like a trill. He was a tall gaunt man, with soft blue eyes, and high cheekbones. While I was grateful to inherit his cheekbones, I was glad I never inherited his too-thin lips. Is it cruel to think that? Perhaps.</p><p>               “So, you’ve decided to join us?” My mother’s sweet voice called out; she walked closely by father as he leaned on his cane.</p><p>               “Good evening Madame Camille,” I bowed towards my parents, “Monsieur Camille.”</p><p> </p><p>The entrance of our estate was wide opening up to the stairs, leading up to the second floor. Straight ahead was the hallway leading to the back garden, to the right was the kitchen, and to the left the dining room. Florrie appeared from the kitchen and bowed to Papa.</p><p> </p><p>               “Oh, Florrie. Go collect Caroline and Enric. They should be in the back garden drinking tea.”</p><p>               “Straight away Madame.” Florrie bowed once more to Papa and lifted her skirt up, almost jogging, to the back garden.</p><p>               </p><p>               “So, the Lucien’s?” I lifted my brow, “How exciting.”</p><p>               “Behave.” Papa commanded. Instinctively, I nodded and smiled, hopefully, I could contain my glee over my new plot.</p><p> </p><p>Mama and Papa walked to the front door just as the senior Lucien was done talking poor Finn’s ear off. I would tell you his first name, but he is quite unremarkable, at least his son had the mind to spill food on me, so I remembered who he was.</p><p> </p><p>               “Wexley.” Papa greeted him with a firm handshake.</p><p>               “Wilhuff!” The senior Lucien, Wexley, see now I know his name, bellowed out in greeting. “How are you?”</p><p>               “All the better to see you!” Papa knew how to turn on the social charms; perhaps I had inherited more from him than I thought.</p><p>               Wexley turned to me, and his eyes widened in shock, “And Rey! You’ve grown up so fast!” He bowed toward me; in the background, I saw Carter greet my parents.</p><p>               I bowed in return, “Oui Monsieur. It’s been a few years now. It is lovely to have you and your son for supper.”</p><p>               He chuckled, his jowls jiggling, I hope Carter doesn’t develop those as we age, “No need for formality. We may not be family, but neither are we strangers. Carter, be sure to greet the young Rey.”</p><p>               “Of course.” The mousey little voice called out in return.</p><p> </p><p>Carter Lucien.</p><p> </p><p>He was about the same height as me. His hair was unruly, charming on the head of a young boy but not for a man. I bowed:</p><p> </p><p>               ” Monsieur.”</p><p>               He returned my bow, “Mademoiselle.”</p><p>               With a whisper, I planted the seed, “You look handsome as ever.”</p><p>               Carter’s eyes widened, it was improper for a lady to talk in such a forward manner, “Uh… uh- I- thank you, Madame. Mademoiselle!” I could not contain a giggle.</p><p>               “Carter!” Wexley’s voice rang out loudly. No doubt, he must have thought Carter said something impolite.</p><p> </p><p>Dinner afterward was uneventful.</p><p> </p><p>You see, while it was permissible for a lady to flirt, when she could get away with it, flirting while in the capacity of others was a dangerous sport. Men believe hunting game is dangerous. Yet they’ve never tasted the danger of dangling yourself out like bait, waiting for someone to bite, only to draw them into your plans for a bigger, handsome but dim-witted, fish. Admittedly, I felt duplicitous and even guilty. However, this was for a bigger purpose. I could not allow myself to wallow in defeat.</p><p> </p><p>A Camille does not accept life as it is.</p><p> </p><p>When Papa left England to come to New Orleans, sometime after Louisiana became a state, he had a moderate estate. He worked at the port. Not content to simply work with steamboats or ships he charmed a businessman in investing in a general store. Then he opened another, and another, and another. Until he built up his wealth, purchased the Camille plantation and approached Grandpa Phasma for his daughter’s hand in marriage. As a Frenchman, he was hesitant to allow his eldest to wed an Englishman, but Papa spent countless hours, and purses, proving his French heritage until Grandpa was convinced. Let it never be said Monsieur Camille did not know how to charm. Through marriage, Papa had created a handsome estate and married into the outer-circle of New Orleans high-society. All because he would not accept working as a simple port worker.</p><p> </p><p>Regardless, I would not make a happy bride for Carter. Truthfully, he would be quite miserable with my company. Despite his age, he was rather conservative and old fashioned.</p><p> </p><p>Papa was seated at the head of the table. To his right was Mama, to his left was Wexley, next to Wexley was Carter then Enric. On the otherside, I sat directly across from Carter, and Caroline sat across Enric. Her fiancé.</p><p> </p><p>Sitting next to Wexley and Enric, Carter looked childish! Enric was in his early 30s, his black hair was combed back, and he sat with erect posture. Wexley might have been in his 60s, his curly grey hairs mixed with his black hair. Both were obviously men, and in the middle sat Carter, spilling a drop of soup on his napkin.</p><p> </p><p>               “Bah!” Enric exhaled, “I do not <em>want</em> war, but a man must defend his home. For liberty. For his family.” He smiled at Caroline as he said ‘Family’.</p><p> </p><p>I hate love birds.</p><p> </p><p>               “I recognize that Monsieur, but, how can we defend ourselves given our material conditions?” Wexley snapped back.</p><p>               Enric gestured dismissively, “An issue for a general to determine. Certainly not a subject to had over supper. Regardless, the South has an indomitable spirit!”</p><p>               “Quite.” Papa added, his voice was as soft as a whisper, yet when he spoke, everyone leaned forward to hear his pearls of wisdom.</p><p>               </p><p>Secession. Another obstacle to my plans.</p><p> </p><p>               “Papa have no fear, there are many eager to fight the Yankees.  And I agree with Monsieur Pryde, we have an indomitable spirit…” Carter continued talking, but I could not draw my attention away from the single orange spec on his napkin.</p><p>               “How about you, Rey? You look like you’ve got something on your mind.” Enric’s question broke my concentration.</p><p>               I cleared my throat, “Well, Monsieur Pryde. I am not a secessionist myself, however,” I placed my hands over the napkin pinned to my lap, “Papa is rightly proud of his southern upbringing, and he has influenced my views.” I looked to Papa, who had his finger on his lip; he nodded as to if to say continue.</p><p>               “I just do not believe anyone should go to war. Could we not discuss things? Anything but war.”</p><p> </p><p>Enric shook his head, and Wexley audibly groaned. Papa’s voice rang out, “Rey, like any woman, has a light heart.”</p><p>               Carter rudely interrupted Papa, “I do not want war either Rey. But if obtuse northerners think they can waltz into our cities and strike down our liberties, then they have another thing coming. If it makes my beliefs treasonous then so be it.”</p><p>               “I was merely stating, perhaps, there is a democratic way-“</p><p>               “Enough.” Papa ended our conversation, “This conversation has no purpose. Politics is not within the realm of women.”</p><p>               “You are quite right, Monsieur Camille. They are too soft-hearted for such demanding matters.” Carter added and gave me what I assume he thought was a reassuring, or maybe even doting, smile.</p><p> </p><p>With that statement, supper continued.</p><p> </p><p>Florrie’s cooking was still the best in all surrounding parishes. While waiting for dessert, I shot Carter a quick smile and he fumbled, dropping his salad fork. I could not control my reaction as I wrinkled my nose at the clanking sound—pitiful lamb. While I was an innocent in the ways of the body, he was an innocent in the ways of social interactions.</p><p> </p><p>For dessert we had sponge cake, while delicious it was second only to Florrie’s famous Apple Galettes. Still, it was quite the treat. And a great reward for my efforts tonight. Throughout dinner, Papa was mostly quiet, only speaking when he had something meaningful to add to the conversation, like a sensible man. Wexley and Enric continued arguing over politics: you see, Wexley was a staunch Republican while Enric was adamantly a Democrat. Occasionally, Mama or Caroline would bring up a bit of gossip or share a funny story then the two men would continue arguing about Lord knows what.</p><p> </p><p>While I could read and write, Papa firmly believed women did not belong in politics. As a result, I knew close to nothing. I wonder if Poe would allow me to learn – or even become involved in politics? I heard tales of women in the North writing to senators! I would write to my senator and ask that Omegas be free to walk without a chaperone. Then I could watch as many Operas as I wanted, or I could walk freely to Lafayette’s without worrying about Papa’s wrath.</p><p> </p><p>After dessert, the men left to join Papa in his study, likely to argue politics. Meanwhile, Florrie and the servants began to clear the table. I returned to my bedroom but left my door open. I would wait until Carter left to relieve himself or call for some refreshments then I would invite him to the back garden.</p><p> </p><p>As I sat in front of my vanity, my thoughts drew me to Poe. We had not seen each other for so long I was beginning to forget the subtle features of his face. <em>No Rey, focus on the present</em>. I looked up at my reflection and applied some red to my lips.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>It felt like hours had passed as I stood next to my open door, then I heard Carter’s light footsteps. With enthusiasm, I stepped outside, precariously holding my book, with a scented slip of paper, in my hand when I saw him smile at me. Like a polite lady, I smiled back. How unfortunate it was then when we passed each other, I accidentally dropped my book in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>               “Mademoiselle.”</p><p>               “Hmm?” I spun around to face him.</p><p>               “You dropped your book.”</p><p>               I looked down at it and gave him a confused look, “That’s not mine.”</p><p> </p><p>I left before he could let out a flustered reply.</p><p> </p><p>After a few minutes of sitting alone in the back garden, he appeared.</p><p> </p><p>               “How queer, running into each other in this place.” I said gesturing to the ivy growing across the wooden canopy.</p><p>               He chuckled, “Indeed.”</p><p>               “Thank you for coming, Carter,” I held my hand up to my mouth, “forgive me, Monsieur Lucien.”</p><p>               “It’s alright. I don’t mind if you call me Carter.”</p><p>               I tilted my head and smiled at him with practiced ease, “I’m glad to hear that.”</p><p>               “So,” he cleared his throat and began to cough, chicken throat, “Umm…”</p><p>               I could not contain the exhale, “You’re wondering why I invited you to join me?” He nodded, perhaps a bit too quick as a small curl jumped out of place. I assume he attempted to comb his hair down before meeting with me. I cannot fault the child for trying.</p><p>               “Well, you see, the…” I gripped my dress unintentionally; this was not practiced, I am Rey Josephine Camille! A Camille could not bring themselves to beg or ask. I was still a lady – I could arrange the circumstances for him to ask, but I would not force his hand in such a callous manner!</p><p>               It was my turn to clear my throat, “I have not seen you in some time, and I wanted to chat. Away from prying eyes.”</p><p>               He smiled with his eyes, “Of course!” He announced as though it was natural for women to throw themselves at him.</p><p> </p><p>Ever the southern gentleman, Carter remained standing a few feet away from me so no prying eyes would deem we had inappropriate intentions. He began discussing his practice. How his aunt, Madame O’Connor, was insistent that he visit our family for supper. How much he enjoyed Florrie’s cooking, although the light stain on his dress shirt was evidence enough.</p><p> </p><p>               “I’ll be sure to let Florrie know!” I exclaimed.</p><p>               He stuttered out a thank you before continuing to ramble on about new journals he purchased.</p><p> </p><p>Why did I bother with this fool? I knew he was nervous but by the Lord! He was trying my patience. Well, if he won’t take the bait then I would force his hand.</p><p> </p><p>               I yawned dramatically, “Oh my Carter, do forgive me. It was so lovely catching up with you.”</p><p>               “And you.” He added.</p><p>               I faked a giggle, “Well, I should head back inside lest someone catch us and my reputation become ruined.”</p><p>               “Nothing could ruin you, Rey.”</p><p>               For once I was speechless in a positive way as a result of his words, “Thank you, Carter. You are too kind.”</p><p> </p><p>It was a genuine thank you. After the whirlwind of the past few weeks, I felt reassured of my charms to have someone think so highly of me.</p><p> </p><p>               “I-I should head to bed now.” I stood up, but he put his hands up to stop me.</p><p>               “Rey, please, if-if-if I may.” The words struggled to escape, I raised my brow in feigned confusion.</p><p>               “Go on.”</p><p>               “May I… May I be your escort at the Debutante ball?”</p><p> </p><p>Fish meet hook.</p><p> </p><p>               I struggled to contain my smile, “Why of course!” We both laughed, releasing the tension.</p><p>               “I will discuss it with your father tonight then. Rest well, Rey.”</p><p>               I bowed to him, “You too. Adieu.”</p><p>               </p><p>As I left the back garden, I had to hold myself back from skipping into the house. Oh, the folly of men. Things were finally beginning to make sense. Soon I would waltz with Carter and Poe would regain his senses. And if not? Then I still had Carter to fall back on. Before I could climb up the stairs, a gentle hand grasped my forearm. I turned to face the culprit: Caroline.</p><p> </p><p>                Caroline looked cross, “What do you think you’re doing?”</p><p>                I pouted “Whatever do you mean ma cherie?”</p><p>               She squeezed my forearm, “You know precisely what I mean little Rey. Why were you in the garden with…” She looked around, “Why?”</p><p>               I swatted her hand away and lifted my dress so I could run up the stairs, “A lady does not kiss and tell.”</p><p>               “I saw the note!” She half-whispered, causing me to stop.</p><p>               “So what?”</p><p>               “So what?! Rey, stop this madness. And don’t drag an innocent into your web!”</p><p>               “He’s a man, he can make up his own mind!” I exclaimed and ran up the stairs ignoring her cries.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>As I prepared for bed, I felt confident in my vision for the future—Poe and I living on his family estate in Georgia. I wonder if many in Atlanta speak French? Would Florrie join me? Would Papa be well enough to hand me over to Poe? All issues for the future!</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. A Revealation of Scoundrels</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Parental abuse.</p><p>Feedback plz? &lt;3 Thank you for reading, I hope you and your family are in good health</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Immensely cold water struck my chest and face. The warmth of the bed and blanket suddenly shrink away and are replaced by the cold tendrils and droplets running down my nightgown. I gasped out, “What?”</p><p>                “Insolent child!” A male voice raged, and I felt the blanket shift around me. The front of my nightgown pulled in one direction. “Out, immediately! Now! Out!”</p><p> </p><p>My knees struck the wood floors before I could get my hands up in time. In haste, I grasped at the hand pulling me and met papa’s eyes. Immediately, I stopped struggling. Struggling only extended the punishment. If I complied, rolled on my back and left my belly vulnerable, then I could go free quicker.</p><p>                “In my very house-” He continued to yell, but my focus was spent on scrambling behind him.</p><p>Papa was leading me out of my bedroom and toward the stairs, I heard Caroline plead behind me:</p><p>                “Papa! Please!”</p><p>I believe he responded but my focus had then shifted to not falling down the stairs! When Monsieur Camille was in a black mood, which occurred every few months, he would strike out at anything that vexed him. While I was typically the source of his outrage, it was usually deserved: Rey had embarrassed him in front of others, Rey came close to disgracing the family, Rey breathed the wrong way, Rey spoke too quick, Rey spoke too slow-</p><p> </p><p>                “Heaven and Earth, what’s all this racket for?” Mama’s warm voice rang out as she approached the bottom of the stairs.</p><p>                “Ungrateful! Petulant!” We reached the bottom of the stairs, mama threw her hands out to try and separate us but papa moved surprisingly quick for a sick man, “No, she must learn.”</p><p>Our little spectacle drew the attention of the inhabitants of Camille manor. As papa dragged me to the back garden, Caroline cried out her protests, mama followed us waving her hand, and Florrie came running from the kitchen hitching up her skirt. Let no one say that I do not put on a show, even when I don’t intend to! The leaves and pebbles scraped the soles of my feet, and I felt a whimper try to break free before I rolled and bit my lips shut.</p><p> </p><p>Papa threw me onto the ground before him and I rushed to cover myself. Lucky for my modesty, we had a large estate and I hoped it was large enough that papa’s voice would not carry.</p><p>                “Sit up!” He commanded and I complied.</p><p>                “Tarkin, please, Monsieur, what is the matter?” Mama was the first to join us, followed closely by Caroline then Florrie.</p><p>                “This.” Papa handed her a note, immediately I recognised it as the note delivered by Poe’s manservant. Caroline’s lips trembled and she met my gaze. She mouthed something, perhaps ‘Sorry’, but what good were apologies when I was, unwillingly, in my night gown awaiting punishment.</p><p> </p><p>I looked down at my hands clamped down on my nightgown. I should have been scared. I know it. Yet, I felt nothing. Perhaps it was the overwhelming dread or the mixture of fear and depression that lead to my numbness. Or, perhaps, I had become so acquainted with punishments, the dread was as natural as breathing.</p><p>                “What do you have to say for yourself?” Papa barked.</p><p>                “Papa please, this is not necessary.” More pleadings from Caroline.</p><p>                “I-I papa-“ The words stammered out.</p><p>                “Speak up.”</p><p>                The cool air created friction against my dry throat, with each inhale my throat threatened to close up: “My…”</p><p> </p><p>A flutter of female voice spoke up in protest but were quickly dismissed by our patriarch.</p><p>                “You live to worry me. You enjoy it.” He lifted my chin up, I begrudgingly met his scowl. My eyes were hot, vision blurred, he continued: “What is your answer?”</p><p>                “Papa- I didn’t mean to!”</p><p>                “Didn’t mean to? Didn’t mean to what?”</p><p>                “Please.” I threw myself at his feet. Perhaps if I threw myself fully at his mercy, he would spare me with a lighter punishment.</p><p>                “Papa, you said you would have a talk with her – not this madness!” Caroline cried out.</p><p>                “Florrie, fetch me a thin stick.”</p><p> </p><p>From my position near the ground I heard Florrie’s heavy hesitant footsteps.</p><p>                “Florrie will do no such thing!” Mama bickered.</p><p>                Papa struck his cane against the ground, “Florrie.” Rarely did papa listen to her protests or advice.</p><p> </p><p>I heard Florrie step away in compliance with papa’s orders.</p><p>                “Sit up girl.”</p><p> </p><p>I did not move.</p><p> </p><p>                “I said sit up girl!” I felt papa’s hand pull me up by the back of my head. His boney fingers twisting around my hair. “Have you made it your life mission to destroy the Camille name?”</p><p>                I shook my head, he continued, “No? Yet at every turn, you endeavour to encourage a reputation as a flirt.”</p><p> </p><p>Again, I shook my head. How much had Caroline told him? Did he know there was only Poe? Should I speak up – no, I could never predict his reaction.</p><p> </p><p>                “No? Did I overindulge you as a child that even now god seeks to punish me?”</p><p>                “Tarkin, I beg you.” Mama please stop trying, it only extended the beatings.</p><p> </p><p>Florrie shuffled back with papa’s request.</p><p>                “Ah.” Papa placed his cane under his arm and reached out to Florrie before instructing me, “ Lay on your stomach.”</p><p> </p><p>Mama and Caroline continued to protest and plead as I slowly laid on my stomach. I stretched my legs, tensing my muscles, and pushed my arms against my sides.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Thwack!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The noise rang, then I felt the sting, followed by the slow release of heat over the back of my thighs. There were no more objections.</p><p> </p><p><em>Thwack!</em> <em>Thwack!</em> <em>Thwack!</em></p><p> </p><p>The suspense of each hit induced me to freeze.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Thwack!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Thwack!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The space between my face and the ground was unbearably hot. Sand granules slipped into my nose. Each smack hit the same spot, or damn near the same spot.</p><p> </p><p><em>Thwack!</em> <em>Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!</em></p><p> </p><p>                Papa took a moment to catch his breath, “Right. I think that’s enough.”</p><p> </p><p>The noise of slow footsteps approached, before they immediately halted.</p><p> </p><p>                “Let her be, Gwen.” The warmth of his hand graced my shoulder, even after my punishment he deigned to touch me. He deigned to touch the garbage.</p><p>                “Rey.”</p><p>                I nodded.</p><p>                “Rey, look at me.”</p><p> </p><p>I rose up, sitting on my calves. My face contorted against my will.</p><p> </p><p>                “Were it not for the scandal,” he shook his head and exhaled, “you will behave.”</p><p>                I nodded again.</p><p>                “Say it. I want your word.”</p><p>                “Yes papa. I will behave.”</p><p>                “You will go to the Ball with Carter.”</p><p>                “Yes.” That was easy to do. I could not let my chance with Poe slip through my fingers.</p><p>                “You will go with Carter and I will not hear about you talking with Poe. Do your best to get engaged, I will have no man accuse me of raising loose women.”</p><p>                “Yes, papa I will do my best.”</p><p> </p><p>Did my words placate him?</p><p> </p><p>Papa takes a step back then turned away. Everyone paused until he stepped over the threshold into the manor. I fell forward upon the ground, and watched as Florrie ran towards me with a small round yellow tin. Mama stood over me, and addressed Caroline:</p><p>                “How did this come about?”</p><p>                “Forgive me ma cherie.” Caroline fell to her knees beside me and began petting my hair. Traitor, to my heart and secrets. My chest convulsed as more sobs escaped.</p><p>                Florrie placed a delicate hand on my lower back, “Come now. Let us go inside so I can apply the salve.”</p><p>                “Caroline. Explain yourself.” Mama commanded. Caroline’s voice was uneven as she struggled to enlighten mama, but mama put an end to her attempts, “I will go talk to your father. My sweet Rey, go back inside and allow Florrie to apply the salve.</p><p> </p><p>Caroline’s body heat was an overbearing reminder of her betrayal. In reply to her attempts to soothe me I slapped her hand away. She began to slip away reluctantly:</p><p>                “Please forgive me.”</p><p>                “Caroline, let her be.” Florrie breathed, I felt her warm hands reached out from the darkness and grasp me. I laid on her bosom, just as I did when I was a child. “Shhh. Hush. Oh, mon coeur, please try to calm yourself.”</p><p>                “It hurts.” I whimpered pathetically.</p><p>                “I know, shhh. Let’s cry it out.”</p><p>                Another set of hands touched my shoulder, I could not and had no desire to hold back: “Don't touch me. I don’t want to see you.” The words come out in broken sobs.</p><p> </p><p>I felt Florrie shake her head, followed promptly by the sound of Caroline’s soft footsteps moving away.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as we were alone, I threw my head back in a silent wail and hugged Florrie tightly. I learned early in life to cry silently. Florrie, true to me as always, held me as I silently sobbed.</p><p> </p><p>                “Th-th-thank you.” I whispered my thanks. She cooed and sprinkled me with gentle kisses.</p><p>                “Oh Florrie!” Mama threw her voice, “Get the tea ready. Gentleman are coming. And get Mademoiselle Camille inside.”</p><p> </p><p>As soon as I felt she was back inside I continued to cry into Florrie chest. In the back of my mind, while I could not precisely determine Caroline’s design in revealing my secret to papa, nor could I determine the extent of his knowledge, she must have realised what the repercussions were. Papa did not believe in sparing the rod, recently I seemed to attract his ire. Louis was a grown man with his own family, even when he left medical school, the most he received was an angry letter and silence for three months. Caroline had always been a pliant and malleable little Omega, in her lifetime she must have been hit less than five times. Papa always had a soft spot for her as his first daughter, and often she could soothe his temper. As for Gerald, he was as restless and carefree as I was, however, he was spoilt because he was the youngest.</p><p> </p><p>After a few minutes, I stopped crying, all the emotions left my body. I was numb again.</p><p> </p><p>                “You’ll have to get up ma cherie, your papa will have visitors soon. And you need the salve.”</p><p>                Quietly nodding I grabbed the tin can, “Can I stay outside for a moment Florrie, please?”</p><p>                “Oh my sweet Rey, we don’t want anyone catching you in a state of undress.”</p><p>                My fingernails were too short to open the tin, I handed it back to her, “Please. I don’t want to – inside the house –“</p><p>                She kissed my forehead, “Hush. No more than five minutes.” Florrie handed me the opened tin can, “Here, don’t go off applying it on your legs outside!”</p><p>                Grabbing the can I kissed her hand in thanks, she tilted her head and cooed like a mother hen, “Mademoiselle, you don’t want to go on drawing out papa’s temper anymore” She kissed my head, “Promise me you will go in soon; I will serve him tea in the meantime so you have time to run inside.”</p><p> </p><p>I squeezed her hand in confirmation. After one last kiss, she left me.</p><p> </p><p>The pain on the back of my thighs had dulled, but every tiny movement flexed my sore abused muscles. But more than my body, my ego and heart were bruised. Thanks to Caroline’s interfering, and Papa’s temper, all the servants would find out. Florrie and Finn were kind, I grew up alongside them, but would the others spread the gossip? How soon before everyone knew my shame? The only way forward, the only way I could redeem myself was if Poe married me. Otherwise… what would be left of me? No other man would have me. Maybe I could run away? No, New Orleans is my home, and I refuse to be driven out by my own silly actions.</p><p> </p><p>Truly, I was suffering from the consequences of my own actions. <em>Papa</em>… I curled up on my side and continued to sob, I was the shame of my family. All of Suzanne and Caroline’s warnings now appeared to be prophecies. I was the ruin of my own reputation and standing. A part of me felt Poe would not have me, he would not hold true to his promises. Yet, I refused to allow myself give up. I had come so far! I had spent so much time and energy!</p><p>
  <em>‘No! Rey. Get up, you will have your freedom. No Georgia harlot is going to ruin your future. You must put on your best powder, your best rogue, pinch your cheeks, breathe out and tighten your corset, swaddle yourself in silks and gossamer. The pain in your thighs is just a reminder of what happens when you share your secrets with the untrustworthy… oh Caroline.’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>                “Caroline.” I heard myself call out.</p><p> </p><p>My own sister, turned traitor. She could not understand why I continued to pursue a man despite all appearances that he was disinterested. Her easy temper and beautiful countenance led to her betrothal at 13. Not all omegas are so lucky, some of us are plain. We must thus resort to tactics.</p><p> </p><p>How long had I been laying on the ground?</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, I pushed my body up against the ground and stood. Looking around, there was no one else. My feet felt filthy and the coarse sand rubbed uncomfortably between my toes.</p><p> </p><p>                “I need a bath.”</p><p> </p><p>I crept forward to manor, with the burning hope that papa was now in his study entertaining his guests. That would allow me to sneak past without upsetting papa. Under my breath I cursed his choice of placing the study on the second floor so close to my room. I heard Florrie’s heavy footsteps and ran inside. Perfect, I could tell her to serve papa tea now which should allow me to escape.</p><p> </p><p>                “There you are!” I said confidently, only to have the rug pulled up from underneath my feet.</p><p>                “Yes, here I–“ He froze when he saw me.</p><p> </p><p>His face was smooth. He had shaved recently. It quickly colored; he was pink under all that hair. How human. His eyes reflected the white of my nightgown, and I heard myself swallow. All concerns and protests were replaced by the shock of being caught unaware. Not a single squeak or peep. Silent. I turned and walked up the stairs as quickly as I could.</p><p> </p><p>Who allowed this scoundrel to walk freely in my home? Why did no one warn me that Benjamin was the visiting gentleman?</p><p> </p><p>Before the adrenaline left my body, I ran into my room and silently closed the door. As I slid down against the cold wood, a thick atmosphere of oppression overcame my thoughts, it filled me with unease and anguish. More punishments would come if Benjamin were to tell papa what he saw. I had disobeyed papa’s instructions on the very day he gave them. A man, outside of the family, not even my own husband or let alone my betrothed, saw me in a state of undress. Perhaps papa would finally make good on his threat to send me to a nunnery.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>Laughter could be heard all throughout the second floor of the Camille manor. Evidently, papa was quite fond of his guests. Yes guests, plural. Aside from papa’s familiar cool taciturn speech, one could hear two other male voices. From the unfortunate run in a few hours earlier, I had already deduced that one man was Monsieur Benjamin Augustus. The second male voice was familiar, but I could not put a face to it.</p><p> </p><p>With a resigned sigh I moved my ear away from my bedroom door and I laid on my bed, on my stomach of course. The salve was working on the small cuts on the back of my thighs, and I realised that I would not be able to sit for a few days. At least not comfortably.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘He saw you, he saw you, he saw you.’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>I tried to push forward the memory from my mind.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘He saw you and now papa knows and mama knows and Caroline knows and Finn knows and Florrie knows and all of Louisiana knows.’</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Pushing forward against the soft mattress I slid off my bed and moved to stand in front of my vanity. The hairbrush was recently cleaned, such small perfect touches were a trademark of Florrie. Placing my hands on the vanity table I slowly sat down on the cushioned stool, thank the Lord it was cushioned. After brushing my hair into a simple updo, Caroline’s traitorous gait graced my bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>                “Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>I silently nodded.</p><p> </p><p>                “We can discuss this morning's matter in depth later. Monsieur Huxley has asked us to join him and his companion at Madame Netal’s tea party.”</p><p>                “I cannot go.”</p><p>                She placed a hand on her hip and slipped further into the room, “And why is that?”</p><p>                Turning toward her, I gestured to my legs, “I am currently indisposed and there is no guarantee of cushioned seats at the Madame’s residence.”</p><p>                “Madame Netal’s daughter may be white trash, but she is not. She likely has comfortable chairs.”</p><p>                “Ah yes,” I began applying some beeswax on my lips, “but that is not guaranteed.”</p><p>                “You are an implacable creature.”</p><p>                “Thank you.”</p><p>                “That was not a compliment.”</p><p>                “I don’t care.”</p><p> </p><p>With a loud frustrated <em>hmph</em> she turned her and practically stomped out of my room.</p><p> </p><p>                “My, my, what has upset my dear sister so?” I asked my reflection nonchalantly.</p><p> </p><p>From my now open door I heard papa’s study room door open and the occupants stepped out. Mama’s familiar laugh rang out, carried above the sounds of two men chattering away. If I stood up and closed the door now I would have to interact with the guests. How detestable.</p><p> </p><p>With a knock on my door, I saw papa walk toward me in the reflection of the vanity mirror. Before I could stand up to properly greet him, he placed a hand on my shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>                “Dear.”</p><p>                “Papa.”</p><p>                “Caroline tells me you refused Monsieur Huxley’s invitation to Madame Netal’s tea party. Is that true?” His grip tightened.</p><p>                “Forgive me, she did not inform me that it was an invitation.”</p><p>                “It is. Monsieur Huxley insists on my daughters’ presence to add to Madame Netal’s society.”</p><p>                “Then I will go.” His grip released.</p><p>                “Good, Monsieur Huxley’s business helps pay for your pretty dresses. It should help keep this Camille Manor not... Plutt Manor. Now, make yourself presentable. I will have no more outbursts.” Confusing emotions swirled in my mind as he tucked away unruly strands of hair, “I will chaperone the both of you back home.”</p><p> </p><p>With that he left. Dread and death loomed over my head. I could feel my head stuck in the stocks waiting for the blade of the Guillotine to drop. Yet it never drops, it simply looms, the sharp blade constantly dancing above my delicate neck. I wish I were released, or the executioner allowed the blade to fall. One can only endure so much torment. As I made my way to the front of the manor, I was confident, from papa’s tight grip, that he knew about Benjamin’s run in with me.</p><p> </p><p>We rode to Bourbon Street in Monsieur Huxley’s admittedly ostentatious carriage. Monsieur Huxley talked a good deal about the carriage: the cost of purchase, the cost of maintaining it, and the cost of his new horses. In his own vanity he misled himself into believing anyone cared to listen. Papa was occasionally nodding and hmm-ing but he was not truly hearing. If he was he would have responded with further questions. Caroline, sitting in between papa and I, likely to maintain the peace, was fiddling with her lace gloves. Benjamin sitting across from me was, with guile, avoiding all human contact. He fastened his sight either on the window or on the man who spoke. Never meeting my gaze. Did he feel guilty for having told my papa or was he, mutually, mortified over the events of the morning? His true emotions were imperceptible.</p><p> </p><p>I pinched the sink between my thumb and index finger. Why was this scoundrel insistent on appearing at the most inconvenient times? Why did papa allow us to ride together? Was this a further punishment: letting me stew in the same pot as Benjamin to draw out the lesson.</p><p> </p><p>When the outing party arrived at Madame Netal’s manor we were promptly separated into men and women. The men joined others of their second-rate sex in the study. The women were sequestered in the parlor room.  As we were introduced by a maid, I immediately recognised, amongst the groups of ladies, Madame O’Connor, followed closely by her daughters, sitting next to the plate of bonbons.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, Madame O’Connor you never change.</p><p> </p><p>Bazine was seated with her posse away from the window. She smiled into her tea and whispered to her friends as soon as I entered. Contrary to Caroline’s earlier statements, Madame Netal was as gaudy and tasteless as her daughter. The entire room was clearly overdecorated. It was evident she had never heard of interior decorating: the tassel fringe of the curtains were an egregious cerulean against the red and yellow motifs of the room. And they consider themselves high class?</p><p> </p><p>                “Look Rey.” Caroline pointed at an empty space next to Madame O’Connor, “I told you they have cushions.”</p><p>                I held myself back from shoving Caroline into the cake stand, “Oh is that Jane?"</p><p> </p><p>With ease, I dismissed myself from Caroline's company. I walked past the tables filled with friandises, peanuts, pistachios, and bonbons in abundance, and sat uninvited by Madame O’Connor’s daughters. It appeared that every lady in the room had divided into their friend group.</p><p> </p><p>                “Rey! I haven’t seen you in weeks.” One of the drab sisters poked her head up.</p><p>                “Indeed.” Added the gloomy one.</p><p>                “How are you?” Asked the eldest, Jane.</p><p> </p><p>The girls sat by the window sipping tea and chatting amongst themselves without waiting for an answer. With slow languid movements I slowly sipped overly sweetened tea. The Madame of the home lacked taste in almost all things it appeared. The back of my thighs rubbed uncomfortably against my petticoat. I involuntarily let out a small moan in pain as a small cut stung.</p><p> </p><p>                “Rey, are you alright?” Jane asked, finally I had her attention.</p><p>                Smiling dismissively, I replied, “Yes. Yes. Quite alright Jane, I am just recovering from a rolled ankle.”</p><p>                “Oh my.” The gloomy one added.</p><p>                “I hope your ankle recovers in time for the Ball. It’s only a week away!” Babbled Jane.</p><p>                “I should be fully recovered and able to dance!”</p><p> </p><p>With that reassurance they continued to chat about Madame Netal’s ‘beautiful’ manor.</p><p> </p><p>                “Rey, may I ask you something?”</p><p> </p><p><em>‘You just did darling Jane.’</em> I nodded.</p><p> </p><p>                “Is it true that cousin Lucien will be your escort at the Ball?”</p><p>                Swallowing my disgust and disappointment I replied, “Yes, he asked papa and he approved.”</p><p>                Jane’s face lit up, “Oh that’s… just marvellous!” She squeaked then pulled back, “I am so thrilled you are with Carter. Surely, you two will be engaged before Autumn is over!”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘Who said anything about engagement?!'</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>                I laughed, “Oh. Papa agreed to allow him to escort me, this does not mean we will be wed.”</p><p>                Her younger peppy sister chimed in, I could hardly remember all their names they were all so drab: “You cannot deny the implication – an escort at the Debutante Ball – it does encourage a heavy inclination in people’s minds that you two will marry.”</p><p>                “True. However, it is only a dance.”</p><p>                Jane smiled sweetly, she the most pleasent and tolerable Mademoiselle O’Connor, “Please forgive me. I did not mean to – well, overreact. We’ve always grown up alongside each other, have we not?”</p><p>                “We have.” I agreed.</p><p>                “I hope you will give me leave to confess the reason for my elation.” She waited patiently for approval, after I threw her a smile she continued, “Initially, mama was insistent that I marry Carter.”</p><p> </p><p>While marriage between cousins was not unheard of, marriage between first cousins was unsightly except for royalty and elites.</p><p> </p><p>                “I see. Well… I am only too pleased to take him off your hands Jane.” A bold faced lie. Some families did not have the good sense to marry outside of their circle of relatives. How unfortunate for Jane, she was so tender and child-like.</p><p> </p><p>‘<em>Poor me, with her traits she would be an excellent match for Carter.’</em></p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>After almost an hour of listening to stale gossip and sipping substandard tea, I excused myself to the bathroom. The remainder of Madame Netal’s house was as gaudy as the parlor room. A chandelier for each hallway, and walls with French style wood panelling. I could give her credit for the panelling but no compliments were reserved for the remaining interior.</p><p> </p><p>A servant pointed the way toward the upstairs bathroom. The first floor bathroom was adjacent to the study room where the men’s murmurings seeped through the door. And I was in no spirit to run into more men today. My thighs felt sore and strained as I stretched my legs to climb the stairs.</p><p> </p><p>Later, as I was walking toward the stairs I heard familiar voices in a secluded drawing room. I could recognise the deep voice of that Monsieur Scoundrel anywhere. The double doors were ajar and their conversation could be heard. I slowed my steps and leaned closer to the open space, I caught the end of an earlier conversation:</p><p> </p><p>Both men were sitting on a sofa laughing facing a fireplace with their backs to me. Suddenly Armitage queried: “Ben, I feel it imperative, to ask how are you enjoying the South?”</p><p>                Benjamin cleared his throat, “Always the presumptuous man.”</p><p>                “What do you mean?”</p><p>                “You ask <em>how</em> I am enjoying the South, not <em>whether</em> I am enjoying the South.”</p><p>                Armitage laughed lightly, “Ah, you have a keen eye for detail. I cannot help it.” He moved, lithe as ever, to a side table and poured himself a glass of wine, “You know, as a Southern gentleman.”</p><p>                Benjamin watched as his friend poured a second glass, “And do Southern gentleman make assumptions?”</p><p>                “You should know, as an <em>original</em> Southern gentleman, or has all your time in the North stripped you of your Georgian heritage?”</p><p>                “Perhaps.”</p><p>                Armitage clicked his tongue, “You’ve yet to give me an answer Monsieur. So, how are you enjoying the South? If you are enjoying it at all.”</p><p>                Benjamin paused for a moment, “The South is tolerable.”</p><p>                In feigned shock Armitage repeated, “ Tolerable?”</p><p>                “Quite. I would even go so far to say it is adequate.”</p><p>                His friend almost tripped over with laughter as he handed him his glass, “Truly you flatter us my good Monsieur! Tell me then – if the society has not enticed your fancy – have any Mesdemoiselles drawn your attention?”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin stood up, stretching his long legs, why was the man so tall? He walked from the couch to the fireplace in less than five steps. Coolly, he sipped the wine and leaned against the mantle.</p><p> </p><p>                “Armitage, what answer are you looking for?”</p><p>                “Why, I am merely asking a question. We are friends are we not?”</p><p>                “Yes,” Benjamin looked down at his glass before drawing it to his lips again, clearly agitated, “however, this line of questioning may end our amiable relationship. What answer are you looking for?”</p><p>                “I see your keen eyes have not waned over the past few years. I will endeavour to be forward – do not believe I have not noticed that a buxom Omega has caught your attention.”</p><p>                Benjamin laughed into his glass, “Buxom? And which Omega are your referring to?”</p><p>                Armitage took a drink, “Gentleman do not speak of such things out loud.”</p><p>                “No, they merely introduce the topic and allow rogues to carry it.”</p><p>                “True. I am speaking of the young Mademoiselle Netal.”</p><p>                 Not only does Benjamin openly refer to himself as a rogue but, as Armitage implied, he was interested in that piggish Bazine. Like attracts like.</p><p> </p><p>He tilted his head and pursed his lips as though deep in thought, “The young Miss Netal.”</p><p>                “Now, now Ben.” His companion tutted, “While you are here you should adopt our terms. Mademoiselle Netal.”</p><p>                “Funny, I had someone else tell me off for that.”</p><p> </p><p>A reference to our interaction? Could he see me? Before I could move Armitage continued:</p><p>                “Give them my praise, they gave you good advice. Now I understand from her papa that she already has an escort to the debutante ball.”</p><p>                “I’m not going.”</p><p>                “Come now, while you here I insist you try some… French Cuisine.”</p><p> </p><p>They giggled like children. Likely giggling about something lewd or cannibalism. Interesting fellows.</p><p> </p><p>                “The Solo estate must get lonely.” Benjamin let out some protestations but Armitage gestured dismissively and babbled on ignoring him, “And I mean beside your mama and sister. The estate needs new decoration. Lively one. Preferably one you are not related to.”</p><p>                Benjamin scratched the back of his head, I will hold my tongue and not detail how great his hair looked, why do handsome men lack handsome manners? <em>Handsome?</em></p><p>                “Is this how you mean to convince me? Who did you have in mind? Go on, entertain me.” Benjamin rested his head against his fist.</p><p> </p><p>Gleefully, Armitage stood up and walked toward his friend recounting a list of last names.</p><p> </p><p>                “Most notably Netal, McCurdy, Jacques, Merciers…” He continued on, “Though Netal is of good breeding she can be silly. As an only child, her parents have spoiled her.”</p><p>                “And if their home is any indication of their propriety, tsk tsk. Who else is there?”</p><p>                “What about the McCurdy girl? She’s recently turned 15.”</p><p>                Benjamin shook his head, “Mother will not be happy if I marry Irish.”</p><p>                “Merciers.”</p><p>                “The girl is half alive, try again.”</p><p>                Clearly agitated Armitage shrugged, “Bottom of the barrel. Villareal and Camille.”</p><p> </p><p>That loathsome little toad! Truly today was full of shocks! How despicable and immeasurably rude. The Camille family is bottom of the barrel? Like does attract like: not only was Benjamin a rogue, scoundrel, bastard. Now I come to discover that Armitage was, all along, a vain, vulgar, presumptuous, self-aggrandizing, vermin… There were not enough insults in the English language to describe my feelings. I remained in my spot trying to calm myself lest I run in and - <em>ca</em><em>lm yourself Rey.</em></p><p> </p><p>After taking a few seconds to compose myself I continued to listen.</p><p>                “… As for the Camilles. They’re in so much debt I’m surprised they still have their manor. That senile old man cannot be expected to manage the family. I must recommend against associating too closely with them.”</p><p>                “Yes, well, I would not be marrying the old man. What of his daughters?”</p><p>                Armitage thought for a moment, if he said anything negative about Caroline I would kick the doors down. “Caroline has a pleasant countenance and a malleable temper. An almost perfect Omega: were I not married and were she available I would have asked for her hand. Alternatively, you saw the younger sister, Rey, in the ride here, what did you think of her?”</p><p>                “She is…”</p><p> </p><p>I could not allow resentful or cutting words made against Caroline to settle. On that ground, Armitage did well not to diminish her. Even if she had betrayed me. And his comments on our ‘debt’? Whether I should have been confused or upset, I could not tell.</p><p> </p><p>                “… She is rather plain.”</p><p>                “Plain? Ben you are hard to please.”</p><p>                “Not entirely. She is handsome enough for a tumble.” Benjamin defended himself.</p><p>                Armitage tried to contain his laughter and in jest questioned, “Nothing more? Has she not tempted you further?”</p><p>                “Once. No more, no less.”</p><p>                “Benjamin you Don Juan!”</p><p> </p><p>With quiet ease I stepped away from the door and walked back into the bathroom. In vain I tried to maintain my shock and rage. I am not upset, nor am I offended, that a man did not find me attractive. What value do the loose and everchanging opinions of men hold? If Benjamin Solo thinks I am plain then so be it, but to talk about a lady in such a loose manner.</p><p> </p><p>I had half a mind to turn around and duel that scoundrel for my honor. But I could not deny I was eavesdropping, and I had a plan to fulfil. Men like Benjamin were numerous and replaceable, men like Poe were rare and worth fighting for.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Again, please leave feedback. I'm trying to improve as a writer and I would love your criticisms.</p><p>Anyway, wow-what a ride. I struggled over the length of this chapter and I think it reflects my inability to cut things down. That's what practice is for!</p><p>I originally posted this by accident when editing but I didn't have the heart to take it down because the notification likely went out. So RIP.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Two Left Feet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Bonjour my sweet. Look what has arrived - the Debutante Ball!</p><p>My, my, hasn't it been a long time? I took a mental health break this month and initially I planned on returning in June. But I feel that writing is part of improving my mental health so I have returned a few days earlier. I LOVE, no I ADORE ballroom scenes so I had so much fun writing this! I must have re-written it at least four times until I felt it flowed well and had the perfect amount of tantalising interactions. 'What tantalising interactions?' You ask, well I insist you read the chapter then join me in the endnotes.</p><p>As always, avec amour lapinrose x</p><p> </p><p>Twitter - <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">@lapinrosewrites</a><br/></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My heart beat so fast it threatened to burst through my ribs. In an attempt to distract my body, I pressed on the hardened blister on my left foot with my other foot. <em>Remember your lessons, Rey.</em> <em>You’re a Camille.</em> <em>Carry yourself like Marie. </em>Rolling my shoulders back, chin up, I tried to carry myself with an aristocratic air. If I failed, then I would have been happy to lose my head.</p><p> </p><p>With delicate fingers, I pulled up my elbow-length silk gloves and patted down the front of my dress. For a fifth time, I ran through a mental checklist of my entire outfit, ensuring everything was in place.</p><p> </p><p>Ivory white drapes separated me from my future. My stomach gurgled, and I pressed down on it to force out any discomfort. My anxiety caused a small belch to slip out, and I surprised myself! How unladylike. The hot inquisitive light pierced through the gap in the drapes and landed on my white skirt. It is scandalously close to cream, but a lady must take risks to make an impression.</p><p> </p><p>I bit my lower lip before quickly releasing, remembering the colored beeswax and, not wanting to ruin my make up, kept my face calm. </p><p> </p><p>                “Be merciful, spare me, good Lord.” I whispered as I leaned backwards and took in the deepest breath I could. Recalling Florrie’s words, I winced: ‘Ma Cherie, you look beautiful. You shall be the loveliest flower in the room <em>but </em>is it necessary to push your waist to 18 inches if 20 is already suitable?’</p><p> </p><p>Every note from the violins felt ike a stab to my temples. The band outside was <em>q</em><em>uite</em> enthusiastic. Looking down, the satin pompoms on my shoes jiggled as I imitated the steps of the quadrille. The pompoms may not show but in case they do, I should receive compliments. While I was looking down, I made sure that the scrunched up linen that helped to create a silhouette of an ample bosom was well hidden. A lady should not employ such practices but I am not a lady with the privilege of feigning propriety.</p><p> </p><p>A servant’s gloved hand parted the drapes, and I almost jumped. I resisted the urge to lift my skirt and stepped beyond the hallway and onto the grand staircase. Holding my head high, I held onto the handrail and smiled – not too forcefully as to be construed as desiring attention but not too relaxed as to be construed as haughty or disinterested. The band’s music lowered again as Monsieur Huxley made introductions.</p><p> </p><p>                “Mademoiselle Rey Josephine Camille.”</p><p> </p><p>The historic building had been extravagantly decorated.</p><p> </p><p>As I descended the stairs, I noted they were cleaned and scrubbed so painfully well I feared I would slip, Huxley continued with a small speech.</p><p> </p><p>                “Mademoiselle Camille is 15 years of age. Alongside English, she speaks French and German. She hopes to publish a book before turning 18.”</p><p> </p><p>The crowd politely clapped. I searched through the crowd but could not find my beau anywhere. Everyone was so indistinct, with so many boutiques and import shops, how could the ladies look so similar? Too many colourful gowns, too many tuxedo-clad gentlemen, too many servants, one could hardly make out their friends in such a sea of faces. As I stepped forward onto the second platform before the stairs I curtseyed, the lowest most proper curtesy I could muster, and when I arose Louis held his arm out expectantly. In compliance, I put my hand in the crook of his elbow, and he led me to the dancefloor.</p><p> </p><p>                “She is presented tonight by her brother Louis Francis Camille and escorted by Carter Chandler Lucien.”</p><p> </p><p>How unfortunate for the escorts, they were not afforded the comparatively grand entrances given to debutantes. Yet this night was indeed for them. It is a fact of life that men have the power of choice and women the power of refusal. Debutantes are introduced in their finest gowns, their achievements and plans for the future listed out. But the debutante’s plans are really suggestions, like placeholders.</p><p> </p><p>When we reached the dancefloor, Carter approached me and took my hand. He handed me a bouquet of Calla Lilies, Gardenia and purple Lilac. I would have to consult my flower manual later that night. He whispered something to me, but I could not focus, I found my attention drawn to his hand clasping mine. Disturbingly, his hand was so damp with sweat; it could be felt through his and MY gloves. I fiddled my fingers away, allowing them to float barely a half an inch above his so as not to ruin my gloves. As Carter led me to our side of the dance floor, my eyes quickly examined the faces watching, Poe was nowhere to be found. Yet the Debutante Ball was one of the largest events of the year, even if you were not being presented, even if you were married, you attended to watch young ones, innocent in love, attempt to court one another – to drink, dance and be jovial. The New Orleans Ladies’ Society put on such a marvellous affair, it would be a waste if not every man, woman, and child attended.</p><p> </p><p>We stood for a few minutes as other young ladies were introduced to society worth being introduced to. Afterwards, all was silent before the band began playing and debutantes and escorts took their places for the opening waltz. Tradition dictated that the debutantes and escorts danced together for the first two sets then they were free to mingle.</p><p> </p><p>I would have allowed myself to be lost in the dance were there not a mission to complete. There were plans to set into motion. Carter led me through the throngs of partners, interlacing and returning to original spots only to repeat the move again. A thought occurred to me: If I had not interfered, would he be here dancing with another debutante? The guilt rose like thick bile, and I had to force it down. However, before I could entertain further guilty thoughts, I noticed him. Between two ladies dressed in red, I saw <em>him</em>, my beau. Those deceptively soft brown eyes were watching me. Our eyes met and there was a moment of recognition, then I pulled myself back into my performance. Like a water nymph I glided, Carter stumbled. In my mind’s eye, I saw my flounces lift with the force of my sways.</p><p> </p><p>                “You know. . . Rey-uh-I.” He begins. I cannot help but wince, knowing I am likely going to break his heart.</p><p> </p><p>He releases me while I twirl past another escort, hands intertwined, then we all return to our original partners.</p><p> </p><p>                “Thank you for tonight.” He mumbles.</p><p> </p><p>No, Carter, thank you for taking the fall. I think I feel sorry, but then again if I were truly sorry, I would not be doing this, would I? He steps on my foot.</p><p> </p><p>Little bastard.</p><p> </p><p>No doubt, he stained my white shoes! Perhaps I need not feel so sorry. Oh, I shall never forgive him if he stained my shoes. Before the doubts can creep into my mind again, I spot the same brown eyes staring impassively. <em>Don’t get cold feet now.</em></p><p> </p><p>Not soon enough, the first dance was over. Before I danced with Carter again, there was something I needed to do. I excused myself from his society, letting him know I would be back promptly, and snaked between the tables – the Ladies’ Society had the good sense to leave enough room for hoop skirts to fit in between tables thankfully.</p><p> </p><p>                “Caroline.”</p><p>                She looked away from Pryde and Louis, who appeared to be in deep debate, as young gentlemen often were nowadays. She had a shocked expression. It had been some days since I was beaten thanks to her revelations, often when she betrayed me, I would ignore her for several days. Partly to cool my temper and in a <em>small</em> part to teach her a lesson. She never learned, and more importantly, I always forgave her.</p><p>                “Rey? You deign to speak to me?”</p><p>                I closely approached her so as to keep prying ears away, “Indeed I do. I must ask you to do something for me tonight.”</p><p>                “I have a feeling that I already know what it is.”</p><p>                I licked my teeth, “Do you now?”</p><p>                “I refuse to be involved with any of your plots.”</p><p>                I grabbed her forearm and squeezed, “You owe me.”</p><p>She made no response.</p><p>               “From this moment forth, I shall never speak to you again if you do not make good for what you did. You will forever lose a sibling if you do not instruct Poe to speak with me.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, I turned around and found my way back to Carter’s side. Other members of the gathering joined us on the dance floor in a country dance.</p><p> </p><p>Across the dance floor, I saw Caroline shift uncomfortably in her seat as she looked around, presumably searching for Poe. I mouthed ‘GO!’ but she shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>                “Are you alright Rey?”</p><p>                Trying to give my most reassuring smile, I replied, ”Of course.”</p><p>                “I meant what I said earlier, you know.”</p><p>                “Truly Carter, I should be thanking you for asking to escort me.”</p><p>                “Sun Tzu-“ he began as we twirled between other dancers, I mouthed ‘GO!’ again to Caroline but before I could see her response Carter was back by my side, “Sun Tzu once said-“</p><p>                “My dress Carter!”</p><p> </p><p>Carter’s foot was dangerously close to stepping on my dress, and he would have probably ripped the hem before my quick words brought his attention back to dancing. Debutantes close by giggled and a few groaned, my lack of co-ordination was second only to his. Next to him, I almost appeared to be skilled. When I had a moment, I snuck a peek at Caroline; she was now looking at Poe. At the end of the dance, I bid Carter adieu making some comment about needing a drink and air.</p><p> </p><p>Before I could return to Caroline, I was harassed by the most peculiar gentleman. He was introduced to me by Monsieur Huxley and, having been so flushed from dancing and so focused on Poe, I could not come up with an adequate excuse to avoid his society.</p><p> </p><p>                “Monsieur A-----.” Huxley said and indicated toward him. His</p><p> </p><p>I curtseyed, and he bowed before he held out his hand to lead me back to the dance floor. I threw one glance back toward Caroline and swallowed. The man was a tolerable dancer but an obnoxious conversationalist, he spent the majority of the dance talking about his father’s plantation. He bemoaned the lacklustre income of Tobacco plantations in comparison to Cotton plantations. After the dance, I felt great relief at his absence. Yet, because the world seeks to punish me, another gentleman was introduced, thankfully he was too nervous to speak and I could stew on what I would say to Poe. At my release, I speedily walked to sit with my friends before Huxley could introduce another queer fellow.</p><p> </p><p>I sat down with Caroline, and to my delight, Suzanne had joined her.</p><p>                “Rey, ma choupette.” She kissed my cheek.</p><p>                “How are you enjoying yourself tonight?”</p><p>                “Clearly not as much as you are!”</p><p>                Despite myself, I laughed lightly,” The attention is flattering.”</p><p>                “And you deserve every drop of it,” then her smile faltered, “did you see Mademoiselle Gabrielle Hennick?” After I shook my head, she continued, “Monsieur Dameron’s betrothed.”</p><p>                “Oh.”</p><p> </p><p>She gestured with her head, past the few groups of people sitting down I saw Poe leading a young woman to the dance floor. She looked beautiful; I could not deny that, but I was not greatly affected. Her skirt had more flounces, yes, and she wore two diamond bracelets, true, and she… she was beautiful and elegant. She carried herself with such poise that I felt my heart deflate. How could I compete?</p><p> </p><p>                “She’s a charming young girl. I spoke with her earlier; in fact, I am sitting at their table-“</p><p>                “You are!” I exclaimed, and before she could continue, my thoughts spilled out, “Suzanne, you must return and make Poe dance with me.”</p><p>                “Are you sure about that?”</p><p>                <em>“</em>Completement!”</p><p>                Caroline interrupted, “And what will come of it? He will be convinced to leave the Mademoiselle and ask for your hand tonight?”</p><p>                “Perhaps not this very night. But I am merely looking for answers,” I turned all my attentions to Suzanne, “please. He owes it to me at the least. You know how much it broke my heart to be cut off so completely.”</p><p> </p><p>We continued back and forth, quarrelling over the reasons, the positives and negatives, of such an improper act. I remained steadfast; Poe left me in the dark. Over the course of a year, he had led me to believe that we were to be together forever. I could not abandon such a delicately fostered and cared for relationship all over another woman. What would be left for me afterwards? Carter – the same boy who had almost ruined my Debutante Ball dress. My dowry was smaller than Caroline’s, and I wasn’t half as handsome! Not to mention my family did not have the same connections as the Perrot family, my saving grace being I was best friends with Suzanne, but her family would have no interest in partnering me up with one of their relatives.</p><p> </p><p>                “Rey. Rey. Stop.” Caroline insisted.</p><p>                “Please.”</p><p>                “Caroline, I acknowledge the impropriety of such a communication,” Suzanne said, “however, one cannot deny that Poe has acted with great impropriety himself. Gentlemen do not lead a girl to believe they will propose by showering her with such prolonged attention. He is a flirt.”</p><p>                “No!” I protested.</p><p>                “Yes! Nonetheless, he is a flirt who must answer for his crimes.” Suzanne smiled before promptly stepping away and making her way towards Poe’s table.</p><p> </p><p>Caroline continued to berate us for our actions. There was no use, Suzanne and I are two peas in a pod. I would do anything for her and she for me. Before the quadrille began, I was introduced to another young gentleman by Monsieur Huxley and engaged to dance with him.</p><p> </p><p>When we stood side by side, I realised that I was across from <em>him</em>. The intense light softened his hazel eyes and highlighted the light waves in his hair. Mademoiselle Bazine leaned up to whisper something in his ear, and he smiled down at her before returning his gaze to mine. To his left were Carter and Jane, I hoped her dress would remain safe. Carter, like me, was staring at <em>him</em>. The scoundrel.</p><p> </p><p>Were it not for civility; I would not have danced with him, I would have deliberately avoided switching partners with him. The music began, and we moved toward the couple. It was then that I noticed Bazine was wearing MY dress. The very same one she stole from me at Lafitte’s. Little toad. Once again civility prevented me from shoving her into the punch bowl or tripping her, regardless it was too beautiful of a dress to be destroyed. She would be spared my anger. Benjamin was ridiculously tall up close, I could feel the heat radiating from him as he stared down at me and bowed his head.</p><p> </p><p>We continued dancing around each other. To my great displeasure, the scoundrel was a graceful dancer. He moved with such poise and grace as to highlight the inferiority of my dancing. Perhaps he could focus all energy on dancing when he had such a plain partner. Thankfully Benjamin made no attempt to chat before we returned to our starting position: side by side with a stranger, and he, side by side with Bazine.</p><p> </p><p>The young gentleman and I watched the other couples dance and made small talk about the Ball. He, without great propriety, asked about my family and our connections. Luckily our conversation was cut short as it was again our turn to dance while the other couples watched. I could not tell you the name of the young man dancing with me for he made such a poor impression, I was ready to forget him.</p><p> </p><p>Bazine and I met halfway and spun around till we switched partners. I was back with Benjamin. This time, he spoke: “Are you enjoying your night?”</p><p> </p><p>I put on what I hoped was a polite smile but did not reply. We separated but it was not for long as I soon returned to him, “It seems you’re one of the more popular debutantes.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Clearly others do not think you are so plain, </em>his comment seemed to imply. Thankfully I did not have to respond as we returned to our positions. Towards the latter end of the quadrille, Carter danced with Bazine. She briefly winced, and I could not contain my smile, she had a taste of Carter’s famous foot moves. It did make me wonder how he managed to keep this up. At the next opportunity we were together, Benjamin continued:</p><p>                 “Are you engaged for the remainder of the evening?” He asked as we danced hand in hand. My stomach flipped, whether in rage, frustration, or confusion, I could not say. What business did he have asking me that? What was his intent?</p><p>                I had not realised how long I paused before he asked again, “Are you determined to remain silent for the entire night, Miss Camille?”</p><p>                With resolute confidence, I retorted, “My silence is what makes me so popular <em>Mister</em> Augustus.”</p><p> </p><p>I must have caught him off guard for he did not reply. I made to conceal my happiness at his silence. However, I was beyond irritation. The scoundrel and I parted and thus had no other chances to speak for the remainder of the dance. While relieved, I could not escape the thoughts and questions over Monsieur Augustus’ behaviour. In vain, I struggled to make sense of his motives, his design, when compared to his words and actions. Perhaps he meant to torture me with his insufferable company further before the night was over.</p><p> </p><p>What a peculiar and frustrating man; I doubt anyone could discern his true feelings towards anything. Perhaps he meant to toy with me? He was under no obligation to ask me to dance; therefore, the answer must be that he was making conversation.</p><p> </p><p>I held my tongue back as Caroline continued to try and dissuade me from my schemes for the night. The Debutante Ball was the height of society: dancing around in a beautiful dress with one’s love or loves, oh, it may be the best night of my life particularly if I have to marry Carter. Therefore, I must enjoy it as much as I can.</p><p> </p><p>To my great relief, Suzanne soon reappeared.</p><p> </p><p>               “Did Poe say anything?” I asked.</p><p>               “He requested you meet him alone in the upstairs drawing room. After the schottische.”</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>I deftly made my way upstairs doing my best to ensure no one noticed my absence. The building was massive and made searching for a single particular drawing room rather tricky. After searching several rooms and a few balconies, I finally found him with his back darkened against the fireplace. He turned around at the sound of the door opening, and I was blessed with a closer look at my darling Poe. His hair, his coat, his completely buffed out shoes held on imperfections.</p><p>               “Oh, Poe.” I said as he quickly approached. He reached out behind me and closed the door.</p><p>               “Were you seen or followed?”</p><p>               “No-“</p><p>               He rubbed his jaw and quickly said, “Rey, you can no longer send people to ask after me.”</p><p>               I felt the heat rise in my cheeks. He had the audacity to talk in such a dismissive manner! “Poe. I have my reasons, and you know I do. When were you going to tell me? You’ve left me in the dark for almost two months now. What is the meaning of this?”</p><p>               He stopped rubbing his jaw and finally made eye contact, his brown eyes now hardened and distant. “Well… when were you going to tell me?” I repeated.</p><p>               “Rey, you must know, you must have heard of my betrothal.” He said, foolish man, wasting my time with useless words I indicated for him to carry on, and he continued.</p><p>               “Well,” he placed his hands in his pocket occasionally daring to meet my gaze but adamantly staring anywhere but, “at the time I was of the view that it would be broken.”</p><p>               “How long have you known about it?”</p><p>               “It has been planned since our infancy.” I could have slapped him. “Rey, please,” he indicated toward the chaise lounge, “sit.”</p><p>               “Good Monsieur, you have already taken up a year, continue quickly.”</p><p>               He fixed his distant gaze on the floor before he quickly recovered himself, “Initially, I was not interested in marrying her. Please believe me I would never encourage such a strong- connection toward myself.” He tensed and crossed his arms, “I fear that nothing I can say will alleviate your anger. I flatter myself in believing it will be a comfort to you to know-“</p><p>               “Get to the point.”</p><p>               The rogue tried to hold my hand, but I slapped him away astonished he dared to put his hands on mine after such a betrayal, “I had no malicious intent, it was only last month that I realised my feelings for her. I have the greatest respect for you, I could not bring myself to relay the information in a letter so callously. That, I feared, would do you no justice. Whenever I tried to write, I was so overcome with such shame and flutterings that I could not carry through. Oh, Rey. You always talk of marrying for love, well I do love her.”</p><p>I shook my head in shock at such a cruel deluge of information, but he took this as disapproval as he continued before I interrupted him, “Did you ever have- did you ever feel affection for me?”</p><p>               “In the beginning, I did. Believe me, Rey, it tore me apart, and I was so overwhelmed I did not know what to do. Understand I did not mean to disrespect or hurt you. This is just-“</p><p>               <em>The end.</em> “This is the end.”</p><p>               He huffed out, and his body relaxed, “This is just how things turned out.”</p><p>               “And I am to be thrown away like used linen.” I looked downcast at the ground. I could not bring myself to look at him. A reminder of all my shame, what my wanton behaviour had led to. The feelings settled quietly over my mind: my love would not have me, and the depravity of his behaviour toward me, why I could not bear it. After a few moments of silence, slowly, I watched his shadow walk past my viewpoint and heard the door opened and closed.</p><p> </p><p>There were no tears left to shed. The news, which I intrinsically <em>knew</em> was accurate, yet feared so greatly, had passed directly from Poe’s lips. This left no possibility of refutation; Poe was betrothed and will not marry me. I was left loveless and alone.</p><p> </p><p>My head was spinning.</p><p> </p><p>I had cried for countless hours over my predicament yet stood there, secluded while the Ball was still ongoing, I felt I could not hate him. All wit and hope quitted my mind and, in their place, cold resignment remained. Partly, I was beyond enraged, but the violence of my emotion was tempered by trembling sadness. He had scooped me out and threw away the hope, reverence, and love. What a betrayal it is that our love died with a whimper. Any semblance of our future vanished, blown into the wind.</p><p> </p><p>I took a stroll about the room in an attempt to revive my spirits. While walking past the chaise lounge, a glint off a porcelain vase caught my attention. It had a slim bottom that bloomed upwards, and on the side had two figures embracing. How queer that at my lowest moment, it was a vase that captured my attention and so consumed my mind. With gentle fingers, I took hold of it and stared at the young couple. I felt an internal pull, and I knew what I needed to do. When the band’s music reached a crescendo, I screamed and threw it against the wall. As it shattered into small shards, I realised how foolish my outburst had been. My poor scatter-brained mind did not take into account the mess I created, not to mention the evidence of my impropriety.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, foolish Rey, why did you spend so much time on one man? ‘<em>You are such a scatter-brained dullard</em>.’ I bent down and began to collect the larger pieces when a sudden knock at the door caused a piece to slip, cutting my finger.</p><p> </p><p>               “Hello?” A male voice asked, I tried to reply, but my lip quivered. The shame of being caught briefly overwhelmed me. “Miss Camille?”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>How are you, my dear reader? I've missed you in the past few weeks. Tell me what you think! What will happen next? What hope is there for Rey? Will her white shoes ever recover from Carter's cruel and merciless attacks? Does Poe truly love this Mademoiselle Hennick? What of the other escorts and debutants who danced with her? </p><p>I will stop teasing you now because I know the real question on your mind, but I won't bring myself to say it.</p><p>Thank you so much for reading my work and for the overwhelmingly positive response. I always enjoy romping through these elaborate imaginings with you. Keep safe, I hope you and your family are in good health.</p><p> </p><p>As always, avec amour lapinrose x</p><p>Twitter - Twitter - <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">@lapinrosewrites</a><br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Beyond Astonishment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Bonjour my sweet reader. I hope you’re keeping safe. I have a feeling you’ll enjoy this chapter.</p><p>I also left in some text from the past chapter to really get you in the mood so things flow a bit better, I hope that doesn’t bother you too much.</p><p>Thank you all for reading, leaving kudos, commenting, bookmarking etc. I love sharing this story with you. I would like to extend my sincerest thanks to animal, thank you so so so much for your support – if you read Reylo and somehow haven’t run into her work. Please check out the incredible stories she weaves <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/animal/pseuds/animal">here.</a><br/>I also made a moodboard, see below – please note I say I made a moodboard not that it is any good.</p><p>Twitter - <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">@lapinrosewrites</a><br/>Avec amour, Lapinrose</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>There were no tears left to shed. The news, which I intrinsically knew was true, yet feared so greatly, had passed directly from Poe’s lips. This left no possibility of refutation; Poe was betrothed and will not marry me. I was left loveless and alone.</p><p> </p><p>My head was spinning.</p><p> </p><p>I had cried for countless hours over my predicament yet stood there, secluded while the Ball was still ongoing, I felt I could not hate him. All wit and hope quitted my mind and, in their place, cold resignment remained. Partly, I was beyond enraged, but the violence of my emotion was tempered by trembling sadness. He had scooped me out and threw away the hope, reverence, and love. What a betrayal it is that our love died with a whimper. Any semblance of our future vanished, blown into the wind.</p><p> </p><p>I took a stroll about the room in an attempt to revive my spirits. While walking past the chaise lounge, a glint off a porcelain vase caught my attention. It had a slim bottom that bloomed upwards, and on the side had two figures embracing. How queer that at my lowest moment, it was a vase that captured my attention and so consumed my mind. With gentle fingers, I took hold of it and stared at the young couple. I felt an internal pull, and I knew what I needed to do. When the band’s music reached a crescendo, I screamed and threw it against the wall. As it shattered into small shards, I realised how foolish my outburst had been. My poor scatter-brained mind did not take into account the mess I created, not to mention the evidence of my impropriety.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, foolish Rey, why did you spend so much time on one man? ‘You are such a scatter-brained dullard.’ I bent down and began to collect the larger pieces when a sudden knock at the door caused a piece to slip, cutting my finger.</p><p>               “Hello?” A male voice asked, I tried to reply, but my lip quivered. The shame of being caught briefly overwhelmed me. “Miss Camille?”</p><p>               “Yes, please don’t mind me, I was just trying to clean up.” I sputtered.</p><p>               Benjamin now stood behind me. He must have noticed the cut for he crouched down till he was eye level with me, his long scarf grazed the floor.</p><p> </p><p>To my great shame, someone was witness to my insipid state, I tried to focus on collecting the shards when his large hands grabbed my wrists. “Miss Camille, stop that.” He looked at the red starting to spread on the index finger of my white glove, “You’ve gone and ruined your pretty silk glove.”</p><p>               “It doesn’t matter. I’ll just take them off.” I whined, he tsked and brought the finger closed to his face. He gently opened the cut fabric and dabbed it with his handkerchief.</p><p>               “You will do no such thing; you’ll leave a blood streak.”</p><p> </p><p>I tried to calm myself while the bleeding slowed down, eventually he removed the handkerchief. He licked the cut and the bleeding stopped completely, Alpha magic, “There.”</p><p> </p><p>He led me to the chaise lounge, I could almost swear he had pity in his eyes. I tried to look away, tried to stare at the wallpaper or the carpet. Yet, to my disappointment, hot tears ran down my cheeks. I was grateful that I was no longer crying so violently, perhaps I could save some face in front of Benjamin. If I were a logical creature, I would have thanked him and excused myself before quitting the room, but I am not logical.</p><p> </p><p>               “Calm your breathing.” He leaned back trying to get a look of my face while he wiped away the tears. It felt like an insurmountable task to look him in the eyes. I threw my head back, trying to escape his gaze as heat creeped up my chest and grasped my neck tightly.</p><p>               “Monsieur, you have a terrible habit of catching me unawares.” I croaked, trying to lighten the mood.</p><p>               “Yes, it seems I do.”</p><p> </p><p>How detestable and shameful it was! To be caught in such a state of disarray! I tried to force myself away from him, but he would not release me. Somehow that felt even more shameful.</p><p> </p><p>A few moments of silence passed.</p><p> </p><p>               “I passed Poe on my way in from the balcony. I believe I should leave before your beau comes back.”</p><p> </p><p>I tried to speak, but my voice was totally trapped. Eventually, the words struggled out:</p><p>               “I have no beau now.” I corrected him,  my voice trembling.</p><p>               He swallowed and reached out to wipe the tears away. His large hands were gentle. The cool supple pads of his fingers felt electric against my cheeks, “I see. My apologies, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He paused for a moment as the revelry below grew louder, “The Ball is still ongoing. You should go back down and dance.”</p><p>               Dancing? Would one dance at a funeral? I swatted his hands away, “It’s pointless.”</p><p>               “What is pointless?”</p><p> </p><p>Without prompt, an image of Carter’s smiling face surfaced in my mind.  I saw myself standing in front of him in a wedding dress, then a loveless miserable marriage, and fervently I fought back the intense grief the thoughts raised in my chest.</p><p> </p><p>If I were half as talented at securing a groom as I was at crying, I would have been married off at thirteen.</p><p> </p><p>               “I’ve ruined everything!”</p><p>               “Oh dear. Clearly, whatever has happened has greatly upset you. What’s the matter?”</p><p>               “Oh Benjamin.” I cried out in grief. I did not mean to use his Christian name, but I had broken all other social decorum, what was one more? “I’ve ruined everything. I will forever be unhappy, and it will all be my fault.”</p><p>               “I doubt that’s true.”</p><p>               “Even worse, I will pollute my family’s reputation.” I thought of papa’s stern face. What would he think when he discovered about my meeting with Poe. A secret meeting – secluded, without a chaperone. And now with Benjamin. Suddenly, I felt his warmth, like an aura, radiating off him as he sat closer and continued to wipe away more tears using his scarf. I suppose hands aren’t very absorbent. I looked at him, and where once I was greeted with a stern face or a cheeky grin, he appeared genuinely concerned.</p><p> </p><p>               “I should just…” I hiccupped.</p><p>He gave me a look that seemed to ask, <em>‘Just what?’</em></p><p>               “I should just– grab a great big rock and jump into the Mississippi.”</p><p> </p><p>He made no reaction at first then smiled in disbelief:</p><p> </p><p>               “Sometimes you say the most ridiculous things,” he leaned into me, and I felt his warm hand on my back, his warm breath against my temple, “I cannot stand to hear you talk about yourself in that manner. You’re an agreeable, pleasant young woman. You will overcome whatever issues you’re facing.”</p><p>                “Agreeable? Pleasant? That’s doubtful. Young? Yes, but not for long.” I leaned against him, “I am ruined! And I have been ruined at my own hands. Oh, I am the world’s greatest fool! Who would have me now?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Carter… </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Neither of us could make each other happy. With that thought, I cupped my face trying to will my emotions back in. Oh, what sorrow! Benjamin’s hand travelled further up my back before he spoke again:</p><p> </p><p>               “If you’re concerned about your reputation you need not worry. I believe Poe is betrothed, is that correct?” I nodded, his hand travelled up to press on the space where my shoulder and neck met. From the corner of my eye I saw his head move up as though he was in deep thought, “It would be equally ruinous to his reputation if his betrothed, and her entire family, not to discount his own family, discovered that he was meeting you in private.”</p><p> </p><p>That was true. Not only was Poe popular but he so greatly prized his popularity, that cad often allowed his vanity to overrule my concerns. Part of me did believe he would try to erase the existence of our relationship to secure his betrothal. Benjamin’s logic did well to calm me slightly, yet, there was still the issue of finding an adequate suitor, “I have no time to find someone else. Someone I <em>truly</em> care for. And even if what you say is true, should papa find out he’ll send me off to a convent or worse - Mississippi.”</p><p>               A soft hum filtered through me, “Hmm, no, I do not believe so. From what I know of Louis, and the brief time I have spent in your family’s society, they will do no such thing.”</p><p> </p><p>This comment struck me, the small degree of comfort I gained from his presence was outweighed by the outrage at the presumptions made by an outsider about my own family.</p><p>               “Well, they might,” I growled and pushed away from him, “or rather they should! I’ll be married off to some old man I’ve never met and have twelve children before I die of old age at twenty-three!”</p><p> </p><p>He rubbed the spot again and smiled warmly, “You will survive this predicament of yours.”</p><p>               “You mock my concerns? It may seem silly to you but, for my own sake, allow me to lessen your poor view of myself by explaining the situation-“ I struggled to find the words, I wanted so desperately to show him, to show myself, that I was not a loose woman, “… oh but I know now I’ve acted in such an undignified manner.”</p><p> </p><p>               I looked at him with sincerity, a complacent melancholy overtook me, “Do you think Gerald would keep me around as a maid for his children?”</p><p>               Benjamin could no longer contain his astonishment and he laughed, “Miss Camille, now you’re truly being ridiculous.”</p><p> </p><p>His kindness was becoming overbearing, I resisted the urge to grab him by the shoulders and shake the civility out of him.</p><p> </p><p>               “Why do you care so much? I’ve been awfully uncivil to you, even after you apologised.”</p><p>               He returned a kind smile that emphasised his dimples. Despite all his shortcomings, one could not deny he had such a reassuring smile, “True, however, I am partly to blame.”</p><p>               His voice soothed all present discontent like a balm. The calmness almost left me in a daze, it was becoming difficult to think clearly. “Truly?” I heard myself ask.</p><p>               “Truly.”</p><p> </p><p>My head was spinning lightly, yet, this was not painful like earlier. Tension unwound from my muscles. The anxiety was slowly released. For a moment, my mind snapped back to the predicament before me. My affections were spurned in the most egregious manner, although I was expecting that outcome, and now <em>the</em> Scoundrel was wiping my tears. He had even admitted that he was partly to blame for my incivility toward him.</p><p> </p><p>The whole predicament was impossibly confusing.</p><p> </p><p>               “You shouldn’t say kind things just to placate me.”</p><p>               “I mean everything I say. You’re one of the- you’re the most agreeable young woman I’ve ever met. Everything will turn out well.” He did not break eye contact, instead, I felt his hand pressed further onto my neck.</p><p>               “My shoulder…”</p><p>               He hummed and nodded in agreement, “So soft and supple.”</p><p>               “Uhh yes…”</p><p> </p><p>With one hand massaging the spot between my neck and shoulder, his other hand reached to cup my cheek.</p><p> </p><p>               “No more talk of failure.”</p><p> </p><p>I nodded.</p><p> </p><p>His hazel eyes, lit warmly, gazed into my inner being.</p><p> </p><p>               “No more talk of jumping into the Mississippi.” He whispered.</p><p> </p><p>He appeared to be getting closer. I swallowed. Once again, I was silent in Benjamin’s presence.</p><p> </p><p>               “And no more Poe.” He whispered mere inches away from my face. I felt myself unconsciously shiver and inhale quickly, then his lips crashed onto mine. There was a crescendo of flesh against flesh. Heat against heat. He kissed with an eagerness I’d previously never felt. And his lips? What could be said of plush velvet? Comforting, inviting, and lusciously cushioned... He leaned forward and guided me into an open mouth kiss. I felt myself enveloped by him, like a man drowning at sea – so overcome with the passionate force. My heart quivered.</p><p> </p><p>Now I was beyond astonishment!</p><p> </p><p>Owing to the forcefulness of his kiss and his animated movements, I felt myself pressed back against the arm of the chaise. Benjamin interpreted this as encouragement and folded one leg between my side and the back of the chaise. The other against the floor as the hand cupping my cheek moved down, splayed out against my neck. How can a man be so large? One hand could reach from my jaw to my clavicle, it could capture my throat. Yet, it was experienced and sought only my pleasure. He reached further down, his fingers raking against my skin, making their way toward my bosom–</p><p>               “Mmmh!” I cried out and grabbed his wrist, the skin at the nape of my neck felt electric. Little sparks flittered through me, I swiftly moved my head to the left to catch a breath of air, swallowing harshly then struggling to intake enough. He pulled back in surprise.</p><p>              </p><p>               “Monsieur– I.” I jumped up and backwards, bumping a side table onto the ground, “I can’t!”</p><p> </p><p>Stuttering backwards until my back hit the wall, I kept my eyes to the floor. My cheeks were ablaze.</p><p>                “I can’t. Not- not- from one man to another.”</p><p> </p><p>After a moment, my breathing was still labored, and he cleared his throat. Benjamin made no further attempt to speak, instead, he raised his hand to cover his lips and looked away thoughtfully. I could not conceive it was possible, but he appeared to pale more. He briefly looked back at me before turning his attention back to his hands:</p><p>               “Of course, Miss Camille.”</p><p> </p><p>The atmosphere was unbearable. An interruption was welcomed, nay, it was desperately needed. I was stuck between my desire to run out and my desire to dissolve into the floor where I stood. My heart was beating so loud that it overshadowed the sound of my labored breathing. I was glad there was a table behind me that I could grip on for support.</p><p> </p><p>What happened? Had I misled him? Well, I <em>had</em> acted like a loose woman.</p><p> </p><p>I wanted to vomit. What could make a man who mocked me upon our initial meeting, who called me plain, who appeared to revel so gleefully at my discomfort, reach out and kiss me?</p><p> </p><p>               “I should go.”</p><p>               “What?”</p><p>               I cleared my throat and with great awkwardness repeated: “I should go.”</p><p>               He shook his head as he stood up from the chaise, “No, Miss. You were here first, I will take my leave. I’ve left my scarf on the seat, you may wish to use it to cover… to cover your neck.”</p><p> </p><p>I curtsied and intently watched as he straightened his coat and opened the door.</p><p> </p><p>               “Have a nice night.” I heard myself say, I winced internally as he gave me a curt confused look and quitted the room.</p><p> </p><p>I breathed out.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Well, Rey, you’ve done it again.</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am cackling, enjoy the emotional state I've left you in. Now you know how I've felt for the last few chapters when you were commenting with your theories/predictions/conspiracies. </p><p>Anyways, merci &lt;3 </p><p>Avec amour, Lapinrose</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. * Venery *</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello you!</p><p>I usually reply with sassy lines or a merci, but I feel it is necessary to look behind the curtain and discuss a serious matter. Often times fiction deals with serious, unpleasant, or monstrous aspects of humanity. That does not make what happened in the past okay nor does it mean you are uncritical of these events if you write about them. This story features no depictions of slavery, further, it is criticised by some characters. I felt that excluding or ignoring its existence would be disrespectful, so that is why the story does not brush over it. Also, it is set during the civil war so it is unavoidable. Moreover, this fic is as much a coming of age story as it is a romance, as we progress we see our naïve sheltered protagonist have her views/complicity challenged. </p><p>With that in mind, I hope you and your family are safe. If you can, please donate and sign petitions for BLM, https://mnfreedomfund.org/ ; https://www.standwithbre.com/ ; https://www.knowyourrightscamp.com/</p><p>I would also like to thank my *drum roll please* beta reader BBJune. She has worked tirelessly to help me improve my trainwreck drafts. You can find her <a href="https://twitter.com/BBJune9?s=09">on twitter.</a></p><p>I can also be found on <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">twitter.</a></p><p>Avec amour,<br/>Lapinrose</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>‘Dear Suzanne,</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>I hope this letter finds you well. Do not concern yourself <span class="u">too</span> greatly. Although I will allow myself to be selfish and ask that some worry trouble your mind –after all, it is your obligation as a friend.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Please forgive me. I had little strength to write these past few days. I can not determine the exact cause of my sudden illness, I did not feel myself.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p> After the Ball, I was powerfully tired and slept an extraordinarily long amount of time. I do not recall what came to pass for the three days that followed, but I will pass on what Florrie told me. The day after the Ball, I awoke around noon and walked about in a dreamy state. Whenever someone approached, I stared wistfully and returned to my routine silently. I did not eat a crumb and spent most of the day sleeping. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>On the second day, I was able to give short replies, mostly consisting of ‘Hmmm’ or ‘Oh’. I believe Caroline tried to speak to me about a visitor, but I could not understand her, nor can I recall the gist of our conversation. Florrie insisted on spoon-feeding some broth, despite my protestations, and much to the chagrin of my sick mind, this helped me gain some strength. She also noticed that my neck was pink and blotchy <strike>and there was a slight elevation to my – </strike> <strike>experience, that made it rise like a mosquito bite (perhaps I unknowingly came into contact with poison ivy?)</strike></p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>By the third day, my neck was quite sore, but altogether the effects were reduced. I felt more myself. Although my skin tingled and hummed lightly, I was able to return to my usual employments. At one point, I had a conversation, although it only lasted for two minutes. Papa asked me about the Ball, and I (according to Caroline and mama) gave him a short lecture about the inappropriate images painted onto vases. Where this passion came from, I do not know, but I still hold that opinion. My dear Suzanne, it was only when I recalled all your efforts that night that I felt my spirit lift, and I felt it incumbent on me to update you.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>By the Lord’s grace, my constitution has resurfaced, and so I shall update you on what occurred during the Ball. I had a confrontation with that lousy you-know-who and everything was confirmed. Though it is a painful truth to accept, I am learning to live with it day by day. However, there was a more pressing reason for my change of character when I returned so sullen and quiet. A most scandalous reason, I shall have to tell you all about it when I visit next. Pray tell, may I call upon you etc. etc.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>– Rey’</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>There was a great big ink splotch where I explained there was a more scandalous reason for my change of character. Although I was unreserved in speaking with my dearest Suzanne, letters could be read by unwanted eyes, thus, it was best to be safe. I carefully folded the paper then sealed it.</p><p> </p><p>While I had strength enough to write a letter, my bones still ached and my neck felt awful, as though I had slept on pebbles rather than a mattress and pillows. I called for Finn, the most trusted man in my life. He never read my letters, or was secretly betrothed, or tried to kiss me after ceaselessly teasing me.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘If he were secretly betrothed, how would you know? It would be a secret. That’s how secrets work.’</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Finn was prompt as always and gave me a concerned look, “Are you feeling better, Mademoiselle?”</p><p>            “You’re not secretly betrothed, are you?”</p><p>            He looked between the letter in my outstretched hand and back to me, “Umm. Not that I’m aware of.”</p><p>            “You would tell me. Right?”</p><p>            “Of course.”</p><p>            “We’re friends.” I said as I handed him the letter and wrapped my muslin shawl around me.</p><p>            He smiled and looking down, replied, “Mademoiselle. Friends do not deliver mail for each other.”</p><p>            “Oh.”</p><p> </p><p>As he left, he wore a queer expression I could not discern. Lately, everything had been muddled – confusing – I could not discern left from right. I turned back to my writing desk and stared at the inkwell. My mind fell into complete blankness. Any energy or lightness of spirit I felt left with the words on the paper. I began humming and drawing circles on the desk as I thought of, well, nothing. Every few seconds, the memories of the Ball cut into my resigned silence like the sharp cut of that vase shard.</p><p> </p><p>Poe loved her. We were no more. Not to be. That, I could walk away from, but Benjamin? I felt myself chuckle. Leaning forward, I laid with my face touching wood.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘How did he put it? Most agreeable and pleasant. Or was it the most pleasant and agreeable young woman? Oh, Rey, you big buffoon. It doesn’t matter what order he used those words in, no what matters is the very fact that he used those words. And the kiss.’</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>I kissed the wood. How luscious. No more Poe indeed. I couldn’t help giggling as I bit my lips, if every kiss is followed by such passion, then I would happily forget any other man. Sitting up, I brought my index finger to my eyes. The cut had vanished, however, there was still a sensation. As if I could again feel his cushioned lips parting and the hot tongue reaching out– <em>'Rey, remember the good book.'</em></p><p> </p><p>With lips like that, books be damned. <em>'Sacrilege.'</em></p><p> </p><p>I pushed on the healed spot with my thumb and a light tingle began, spreading down to my wrist. The previous days pressing on it would make my body hum with energy, but day by day it gradually lessened, till it was confined to my hand. I felt his phantom kiss on my finger.</p><p> </p><p>My dear Monsieur Yankee Bastard. It seems you act randomly as if to deliberately confuse those around you. Why would a man kiss the very girl he called plain? What would Armitage think? Clearly, Benjamin didn’t think the Camilles were bottom of the barrel if he dared to plant his lips on one. Oh, what a confusing mess it all was!</p><p> </p><p><em>‘No more Poe.’ </em>The line repeated in my head like the worst encore. Ever since that Scoundrel arrived in town, my life has been one great tragedy after another. Why if I didn’t know any better, he could have set up the betrothal between Poe and Mademoiselle what-was-her-name! They <em>are</em> both from Georgia. <em>‘You’re drawing a longbow.’</em></p><p>Absolutely I am. I began to walk outdoors without any direction or particular intent. A familiar sensation overcame all others; I was still destitute. I had lost a good year of my life, been too picky, now who was left? Rey and Rey alone as she wandered aimlessly. I gripped my shawl protectively; would I still have it as a spinster? Scraps and shreds of images of an old Rey gently passed through my mind, of old withered hands struggling to sew and raving to strangers about my glory days.</p><p> </p><p>            “No more Poe.” I repeated to myself.</p><p> </p><p>Yes. No more Poe. </p><p> </p><p>Slowly, an overwhelming revulsion filled me. Immeasurable, almost physical anger. A cancerous hatred and loathing for Poe and everything he stood for. My muscles pulled, cold, and frigid. What a tiresome creature. And Carter! What a useless little toad! And Benjamin. And father. And curse Louis and Gerald for leaving no inheritance for me. I was destined to die cold and alone on the street because of greedy, worthless, narcissistic men. My jaw ached from tensing, and I was cold, so cold all over. I realised I was muttering their names, but I ignored that and focused on running circles to warm me up. The exercise served as a suitable distraction.</p><p> </p><p>I don’t know for how long I ran, but it must have been an extended amount of time because I felt Florrie grasp me.</p><p>            “Huh?” I mumbled.</p><p>            Hot tears met my cheeks, “My child. Please, stop running.”</p><p> </p><p>I grasped the edge of my shawl and patted my tears away—sweet, sweet Florrie. I don’t cry for myself. I cry for all women.</p><p> </p><p>            “You’ve been running around for hours. Are you not tired?”</p><p> </p><p>Had I said that out loud? I shook my head:</p><p>            “No, I am freezing though. May I take a bath?”</p><p>            “Yes, little one, you may. Come with me, my sweet.” Florrie held onto me for a moment then led me back into the manor. I could not recall the exact path or actions that followed. Images flashed before me: walking upstairs, the tub, hot water, and Florrie’s gentle hands. I felt light, ethereal, like I was floating. I watched as Florrie poured warm water over my head. She may have said something, but the sound dissipated into the air like mist as soon as it left her lips.</p><p> </p><p>In a moment I felt something strike through me, from my neck to my toes. Like papa struck me again, I yelped out in pain.</p><p>            “Oh! Forgive me, ma chérie. Let me look at it.” Florrie tried to calm me.</p><p> </p><p>I struggled to calm my breathing as I looked around me: I was in the tub, and everything smelt of a pungent overpowering lavender. Immediately, my mouth filled with saliva in preparation for a vomit.</p><p> </p><p>            “Into the bucket!” She yelled and reached for the water bucket before I could ruin the bathwater. The bile and broth burst forth. For a moment, my face was a waterfall of disgusting fluid. After expending so much energy, I leaned back into the tub and Florrie dabbed my face with a warm wet cloth.</p><p>            “That’s it. I’m telling your mama to call for a doctor.”</p><p>No amount of protests were enough to dissuade Florrie. I struggled against her as she dressed me, “Oh, please don’t! I don’t want to see anyone else. I detest people!”</p><p>            “Mademoiselle, this is not natural. You must lay down and I will call for a physician.”</p><p> </p><p>I leapt forward and held onto the wooden bedpost, trying to escape her motherly grasp.</p><p> </p><p>            “Come back here, little lady, I’ve been chasing after you since you learned to walk!”</p><p> </p><p>She gripped my waist and pulled me back onto the bed. She continued speaking as she forcibly dressed me:</p><p>            “How loathsome everything is.” I sighed.</p><p>            “How is she?” Mama asked as she entered my room.</p><p>            “Somewhat spirited. But the poor girl cannot keep her food down, Madame. I insist we call on someone. Perhaps Doctor Lucien is still in town?”</p><p>            “If you don’t want vomit in your shoes, I suggest calling on another.” I warned. Florrie huffed and kissed my forehead as she led me to lay under the blankets.</p><p>            “I will make you a bowl of broth, and I will watch over you. In the meantime, I think it best that Finn fetch a doctor. Don’t you agree, Madame Camille?”</p><p> </p><p>Mama nodded, and with a victorious grin, Florrie left, shouting out Finn’s name. Mama turned back to me and gently held out her hands:</p><p>            “My sweet, sweet Rey. What’s the matter?”</p><p>            “Nothings the matter mama. I have an upset stomach, and so what? We don’t need to run around calling the doctor every time I have a disagreeable meal.”</p><p>            She had a sardonic smile, “I thought Florrie made nothing disagreeable.”</p><p>            “Then it must have been from the Ball. Yes, I’m sure of it! The Ladies’ Society deliberately poisoned my supper so I could cause you all stress.”</p><p> </p><p>Mama laughed once more and kissed my forehead, as soon as she pulled back she frowned.</p><p> </p><p>            “Rey, let me see your neck.”</p><p>            “No.”</p><p>            “Florrie told me about it–”</p><p>            “It’s fine!”</p><p>            “–and I won’t have you refusing me any longer. Let me see your neck!”</p><p>            “Perhaps another time? I’m exhausted, and I might be more willing, after a nap that is.”</p><p> </p><p>Without waiting for my approval or further protests, she reached forward and pushed my jaw up.</p><p> </p><p>            “Well,” I said frowning in deep disapproval, “I tell you I must have run into something I’m allergic to.”</p><p>            “It may be so. And so close to your experience– so close to your sensitive parts. It’s all pink and irritated. Did something bite you? Anything you can recall?”</p><p>            “I can’t recall anything like that.”</p><p>            “It seems you can’t recall much, my dear.” She played with my hair, “Next to a doctor’s treatment, the best cure is rest and eating—sleep dear. I will wake you for supper. Your papa will be glad to see you’re well.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>‘Papa will be glad to see me married off.’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>            “Do not scowl so much, especially when someone brings up your papa. People will think you hate him! Here, are you comfortable ma chérie?” After a few minutes of cooing and ahhing over me, I was able to convince mama that I was ready to rest.</p><p>* * * * *</p><p>The following day, after one unsuccessful doctor’s visit where all that could be dsicerned was a fever, I was returning from using the bathroom when:</p><p>“Out!” Came Papa’s shout from his study followed by hurried footsteps.</p><p>A short stout, almost corpulent, man stepped out of papa’s study room, his small beady eyes hiding behind red cheeks. At first, he appeared shocked then with practised ease, set his features into a practiced friendly smile. Without hesitation, he stepped forward and, exercising an improper greeting, grasped my hand and shook it:</p><p>            “Hello! Hello!” His breath reeked of tobacco and an unknown fetid scent, “My sweet Caroline, how you’ve grown so much! Why when I last saw you, you were yay high.” He indicated toward his waist, his outfit looked brand new and not suffering from any creases or stains. Sensing my confusion, he continued, pulling me closer toward the light, his warm hands firmly clamping mine:</p><p>            “Come come, my good girl, stand in the light! My, how pretty you’ve turned out–” he pulled my hand to his lips and planted a wet kiss, thankfully he was looking away so he did not see me wince.</p><p>            “You’re very kind Monsieur but please, my hand!” I hurriedly tried to release my hand against the forcefulness of his approach.</p><p>            “What? Oh!” He slowly released his grip, his grey eyes trailing from my head to my toes, and with an exaggerated smile, he rambled on, “Oh my. Please forgive me. I often forget the customs for greeting in the South. Your papa– he seems a bit out of sorts today.”</p><p> </p><p>The man’s rehearsed cheerfulness was overbearing to my rattled nerves.</p><p>            “I’m Rey.” I blurted out in an attempt to redirect the conversation.</p><p>            “I beg your pardon?” He placed his cane in the crook of his elbow as he pulled out his too new gloves.</p><p>            “My name is Rey.” I curtsied, the appropriate form of greeting.</p><p>            “Oh! You are the youngest one, oh the babe! How quickly time passes by, my dear, I remember when I last saw you you were still in your swaddling cloth. You were brought out to meet me and waved to me. We got along capitally! I hope I still carry a favorable reputation in your eyes,” He paused, seeing I was not completely lucid, “Plutt,” He bowed, “Uncle Plutt to you. Pleased to make your acquaintance again. I was calling upon your father, but as you can hear, he is not in the state of mind for rational discussion.”</p><p>            “Uncle?” I could not recall having another relative, mama had three older brothers but all of them were out of state. As for papa, the rest of his family were in England and France. “Are you visiting from Europe?”</p><p>            He laughed, two perfect rows of white teeth shined in the light, “No, nowhere that far though I suppose the North feels worlds away. No, my dear, I’m visiting for a short while, I’m letting out the Northanger estate. Listen, my girl, should you manage to assuage your father’s temper or you’d like a tête-à-tête,” he winked, “then please do visit. Ah, but my my how you’ve blossomed into a lovely young girl. Let us pray then that you too may be advantageously married hmmm like your sister. She is to be wed to Mr Pryde if I recall correctly. But oh, listen to me ramble on, I must leave you to return to your sewing and journaling. What marvellous talents you young girls always seem to have. So accomplished! I have always said the prettiest, most accomplished girls, are raised in the South. Ah but I have taken enough of your time, I do hope you will take up my invitation to visit. Until then, good evening Madame.”</p><p> </p><p>He turned and left without bowing, leaving me stunned and alone. What an irritating blabbering little man! All his new clothes could not hide the dirt his low manners dragged in. I secretly hoped the servants would clean the house again so his stench would not pollute the Camille manor. What kind of company was my father keeping – why I was so not allowed a single word in. It seemed he had several conversations at once and none of them with me. And he even called me Madame, how I hate these Northerners, they never bothered to learn our customs.</p><p> </p><p>With light steps, I held my ear up to the study room: heavy breathing and Louis’ soft voice were light in the air. Whoever this so-called ‘uncle Plutt’ was, he upset papa. Moreover, I admit papa’s caprice made him unbearable at times, yet he was not <em>so</em> easily affected.</p><p> </p><p><em>‘What kind of uncle winks at his niece?’</em> Gracelessly, I ran back to my room, not taking care to hide evidence of my eavesdropping, and held my head above a bucket.</p><p> </p><p>Luckily, nothing came. Perhaps my illness was finally passing? Even with such an unpleasant encounter, my stomach remained calm. Indeed, the world was out to vex me! To think that such a beast was allowed in my home. A loud, coarse, detestable beast. I leaned against the bucket for a moment; utterly perplexed at the possibility of so near a relation, yet it was never divulged to me?</p><p> </p><p>A soft knock on the door drew my attention away from troubling thoughts to the present moment. Caroline stood in the doorway with a heavy brow.</p><p>            “Might I come in?”</p><p>            “Of course, you may, ma chérie.”</p><p>            “Are you feeling better?” She took tentative steps towards me; in truth, there was no need for fear on her part. I had already forgiven her in my heart.</p><p>            “I am, I was merely … preparing myself. Should another wave of sickness overcome me.”</p><p> </p><p>She smiled, that sweet tender smile of hers, and sat at the edge of my bed.</p><p>            “Did you hear papa yelling?”</p><p>            I nodded and turned back to stare inside the bucket, “Yes. Even worse, I think I may be related to a goblin with gleaming teeth.”</p><p>            “A goblin?”</p><p> </p><p>Another knock was heard, and we both turned our attention to the male figure standing in the door frame.</p><p> </p><p>            “Louis, is Rey related to a goblin?”</p><p>            Louis scrunched his face, “Given the state and smell of this room; she very well may be.”</p><p>            “A lady is allowed to forgo certain pleasantries in times of illness.”</p><p>            “Opening a window is not a difficult task Rey. You needn’t move Heaven and Earth to freshen up this pit.” He retorted as he made his way to the windows.</p><p>            Caroline giggled then spoke again, “Who was that stranger?”</p><p>            “Uncle Plutt.” I perked up, sitting in front of my vanity.</p><p> </p><p>To my side, I heard Louis huff, “He is no blood relation of ours.” He made his way behind me and began helping me undo my hair, “He may be related to you, my messy little one, but he is no relative of the Camilles.”</p><p> </p><p>I could not help but smile at such domestic felicity. Unfortunately, it had all become too common for us to be separate. With Louis in Baton Rouge starting his own family, and with a young one on the way, meanwhile, Caroline was preparing for her wedding, it seemed we were destined to be separated. In the past, we would all play together, and Louis would chaperone our shopping trips, our walks in the park, and we’d all sit in one room enjoying each other's company but partaking in different employments. How dreadful it is to grow old.</p><p> </p><p>            “Louis! Take care to speak kindly to me. Lord forbid I confuse your pomade tin for the bucket.” I warned him, but he was never one to take threats lightly. He pulled out a hairpin quickly, ripping out some hairs and with feigned surprize immediately apologized.</p><p> </p><p>            “At least he’s yelling after supper. It would have been awfully awkward to eat in silence for a second day in a row.” Caroline said as she laid down on my bed. In the corner of my eye, I saw the familiar red material of Monsieur Scoundrel’s scarf pop out under the mattress, and my eyes widen. With unaffected ease, I returned to my task, careful not to draw attention myself. <em>‘Oh, Rey, you idiot, how did you leave out such evidence! Again!’</em></p><p>            “I’m afraid his foul mood will carry through the rest of the week. But mind you, he has excellent reasons to be cross.”</p><p>            “And those reasons being?” I questioned.</p><p> </p><p>Louis looked down at my hair in his hands. He paused to think for a moment then instructed Caroline to close the door. After doing so, he pulled us in closer together so as not to be heard.</p><p>            “You must make a solemn promise not to tell mama what I am about to tell you. Papa… you see to begin a venture – that is... When one is in trade, sometimes it is necessary to borrow money from others, and, well, papa. Papa had to borrow a lot of money to expand and purchase our plantation. Monsieur Plutt is our largest creditor. Certain political events have caused businessmen to be cautious and fearful. Monsieur Plutt is threatening to double the interest  on papa’s loan and take this manor if he does not make a full repayment in three months.”</p><p>            “Three months!” I exclaimed before promptly being shushed by my elder, and admittedly, wiser siblings.</p><p>            “Lord,” Caroline shook her head, “how could this be possible?!”</p><p>            “Is there no legal recourse?” I pleaded.</p><p>            Louis shook his head slowly, “I’m afraid not everything was traded above board.”</p><p>            “So we could lose our house?”</p><p>            “Lose our house. Lose our plantation. Lose everything we have fought to build.”</p><p>            “No more home.” I repeated, reviewing the revelations in my mind in mere seconds.</p><p>            “Could we talk to Enric? Louis, please there must be a way he can help us!” It was now Caroline’s turn to plead.</p><p> </p><p>Louis began to pace about the room, his brow furrowed in concentration, Papa plans to. I doubt the likelihood of success; however, the Pryde family, true to their name, are quite proud. We spent a great deal of monies on your dowry, my dear Caroline.  I foresee Enric will be willing to help but he is only a second son, he does not have a great deal of money. If papa had only listened to my advice and promised your hand to a tradesman, rather than marry you off for the privilege of the Pryde name.” </p><p> </p><p>At this, I suspect he was brooding and mulling over the past. Yet there was no use in it.</p><p>            “I feel quite ill. I’m afraid my sickness is acting up again.” I tried to excuse myself, and Caroline began to cry:</p><p>            “I don’t blame you, Rey! I feel I may be ill myself. My dear Enric. Oh, poor papa!” She ran out of the room and was immediately followed by Louis trying to calm her.</p><p> </p><p>I did not move from the stool for half an hour. My elbows left two red marks on my thighs where I had held my face in my palms and cried.</p><p> </p><p>What a humiliating revelation.</p><p> </p><p>What a foul, despicable, depressing revelation.</p><p> </p><p>What good was left in the world? That we should be in so much debt and chased by a cantankerous cockroach. What was there to live for? I had been so consumed in my obsessions, my folly, that I was blind to the more significant problem - the real issue. I was so concerned about having a husband. I did not take the time to consider whether mama, Louis, and Gerald would have any estate left.</p><p> </p><p>No. I refused to give up. A Camille does not give up.</p><p> </p><p>* <em>Later that night…</em></p><p> </p><p>Sleep did not come easily. I began pacing about the room; as a family, we had a similar way of encouraging mental problem-solving. After a few moments, I grew tired of the emotional tumult, of the pacing, of the illness, and I laid on my bed.</p><p>I wasted several hours with a blank mind, turned to the wall tracing the pattern of the wallpaper from a distance. How can a mind be so blank yet so active as to deprive one of rest? My thoughts swirled around: a strange mix of indifference, biting sarcasm, and burning loathing – all accountable to my marital status and the possibility of losing our home.</p><p> </p><p>In the state between awake and asleep, a thought occurred to me; I was laying on top of the very item of clothing so connected to my grief. I hopped off the bed and patted my mattress. I knew I left it somewhere near. Following a few moments of clumsily patting about, I felt a small bump; I reached in and pulled, and pulled, and pulled out a long red scarf.</p><p> </p><p>With a smile I threw it out, over my blanket and jumping on the bed, I ran the soft material over my face. The smell was rich. There was no particular scent that could be attributed to it. It smelt like the pages of my favorite book. Like the sweet scent of cinnamon and baked apples that filled the house when Florrie made pastries. It smelled like summer rain, where the clouds were gloomy, yet the sun shone brightly on the plantation. I felt the wet dirt between my toes as I ran forward letting the warm rain plant gentle adoring kisses on my skin. As though I was being gripped and peppered with kisses by an admiring devoted lover. Altogether, it smelt like home, like belonging.</p><p> </p><p>It raised a warm content appreciation in my chest. The feeling overcame all others in slow, calm waves, waxing and waning like the shores of the Mississippi, drawing me in and pushing me away. I was so overcome with the splendour of such overbearing peace; I wanted to sit on my knees in supplication to such ecstasy.</p><p> </p><p>Silently, I could feel large warm hands reaching out. Feeling up past my calves, crawling up to my thighs, grazing lightly on and above my quim, making me yelp! Then a soft laugh followed behind me.</p><p>            “Rey.” A soft, deep male voice called out.</p><p> </p><p>I couldn’t help releasing a moan as I slid my face over the luxuriant material.</p><p> </p><p>            “So plush.”</p><p>            “Mmm, so supple.” The man replied, the pads of his fingers pressing down against my inner thighs.</p><p> </p><p>With ease, his hands trailed up to gently cup my breasts before squeezing. His long fingers extended to massage the sides of my breasts only to fall back to graze my nipple. He repeated this motion for a few moments, and I could not help moaning:</p><p>“Mmm.” I copied his earlier remark.</p><p>            “More?”</p><p>            “Yes, please.”</p><p> </p><p>Again, the large hands grasped me and squeezed. While the left absent-mindedly rolled my left breast against the thin fabric of my chemise, the other gently lifted the hem. His firm hips flexed forward against mine, and his hand pushed my head down before returning to my breast until I was laying with my face down and bottom up. His right hand returned to expose my bottom, he, for such familiar hands I recognised as belonging to a he, began to run his index finger lightly up and down the inside of my thigh.</p><p> </p><p>As I groaned, he released my breast and soon both hands were sliding up and down my inner thigh. Slowly, they progressed dangerously closer to my quim, and I exhaled quickly, heating the gaps between my face and the scarf.</p><p> </p><p>            “More.” I demanded.</p><p> </p><p>I could sense his wry smile as he reached forward and began to massage my bottom. Occasionally running his hands against the back of my thighs, always getting dangerously close to the pleasure centre, like prey animals approaching a body of water. </p><p>            “No, not like that.” I chided him. He chuckled then began to rub broad strokes up and down my quim.</p><p>            “Like this, then.” He replied, there was not a hint of a question in his tone.</p><p> </p><p>I moaned in response. As he did so, he pressed more pressure on that sweet spot. I felt myself nearing release. Between my thighs grew a starved desire, always wanting more, always pushing for more. Ravenous and selfish and greedy. I didn’t care if there was a world around me, all that mattered was sweet licentious release.</p><p>            “Are you enjoying yourself?”</p><p>            I bit my lips to stop from moaning, “Y-y-yes. I want more.”</p><p>            “Greed is a sin.”</p><p><em>‘As is lust</em>.’ But who could tolerate such censure when there is so much delight? When all is pleasing, all concerns vanish. Slowly, my hips began grinding back against his hand harder. Seeking more pressure. He stopped moving his hand, and before I could complain, he commanded: “Keep going.”</p><p> </p><p>Without much encouragement, I continued to grind and gyrate my hips against his hand. What a greedy man! To keep my release locked away so he could watch me writhe beneath him.</p><p>            “Keep at it. You’re so close.” He whispered close to my ear; my hips continued to grind work and wriggle against him.</p><p>            “Mmmph.”</p><p>            “You’re so careful not to be heard.”</p><p>            “Poe?” I queried, I know not from where this question arose, I turned my head to face the man giving me so much pleasure.</p><p>            “No.” Benjamin moved my hair from my face and leaning forward he kissed the corner of my lips.</p><p> </p><p>At first contact, there was an eruption of blissful delight that enraptured my very being. It began between my thighs and, like lightning, instantaneously struck my legs, causing me to seize. This was followed promptly by involuntary spasms of lust. I trapped any moans by locking my lips together, yet that did not stop the low hum of gratified release from ringing in my head.</p><p> </p><p>I was immediately drawn to the awkward kink in my wrist. I opened my eyes to see my poor little hand grasped deadlocked between my thighs, now with the sensuous daydream over I was, again, semi-lucid. Pulling my hand away, and quivering unintentionally at the stimulation, I made my way to the bowl of water near my vanity and washed.</p><p> </p><p>Without another thought, I returned to my hassock and began reciting my prayers for mercy. This would be more suitable and instructive employment, however, as I read, a thought occurred to me. Perhaps I had been too hasty in adopting pessimistic thoughts about my circumstances. Here I was crying for a possible future when another was very well in my hands! Unknowingly, and certainly unintentionally, I had drawn Monsieur Augustus’ attention.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps Carter was not the only option. But I refused to act too hastily, lest I have a repeat of Poe, no this would require delicate graces. Perfumed flounces. Rouge. An apple galette. And a red scarf. I rolled myself up in the scarf and sleep came more easily.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In this AU 'experience' refers to the mating gland. Do with that bit of information what you will.</p><p>Thank you for all your kind words, comments, kudos, bookmarks etc.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Confronting the Scoundrel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Pay no mind to the title of the chapter, I'm sure it's nothing. Thank you for your kind words, comments, kudos, bookmarks etc. I adore you all!</p><p>I can be found on <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">twitter.</a></p><p>Avec amour,<br/>Lapinrose</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>A few days following the Ball, I had recovered from my sudden bout of illness. How pleasant it was to be lucid and my old self again. During my bed rest, Florrie must have fed me all the broth, liver, and water in Louisiana. It was the only time in my life where I was pleased to vomit. There is only so much liver a woman can eat before she refuses to eat again.</p><p> </p><p>It was early noon on a particularly warm day when I left my room to enjoy the company of others. In the downstairs parlor room, mama read to Gerald while Caroline embroidered. After Louis’ revelation, Caroline ran to papa and cried on his shoulder; that was typical Caroline behaviour. If I ran to papa every time something went wrong, I would never leave his side. Papa, ever the doting father, held her close, or as close as Monsieur Wilhuff Camille is capable of, then insisted she stop crying. In the drawing room, I took my place by Caroline and began reading. I had not read six chapters, then Caroline struck up a conversation, as was her fancy when embroidering. We spoke about nothing in particular until she revealed that ‘dear, poor, papa left with Louis to talk to the elder Monsieur Pryde. I hope Enric will receive them well.’</p><p> </p><p>We talked for a few minutes longer before I excused myself. Before I quitted the room, I told Caroline I was going for a short rest and demanded no one interrupt. Rather than make my way upstairs. Instead, I searched until I found Finn, picking flowers in the back garden.</p><p> </p><p>              “Finn!”</p><p>              He turned away from his task and smiled, “Yes?”</p><p>              “I have a favour to ask of you.”</p><p> </p><p>He had a look of disbelief then began shaking his head. In the past, I had dragged Finn into my escapades. He was as much a brother to me as Louis was. </p><p> </p><p>              “I am employed, under direct orders from Madame Camille.”</p><p>              I watched him continue to snip flower stems, biting my lips I asked, “Don’t you at least want to know what the favor is?”</p><p>              “It’s going to lead to trouble.”</p><p>              “Why must it always be trouble? It's not a tragedy! It's a comedy, of sorts.”</p><p>              “No, I prefer to be a realist.”</p><p> </p><p>One advantage of being <em>like </em>a brother, and sharing the same mother figure in Florrie, was his somewhat casual manner of interacting with me.</p><p> </p><p>              “I’d like you to chaperone me.”</p><p>              This startled him, and he dropped a handful of flowers. I kneeled to help him: “I only have one opportunity, and I can only rely on someone I trust.”</p><p>              “Mademoiselle, please, you know what a temper your papa has.” “There’s a very good chance we won’t be caught!”</p><p>              He whistled and tipped his head toward me,“The scars on our thighs would disagree.”</p><p>              “All this complacency threatens to kill us with boredom!” I followed him as he moved from bush to bush and he, utterly unconvinced, made no reply. I followed him for a few minutes, thinking of every excuse and assurance, but he would not budge. A thought occurred to me: if I could not convince him to come with me, then I could force his hand.</p><p> </p><p>              “Very well, Finn. I shall go by myself.” I called out to no one in particular, but even this did not turn his head. He was resolute in his task. “I wonder which bonnet I should wear? I think I’ll change before I head out,” stepping away, I turned my head to him one more time, “I think I’ll wear the periwinkle one.”</p><p> </p><p>              “You would not dare!”</p><p>              “You’re right. Periwinkle is not my color; a powder blue will complement my current pallor.”</p><p>              “It’s against the law, Rey, you know as well as I do.”</p><p>              “Congress has not outlawed powder blue.”</p><p>              He shot me an unamused look before turning back to his task. “And what will people say, an Omega out with a servant - a black servant.”</p><p>              “You say that like it will change my mind.”</p><p>              “I <em>hoped </em>it would.”</p><p>              “But you know, Florrie is as much my mother as she is yours-”</p><p>              “She would have you believe that.”</p><p>              “Fine. If you insist, I will go alone.”</p><p>              “No, no, I doubt that.”</p><p> </p><p>Without a reply, I left Finn to his work. How bothersome one finds the world to be when schemes fail. But trials exist to test us, and this required an innovative solution. I would go, I had to leave - there was only one chance. I would not have others believe it to be a habit of mine to sneak away without a proper chaperone! Even if Finn and I had not done so since I was thirteen. That was when papa gave me the harshest thrashing, and Louis explained that it was because I was ‘presenting’. If only I were a Beta. It would have been permissible for a servant to accompany me, but as an Omega, I needed a proper chaperone. 'Proper' meant a direct male relative of some considerable age. If only Finn would agree, I could easily cover my scent with perfume, and I would not be gone long.</p><p> </p><p>My only desire was to have a short conversation and confirm some matters. Moreover, Monsieur Augustus was a man of few words, and I knew our conversation would be short.</p><p> </p><p>Tucking away the idea of using perfume, I hopped to the kitchen where I found Florrie preparing vegetables for dinner. I begged her, in the sweetest supplicant ways, to make my favorite pastry: an apple galette. Poor Florrie thought my strength had returned; little did she know I planned on giving the treat away.</p><p> </p><p>Afterwards, I returned to my room and changed. Before putting on a clean, crisp, eggshell shirt, I laid his scarf around me. In particular, I rubbed the scarf against my neck and wrists. As I had not finished developing, I could not smell scents, at least not to the strong degree professed by those who were developed, but I knew I gave off a scent. Moreover, I knew that was what lovers did, they scented clothing and gifts. Carter once remarked it was a pleasant sweet scent: like honeysuckle, but not so overbearing, perfectly suited to an elegant female.’</p><p> </p><p>How he planned to woo any women with such words I did not know, still, it humored me. I did not have to wait long before Florrie came upstairs with the scrumptious treat.</p><p> </p><p>Almost at once, and after many thanks, I placed everything in a basket. I did not make my way too far toward the front door when I halted: Finn stood guard.</p><p> </p><p>              “Mademoiselle. You must go back,” He pleaded. Shaking my head, I pushed him aside and reached for the door handle, but he stepped in the way, “please!”</p><p>              “My friend, you’ve already made it clear that you have no interest in joining me.”</p><p>              “It’s not safe.”</p><p>              “Many things in life are unsafe.”</p><p>              He stared me down. “What if he catches you?”</p><p>              “And what if he doesn't? That’s how chance works, my dear!”</p><p>              “Why do you insist on leaving?”</p><p>              I thought for a moment, I was unshakeable in my endeavour, but I had to present my argument delicately: “Everyone must take risks for their survival. I am doing this for mine.”</p><p>              “You’re guaranteed to survive if you stay home.”</p><p>              I laughed, “Finn, you talk as if I’ll be murdered.”</p><p>              “Not out there, I hope not! For your papa will see to it!” His voice squeaked.</p><p>              “I’ve taken care to cover my scent, you couldn’t tell me apart from a Beta, and it will be a quick visit.” </p><p> </p><p>Pushing him aside, I made to reach forth and open the door. Much to my delight, he conceded:</p><p>              “Then I shall come with you, for an additional layer of protection. Wait a moment, I will fetch the phaeton.”</p><p>              “We will not leave directly from the house, the others are sitting in the drawing room facing the street. I will sneak out, and you will ensure it is prepared further down the road.”</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, Finn was able to simmer his protestations into grumbles and then solemn silence. Other than his sour mood, our trip to the Armitage mansion was uneventful. As we rode along the streets, no one seemed to be aware of my condition, nor did they seem interested. ‘What an excellent idea to use the phaeton!’ I thought as I enjoyed the architecture and the citizens. People walked about on their daily business. Men wore fashionable and clean clothes; they tipped their hats to one another as they passed on the street. Ladies stopped to curtsy and chat, and servants were busy travelling between the shops and their homes. Was ordinary life always so noisy for non-Omegas?</p><p> </p><p>Midway through our journey, Finn stopped the carriage to allow a rather large procession to cross the street. He grumbled something about staying low so as to remain hidden, but I could not help peaking at the small crowd. It looked to be a family gathering. The elders walked first, followed by the parents, the young couples, then the children and the servants. Poor things were tasked with carrying baskets and picnic ware. I watched as a young woman let her parasol drop and take in some sun, before an older woman slapped it back into place. The woman, who I presumed was her mother, chastised her. She said something to the effect of ‘your nose will peel, you’ll develop freckles, then what man would want you?’</p><p> </p><p>Almost at once, I wished to jump down and scold the woman for such presumptuous remarks. In my experience, men were fickle creatures who cared not for such frivolities, unable to make up their minds without strong guidance from a feminine hand. Luckily, the last of the servants had passed, and Finn led us away.</p><p> </p><p>Soon we arrived at our destination, and I instructed my co-conspirator to wait further down the road, so no one would assume he was there with a Camille. Secretly, I knew he did not perform well against light questioning, and would admit to having driven me! I did not recognize the footman at the door and equally he did not recognize me.</p><p> </p><p>              He bowed, “Mademoiselle.”</p><p>              “Good afternoon, Mademoiselle Camille, I have come to inquire after Monsieur Augustus. I believe he is a guest.”</p><p>              “Did- did you come here alone?”</p><p> </p><p>I gave him an impatient look and he immediately succumbed:</p><p>              “Forgive me, Mademoiselle, you must be here with Monsieur Louis Camille?” I nodded smiling, and he continued, “Monsieur Camille recently arrived, and is with Monsieur Huxley in his study. Everyone else is in the parlor room. Allow me to lead you to them.”</p><p> </p><p>What an interesting, but ultimately foolish young man. Indeed, I did not plan for his questioning, yet he gave up the chase so quick! And Louis was here? He must have left papa to come by himself. What marvellous dumb luck. Louis would be upset, yes, but nowhere near upset as papa! Better yet, I could chat with Monsieur Augustus and avoid Louis, if luck remained on my side.</p><p> </p><p>The Huxley mansion was handsome, if a tad too grand, and the outside decorated with neatly trimmed hedges. In my view, it lacked character. Yes, the inside was decorated in the newest fashions but what utility was there? What was the purpose of lining the hallways with paintings imitating the greats? At least there were no color clashes. I assumed that Monsieur Huxley, that foppish man, whom I previously thought respectable, had decorated his own home. Madame Huxley, in comparison, was sweet and timid, and she had a keen eye for practicalities. She would have decorated her house in the English style. Most unpatriotic.</p><p> </p><p>The parlor room was grand and well situated with the windows facing East. As I stepped in, my eyes were drawn to the figure of Monsieur Augustus who made eye contact but quickly leaned forward to put his tea down. Meanwhile, everyone else stared. They were not expecting me, and I certainly did not expect such a large party! Monsieur Netal, his wife, his daughter, and Madame Huxley all looked to me. The men sat on separate seats, the mother and daughter sat on the right, and the hostess in the middle.</p><p> </p><p>              “Mademoiselle Camille.” The footmen introduced me, and I curtsied to party.</p><p>              Madame Huxley smiled, “Good afternoon, Mademoiselle. Please have a seat. Did you need someone to take your basket?”</p><p>              I looked down at the basket, the red scarf almost overflowing, “It’s no bother at all.”</p><p>              “Please be seated.”</p><p> </p><p>A servant brought a chair and placed it next to Bazine.</p><p> </p><p>The temporary shock my arrival created passed, the guests and hostess began conversing again. Monsieur Augustus quickly glanced at the scarf then to me, my heart beat violently against my chest, oh no. What <em>was </em>I doing? Not a second too soon, he returned to face Madame Huxley. I felt myself staring too much. My savior, a servant, served me a cup of tea, and I too joined the conversation.</p><p> </p><p>              “Rey, I’m so pleased you’ve joined us, moments ago, Louis was telling us of Adrienne. Pray tell, you know I adore children, how is she?”</p><p>              “She’s well, thank you. She’s now six months along, as of this week.”</p><p>              “Delightful! Louis is a fine, strong man. Additionally, having pregnancy progress so smoothly, one can only presume their first will be a boy.” Monsieur Netal ejaculated, the bottom of his whiskers wet with tea.</p><p>              “I must object, Monsieur. For earlier last month he informed me Adrienne had a great appetite for strawberries. A craving for sweets suggests a daughter.” Madame Huxley objected.</p><p>              “You ladies have interesting hypothesizes about cravings and sex. In my experience of my own child and my friends’ children, an easy pregnancy was the result of the cooler tempered sex.”</p><p>              His wife was quick to interject, “Do not be so quick to dismiss Christine, why I craved nothing but caramel when I was carrying Bazine.”</p><p>              “Ah,” Monsieur Netal sighed as he leaned back on his seat, “this calls for a case by case comparison…”</p><p> </p><p>He began recounting his first-hand experiences and tales of the habits of pregnant ladies. In the end, I came to the conclusion that the conversation would have been pleasant, were it not for Monsieur Augustus’ refusal to hold eye contact for more than a few seconds. Occasionally, when I added ‘yes’ or ‘I agree’ or ‘I couldn’t say Madame’, everyone would turn to me, except Benjamin. His eyes remained steadfast on his watch or his teacup. Why was he avoiding me? Such flutterings he caused in my chest, if I were a more sensitive woman, my lips would have trembled.</p><p> </p><p>Madame Huxley led the conversation again when she saw it begin to circle. The next topic must have been pleasant as all three laughed and giggled. Bazine turned toward me:</p><p> </p><p>              “How tiring the conversations of old men are,” She whispered, I made no response, “did you come here with Louis?”</p><p>              “I stopped to visit while on my way home.” Factually speaking, that was not a lie.</p><p>              “Why does Benjamin avoid your eyes?” She asked boldly.</p><p>              “You mean to say Monsieur Augustus?”</p><p> </p><p>I was taken aback, not only had she noticed, but she felt comfortable enough to use his Christian name. What was the meaning of this? Before she could respond, Madame Huxley called out to Bazine, dragging us back into the conversation:</p><p>             </p><p>              “Bazine, I believe you danced with Monsieur Augustus?”</p><p>              “Yes, you are correct Madame.”</p><p>              “And? Can you attest to his skills?”</p><p>              “We danced almost the entire night. I found him to be naturally talented.” Lovely Bazine, always the flatterer.</p><p>              Benjamin looked on with reproof, “Thank you, but I do not deserve such praise. My skills are the result of practice and a once irritated, but now less irritated teacher.”</p><p>              Madame Netal added, “It is simply insupportable to have a son, who is a gentleman, who does not know how to dance well. If I ever had a son I would take on a dance master. Send my compliments to Leia for her efforts.”</p><p>              “Nothing of the sort, Mrs. Netal, I independently undertook dance class. I believe it is every gentleman’s duty to dance well.”</p><p> </p><p>At this, the ladies of the room smiled. Even the married ladies could not help but be awestruck at such a confession. A man willing to improve in the arts which ladies so dearly love would always be welcome company.</p><p> </p><p>Monsieur Augustus continued to confound me, he always conversed so easily, at times he was all politeness and happy manners. Yet, at other times he was uncommonly rude and teasing.</p><p> </p><p>The grandfather clock rang, and Monsieur Augustus stood up. He bowed “I beg your pardon, but I have a task to return to. Thank you for the tea, Mrs Huxley.”</p><p>              “So soon Monsieur? Are you heading out today?”</p><p>              “No, not yet. I have a few letters of business to write.”</p><p> </p><p>In turn, she nodded and without looking at anyone else he quitted the room.</p><p> </p><p>              “Such a charming gentleman.” Madame Huxley declared.</p><p>              “Yes, so agreeable, so obliging, and always in good spirit.” Madame Netal added.</p><p>              “I have never heard someone speak of him, but to say he is obliging and agreeable.”</p><p> </p><p>How they showered praise on him! Did we all speak to a different man? Although I could not entirely disagree with them. But how irritating that he left, if I wanted to converse with him, I would have to come up with an excuse. After a few minutes, Monsieur Netal huffed about Huxley’s availability and left to join him. Then, as was to be expected in gatherings of different ages, the older ladies sat closer together talking about nonsense. Meanwhile, Bazine turned to me once more:</p><p> </p><p>              “Rey, please forgive me for earlier.” Seeing my confused look she continued, “I did not mean to use Ben- Monsieur Augustus’ Christian name with you.”</p><p>              “It’s quite alright. I am willing to forget it if you are.”</p><p>              “Yes... Rey, will you promise me something? I promised not to share this news till it was announced. But it’s such good news! Oh, it's meant to be a secret, but I have no doubt I can rely on your confidence.”</p><p> </p><p>What an irksome, tiresome girl! What good are secrets if one gives them away? With a sardonic grin, I replied: “I imagine you’re dying to tell me.”</p><p> </p><p>              “Firstly, let me preface by saying that I hope you won’t judge me too harshly, for I imagine you’ll judge me somewhat. I also hope you do not hold it against me, or think it is improper or impertinent. I know you prefer men with more practical accomplishments like Monsieur Lucien, but I have different tastes.”</p><p> </p><p>I nodded but could scarcely care about what she deigned to share with me. I love secrets, as anyone does, but to parade them about in such an improper manner, and such condescension! ‘Different tastes’, how can she pretend she is not imitating me, she even stole my dress!</p><p> </p><p>              “You may think him aloof, but to me, he has been the most courteous, most endearing gentleman. Papa is here to arrange my engagement to Benjamin.”</p><p> </p><p>I could not contain my smile. You see, I had to smile! Or else I would have exploded, screaming, shredding her cheap dress and tacky lace trimmings. And that hair? Oh, I could have gripped it and dragged her out to the street by it. That whore! And that good-for-nothing two-timing lousy bastard. I understood his game now. And I was none too pleased. To take advantage of young girls! To lead us on—to make me believe that he was remotely interested in me? There could be no doubt of it, he was black-hearted, cruel, impertinent, and none too handsome. No! He was too wide, and his skin, oh! Rotten! Rat! Bastard! Cad! Scoundrel! Rogue! Liar! Scamp! Judas— the most determined flirt who ever lived!</p><p> </p><p>The two dolts were perfectly matched for each other; both vain and satisfied with themselves. Always speaking to impress others, but never saying anything of substance. Never had two conceited toads been so well acquainted. Bravo, Monsieur Netal, you have outdone yourself.</p><p> </p><p>Bazine called my name softly and returned me to the present moment. I could have strangled her right there, but to my astonishment, I spoke calmly:</p><p> </p><p>              “Congratulations.”</p><p> </p><p>How did this arrangement come about? For how long had this been arranged? Well, it was all quite evident to me now, I should have whispered 'no more Bazine' before he kissed me. Yet, the questions continue to float through my mind: for how long had they been acquainted? How close were they, that she can use his Christian name? For how long? <em>For how long?</em></p><p> </p><p>              I felt her hand on my arm, “You’re such a loyal friend Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>Cold resignment overtook my soul. <em>‘You should have never left the house; you should never have come, you should leave.’</em></p><p> </p><p>              “For how long has your engagement been planned?”</p><p>              “Well, I know I can rely on you not to spread the information, so I shall tell you all the events as I saw them. In the beginning, I had not the faintest suspicions when Monsieur Huxley and Benjamin visited us before visiting any other family. Benjamin was left alone with a servant and I, most conveniently, he asked many questions about my life. At the time, I thought he was making polite conversation, but now I know he was trying to ascertain my character.”</p><p> </p><p>She was staring off into the air as she spoke so rapidly I could scarcely keep up: “Then we would come across the two friends, again quite conveniently might I add, and this afforded us the opportunity to have many pleasant conversations. My suspicions began at the tea party, when Benjamin had a private conversation with papa. For, Rey, my old friend, if he had intended to discuss business then Monsieur Huxley would have accompanied him! Afterwards, he joined mama and me in the garden for a card game. And he agreed with mama; I was the sweetest peach in all the South. And the Ball! Oh, it was all but practically confirmed at the Ball! We danced together all night, even though I had an escort. Monsieur F----- is a likable fellow, but Benjamin is far above his rank. He held me close all night, never did he leave my side, and he was so obliging. Whenever he thought I was thirsty or winded, he offered to fetch some punch even though there were many servants around!”</p><p> </p><p>She finally took a deep breath and put her saucer down, “You know. I quite flatter myself by supposing our engagement was the sole, or at least partial, reason for his coming to Louisiana.”</p><p>              “Congratulations.”</p><p>              “Thank you.” She thought for a moment, “My papa is such a good man. Undoubtedly, he planned this long before Benjamin and I were introduced.”</p><p>              “Congratulations.”</p><p>She looked perplexed and added, “You know I love compliments, but surely there are other words besides congratulations.”</p><p> </p><p>Now, it was my turn to think.</p><p> </p><p>              “I hope you do get married. Then you may enjoy domestic bliss together.” I said coolly. She did not pick up on my sarcasm as her countenance suffered no changes.</p><p>              “And when we danced—”</p><p>              “Excuse me, Mademoiselle. I wish you both the greatest happiness, but I believe I have left my chaperone waiting far too long. He will be very cross with me.” I stood up and bid adieu to the ladies.</p><p> </p><p>I stepped out of the parlor room and declined the guidance of the footmen. I had enough of men for one day. Louisiana seemed to have an infestation of rogues. How remarkable, the plague rats all congregated in one city! Someone ought to have spoken with the Governor about the growing epidemic.</p><p> </p><p>And Benjamin. Sweet lying Benjamin. Dear man, desperately in need of a good lick. If he were to be engaged, he should have told me; he acted all high and mighty about Poe and my being led on. In truth, he was also keeping me as a spare. What was the meaning behind, well, everything he did? Did he truly mean to make me believe we would be married? The kiss seemed evidence of that, but now Bazine shared news of her soon-to-be engagement to him. How perplexing. As I stood before the front door, I gripped the basket tightly, without hesitation, I turned to the same footman who allowed me in and inquired:</p><p> </p><p>              “Where is Monsieur Sc— Augustus?”</p><p>              “Mademoiselle, he is in his office.”</p><p>              “Take me to him.”</p><p> </p><p>I would be a fool to allow another man to take charge of my heart and dwindle all future hopes. I determined that from that moment onward, I would never allow a man’s heinous actions against me, and all of womankind for he played with both of our hearts, to go unpunished. It was time I confronted him!</p><p> </p><p>He was a foul contemptible man who masqueraded civility, politeness, and eloquence. Such men should never be allowed to move in society freely. To others, he had all the appearance of goodness, but I knew the real Benjamin.</p><p> </p><p>When we reached the door, I dismissed the footman.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin’s office, temporary as it was, was uncommonly tidy except for the desk. The room smelt of wood polish and lavender. I recalled the lavender of the bathroom where Florrie helped me bathe, but this lavender smelled muted in comparison. The desk sat in the middle of the room facing the door; he leaned over a blank piece of paper with a pen in his hand. He did not look up but spoke: “Franklin, I told you not to disturb me. I am not at leisure to receive visitors.”</p><p> </p><p>              “I hope I’m not intruding too greatly.”</p><p>              He looked up, and I imagined he gripped his pen tighter.</p><p>               Indicating to the basket, I said, “I have come to return your scarf. Thank you for lending it to me.”</p><p>              “Why did you not send a servant to return it?”</p><p>              “Monsieur, around here it’s common to return politeness with equal politeness. If you had sent a servant, then I would have done the same.”</p><p>              “I see.” He nodded and indicated toward the edge of the desk, the only free space not encumbered by books or papers.</p><p>              With measured steps, I made my way closer into his space, “I also hope you don’t mind. Florrie insisted I bring something sweet.” he made no reply and began to write, “I hope you’re not averse to treats.”</p><p>              “She has my thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>What perfect politeness, what cool manners, and what a dunce I am for thinking I could confront him!</p><p> </p><p>I turned back to the door. <em>‘Why did you come here? Stupid girl, leave now before you embarrass yourself again.’</em> It is the most shameful thing in existence; to suggest marriage to a man already betrothed to another. What shame and misery I embroil myself in. My hand was floating above the door handle when I began to giggle.</p><p> </p><p>What a good joke it all was! I could have said the same about Poe as I was thinking about Benjamin. What funny circumstances! How humoros it all was! With that great joke on my mind, I turned around, and biting my lips, could barely contain my delirium.</p><p> </p><p>              “I imagine you have more to say?” He dropped his pen.</p><p>              Laughing, I said, “I believe congratulations are in order.”</p><p>              “What for?”</p><p>With a simpering smile, I struggled to contain my laughter, I followed on, “Why, my dear Monsieur, I speak of you and Mademoiselle Bazine.”</p><p>              He returned my smile, “Are you jealous?”</p><p> </p><p>He sapped my glee at once. The joke was no longer funny, especially if he intended to tease me mercilessly. I believe that a joke, where designed to taunt or mock, loses all its pleasure when the victim laughs back. It takes all power away from it.</p><p> </p><p>              “Jealous?” I repeated, my voice almost squeaked, but I pulled myself back, “Monsieur. Of Bazine? You don’t know me, or her, at all, if you accuse <em>me </em>of being jealous.”</p><p>              “Then you’re jealous and cocky. Again, thank you for returning my scarf.”</p><p>              “I wanted to talk.”</p><p>              “We’re already talking. Miss Camille, I recall you declaring that you hated pointless conversation. If you have something to say then say it or be off.” Now he was leaning back on his chair with his fingers interlaced. He had a marvellous memory when it suited him.</p><p>              “Indeed, I came to talk to you. In fact, I came here with the design of talking to you.”</p><p> </p><p>He did not reply and had no change of countenance. I suddenly realized how ridiculously I was behaving—no matter, in for a penny in for a pound.</p><p> </p><p>              “About the Ball, Monsieur.”</p><p>              “What about it?”</p><p>              So, he intended I should address it first? “Monsieur, I— at the Ball. When we met—”</p><p>              His eyes drew to my hands where my right hand was squeezing the left, “Yes, I suppose we had a delightful dance.”</p><p>              “You would call it a dance?”</p><p>              “What else would you qualify a Quadrille as, Miss Camille?”</p><p>              “You take delight in vexing me.” I spat.</p><p>              He finally smiled, “So you’ve finally unfolded my character. I thank you for your time.”</p><p>              “Monsieur, please—”</p><p>              “No more Miss! I have now given you numerous occasions to let this be.”</p><p> </p><p>My heart dropped to my stomach. No matter, his caprice did not frighten me, nor did his tone shrink my confidence. His character was set—he was the most disagreeable, impudent, dandy to ever visit the South! Nay, to ever walk this Earth.</p><p> </p><p>              “Let it be?” I repeated, “But what of your actions, Monsieur, your words? Do you mean to tell me that I should pretend the past never happened?”</p><p>              “Yes, Miss Camille! It was a mistake, an accident, an error of judgement. Call it whatever you want! It was never my intention to—" It was now my turn to interrupt!</p><p>              “To what Monsieur?” We were now almost yelling.</p><p>              “To fuel your affection.”</p><p> </p><p>Odious man!</p><p> </p><p>              “You are either the most indecisive being ever to exist, or you’re a liar.”</p><p>              He chuckled, “Please. I hardly think that’s fit coming from you! This, from the very same girl who was secretly courting a betrothed man?”</p><p>              “To hold out my character for such... My good Monsieur. Surely, you realize the delicate situation you have placed me in. First, you tease, then you say I am only good for one tumble, you go so far as to describe me as 'rather plain.’ Then you think me the most agreeable and pleasant young woman—”</p><p>              “From where did you hear that?”</p><p>              “Then you kiss me!”</p><p> </p><p>He put his hand up to stop me.</p><p> </p><p>              “I see, now is it my turn to accuse you of eavesdropping, were you listening at the door? For I know Armitage’s character, he would never have told you those things.”</p><p>              “Are you so absorbed in your pretension and vanity, that you will not admit your words and actions held some truth?”</p><p>              “They were words meant to woo and seduce, I admit that freely! But can you be surprised as to my original intent when your actions call your character into question?”</p><p>              “Are you trying to ruin me?”</p><p>              “Ruin you? My dear, I need not do such a thing. You’ve already done so yourself.” He stood up and leaned with his hands on the desk, “Did you expect to run about galavanting with every claimed man and leave with your reputation intact? No, Miss, you have acted with great impropriety from the moment I met you. Did you expect me to confess my love to you and ask for your hand? When <em>you </em>have been behaving like a loose woman?”</p><p>              “Watch your tongue, you cannot, with good conscience, accuse me of such.”</p><p>              “Miss, I’ve endured your trial of my character, allow me to do the same. There was that matter, where I first met you, you were secretly seconded with a man. Then you paraded in front of me in your nightgown—”</p><p>              “That was an accident, and you know it!”</p><p>              “And at the Ball! Where I found you, mere moments, after your secondment, with the same man who you knew then to be promised to another!”</p><p> </p><p>              I shook my head and approached: “Don’t think so highly of yourself. At the ball, you took advantage of me. You stole my first kiss!” To this, he seemed taken aback but returned to his impassable look, “You’re too much of a coward to admit you do have feelings for me, regardless of your engagement to Mademoiselle Netal. At least rogues have the courage to follow through. I cannot wait for your departure from New Orleans. Be sure to take your unfortunate bride with you. Let our city never again be polluted by your arrogance, vanity, conceit, rehearsed charms-”</p><p>              “Are you quite done, Miss Camille?” </p><p> </p><p>With forced movement, for I resisted the urge to throw the galette in his face, I turned back toward the door. I forced myself to breathe calmly, but when I heard him sit down, I faced him once more and spat out:</p><p> </p><p>              “You have made against me a charge of the foulest character.”</p><p>              “You should take your leave now. I will not submit to your insults.”</p><p>              “If I may, allow me to suggest you place your head against the door frame and slam the door shut.” I curtsied. “Good day, Monsieur.”</p><p>
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  <em>Impropriety.</em>
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  <em>Loose woman.</em>
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  <em>‘Does he believe he is without flaws?’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>There can be no doubt of it: I was wrong to change my mind. He was the foulest, most mischievous, disagreeable man I had ever met. His behaviour was so striking and altered. As I exited the Huxley mansion I did not notice, for I was so enraged, I had walked past Louis. He began following behind me and tried to talk, but shame and regret triumphed over my conscience.</p><p> </p><p>Shame brought on by my low behavior: to think, now the whole world knew me as a flirt. Followed by regret for having run to the bastard. To have almost grovelled at his feet! I felt ashamed of my feelings and my conceit; with blind confidence, I approached him believing he felt genuine affection for me.</p><p> </p><p>Monsieur Augustus was a user, exactly like Poe.</p><p> </p><p>What a painful lesson to endure: womankind can find no peace, happiness, or confidence in mankind. She must be strong and resolute. As I walked toward the phaeton with Louis cooing beside me, I made a solemn vow to myself. That I would never fall in love, I would never give my heart to another being. Only the deepest love could persuade me.</p><p> </p><p>The tears rolling down my cheeks stung.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, my dear friend... are you happy? You got the confrontation you needed not the confrontation you wanted. Things rarely play out as we plan.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Two Weddings and a Proposal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Feedback plz? &lt;3</p><p>Thank you for your kind words, comments, kudos, bookmarks etc.<br/>I can be found on <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">twitter.</a></p><p>Avec amour,<br/>Lapinrose</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>I yawned. A funeral tune played throughout the Perrot mansion. Suzanne would marry today, and I would forever lose a best friend and a sister. The young bride sat in front of her vanity. Her maids fluttered about retouching her wedding gown, fixing her hair, and spritzing soft perfume. Tomorrow morning, she would leave for her honeymoon in Paris, and when she returned to America, she would land in the North. I tucked my fists under my chin as I watched the scene. Suzanne would marry, then Caroline would marry, then I would have to marry Carter. Excellent.</p><p> </p><p>My mind entertained memories of little Suzanne and Rey running down along the river. The heat bearing down on our uncovered faces as the wind ran its fingers through the trees. Suzanne always several feet ahead of me, I only had little Spot, her now-deceased pet dog, to keep me company. Though he was faster than both of us, yet whenever we ran or played, he stayed by my side. He slowed his pace to keep me company. What a loyal mutt he was. I recall Florrie yelling at us to put our bonnets back on! And how we ran to the riverbank to let our feet soak in the cool water. ‘Cold feet and a hot head; that’s how you catch a cold!’ Florrie would grumble. Suzanne would point to Spot who loyally followed us everywhere and did the same as we did. ‘Yet he never gets ill!’ Suzanne would retort.</p><p> </p><p>I recalled the rich musk of fabrics after a long day of shopping. We would hop from boutique to department store to find the perfect shade of green that complimented my eyes. ‘Green is best for your complexion, you wear it better than any other girl I know!’ Suzanne often said, and it was a belief she maintained. Then we would return to her house or mine and keep our families updated on our spoils. The lazy afternoons were passed sipping tea or napping, for finding the right dress is serious, but tiring, work.</p><p> </p><p>The surrounding cacophony of noise snapped me out of my introspection. Madame Perrot yelled at the maids to find the right shade of ribbons for Suzanne’s hair. The eight other bridesmaids, all were her cousins, bickered over who would dance with whom first. I could not join in the revelry; I was to lose a part of my soul.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>            “Dearest, loveliest, Suzanne.” Madame Perrot cooed, “How tiring this wedding business is! I flatter myself that all my efforts are for your special day.”</p><p> </p><p>            “It is only tiring because you choose to make it so.” The bride replied as a maid applied light rouge.</p><p> </p><p>            “Do you propose I leave the flowers, the cooks, the maids, the bridesmaids, the groomsmen, and your papa - WHO WILL NOT STOP PLAYING THAT DULL TUNE!” Her mama turned to me, “My sweet. Would you please instruct our prima donna to cease his playing? He threatens to ruin all our mornings.”</p><p> </p><p>I nodded and made my way to the ground floor. In the largest drawing room, Monsieur Perrot sat hunched over his piano. Poor man. His eldest passed away in the Mexican war, his other two sons married, and now his youngest, and only daughter, would leave him. He looked up and continued playing:</p><p> </p><p>            “Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>            “Monsieur.”</p><p> </p><p>            “Have you come to join the funeral procession?”</p><p> </p><p>            “Yes, we are the only two who know the misery awaiting us.”</p><p> </p><p>            “As my comrade, you must keep me company and promise never to marry.”</p><p> </p><p>            “I don’t believe my papa will allow that.”</p><p> </p><p>            “Another traitor.” He stopped playing and offered me his hand, “Shall we join our solemn companions?”</p><p> </p><p>At the ceremony, Suzanne walked down the aisle, eyes downcast, with such grace and poise as befitting the Perrot name. Her dress was pristine white, and her veil reached past her toes. It was so long that a servant followed carrying her train. She was beautiful, angelic even—the very image of the Madonna.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I stood to the left of the altar with my fellow bridesmaids. Poe sat with his betrothed, a few pews away. Unfortunately, he was invited, but civility and inter-family politics dictated he should be. Further ahead, Carter sat and never failed to make eye contact with me. His eyes stalked and watched like a hawk circling its prey. He watched me as though picturing me in a veil. I shuddered and forced myself to focus on the bride.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When she reached the altar, both she and her bridegroom kneeled for a few moments in silence. Soon they stood up and the priest began. From my vantage point, I watched as they glanced at each other, simpering and smiling. Charles was an ass, but he made my Suzanne secure, confident, and happy. For those reasons, I could forgive his low manners.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>At the end of the ceremony, the happily wedded couple led the bridesmaids and groomsmen. As the crowd stood up and began cheering, I noticed <em> him </em> . He sat in the second row, and he was so unlike the Perrots I knew, I almost forget he was their relative. ‘ <em> Words meant to woo.’ </em> Incessantly, our confrontation replayed in my mind.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>His eyes followed me and he made no attempts to avert his gaze. A short older woman leaned forward to whisper something to him, but even that did not deter him. I could have thrown my flowers at his head, but I did not want to ruin Suzanne’s day. At least the reception would allow me to avoid the unpleasant bastard. I would sip punch and dance all night until my legs gave out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The reception was held at the Perrot mansion. Naturally, it was made up most extravagantly: banners lined the wall, the tables were decorated with hydrangeas, and everything was white and red—the same colors of the bride’s dress and bridesmaids’ gowns. No one threw a party like the Perrot’s did! There were over 200 guests, all of whom were either relatives or politicians. Though I admit, I was concerned the decorations and flowers were so opulent as to border on improper.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The buzz of people and servants soon became so overwhelming that it silenced me. I sat at the same table as the bride, as was my right as her best friend. We watched the guests take their places on the dance floor.</p><p> </p><p>            “I’ve been watching you mope about all day. Why are you so glum?” Suzanne whispered in my ear.</p><p> </p><p>            “I’m going to lose my dearest closest friend.”</p><p> </p><p>            “We will not be losing each other. You must convince Carter to move to New York.”</p><p> </p><p>            “Oh no,” I shook my head, “I hardly need a reminder of what awaits me.” I tried to pull away, but she grabbed me closer and hugged me. She smelt like roses and remorse.</p><p> </p><p>            “We will never be parted completely. Rey, I will write to you every day, and I will force Charles to make frequent trips back here.”</p><p> </p><p>          I smiled against her cheek, “Fine. Though you’ve chosen to make those promises yourself, remember that.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>          She pulled away and returned my smile, “Always! Please, ma chérie, I don’t want to see you out of spirits on such a fine a day. Especially on MY day of celebration! I insist we have one last soirée. When I return from Paris, I will bring back three colors of every pretty dress for you.” She kissed my hand and then turned to a groomsman, “Monsieur A-----, you promised you would dance with whomever I asked you to. I insist you dance the next waltz with Rey!”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>At Suzanne’s insistence, I danced with the groomsman. I appeared to great advantage in a red evening dress, my flounces lifting as I spun with unnecessary effort. Dancing would be the cure to my depression! I would cry no more. Soon I would be a Madame myself, and I would dance in a white dress.</p><p> </p><p>My eyes would stand out against my white dress, and Florrie would apply a hair masque the night before, so it shone luxuriously. And of course, we would have a full band! The wedding would be held when Suzanne visited so that she may be a bridesmaid. In my mind's eye, I saw myself with my hair up and my mama's pearls twinkling in the light. I would be the very picture of grace.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The same could not be said of my groom to be.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>As the dance with Monsieur A----- finished, Carter quickly approached, scuttling across the dance floor, and asked me to join him in the polka. At once, I wanted to turn around and run out of the mansion; to keep running until I hit the Atlantic. But father’s overbearing vision cut through the crowd, and I curtsied. I had almost forgotten my family was also invited.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>After a few short moments of dancing, it was evident that he had been practising. This raised a sense of shock and gratefulness; perhaps, Carter could evolve.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>            “You look beautiful tonight.” He smiled as we spun around.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>            “Thank you.”</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>At the edge of the dancefloor, Monsieur Augustus sat with the same older woman from the reception. Thankfully he did not notice me. The light of the chandelier flowed down the soft curves of his hair. One could almost confuse him for a gentleman. They looked to be in a heated conversation, and after she said something, he stood up and walked away. She wore an annoyed look. I fixed my eyes on Carter. At least he never called me a loose woman.</p><p> </p><p>            “Rey, you’re quite pink, are you alright? Are you overheated?”</p><p> </p><p>            “I’m afraid so. May we sit for a moment?”</p><p> </p><p>Carter led me to his table, and as I saw the cheeky smile of Madame O’Connor, I kicked myself. In my attempt to escape one unpleasant person, I was led toward the tedious harpy. Upon hearing her obnoxious laughter, I pulled his arm and asked him to lead us to the punch table. He smiled; I can only assume he thought I meant to flatter him with special attention.</p><p> </p><p>Fate had other plans, for who would we find near the punch table? No other than the O’Connor’s daughters! Jane, the middle one, and the gloomy one. A proper O'Connor-Lucien reunion. Before we finished making our way to the table, the middle sister approached me smiling:</p><p> </p><p>            “Did you see how sullen she looked? Poor child.”</p><p> </p><p>            “Who looked sullen?” I asked.</p><p> </p><p>            “The young Mademoiselle Netal.”</p><p> </p><p>Carter returned and taking his place beside me, offered me a cup of drink.</p><p> </p><p>            “What does she have to be miserable of?” I asked as I gently grasped the drink, the less time it spent in his clumsy hands, the better. Bazine was the luckiest girl in New Orleans, she had a great inheritance, and a great wealthy suitor.</p><p> </p><p>            “Rey,” she gave me a sardonic grin, “do you mean to tell me that you don’t know?”</p><p> </p><p>            “I'm surprized,” Added the youngest one in her bored tone, “she has been scampering about, telling everyone she was going to be engaged to a man richer than the Perrot family. Although she wouldn’t say who.”</p><p> </p><p>            “Not that it matters now.” Giggled the middle one.</p><p> </p><p>          I blurted out, “Oh, she told you too?”</p><p> </p><p>            “I’m surprized you haven’t heard. Well then, you would not believe, but, Madame B-----, the Netal’s French cook, told Monsieur H-----, our butcher, who was overheard by Madame F-----, our cook-”</p><p> </p><p>            “Get to it!” I hurried her.</p><p> </p><p>            “Well. Madame B----- all but confirmed it. Her proposal fell through!”</p><p> </p><p>            “She declined it?!” I could scarcely understand why she would decline it, especially after her raving! Was there another wealthy insufferable gentleman who caught her heart? Perhaps he would do a better job of restraining her wandering eyes.</p><p> </p><p>            “No. That’s the most scandalous part! He never intended to propose!”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I could have dropped my drink. With quickness, I put the cup to my lips to cover my smile. The two gits continued to make each other miserable! How delectable! Absolutely delightful; the two morons flouted their business about, and nothing came of the so-called arrangement.</p><p><br/>
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</p><p>            “Poor Mademoiselle Netal. Women’s minds jump from first meeting to matrimony with such rapidity.” Carter commented. For a few blissful seconds, I had forgotten he was there.</p><p> </p><p>            “A most scandalous matter indeed.” I raised my brows suggestively, “And here I thought she was going to be married, ‘the first debutante to be engaged’ I recall her proclaiming. Now I come to find out our 'mysterious' gentleman never intended to propose. Though his identity is hardly a mystery.”</p><p> </p><p>The ladies around me immediately understood my meaning.</p><p> </p><p>            “And who is the gentleman?” Carter asked.</p><p> </p><p>          I tsked, “My good Monsieur.” Giggling, I turned back to the ladies, “If she is incapable of seeing his disinterest and he is incapable of proposing then perhaps they deserve each other.”</p><p> </p><p>            “This whole affair is tedious. Ladies, I always say, can better use their time on other matters than gossip. It is a foul practice, most unbecoming of elegance.”</p><p> </p><p>How could someone be so dull? For all his proclamations and hypotheses on women, he was no different. He only decried our sharing information because he could not determine who the gentleman was! Who was the most recent arrival to New Orleans high society, with a fortune to rival the Perrots? Monsieur Benjamin-Scoundrel-Rogue-Fiend-Bastard Solo Augustus! Although I had no clue of his wealth being so vast as to rival my dear Suzanne’s family’s wealth.</p><p> </p><p>            “You see what I mean, Rey!” The second sister giggled into her cup.</p><p> </p><p>            “Thank you for keeping me informed, dear. All this wedding business has left me out of sorts.” I kissed them on the cheeks and made my way back to the dance floor, it would provide the best vantage point to see the young Romeo and Juliet’s misery. How blessed I am! I would, at last, gain some delight from the evening. I was halted by Carter gripping my elbow:</p><p> </p><p>            “Rey, dearest, I do not appreciate- that is. It’s not right for you to behave in such a manner. To gossip and niggle, it is unladylike. Unfit. Reflective of cheap character.” Sensing my disapproval at his assessment of my character, he stopped. He glanced at my skirt and smiled, holding out his handkerchief, “You have spilt some drink on your skirt. Here.”</p><p> </p><p>He held it out in a manner that drew attention to his initials.</p><p> </p><p>            “I-I don’t know if I can- excuse me.” I stood aside and hurried toward the exit. He meant to offer his handkerchief; it would have confirmed our attachment if I were to be seen with it. Events were moving too quick for my comfort.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>After I made it outside, I hid behind a pillar and did my best to calm my breathing. It may have been a mistake, but I tried, most ardently, to conceal my emotions. All night long, I suppressed my grief at the loss of my friend and the impending future. In two weeks, I would lose my sister as well. Then what would become of me? The thought struck me; the death of young Rey approached rapidly. I would be expected to dress prettily and dance, then lay with Carter to consummate the marriage. Regardless of who I married, my husband would have the right to my body. The thought was revolting.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>There was no way to avoid the future. It was inevitable.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>For the past year, I believed I was running toward a goal, and now, I realized I was running a marathon. Why did I never consider what would happen after the wedding? Would I give Carter an heir? Would Madame O’Connor be my neighbor and visit me for tea every day? I would have to be the mistress of his small home. He was not the first son; there was little left for him.</p><p> </p><p>Madame Rey Josephine Lucien. How depressing that sounds!</p><p> </p><p>I crumpled down and heaved for a few moments before I felt a hand nudge my shoulder. Looking up, I was greeted with Madame Rose Terrance’s kind face. She held out her handkerchief in her other hand.</p><p> </p><p>            “Thank you.” I accepted it and wiped my now wet eyes.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>She squeezed my shoulder and returned to the celebration.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>* * * * *</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>On the evening after Suzanne's wedding, Papa and I sat in his study reading.</p><p> </p><p>This was a common occurrence. We were either fighting or reading. How pleasant it was that we would be reading the night before he was to give his eldest daughter away. Papa was looking over a newspaper, and I appeared to be reading a drab old tome he handed me. It was a large ‘instructive’ text, behind which I hid a novel. Papa believed novels rotted a young girl’s mind. Lucky for me, my mind was already rotten.</p><p> </p><p>The preparations for Caroline’s wedding had been long and drab. I needed some excitement in the form of escapism. Who better than George Eliot to pass an evening pleasantly? Probably Suzanne but she was in Europe.</p><p> </p><p>            “How is Monsieur Lucien?” Papa asked. He did not take his eyes away from the paper.</p><p> </p><p>          I straightened up; I would need all the strength I had, “I haven’t spoken to Monsieur Wexley Lucien.”</p><p> </p><p>          He put the paper down, “You know the one I mean.”</p><p> </p><p>            “My apologies, Monsieur. He is well. You may have seen us dance at Suzanne’s wedding.”</p><p> </p><p>            “I was watching. Why did you run out?”</p><p> </p><p>            “Pardon?” He did not repeat himself. “Forgive me. I was not inclined to be around people. I felt overwhelmed by the emotions of the day.”</p><p> </p><p>            “I trust you will not feel overwhelmed tomorrow.” He held up his newspaper again, “Oh, and Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>            “Oui?”</p><p> </p><p>            “Next time he offers it, accept his handkerchief.”</p><p> </p><p>            “Oui, Monsieur.”</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>Two weeks later. I followed my sister as a bridesmaid as we made our way into X Hall for her wedding reception.</p><p> </p><p>Despite our current debt, and the carrion Plutt flying overhead, the wedding was modestly extravagant. By no means was it as opulent as Suzanne's wedding, but we did best with what we had. One can hardly expect to rival the Perrots. Mama and Caroline felt it would be unfit to have the wedding at our home. Instead, it would be held at the Royal Hall. I disagreed, the Madame Justine Hall had a large dance floor, but they won by democratic vote: Royal Hall had an ‘advantageous’ ratio of dance floor to dining space.</p><p> </p><p>Further, to my detest, Poe was invited as a groomsman, but I was not required to walk alongside him. He was related to the bridegroom, so he had a right to be at the wedding; that did not mean I had to be civil.</p><p> </p><p>The past few weeks flew by in a flurry. I felt as if I was watching myself; I was in a mental rut. Waking up on the day of my beloved sister’s wedding, I felt limp with acceptance. This would not be the only Mademoiselle Camille wedding this year, but I accepted that.</p><p> </p><p>Carter was not the man I loved. However, I would mould him into someone I could love. We create the men we want to be with. In truth, I felt like I was cheating Carter out of real happiness by thinking in this manner, but I was so resigned to my fate. There simply was no other option! What was I to do? Huxley was right in some regards. The Camilles were not as wealthy as other families. Our condition was further lowered by our debt, who knows how many people know of it? No other suitors would be willing to approach.</p><p> </p><p>Caroline would leave for Georgia in a few days, and she’d be Madame Pryde.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>‘<em> Madame Lucien.’ </em></p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>One after another, the petals are wilting!</p><p> </p><p>Once inside, everyone made their way to their tables. To add to my poor luck, Madame O'Connor insisted I sit with her and Carter. He spent the first hour chatting away about how lovely weddings were.</p><p> </p><p>            “A beautiful gathering of friends and family,” He sighed, “What do you think?”</p><p> </p><p>            “Yes. It is a social gathering.” I replied, very matter-of-fact.</p><p> </p><p>            “They say going to one wedding begets another. Surely you’ve heard that phrase?”</p><p> </p><p>            “No, I have not Monsieur.”</p><p> </p><p>He was hardly cautious with his hints. Later, on the dance floor, for I promised the first two dances to him, he did not relent.</p><p> </p><p>            “I say, I believe you’ve had enough turns as a bridesmaid.”</p><p> </p><p>            “I’ve had enough turns in this dance.” I whispered to myself. If he spun me one more time, I would happily vomit on his necktie. Trying to guide the conversation, I questioned him, “Do you like to read?”</p><p> </p><p>            “Of course! A gentleman must read extensively! He must read medical journals, at least for a gentleman in my situation, he must read the newspapers, social texts, the-”</p><p> </p><p>            “Do you have a favorite novel?”</p><p> </p><p>          He laughed, a tiny drop of spit hit my chest, “I never read novels! There are better ways to spend your time little Rey,” he used the same nickname his aunt did, “drawing or sewing are better suited to elegant young ladies.”</p><p> </p><p>If he had a spine, I should have been frightened by such a proclamation, but this was the same man who spilled corn on my dress, who stepped on my feet when we danced. I was not afraid of him. I was only afraid of two men, God and Papa.</p><p> </p><p>Were my father not around! If only he did not instruct me to accept Carter’s approaches, I would have stepped on his hideous hide shoes! I resolved to ensure we would spend the least amount of time together when we were married. I could give him two children at most.  Afterwards, he would not be allowed to touch me. And I would sit in a separate parlor room reading novels all day long.</p><p> </p><p>I shot him a playful grin and stepped on his foot. Papa was not on the dance floor, and no one could accuse me of malicious intent. After all, I was such a poor dancer. He winced.</p><p> </p><p>            “I suppose you’re right, Carter.” But I didn't care.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>At the first opportunity, I left Carter to dance with a groomsman and walked about chatting to guests. In truth, I was avoiding Carter. As I strolled about chatting to distant relatives, whose names I could not recall, it occurred to me that I had not glimpsed Monsieur Augustus since the ceremony. Hiding my face behind my fan, I examined the room until I saw him sitting next to Monsieur Huxley and Louis.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Why I felt the need to look out for him, I could not say. I watched as an animated Benjamin turned between Armitage and Louis; he appeared to be listing out things as he held up his fingers. Armitage shook his head and poked the table as he spoke. Louis, calm as ever, sat back bemused and gave me an incredulous smile before returning to the gentleman. They were likely discussing business or politics. Or the best place to find a necktie, as men are often want to do.</p><p> </p><p>One could not help but notice how tired Monsieur Augustus looked. The sins of the past month must be weighing heavily on his mind. He jumped from one heartbreak to another, quite the prodigious gentleman. As the thought crept into my mind, I laid my eyes on a dull-looking Bazine. She sat at a table alone.</p><p> </p><p>Immediately, my heart was overcome with pity. I was guilty of laughing at her unfortunate circumstances: to have turned down a suitor for a more advantageous match that never occurred. I was guilty of having wished the worst for her, and of having laughed at her circumstances. It would have been heartless to continue mocking her behind her back. Although she betrayed me, and all womankind, when she stole my dress. Not to forget her insults and gloating about Benjamin’s supposed attachment. For the sake of healing and our mutual hatred of that loathsome beast, I was willing to make peace.</p><p> </p><p>Putting my fan away, I strolled up to her and curtsied.</p><p> </p><p>            “Rey.” She addressed me.</p><p> </p><p>            “Dear Bazine, you have a lovely dress and lavender compliments your tone. Why are you not dancing?”</p><p> </p><p>          Her lips curled, and she looked down, trying to stop her tears, her voice croaked, “I do not feel pretty, and I do not feel like dancing.”</p><p> </p><p>          I pulled up a chair to sit by her and grasped her hand, “Why is that?”</p><p> </p><p>            “I think you know why. Everyone knows!”</p><p> </p><p>          Pulling her closer, I dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief, “There should be no crying tonight. Unless you’re my Mama or you’re so attached to Caroline that you could not bear her leaving. Such men are hardly of consequence. This has not lowered your standing with respectable people.”</p><p> </p><p>          She raised her brows in a demure look, “You don't mean it.”</p><p> </p><p>            “I absolutely do mean it! I believe your escort is still besotted with you. I also believe he is not engaged for the next dance.” I tried to give my most reassuring smile to which she giggled weakly, “There are many men who would be lucky to receive your attention. Do not waste such a pretty dress, and the night is still young.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Bazine agreed to dance after her tears dried, and I kept her company to save her from awkwardness. After she calmed down, I danced with a groomsman while she danced with her Ball escort. There was a time when we were friends. We were a trio: Suzanne, Bazine, and Rey. It did not last long, but we were compatible in some ways, such as our taste in fashion and men. We were incompatible in other ways, such as gloating and wealth. For that night, I determined that I would forgive and forget almost all grievances against me. I longed to dance and be jovial!</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Carter returned, and after we finished a dance together, he informed me that he needed some fresh air.</p><p> </p><p>            “What a shame, I hope you will join our dances later in the evening.”</p><p> </p><p>            “Rey. I was wondering if you’d like to join me for a turn about the garden.”</p><p> </p><p>            “It would be improper-”</p><p> </p><p>            “My aunt will chaperone us.”</p><p> </p><p>That wrinkled old bag of leather with legs? I looked at Papa, who sat with Caroline and Pryde, and he nodded once.</p><p> </p><p>No. Please no. Not tonight.</p><p> </p><p>I felt as though someone struck my head with a plank of wood. The world spun as if I were tied to an arm of a windmill swinging at high speed.</p><p> </p><p>I had gooseflesh, and despite the cold shiver running through me, I felt myself begin to sweat. I wanted to vomit, I wanted to cry, to push Carter away and run out of Louisiana. There was only one reason for him calling me away from the reception. Given Papa’s nod he must have suspected the same thing. And what did Carter mean by asking me when Papa held all the real power? Does a cow give consent before the butcher slaughters it? No.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>            “Rey.” Madame O'Connor croaked behind me. There was nowhere else to run. This was it. I gave a tentative nod, and all three of us made our way out of the hall.</p><p> </p><p>The garden was modest but stately. The hedges were perfectly trimmed; clearly the work of a passionate topiary. I wish he were still around to chop my head off with his garden shears.</p><p> </p><p>Carter led me toward the center fountain and indicated for me to sit on the edge. Meanwhile, his aunt stood about 20 feet away, pretending not to listen, to allow us some privacy. She faced the garden, as if admiring it, yet leaned with one ear pointed toward us. The moon hung low and shone brightly as if to say here is Rey! Here is Rey with all her shame! She is the lead actress of our tragedy, call the stars and the planets, the show is about to begin!</p><p> </p><p>Carter stared at me with a solemn look. He stepped forward with an open mouth then closed it and turned around. He took a few steps forward. I heard him breathe in sharply through his nose.</p><p> </p><p>            “Odious.” I whispered.</p><p>            “Rey. Mademoiselle Rey Camille. I have had the pleasure of knowing you since you were young.” I rolled my eyes but straightened up when he turned back to face me, “From the moment I met you. I was enchanted by your elegance, your grace, and your good breeding. You are warmer than a summer day, finer than gold. You shine brighter than the sun!”</p><p> </p><p>Wad he comparing me to a summer’s day? Oh, I wanted to vomit, even his proposal was unoriginal. There was no real passion, no feeling. Empty sentiments rang out. I realized he had been practising more than his dancing.</p><p> </p><p>            “I cannot breathe without you!”</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Then don't.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>            “Your soft manners are so agreeable and befitting a lady. Your maternal instincts...” he rambled on. Whichever female helped write his proposal speech clearly knew nothing about me. Or did he steal his speech from a novel? I returned to my attention to him, "... all serve as proof as to the excellence of your sex.”</p><p> </p><p>            “Monsieur.”</p><p> </p><p>            “Rey, allow me to finish. I love you. And I wish to be joined to you till death part us.”</p><p> </p><p>          I wished death took me at that moment. I nodded and kept my head down, "Thank you."</p><p> </p><p>          He beamed and bowed, “Excellent, excuse me, I must speak with Monsieur Camille.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Turning, he hurriedly walked past his aunt back to the Hall. After some light assurances that I simply needed fresh air, Madame O'Connor also left me.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>I was again filled with resigned coldness. I could not be too preoccupied with what COULD happen and what WOULD happen. I could only focus on the moment; if I were to make it through this marriage, then I would survive day-by-day.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>My only reprieve was that I was left alone in the garden. With a deep breath, I stood up and began walking along the gravel paths. I wandered aimlessly without thinking of what was to come. Slowly, a sensation of extreme disgust and hatred grew in my chest.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>            “No.” I mumbled, suppressing all disappointment. Life was so tiresome. I was tired of being worried: of my future, of no inheritance, of my reputation, of my own family and what they would say of me. In a way, Carter was saving me. He wasn’t such a bad fellow either! He respected me, he thought highly of me <em> — </em> even if he was a touch overzealous in showing his feelings.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Footsteps on the gravel behind me snapped me out of my reverie.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Feedback plz? &lt;3<br/>I can still be found on <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">twitter.</a></p><p>Avec amour,<br/>Lapinrose</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. The Proposal . . . Continued</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Feedback plz? &lt;3</p><p>Thank you to a very special beta reader and muse. Additional thanks for your kind words, comments, kudos, bookmarks etc.<br/>I can be found on <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">twitter.</a></p><p>Avec amour,<br/>Lapinrose</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A quick backward glance revealed Monsieur Augustus’s tall figure. Providence was a cruel mistress, and I was quite distressed by his habit of making inconvenient appearances. Lifting my skirts, I took a deep breath and practically jogged away. My mind was torn between the guilt of having pulled the wool over Carter’s eyes and Monsieur Augustus’ appearance. Perhaps, if I were not so obsessed and set on one goal, I could have loved Carter.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe this was a sign of maturing? The footsteps did not let up. <em>Blast that scoundrel, </em>he was no longer allowed to see my tears. In my last moment of peace, he appeared. Was another lecture to be expected? Would he gloat about his superior character? Men are so inconsiderate. What would he say now? ‘You’re lucky to have tricked someone into marrying you?’ No, it was not to be borne.</p><p> </p><p>The soft sound of heavy footsteps displacing gravel followed. The fiend was resolute. What a demon!</p><p> </p><p>Following a spiralling path, I ran toward a small hedge maze. A grandiose fountain sat in the middle with a wooden bench nearby. The overpowering smell of freshly cut plants filled the air. Making my way through the maze, I checked over my shoulder and saw that he was stalking me.</p><p> </p><p>I plopped down on the bench and took out my fan. It would serve as an adequate screen between us. Despite my hopes that he would walk past me, he stood in the entrance of the small maze. I did not acknowledge his presence. The flowers had caught my attention! Yes. Very pretty. More than adequate. They served as a distraction.</p><p> </p><p>            “Miss Camille.”</p><p> </p><p>My eyes flit upwards, stealing a glance at him. His hair was perfectly coiffed and his tuxedo was smooth, clean, without a single wrinkle. At least I could not see any wrinkle. He looked immaculate! How horrid.</p><p> </p><p>Monsieur Augustus huffed and strode over the small hedges with his long legs. Oh, I forgot that was a possibility.</p><p> </p><p>His lumbering figure trudged over the hedges until he towered over me.</p><p>            He coughed even though he already had my attention, “I wanted to speak with you, am I intruding?”</p><p>            “Yes,” I transferred all my nerves into fanning myself. The movement gave me courage to face his impassive countenance. Although, a tiny voice in my mind persuaded me to listen to him. After all, he would not approach me if he did not have something to say. “But I am a bridesmaid and the bride’s sister, it would be impossibly rude to rebuff a guest.”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin stepped forward as though intending to sit by me. His words flashed in my mind, ‘<em>Y</em><em>ou have acted with great impropriety from the moment I met you.’ </em> To this, my palms burned like hot coals. If I let him near me would I give evidence to his past claims? I could not endure it,  I chided him:</p><p>            “For the sake of decorum, please, keep at least six feet away.”</p><p> </p><p>He nodded and gave me a look that said ‘of course.’ I began fanning myself faster, I would need more help than a screen to deal with such a black-hearted Don Giovanni. I could not tell you why I agreed to speak with him, but there was something off about his manner. His features were soft: his lips relaxed, not in the permanent scowl he seemed to wear, and his shoulders sagged. A part of me dared to hope. Hope for what?</p><p> </p><p>            Monsieur Augustus squeezed his gloves in his hands, then gesturing behind him spoke, “I saw you walking with Carter earlier.”</p><p>            Oui Monsieur, but this time there was no improper secondment. “Not only Carter. His aunt was chaperoning us. In case you have come to present me with another study of my character.” </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But why was he watching?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>            “No such thing.” He grimaced.</p><p> </p><p>What followed was an awkward silence. I imagine he intended that I should carry on the conversation, but I refused to give him the courtesy of filling empty air. For such an impudent character as his, the only way to recompense was to grovel. Grovel at my dainty satin shoes. Then I would consider listening to him, as he continued I found myself leaning toward him.</p><p> </p><p>            “I shall be quick. Am I to understand that you’re considering marrying Carter?”</p><p> </p><p>It’s marvellous what a few moments of silence will do for men’s tongues.</p><p> </p><p>Vexation and regret tangled in my chest, I was disgusted. Why did he care? Did he intend on chastising all my decisions?</p><p> </p><p>            “What makes you think I’m interested in answering <em> your </em>questions?” I snarled. All prior irritation and anger surfaced at once; there was only so much I could contain. Moreover, my betrothal to Carter was all but confirmed so I could speak freely to Monsieur Rat without concern of how he would react. I certainly had no expectation of marriage from him. It was evident that he was not expecting my volatile attitude for he chewed his cheek.</p><p> </p><p>            “I’ve been reliably informed that he is not a popular bachelor.” He smiled, incredulous, “For all his good qualities, it seems the ladies are unperturbed over his matrimonial status. I can see why they would be.”</p><p>            “He’s a doctor. It is true that he is not the eldest, but he stands to gain a comfortable inheritance.” I bit back. First, he came after my character, now he came after my almost-betrothed’s character? He had to be reminded of his manners. Criticizing and teasing Carter was my role. Soon it would be my sole employment.</p><p>            “Not good enough for people of our status.”</p><p>            “What is good enough? Buying a new frock every two weeks? No. As long as one can eat and has a dry place to sleep<em>—</em>”</p><p>            “A pauper’s life!”</p><p>            “No such thing... and he has a large library!”</p><p>            With a condescending smile, he added, “Of medical books and sermons."</p><p> </p><p>An excellent point, but I would mould him; part of that includes the purchase of numerous novels.</p><p> </p><p>            “I have my heart set on Carter.” I felt thankful for the fan, as he could not see my downturned lips.</p><p> </p><p>            A pained look flashed over Benjamin’s face. “Truly? Is that what you desire?”</p><p> </p><p>Desire? No. But if I repeated it enough it would take root in my mind. Then I would not be lying to Carter. I would not be lying to myself. As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I put my fan down and began to fidget.</p><p>            “I may not love him <em> right now</em>,” The confession dashed out despite my attempts at restraint. I could not tell you why I was speaking so brazenly to him, but we were kindred spirits in a sense. The realization did not escape my notice, we had a set routine; I would cry and he would console me. I wondered, what charges against my character would he make next time? “My time is running out. I can’t run forever, I’ve already brought such shame to my family <em> — </em>”</p><p>            “You have not.” He stepped forward with his hand reaching for my cheek, “And you said so yourself: you do not love him.”</p><p>            I echoed Caroline’s advice, “You do not need love in marriage. It is possible to be happy without violent emotions.”</p><p>            He dropped his hand and shaking his head uttered, “You don’t believe that.”</p><p>            “No!” My eyes began to tear up, “But he cherishes me, and perhaps, my feelings<em> — </em> where once complacent <em> — </em>can bloom.”</p><p>            He shook his head again and moved closer, “No, no, recall what you said. You said it yourself: you do not love Carter. One should never settle for complacency.”</p><p>            Feeling myself unravel before him, I glanced away in shame, “Of course you would say that. Men have the privilege of waiting for an opportune time, of waiting for a favorable partner.”</p><p>            His warm hand, sans glove, caressed my arm, “Rey, you break my heart.”</p><p>Before he could lay his hand on my elbow I slapped his hand away.  </p><p>No. No. No. No. No. </p><p>            “No!” I stood up gripping my fan in one fist and held my fist with my other hand. If I did not I would have assaulted him. He could never be given the opportunity to cause my misery again. For the sake of my tattered reputation, I took a few steps back. No more would I allow a man to take the reins of my heart. He was the same foul beast who called me loose. Now I was breaking <em> his </em>heart? How loathsome men are! He charged me with a foul insult, and then proclaimed I hurt him?! </p><p> </p><p>            “My apologies, Miss Camille. It pains me to hear you speak in that manner.”</p><p>            “Pains you?” I turned to face him, “I find that difficult to believe. Especially given your previous reprove of my character. Monsieur Augustus, you irritate and confuse me; you can be so cruel and cold, then you call me Rey and act as though you care.”</p><p>            “I do. I do care.” He confessed with a demure look.</p><p>            “Yes, you <em> certainly </em>act like it. And do not call me Rey, from now on I am Madame Lucien.”</p><p>            For a brief second his countenance contorted into one of distress, “Is that supposed to frighten me? I see you’ve fooled yourself into believing you wish to marry him. That will not deter me from relating my feelings, or my opinion on this match.”</p><p>            “You may not believe this Monsieur, but I do not act with you in mind. You will not frighten me with your contempt. The more you resist, the more I shall insist you use it! And I have not fooled myself, I feel it is in my best interest to marry Carter. It is a sign of maturity.”</p><p>            “Maturity?” He now stood beside me. That odious fiend would not let me flee, “No. It is a sign that your spirit has been crushed. Rey<em> — </em> Miss Camille, I advise you not to settle. You deserve a partner who is your equal.”</p><p> </p><p>All despair was halted. Who was this cad to tell me what I did and did not deserve? He clung onto me like an incurable tick. Monsieur Augustus was the most agitating creature to ever exist. Oh! Poor me, to be hounded by such unrelenting men. My lips thinned into a straight line and he hesitated, sensing my aggression.</p><p> </p><p>Further, who was he to make assumptions about my life and my desires? Then he would switch roles and act like he cares about my happiness? Would Pulcinella enter stage left please! What use was it running through these thoughts in my mind? He should hear it!</p><p> </p><p>            “My equal? Monsieur. You are trying my patience. I do not know your purpose in speaking with me tonight, but allow me to add that I have not forgiven you for the way you spoke to me. Nor do I forgive you for the things you accused me of. You know nothing of my life, my character, my heart, or my spirit. You do not even know my full name! What makes you believe that I would be cordial with a man who has caused such grief and suffering as to keep me awake at night? How do I know these aren’t words meant to woo? Moreover, I heard about how poorly you’ve treated Bazine.”</p><p> </p><p>To this outburst, Benjamin appeared to be in shock. With a low growl, he ran his hand over his face, then rubbed his jaw in deep thought. I did not interrupt him or goad him; I wanted to know the truth. Moments ago silence was proved to be an excellent lubricant for conversation, naturally more was necessary.</p><p> </p><p>            He took a deep breath, “Rey, I was wrong. I cannot think about what I said without feeling ashamed of my behavior. As to the matter regarding Miss Netal, I did not come to New Orleans with the intent of marrying, of course, Armitage tried to convince me. My own family has tried to convince me to marry, but I don’t believe they had a southern belle in mind.” He smiled then quickly continued, “ A matter for another time. Mr Netal sought me out as a partner for his daughter, he thought he could persuade me to propose because of our stations in life. Not to forget my constitution. Even Armitage, although hesitant at first, was persuaded to encourage my affections for the girl. Unfortunately, Miss Netal’s parents fanned the hope of our match in her mind; whether this was because they were convinced of it or they tried to guilt me, I cannot say. She is the true victim in that predicament. However, I feel no shame for my behavior toward her, I was not the one who fooled her<em> — </em>”</p><p>            I could not bear to listen any longer. It became an impossible task to process his words as I could easily picture myself in Bazine’s position, “Stop. Say no more.” On the other hand: a small part of me could not bear to imagine others conspiring to attach him to her. In that respect, she had something I desired. What word can be attached to such a feeling? Anger? Disappointment? <em>Envy</em>.</p><p> </p><p>            “But I must. It was never my intention to propose to Miss Netal. In that matter, you must forgive me. As for my horrible treatment of you in our last encounter, <em> that </em> is a matter where I cannot escape my guilt.”</p><p> </p><p>            Grateful for the change in topic, I smiled sarcastically, “So. You’ve come to make amends?”</p><p> </p><p>He gave a firm nod.</p><p> </p><p>That would not do. I did my best imitation of his quizzical look.</p><p> </p><p>            “I must express, I was wrong. I cannot recall that moment without scorn for the way I acted. Therefore,” he swallowed and after a pregnant pause continued, “I came to apologize.”</p><p>Only one word could describe how I felt: awestruck. I was in such a state of shock that I almost dropped my fan. Never in my life had I heard a man, and an Alpha no less, apologize. Until that moment, I did not know any man had the capacity to be so open and honest. Even Louis, for all his good qualities, rarely apologized. For once I was silent in his presence for a positive reason. Was it possible that Monsieur Augustus could change? Was he now a semi-reformed scoundrel?</p><p> </p><p>            “Monsieur, I do not know what to say. Maybe I can wholly forgive you someday but surely this is the first step.”</p><p>            Benjamin took my gloved hand in his large, warm hand. The comforting scent of home tickled my nose. Drawing it to his lips and with a gentle kiss, he stared into my eyes, “I can only hope you forgive me in time. Further, it may be selfish of me to ask but I also hope you do not assent to marrying Carter. You deserve someone equal<em> — </em>”</p><p>            “You already said that.” I giggled.</p><p>            “I wish to emphasize it. Your partner should be your equal in spirit, passion, and candor.”</p><p>Now I was confused again. At every encounter he put me through a hurricane of emotions. He was still holding my hand dangerously close to his lips. “Monsieur… my hand.” He let go, but the look in his eyes did not waver. There seemed to me then, a more pressing reason for his seeking out my society. “Are you going to speak in circles for the entire night?”</p><p>            “Rey.” His face was stern, “May I call upon you soon?”</p><p> </p><p>My heart jumped up to my throat then fell. Before he could see the blood flush my cheeks, I hid behind my fan. He meant to call upon me… after he apologized. What a turn of events! What great fervor nestled upon my cheeks; I was astounded, he could make me blush so wholly and immediately! My mind was blank, there were no more epithets I could conjure to describe him.</p><p> </p><p>            He took slow steps toward me and clarified in a low voice, “I mean to court you. May I call upon you soon?”</p><p>            I smiled, “I heard you the first time Monsieur.”</p><p>            “And?”</p><p>            “I am determining how I should respond.” I answered. He placed his hands on my shoulders and forced me to look at him. Upon witnessing my reddened face, he smiled. It was a soft genuine smile, as only his charms could muster.</p><p>            “I was hoping you’d answer in the affirmative.”</p><p> </p><p>‘<em>Next time he offers it, accept his handkerchief.’ </em></p><p> </p><p>No, I was allowing my fancy to overtake me once more. Papa would never approve<em> — </em> Carter already left to speak with him.</p><p> </p><p>            “I<em> — </em> I <em> — </em>I cannot. I thank you for whatever… that is to say… thank you for your interest in me.”</p><p>            “Rey. You know enough of my character to infer that I would not ask this lightly. I was an ass to speak to you the way I did. Sometimes my temper causes me to lash out, given my constitution. When I am angry, I say things I do not believe.”</p><p> </p><p>‘<em>Given my constitution </em>’, and such outbursts would be tempered by claiming.</p><p> </p><p>            “You are doing a poor job of convincing me. Do you intend to entice an affirmative answer by airing your worst traits?”</p><p>            Chuckling, he rubbed his jaw, “I seek to ensure you know the truth from the outset. I never disguise my character, especially not to you. I do have admirable traits, I have independently undertaken efforts to improve myself. My mother raised me to be a refined gentleman: I can shoot, fence, box, swim, and, most importantly, dance. Further, you must admit, I make better conversation than Carter.”</p><p>At his demand I could only laugh. What a silly man he was.</p><p>            “And I’d make a better husband.” He cradled my hands. His gaze was intense, I looked away and laughed at how ridiculously he was behaving. Did he foresee us marrying? Such a comment could only reflect a serious desire to court and marry me. For how long had he had this design? My heart fluttered as though it skipped a beat, I had experienced too many violent emotions for one evening. Without meeting his eyes I chided him:</p><p>            “You really are a rogue. Such a way with words.”</p><p>            “Whatever you want, I will provide. Do you want dresses? Perfumes? Jewels?”</p><p>            “Monsieur<em> — </em>” I tried to tell him about Carter approaching my papa but he kept teasing me.</p><p>            “Hm?” He tilted his head, “All the novels, balls, and bonnets you want. What do you desire the most?”</p><p>            I took a moment to seriously consider my response. “Opera.” I whispered.</p><p>            “I believe the French Opera House is putting on a performance of La Traviata. We can see as many operas and matinees as you please, or until you’re sick of them. And I <em> flatter </em> myself by stating that my tastes are those of a refined gentleman.”</p><p>            “Monsieur, enough!” He pulled back, hesitant, “I speak earnestly. Please, believe when I say thank you for your openness, your honesty, but I cannot!”</p><p>            “I would not claim you on your first heat.”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
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</p><p>My heart was set to burst. The dum-dum-dum sound rang against my ears, it overpowered me. What a bastard. Again, I dared to match his gaze. His countenance did not shift. To a small degree I felt astonished because he talked so openly about such sensitive matters, but his promise! Was I suffering from the vapors?</p><p> </p><p>Claiming was a biological truth, a tradition that remained constant regardless of location. It was common in almost all countries and societies. Even those without refinement. Alphas almost always claimed their Omega partners during their first heat. Even when they married Alpha or Beta women, Alpha men were rumored to be driven by a need to possess and so claimed them in the heat of passion. To my disappointment, Omegas and Betas repeated this tradition. Lucky for us all that the bond of claiming did not permanently attach you to one being, it could wither without consistent contact with one’s claimed… one’s mate. </p><p> </p><p>To all this, Monsieur Augustus was perfectly disinterested. He was willing to forgo his right to my body, as the bond of matrimony gave him such a right, even further, he was willing to forgo the temptations of his constitution and tradition. The space between my neck and shoulder tingled again. Small sparks streamed from my neck to my breasts. An odd sensation against my heightened heartbeat. It was my turn to respond.</p><p> </p><p>            “I was incorrect in my past estimations of you. You’re not a scoundrel.” To this he smiled, “You’re a madman. Yes, you are a madman.”</p><p>            “I match your spirit. I have my imperfections just as any man, but take heart, with me your passions will never be repressed. The world will surely suffer should it lose your spirited, charming ways.”</p><p>            “Monsieur,”</p><p>            “Ben.” He corrected.</p><p>            It was time to end this confounding conversation, “If you would have allowed me to state earlier. I greatly appreciate your offer but Carter just left to speak to my Papa. I would have… if you had told me before he<em> — </em> I would accept but Carter has left to ask my Papa,” I fidgeted with my fan, “And he likely already accepted. My Papa must consent for any union to be formed. I’m afraid I’m a lost cause.”</p><p> </p><p>He did not respond. His jaw set. Still. Stiff. Like stone. His brow furrowed, “I see. I see now how little Southern culture has changed.”</p><p> </p><p>            Despite his frank rudeness, I could not be abersed to the great pleasure of his attention, “I am immensely sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>He smiled and shook his head and I wanted to respond, to reassure him, instead, he turned. I could only watch as he walked back toward the revelry. If life had been different, I could have been Madame Augustus. We could have sat in his library and read together, I would have been mistress of his home, and I would have a husband who did not allow our status to dictate our relationship.</p><p> </p><p>Yet, it was not meant to be. If only he approached me sooner.</p><p> </p><p>Had I broken another man’s heart? No, how was I to know he felt deep enough as to ask to court me? </p><p> </p><p>His proposal certainly came as a shock, but his words appeared to be genuine. <em>Or were they words meant to woo?</em></p><p> </p><p>No, he had apologized and even felt regret for his behavior towards me. With his promise of his willingness to forgo tradition and his right, he secured my confidence in his honesty. If only he had approached sooner, if only I had resisted Papa’s command, oh, but I could never! Papa would never allow me to set foot on any of his properties. Then I could never see my family again unless I were begging on the street or wearing a habit, and black makes me look deathly pale.</p><p> </p><p>No. It would not do.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Feedback plz? &lt;3<br/>I can still be found on <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">twitter.</a></p><p>Avec amour,<br/>Lapinrose</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Heated Tempers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi.</p><p>I invite all feedback and criticism - please I'm desperate for it.<br/>I can still be found on <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">twitter.</a></p><p>Avec amour,<br/>Lapinrose</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What morbid reflections awaited me before my rest. It was as though rancid sludge was pouring down my gullet, and I had to swallow it or drown. And I wanted to do neither.</p><p> </p><p>I wished the world was fair. I wished I had the means to say no to both men or the liberty to come and go as I please. And the means to choose who I desired without the Madame O’Connors of the world whispering when I entered the room.</p><p> </p><p>But with Papa’s estate entailed to my brothers, and the debt vulture Plutt circling us, what choice did I have?</p><p> </p><p>Best to continue with my current match and hope the wedding was arranged quick enough that I might lessen my family’s burden. On that day, at that moment, I was not proud to be a Camille. I felt pained by the responsibilities that flowed from my lineage; but to protect Mama, Louis, and Gerald, I would happily undertake what was expected of me. As for Papa, that was a matter where I would hesitate. Yet again, despite any hesitation, and though I hated myself for thinking so, I would still do what I could to protect him.</p><p> </p><p>The stonework of the fountain appeared strikingly smooth and clean under the moonlight. Briefly, I leaned forward and stared at my reflection. The girl staring back was almost unrecognizable. She appeared tired and forlorn. What was happening to Rey? Where was the Rey who giggled and laughed with her Suzanne about books, beaus, and gossip? Where was the Rey of three months ago? Why was I suddenly so lonely?</p><p> </p><p>It was then I noticed the marble statue of Zeus looking at me.</p><p> </p><p>           “Would you strike me down? Please.”</p><p> </p><p>I was not struck down.</p><p> </p><p>           “Another man to disappoint me." I cried, hastily spinning around to walk out of the maze.</p><p> </p><p>As if I were one to talk. Two men, heartbroken by the same woman, and on the same night. Well, Carter’s heartbreak would come much later. In that matter, I could not discern who fooled themselves into believing they loved the other. To think I would be left to the guardianship of a man who insisted he knew more about how I felt than I did. Raising my chin with an air of confidence, I strode toward the hall. There was nothing to be gained from thinking of my inevitable marriage to Carter.</p><p> </p><p>            “I will worry about it tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>To think I could have been chatting and laughing with Benjamin... and what would I gain from being with a man such as he? A haughty self-absorbed Alpha who thought him above my way of life, above my family, and traditions? And would he chide me if I taught our children French? Would his family look down on the backward Southern bride he dragged to the metropolis on a donkey? And I could wake up every morning to the warmth of his smile, the wit dancing behind dark eyes, his smell surrounding me, and raspy morning voice vibrating through my bones?</p><p> </p><p>I gripped my temples, now it was difficult to keep up with my own moods.</p><p> </p><p>One could not help but notice how very alike we were. We grew more and more alike every day. Perhaps I only noticed because I was giving him the attention due to such a gregarious fellow?</p><p> </p><p>Slipping into the hallway toward the ballroom, I heard several men yelling. Several <em>familiar </em>sounding men yelling might I add. However, such a scene was not enough to take me off course. To the pits with everyone else, it was an awful night for all! Suzanne was gone, Caroline was enjoying the attention of the melting wax taking human form - Monsieur Pryde - and I, worst of all, <em>because </em>it was happening to me, accepted a coward’s engagement.</p><p> </p><p>Several feet ahead, the door to the ballroom opened and Armitage stepped through. After a moment of shock, he bowed and I curtsied. I avoided his eyes until he approached.</p><p> </p><p>            “Mademoiselle.” He addressed me.</p><p>            “Monsieur.”</p><p> </p><p>Monsieur Huxley did not step aside, he was incompetent in every aspect of life that it was only natural he had no manners. I stepped aside to allow him to pass and as he did he huffed and turned back to me.</p><p> </p><p>            “It must be the happiest of nights for the Camilles” He ejaculated, seeing the confusion wash over my face he continued, “ One daughter married to a Pryde, and another being courted, no doubt your family hopes soon to be married, to an Augustus.”</p><p>           With an affected smile I replied, “Monsieur. I am sure I do not know what you mean.”</p><p>           “Benjamin told me he was leaving to speak to you, and on what matter. Speaking of the devil, where is he?”</p><p>           Now it was my turn to act like a condescending ass, “Monsieur. I’m afraid you’re incorrect in your estimation of my family, Carter is speaking with Papa about our engagement. As for your friend, I haven’t a clue where Benjamin is.”</p><p> </p><p>As soon as his name left my mouth a loud clang could be heard from the other end of the hallway.</p><p> </p><p>            “What’s that fool done now?” Armitage made a point of looking at me, “What have you got him into?”</p><p> </p><p>Before I could defend myself he sped off in the direction of the noise. If he felt the need to run after his friend he must have been privy to something I was not, and I was never one to miss out on drama, especially not when it concerned me.</p><p> </p><p>The sound of yelling mixed unfavorably with the sound of music flowing throughout the premises. Drawing a fist to my lips, I followed, as deftly as a lady wearing several pounds of fabric could, to the door where the yelling came from.</p><p> </p><p>            “A joke. It’s a jest! Surely, you cannot be serious.” Carter’s familiar voice whined.</p><p> </p><p>Huxley and I looked at each other with bated breath. We had not yet stepped inside but our minds were rocking with theories of what Benjamin had done.</p><p> </p><p>            “I should think you would have presented your suit sooner.” The older Lucien joined in.</p><p> </p><p>            “Upon my word, Sir.” Benjamin's familiar voice replied. My thighs tingled and my stomach twisted around itself. My heart threatened to rupture. I must have looked like a dumb cow with her mouth open. Oh, Benjamin. Oh, Benjamin, Benjamin, Benjamin, what was he doing? That sly dog. I wanted to kiss and slap him, perhaps one after the other, and I could not make up my mind as to the order.</p><p> </p><p>I could scarcely hear Carter’s protests; were I not breathing heavily, I would catch every saucy syllable.</p><p> </p><p>            “I do not know all your customs in New Orleans.”</p><p> </p><p>As much as I desired it, I was not ignorant to the impudent, reckless, manner in which Benjamin was behaving. For he was old enough that he ought to have a sense of how to carry himself in the world. To approach a hopeful bride's father with such ignorance as to their culture, was a reflection of his capricious passions. Unpredictable. Quite unbecoming of a gentleman.</p><p> </p><p>Could I love a man who was so ridiculous? Could I allow myself to be blind to his caprice? But desire gave way to folly, and I leaned forward to listen.</p><p> </p><p>            “Yankee moron.” Huxley whispered, his face twisted in irritation. Shame and anger washed over me, but I said nothing.</p><p> </p><p>Huxley huffed as he, with a great thrust of his hand, threw open the doors to the dramatic scene. I first noticed Benjamin’s tall figure standing with his hands behind his back. To the left, the two Luciens stood side by side, Wexley appeared to be pulling Carter back. A metal tray lay on the floor at Carter's feet. There, in the middle of it all, papa sat on a large leather chair with Louis standing with his hand on the chair's shoulder. Papa sat watching the scene unfurl, like Zeus deigning to visit his mortal children. A fireplace burnt brightly behind him. His hands relaxed on his cane.</p><p> </p><p>            “Ah, Monsieur Lucien, Monsieur Lucien, Monsieur Camille, Monsieur Camille, and Monsieur Augustus.” Armitage bowed to each, bobbing his head like a chicken. His show of politeness forced me out of my dumb dumbstruck stupor, and I followed with a curtsey. Monsieur Huxley strode calmly and stood by his friend’s side who looked at me though his eyes betrayed nothing.</p><p>            “Step inside dear.” Papa commanded, I followed until I stood by his side. I dared not look anyone else in the eye so I kept my gaze on the intricately patterned carpet and clutched my fan. Papa uncurled his hand and gestured toward me. “Rey, my dear, tonight you have as much right to be in this room as these gentlemen do.”</p><p> </p><p>A quick moment of silence passed, maybe they were staring at each other menacingly? I stifled an exhale, I could not imagine what they were doing, my mind was so agreeably engaged picturing Benjamin approaching my father to ask for my hand and papa agreeing. Without waiting another moment I peaked at the men.</p><p> </p><p>           Carter rolled his neck, "This is getting ridiculous."</p><p>           "I am inclined to agree," Papa trilled, "though I would not call it ridiculous; this is most unexpected, Monsieur Augustus."</p><p>            “I came to declare my intention of paying my address as quick as I could.” Benjamin replied. As soon as I heard his voice I could not help but steal a glance, he was staring at papa then looked at me. I colored and looked away, trying to commit his image to memory. I feared papa was likely to reject his request, thus I endeavored to everything before he exited my life.</p><p>            “Papa,” Louis said, “we must give Monsieur Augustus the honor due to him as a gentleman. One must recognise the awkwardness that follows as a newcomer to a new place which, must naturally, have alien customs. As Southern gentlemen, we should listen to his case.”</p><p>            “I suppose so…” Papa complied.</p><p>           This would not do for Carter, evidently Benjamin got under his skin, “He has been here for almost three months, he had the opportunity. I approached you first, Rey and I are engaged, you agreed to it!”</p><p>           Benjamin fought back quickly. “As far as I was aware, you had not yet agreed to any such arrangements.”</p><p>            “True.” Papa said.</p><p>            “Monsieur.” Carter began, “Do not do your daughter the disservice of considering this man’s offer. Not only is he a Yankee, but he is also a liar.”</p><p> </p><p>Shouts of 'A liar?' and 'How?' rang out as Benjamin and Armitage spoke.</p><p> </p><p>            “Yes.” Unlike me, Carter was not frightened to meet their eyes, “I cannot be mistaken, for it was shared with me by the purest unadulterated heart. This man is a liar and an adulterer.”</p><p>            “No merits to the claim whatsoever.” Came Armitage’s cool reply, he moved a wayward strand of hair. “It has often been the habit of grieved young ladies to claim-”</p><p>           Papa banged his cane like a gavel, “Gentleman. I have never seen a conversation devolve into mudslinging sooner than I have here.” Slowly he turned to Benjamin, “Monsieur Augustus. I appreciate your interest in my daughter, but Carter makes a strong case.”</p><p> </p><p>Dear Lord, papa do not give up so easily— Benjamin, do not give up easily.</p><p> </p><p>           Benjamin bowed, “Monsieur,” such civility was sure to grab papa’s attention, “Upon my word. You must forgive me. True, I am more accustomed to New York, but I am, at heart, a Southerner. I intended to approach sooner but was called away on business.”</p><p>            “How convenient.” Carter cried out and Wexley gripped his shoulders, how can a man need his own father to rein him in so.</p><p>            “It is the truth. And I recognise Carter's argument and have this to say: I flatter myself by drawing attention to my merits as a suitor. I own a factory in the North, I am an Alpha, and I am more capable of providing for your daughter the life she is accustomed to.”</p><p>           Papa grunted, “All attractive features. Very becoming of a suitor,” My heart fluttered, but why did it make me feel better, “and yet they would have been the MOST attractive features had you approached first.”</p><p> </p><p>My heart ripped in two.</p><p> </p><p>            “Precisely. Where is the honor in asking for a lady’s hand with the aim of obstructing another man? If you so desired her hand, you would have asked as soon as your interest rose.”</p><p>           Benjamin was quick to retort, “I did not wish to intrude on Mister and Misses Pryde’s wedding by drawing attention toward myself. I would call that behavior dishonorable.”</p><p> </p><p>Oh would one of the fools stop talking? I was drawn between crying, fleeing, vomiting, and falling to my knees to kiss Benjamin’s hand. The regret of informing him of Carter’s plans pulled me back from such an outburst, yet, I could not help but be grateful for the scoundrel’s frenzied ways.</p><p> </p><p>A pregnant pause followed before Carter bit back:</p><p> </p><p>            “Am I to understand that I am dishonorable for asking? For approaching her father and asking? Any savage can drag a lady and claim her, but a true man would do her the honor of asking her father.”</p><p>            “That is precisely what I am doing. Mister Camille, I ask again, do I have your consent to call upon your daughter?”</p><p>            “What breed of women are raising you Northern bastards?”</p><p>            “You are a caricature come to life.”</p><p> </p><p>Carter growled.</p><p> </p><p>            “I approached first AND I was her escort. He means to waste our time, or use your daughter and abscond.”</p><p>           Benjamin’s voice boomed, and with a finger pointing at Carter he grit his teeth, “Watch your tongue - be careful what you accuse others of, Beta."</p><p>           "There's a lady in the room you would do well to watch your tongue! Your designation does not frighten me, you are a coward who hides behind physiology to get his way."</p><p>           "I will duel you for her hand.”</p><p> </p><p><em>What</em>.</p><p> </p><p>            “What?”</p><p>           Benjamin moved and stopped halfway to Carter, “A duel.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A duel?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>           Carter began walking to meet him, face to face, “For her hand?”</p><p>            “Well, well, you DO have ears. Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>Again, I was beyond astonishment. Oh, Benjamin—he must be truly committed to his word if he was willing to duel. My jaw dropped to the floor. All the men, except papa, began in an uproar. Benjamin gratified my vanity by leaving to ask papa to court me, but to threaten to duel? In my state of shock, I moved to step forward without thinking but papa tugged me back. My heartbeat forecefully in my ears, I did not hear the men trying to pry my suitors apart. My tongue was dry, my throat constricted, and I was terrified of fainting. What a whirlwind of events! And what a surprize it was that I did not die of heart palpitations when surrounded by such primadonnas.</p><p> </p><p>            “There will be no duel!” Wexley shouted standing between Benjamin and Carter.</p><p>            “I do not wish to fight, but if I must then I will.” Carter spoke looking up at Benjamin.</p><p>            “Then you can fulfil both of our wishes by withdrawing your offer of marriage."</p><p>           Armitage, now standing by Benjamin, placed his hands on Carter’s shoulders, “For once in your life Carter. Show us how intelligent you are and withdraw your offer.”</p><p>            “No, it is a risk worth taking.”</p><p> </p><p>Papa coughed and all turned to him:</p><p> </p><p>            “Gentlemen. You must keep in mind, you are not duelling for her hand but the opportunity to ask for her hand. It does not follow that I must accept the victor's wish.”</p><p> </p><p>           Unable to contain my shock and frantic energy I spoke, “Papa pleas,e. Do not allow them to duel. I do not want anyone to be injured or die!”</p><p>          </p><p>           Without looking at me, he continued, “I do not take invitations to duel lightly, and I will not stand between two men and tell them what they can and cannot do. If a gentleman is willing to lay down his life then who am I to say no?”</p><p> </p><p>           Armitage appeared to be the only person listening to me and, nodding his head, added to my comment, “Mademoiselle Camille is right. Look,” he gestured to me with an open palm, “the belle does not wish for you to duel. Your friends and family do not want you to duel. Carter, for your family’s sake, your father cannot lose both you <em>and </em>your mama.”</p><p>           Carter considered his plea for a moment but did not let up, “No. If you are so concerned about someone being maimed you should warn your friend.”</p><p>           Armitage bit back, “I am concerned about the person more likely to be injured.”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin stood tall clutching his gloves, during the interaction, he never let go of Carter’s gaze. Why were Alphas so Alpha-like? Was he so quick of a duelist that Armitage, precious pompous Armitage, felt the need to grovel and beg someone NOT to duel him?</p><p> </p><p>Louis placed his arm on my back and led me to stand before the men.</p><p> </p><p>            “Rey.” he whispered, “You must be the one to cool their tempers.”</p><p> </p><p>How? How could I do anything in this scenario but burrow into the ground and disappear?</p><p> </p><p>           I took in a deep breath and endeavored to be genuine, “I would rather…” I began but kept my eyes down, “I would rather you live than fight and spend your last months succumbing to injuries. I know it is selfish to ask, but … for my sake, please do not fight.”</p><p> </p><p>And to whom did I address my short speech? I could not say. Benjamin and I had known each other for such little time, and I knew nothing of his life. Whether he had a large family, or any family at all, what his factories made—all questions that would remain unanswered if he died. Regardless of how talented a duelist he was, and even if he could box, swim, fence, and dance, what good were those skills if he could not enjoy them?</p><p> </p><p>            “Oh Rey-” Carter was cut off by Wexley grasping him and whispering something to him. Taking Wexley’s cue, Armitage began bickering with Benjamin.</p><p>            “What if you get hurt, imbecile!” He whispered.</p><p> </p><p>What a man he was. He was an utter moron. A cad. A scoundrel. A bastard. But that moron-cad-scoundrel-bastard was willing to die for me. Any man willing to fight the world to secure my happiness was beautiful to me. But what a moron. What good was my happiness if he were dead? What good would two dead suitors do? Without any particular reason, I looked back to see papa’s eyes burning into me. He was beyond enraged, and I would suffer the consequences later.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe I should duel him for my own hand?</p><p> </p><p>Carter cleared his throat, drawing my attention back, “Rey. My sincerest apologies. This predicament has not colored my favorable view of you and your family.” He turned and bowed to papa, “I must, Monsieur, most regretfully withdraw my proposal.”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin smiled.</p><p> </p><p>Although I appreciated his erratic actions, a dark feeling loomed over me. This scene would only make things more difficult.</p><p> </p><p>With a short huff, Carter stormed out followed by his papa.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin's shoulders dropped. Most likely feeling like he secured his territory. Or his property in this case. He turned to address papa, “Mister Camille, I have yet to hear your answer, may I call upon your daughter?”</p><p> </p><p>           Papa appeared exhausted and pursed his lips for a moment, “Having raised two children to see them marry, I have never had such an incident happen before my own eyes. Neither have I heard of such an event taking place for other families. That scene was better suited to the novels of young ladies.” he smiled and leaned back with his cane, “Despite that, I am not averse to your argument and situation. Yes, you have my permission to call upon my daughter - with a chaperone present of course.”</p><p> </p><p>            “Of course, thank you. Rey,” Benjamin said and taking my hand, placed a delicate kiss there, my heart threatened to jump out my body and run away - kissing my hand in front of papa! “I must be off. But I shall call upon you soon.”</p><p> </p><p>As he stood up again he shot me a coquettish smile, unbeknown to the other people in the room.</p><p> </p><p>            “Mister Camille.” He bowed and turned to leave, Armitage quickly imitated him and stomped behind him. As they left, Benjamin’s voice bounced off the walls of the outside hallway, “I know you want to scold me, but leave such talk for the Carriage.”</p><p> </p><p>I grasped the hand he kissed as if protecting the treasure he left behind. An ache started in my jaw and I realized how tense I was. Suddenly, the ground shifted as Louis grabbed me by the waist and spun me around.</p><p> </p><p>            “Oh Rey! Rey! Rey! You minx! Two men asking for your hand on the same night? And then threatening to duel?! And you know Monsieur Augustus is very likely a millionaire.”</p><p> </p><p>His exuberance was infectious, I could not contain my laughter. All rigidity and adrenaline had washed from my body and excitement took its place. I would no longer marry Carter! With only a few months until my sixteenth, I felt young again. Now I had all the time in the world to make Benjamin love me… or like me enough to fool him into marrying me.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, marrying Benjamin. No, I wasn’t nervous at all.</p><p> </p><p>            “Put me down, I’m going to wretch!”</p><p> </p><p>Louis put me down immediately.</p><p> </p><p>            “I’m delighted no one died.”</p><p>            “But,” Papa stood up, “I may well die of the shame of having a flirt for a daughter.”</p><p>            “Papa! She did nothing to encourage Benjamin’s affections.” Louis chided him but looked at me momentarily as if to ask ‘Did you?’ “Surely this is a better result than her marrying Carter. You heard the man as I did, a factory owner and an Alpha too. I don’t care if he is a Yankee, he is allowed to have such faults if he can pay off all our debts. We should be praising Rey.”</p><p>           Papa picked at the carpet with his cane, “You are too hasty. He has promised nothing but courtship, like any intelligent businessman. And Carter only withdrew his offer for fear of his life. We are in the same position we began in.” He turned his steadfast gaze to me, “And you. I do not know how or by what measure exerted by you, Ben came to desire your company… but you must do everything in your power to ensure that next time he asks me for something—he asks for your hand. Now. Both of you leave me be. I need time to think.”</p><p> </p><p>Louis bowed, I curtsied, and we left papa to mull on his own. His coughing filled the room as Louis closed the door.</p><p> </p><p>We began making our way through the premises; we agreed we both required a short rest before returning to the ballroom. Papa was right. Even if I hated how right he was, how much new stress had I introduced into my life tonight? Yes, I would have been miserable married to Carter but at least I was assured a marriage. Now I am assured nothing but Benjamin’s company for a few months and then, should I fail to sway him, I am assured a long life as a spinster. This was the biggest gamble of my life and I hated gambling.</p><p> </p><p>I felt I should have been frightened of the future, yet I was not. My heart was a strange mixture of anxiety and elation; a feeling I had never experienced before. That was the moment I realized that I had never been in such a terrifying situation. This was not like trying a new seamstress at the recommendation of a friend or wearing the wrong color dress at a party. No, it was like being tied to railway tracks and watching an oncoming train, hoping you could untie yourself before it hit. I hoped Carter was still infatuated enough that I could turn to him if Benjamin left.</p><p> </p><p>            “Was that why you were at the Huxley mansion?” Louis’ question snapped me out of my thoughts.</p><p>            “What?”</p><p>            “Forget it. Better that I don’t know, papa may be convinced you’ve encouraged that <em>outburst</em> from those men but no. They’re their own men. They know what they’re doing. Oh, ma petite, I know you well enough to know that you would never do anything too outrageous. Benjamin is a good man. You have made a good choice.”</p><p>            “Then why don't I feel that I have? What happens if he says he doesn't want me? Then where do I turn?"</p><p>           He smiled and held my face, “Rey, I am very much convinced that he will ask for your hand soon enough. If your smile has not charmed him, your wit will.”</p><p>            “What wit? Suzanne left and took all my wit with her.”</p><p>           Laughing, he hugged me, “Sweetest Rey. If he is not already in love with you, I dare say he soon will be.”</p><p>           To this I could only laugh, “You’re silly Louis.” We separated and continued walking, “He cannot love me for he barely knows me. We have exchanged words perhaps…” I counted the incidents and run-ins in my mind, “Seven times.”</p><p>            “Then you are more blind than I initially believed. A man does not risk his life if he does not believe in the cause he is fighting for. Have more faith in your abilities, he strikes me as a man who is fond of spirited women.”</p><p>            “No, you give my charms too much praise. They are limited. I’m afraid that beyond my beauty, my wit, my collections of novels, my ability to draw, my excellent appetite, and my taste in fashion and decor —I have nothing else to recommend me!”</p><p>           Louis laughed, “Try to be confident. Remember you’re Rey. You’re a Camille. Our ancestors were good enough to dine with French royalty, you’re good enough to have all the men in Louisiana duelling each other for the opportunity to ask for your hand.”</p><p> </p><p>I could not help but smile, Louis was adept at cutting through the humor I used to defend my anxieties.</p><p> </p><p>            “And try to spend less time outside, your nose will peel.” He leaned forward to whisper, “And Monsieur Augustus wouldn’t like that.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Bye.</p><p>I still invite all feedback and criticism - please I'm still desperate for it.<br/>I can still be found on <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">twitter.</a></p><p>Avec amour,<br/>Lapin</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. The Calm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Midday, about a week after Caroline’s wedding, the whole family was sitting in the parlor room, save for Papa who was resting in bed. Mama and Florrie were chatting about who wore what to the wedding as Florrie embroidered a handkerchief for me. Gerald was playing the piano and accordingly testing my patience. Meanwhile, Louis and I were playing cards.</p><p> </p><p>All at once, none other than the new bride herself surprised us.  As Caroline entered the room, she was greeted with smiles and compliments from everyone. Except for little Gerald who, pouting, began interrogating her:</p><p> </p><p>           “You have your own home now. Why are you here?”</p><p>           “Gerald!” Mama protested.</p><p> </p><p>I hid my snickering behind a handful of cards and Louis, in a fit of laughter, accidentally revealed his hand. </p><p> </p><p>           “Gerald! You cannot speak that way to people. Especially not your sister. Say sorry and give her a kiss.”</p><p> </p><p>Caroline took his questioning exceptionally well, as was typical of her sweet character, and bent forward to accept Gerald’s kiss. Before Louis could stand to greet her, I snarked:</p><p> </p><p>           "Leaving already? Shall this count as a win for me?”</p><p>           He gave me a playful look, “Not so fast, Mademoiselle. Caroline—Madame Pryde, it is a pleasure to see you once again. Florrie don’t bother yourself. Finn!”</p><p> </p><p>Within moments, Finn entered, and Louis instructed him to prepare tea for everyone. Then we continued our game, of course, I now had the distinct advantage of seeing his hand.</p><p> </p><p>Soon Finn returned and served everyone tea.</p><p> </p><p>           “My sweet, it’s so wonderful to see you,” Mama began and leaning forward continued in the worst attempt at a whisper, “<em> do you need a cushion dear? </em>”</p><p>           Caroline colored, “No, thank you. I am well.”</p><p>           “Of course, how good Monsieur Pryde is. After my wedding, I needed a cushion for almost three weeks.”</p><p>           "Mama!” Caroline and I cried out in unison.</p><p>           “No one wants to hear tales of your wedding, especially not with,” I shuddered, “Monsieur Camille.”</p><p> </p><p>Louis kicked my leg under the table.</p><p> </p><p>           “True. It was quite some time ago. Here I go speaking about the past when what matters is the present. It’s so good of you to join us, my sweet, tell me, are you settling in well?”</p><p> </p><p>Caroline began to detail how well Monsieur Pryde treated her, how the windows were well situated, how the porcelain and wood were kept reflective by a squadron of servants, and how quickly her body adapted to the changes.  ‘Most unlike men of his constitution.’ Mama kept repeating in intervals. When they began to discuss bodily changes, I leaned slightly to hear their conversation better.</p><p> </p><p>Louis kicked my leg again.</p><p> </p><p>           He whispered, “Why concern yourself with a second-hand account when you will be in her position soon?”</p><p>           I felt my face heat up, "Louis, you are foul.”</p><p>           “That’s not what I was referring to. Young girls who are in the habit of eavesdropping are foul.”</p><p>           “True. Yet you can only watch as this young girl continues eavesdropping!”</p><p>           “One day you will hear something so unpleasant it will destroy that detestable habit, forever!”</p><p> </p><p>I had nothing witty to say in reply, so I smiled, and we continued playing. Mama and Caroline did not speak of her wedding night or why she needed to wear such a high-neck shirt, so I returned my attention to playing.</p><p> </p><p>           “Rey will insist on a new dress. Tailored to her figure.” Mama said.</p><p>           Placing a card down, I asked, “And what will I need another dress for?”</p><p>           “Rey Camille. THE Rey Camille, declining the offer for a new dress? Have you begun paying attention in church?” Louis teased.</p><p>           “I always pay attention, whether I remember all the lessons is another matter. You of all people should know I am a Christianly woman.”</p><p>           “She’s hardly sixteen.” Caroline added.</p><p>           Mama was quick to reply between sips of tea, “And why wait? You were thirteen when Pryde asked for your hand.”</p><p>           “But that was on the understanding we would marry when I turned sixteen. Every being with common sense knows—girls should ideally marry at sixteen. If she were to marry now, well, people may think there may be a nefarious reason for a speedy wedding.”</p><p> </p><p>I threw my cards down:</p><p>           “Surely, you’re not talking about my wedding.”</p><p>           Mama replied, “We must! For it must be at the forefront of all our minds. It is only natural that you marry next, Rey. And if it is to Monsieur Augustus, so be it! As long as there is going to be a wedding soon. Then your Papa and I can rest easy.”</p><p>           I protested, “This is not to be borne! We are not even engaged!”</p><p>           Mama looked to Louis, “You must agree with me. We don’t need to plan for every stage of the wedding, but we must make some preparations.”</p><p>           Louis, as always, had an opinion: “I should think we begin preparations by choosing a location. She is in a delicate stage of life, you know how often she visits her seamstress, there is no guarantee her dress will <em> continue </em> to flatter her figure in a few months.”</p><p> </p><p>I kicked his leg.</p><p> </p><p>           “I hardly know the man. I should be given time to know his character, to become familiar with his temperament—”</p><p>           “It’s October, Rey. We only have,” Louis stopped and thought for a moment, “a few months before you turn sixteen. Moreover, Monsieur Augustus will not remain in the South for long, whereas Plutt is letting a city manor for 12 months. And I am sure he means to renew his hire.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> ‘The sooner you marry, the fewer expenses we accrue.’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>           “I am not ignorant to what is expected of me. All I ask is that I am given some time to become familiar with Benjamin. I don’t want months, merely a few weeks.”</p><p>           Louis raised his brows at my use of Monsieur Augustus’s Christian name, “<em>Benjamin</em>? It appears you’re already familiar with him.”</p><p> </p><p>My cheeks colored, at least they did not know about the kiss. At the recollection of his warm lips, I bit my lip.</p><p> </p><p>           “Not everything is a transaction, Rey.” Louis spoke up, “Any man who is willing to duel for a lady’s hand must have serious intentions. Perhaps even love.”</p><p>           “That’s partly my fear...” I whispered.</p><p> </p><p>Louis had a curious look but quickly turned his eyes back to his cards. A few minutes passed where Caroline, Mama, and Florrie bickered about whether the tablecloths should be cotton or pearl white.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps a few months ago, I would have been shallow enough to join them, and I would have rightly pointed out that they should be bone white. But I couldn't think of colors and flower arrangements when Louis reminded me of the deadline. It was so near.</p><p> </p><p>What if Benjamin did not want me? I recalled Carter's words proclaiming Benjamin to be an adulterer. I would shoot him myself if he were merely ‘testing’ to see if he found the right fit.</p><p> </p><p>But what if he learned more of my character and decided he was wrong in his initial assessment? Then what happens to poor old Rey?</p><p> </p><p>She ends up a spinster. I put my cards down lest I vomit or cry or both.</p><p> </p><p>           “I can’t go on. You win. I’ll be in my room reading should anyone need me.” </p><p> </p><p>I left before properly explaining myself. How fortunate it was that my family was accustomed to my mood swings. Grabbing onto the railing of the stairs, I bit back tears. Traitorous tears, why did I always cry at the worst times?</p><p> </p><p>Upstairs, in my bedroom, I sat before my vanity but could not muster the courage to look at myself. </p><p> </p><p>The bitterness of my short-lived victory was overwhelming: I would no longer marry Carter, but now I had no guarantee that Benjamin would marry me. At what stage, in my overworked fantastical plans, did I move from pragmatic to stupid? No other woman has had to face such a tumult of trials.</p><p> </p><p>           “I hate these stupid games!” I yelled as I threw my hairbrush onto my bed; even in my emotional distress, I dared not make a ruckus. “I hate these stupid games, and my stupid family, and that stupid Plutt. And I hate myself most, for being so stupid!”</p><p> </p><p>In distress, I began to pull at my braids but stopped myself and wept. My hair was ruined. </p><p> </p><p>Benjamin held my future entirely within his power.</p><p> </p><p>With bitterness, I swallowed and resolved never to feel so vulnerable again. I would do everything in my power to love this man, for what other choice did I have? And perhaps one day, I could truly, well and truly, love him. And if I am lucky, he may love me back, for he was willing to approach Papa even after calling me those awful names.</p><p> </p><p>But how could I expect a stranger to love me when I could barely tolerate myself? The stranger in the reflection, appeared tired, overwhelmed, forlorn, and on the verge of crying. In such cases as these, it was best to stop praying to the gods of beauty and start praying to the maker. I shifted over to my hassock and began:</p><p> </p><p>           “Dear Lord. Please forgive me for my arrogance, for my vanity. For I am lost. Dear Lord, please, guide me. Let Plutt leave: then I would not need to marry. I am willing to live as a spinster. All I ask—no, I beg—is that you have mercy on my family.”</p><p> </p><p>While it was not the most poetic prayer, it was my honest wish. I continued to pray and slowly fell asleep.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>           “Mademoiselle.” A sweet feminine voice enticed me out of slumber. “Mademoiselle, get up at once!” </p><p> </p><p>Florrie’s familiar whine rang out, and my eyes fluttered open. The first thing I noticed was the late hour. Several hours must have passed, for it was almost dusk. The warm honeyed rays of the sun languidly slipped through the curtains, only to land on my bed.</p><p> </p><p>           “Young lady. Get up and fix your hair.” She nudged me.</p><p>           I teased her, “Why don’t you fix it for me? Isn’t that what we keep you around for?”</p><p>           "You keep me around because no Camille can keep their affairs in order.”</p><p>           “Everything was perfectly in order before you woke me from my nap.”</p><p> </p><p>She gave me a coy smile and made her way to my wardrobe.</p><p> </p><p>           “It is good fortune then, that it falls to my lot to order your everyday affairs. You would crumble if you had to dress yourself.”</p><p>           “Again, dearest Florrie, that’s why you’re here.”</p><p> </p><p>Like a lazy animal, I dragged myself from my desk to my bed.</p><p> </p><p>  <em> “Beds are one of life’s greatest comforts.” </em>I mumbled against the covers.</p><p>           “Whatever you say ma cherie.” Florrie threw a dress over my head. “This one shall do. No! It will do more than appease; it is like a feast for the eyes.”</p><p>           I thrust my head backward, “You’re intruding on my rest.”</p><p>           “True, but I intrude for a great reason.”</p><p>           “Is it the deluge?”</p><p>           “No.”</p><p>           “Then your reason can’t be great.”</p><p>           “A certain Monsieur has decided to pay us a visit.”</p><p> </p><p>I jumped up. </p><p> </p><p>           “And who is this gentleman?”</p><p>           “Oooh,” She teased and grabbing a fan from the vanity, fluttered her eyelashes, “a gentleman now is he?”</p><p>           “Who is the man?!”</p><p> </p><p>She made no response. Florrie walked to me, wearing a cheeky smile, and placed my hairbrush on my lap.</p><p> </p><p>           "Your Monsieur Augustus is here."</p><p>           “He isn’t MY Monsieur Augusts. <em>At</em> <em>least</em> <em>not</em> <em>yet</em>."</p><p>           “And he said he would stay for supper.”</p><p>           “Well, I don’t know why he is here for supper. Doesn’t Huxley feed him enough?”</p><p> </p><p>We laughed, and her tender hands guided me to sit on the stool.</p><p> </p><p>           “Let me help you with your hair, we must be quick. A small wait is necessary to build up anticipation, any more than that and a young lady is just rude.”</p><p> </p><p>As Florrie worked to rebraid my hair and brush out the kinks, I pinched my cheeks and rolled my lips. Perhaps if my cheeks were rosier, or if I had less freckles, I would be the image of youth and beauty. Though beauty suited to a specific taste, I was a beauty nonetheless. Some may think me vain or conceited, but every woman needed to be her own support system sometimes...</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>I looked at Florrie’s reflection.</p><p> </p><p>           “If you make him wait too long he might think you're disinterested.” She spoke as she brushed my hair.</p><p>           “I hate these games.”</p><p>           “So do we all. But we all have a part to play, ma cherie. Lucky you get to play the diva.”</p><p>           When she was done, I gave myself a final look over and asked her, “And how do I look?”</p><p>           “Finer than Aphrodite. Lighter than Snow White.”</p><p>           “I appreciate compliments,” I swatted her arm, “but I do not appreciate lies.”</p><p> </p><p>We quickly agreed that Florrie should head downstairs first then I would make my grand entrance. I admit waiting for three minutes, exactly three minutes at that, was excruciating. What would I do? What would I say?</p><p> </p><p>Probably hello and then I'd curtsey.</p><p> </p><p>As I walked downstairs, I had gooseflesh. To think I'd be meeting Benjamin again. Once again, I would look into those hazel eyes that betrayed no secrets. Upon entering the parlor room, I noticed Benjamin’s fine tall figure as he was turned and speaking with Louis.</p><p> </p><p>Caroline and Gerald were no longer in the room. It was quite late so Caroline must have left for home. As for Gerald, Lord knows what that scamp gets up to. Mama sat on a settee watching the two men talk.</p><p> </p><p>I took a few tentative steps toward them, and the movement caught their attention. Benjamin’s head turned, following his eyes. He looked me down and up.</p><p> </p><p>           “Monsieur.” I curtsied.</p><p>           “Miss Camille.” He bowed.</p><p> </p><p>My heart beat so fast I scarcely believed my body could keep up. My legs were unsteady like a newborn deer attempting to walk on a frozen lake. </p><p> </p><p>A moment of silence passed as we returned to standing and stared at each other. I could not tell you what he was thinking, only that his eyes burned through me. Like he could see my heart beating under my shimmy.</p><p> </p><p>           “Monsieur Augustus was just telling me he intended to stay for supper.” Louis said.</p><p>           That broke the enchantment, “Yes, I do not make the habit of breaking my word. I said I would call upon your sister soon and here I am.” </p><p>           “It’s quite a shame, really,” Mama said, trying to contribute to the discussion, “if only you told us of your intention to visit sooner. We should have prepared a more varied supper.”</p><p>           He smiled a tight polite grin, “No need. If it’s good enough for your family, it’s good enough for me.”</p><p>           Mama smiled, “You are all manners, Monsieur Augustus, you have a silver tongue. I cannot rely on your sweet words.”</p><p>           “Yes. He is far too likable for my liking.” Louis joked.</p><p> </p><p>After a few more dry jokes and meaningless platitudes from my potential groomsman, he turned his attention back to me. The fabric of my skirt struggled in my fist.</p><p> </p><p>           “Rey.” The effect when he calls me by my name is indescribable. I inhaled sharply and felt my entire being lean forward to listen. “I typically go for a walk before supper. Would you do me the honor of joining me?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Be still my fluttering heart, how can you jump so quickly to falling for this man? Handsome as he is. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>           “I would be honored, B— Monsieur.” I looked between Mama and Louis, “But who will chaperone us?”</p><p>           He looked unimpressed, “You need a chaperone on your own property?”</p><p>           Louis cleared his throat, "Only married couples may remain without a chaperone. Be not alarmed, Monsieur. We are not as backward as you might believe us to be. I will chaperone you two, from a distance…"</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin nodded firmly. </p><p> </p><p>           "The garden must be lovely at this time of the day." Benjamin said and offered his hand though I could not take it as we were not engaged. Weaving my arm into the crook of his elbow, he appeared to catch the hint and led us to the garden.</p><p> </p><p>Louisiana at dusk is beyond gorgeous; it is decadent. The sun’s rays poured over the greenery coating it in a layer of gold. The grass stretched forth dotted with small intricate patterns of hedges and rose bushes, their thorned limbs reaching forth to offer roses to passerby. Benjamin cleared his throat. His Adam’s apple bobbed, the light flowed like honey against his hair and his eyes shone amber in the sunlight. Like a halo, a vision of a golden haze, and his stubborn lips insisted on remaining ruby red. The sight was magnificent, one could almost mistake the sight as that of Eden.</p><p> </p><p>He saw me look at his lips and gave me a coquettish smirk, followed promptly with a wink. My head whipped forward, luckily Louis was walking behind us. As I looked back I saw him walking with his hands behind his back, he made a face at me as if to ask: ‘why are you looking this way? Focus on your Monsieur.’</p><p> </p><p>We took a few turns about the garden filled with small talk. I would not waste your time recounting what we spoke of, simple questions like are you well? Is your family well? Again, I hope you’re well, are you well?</p><p> </p><p>It was apparent that there was more we wished to discuss but Louis’s watchful eye prevented us from speaking freely. But I could not help myself, not desiring to seem ungrateful for his actions, I brought up his threatening to duel:</p><p> </p><p>           "Thank you. For everything you've done for me."</p><p>           He chuckled, "So the maiden speaks. Do not thank me, Rey. What I did, I did to fulfil my own desires. It was selfish."</p><p>           "A trait we share."</p><p>           "Greed can be good." He smiled.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Greed is a sin. As is lust. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Feeling the awkwardness of having remembered fantasy, I cleared my throat, "How well it is, for you to join us."</p><p> </p><p>He nodded once.</p><p> </p><p>We walked for another minute before he spoke.</p><p> </p><p>           "Rey, it seems you have something to ask me."</p><p>           "Oui. But I am afraid I may offend you if I do."</p><p>           "I am not averse to answering questions," I almost rolled my eyes and having seen that he added, "occasionally."</p><p>           "Why? Why did you do… what you did?"</p><p>           "Why did I kiss you or why did I threaten to duel your other suitor?"</p><p>           "Both. Or the other. Oh, Benjamin, you take delight in teasing me. At present, you know what I'm referring to. And before you try to joke any further, I mean the duel."</p><p>           "And you take delight in refusing me my fun, so rightly owed… shall we take a moment to sit?"</p><p> </p><p>I indicated to the bench to Louis. He slowed down and turning his back to us, stood several feet away. Louis must have truly believed in my charms if he were willing to look away, most improper of him. Benjamin sat on the bench, barely an arm’s length away, but I could feel his large figure taking up air and space. His broad shoulders twisted to face me:</p><p> </p><p>           "As I informed you <em>that</em> <em>night</em>, I did not come to New Orleans with the intention of marrying.”</p><p>           "So, what makes a man change his mind on such a strong stance and potentially throw away his life?"</p><p>           He smiled, "We both know the answer to that." <em> You </em>. "I would gladly do so again. To allow beauty and wit to be wasted on those who cannot appreciate, it is nothing short of a tragedy. Armitage is right, I was lucky he did not take me up on my offer to duel. Though I have no doubt that I would have won, it would have vexed you. But you must feel lucky also, this courtship shall be a trial period, for the both of us.”</p><p>           “Don’t remind me.” The words dashed out. Merely a trial period. “Truthfully. I do not feel lucky. I feel like a fool. I've been so blind and now I realise that I knew far less than I thought.”</p><p>           He laughed, “Time will do that to you.”</p><p> </p><p>I could only smile, I did not wish to inform him that the change had come about in months rather than years. </p><p> </p><p>           "But, you do not regret this do you, Rey?"</p><p> </p><p>To this, I was stumped, but if Benjamin was as fond of honesty as he claimed he was, then he would have little qualms about my sharing my opinion.</p><p> </p><p>           "I… do not know how to feel. Perhaps it is the shock of events that transpired," he looked dismayed, but I carried on, "but I do not want to regret anything."</p><p>           "Good. To some extent, I feel the same."</p><p>           "I have more questions."</p><p>           "Ask them, my—" he interrupted himself, "I invite you to ask any questions."</p><p> </p><p>Before I could speak, I felt the heat of his thighs. His warmth sends jolts of electricity tingling over my thighs. I bit my lips.</p><p> </p><p>           "What's with this missishiness? Ask your questions, <em> sweetling </em>."</p><p> </p><p>I tried to fight the blush creeping on my face.</p><p> </p><p>           "I... why?" His face was still, "What made you change your mind? I recall our confrontation—"</p><p>           He laid his arm on the back of the bench, "Please, do not speak of that. I'm greatly ashamed of my behavior that day."</p><p>           I nodded, "Well, Benjamin, why did you change your mind?"</p><p> </p><p>To this question, he pulled back and thought for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>           "Well, in the case, I must recall what I said to you that day, most undeserving as those words were. You are one of the few creatures on this Earth who is not afraid to share the truth. Some of your comments were truthful, though I loathe to admit another being is correct."</p><p> </p><p>I was right. He did feel for me, or else he would not have kissed me.</p><p> </p><p>           "Thank you."</p><p>           "Thank you, sweetling."</p><p>           "No." I rebuffed him, he appeared confused, "You shall not call me sweetling, for I have, on occasion, heard Papa use that for Mama."</p><p>           "What would you prefer I call you?"</p><p> </p><p>Madame Augustus.</p><p> </p><p>           "I shall have to turn my mind to it another time, I cannot conjure up an adequate endearment now."</p><p>           "I see. And what shall you call me?"</p><p>           I laughed, "Your name. Benjamin."</p><p> </p><p>Or Scoundrel.</p><p> </p><p>           "The French language has some interesting endearments, I hoped you might knight me with one."</p><p>           "Perhaps. When you earn it."</p><p>           His face lit up with a coquettish smile. "Must I work for everything?"</p><p>           "Only the best things are worth working for."</p><p>           "Yes, they are." He said running his thumb over the corner of his lips. "But surely I've earned something sweet for my good behavior?"</p><p>          "I can think of one thing, but I doubt it is as sweet as you expected."</p><p> </p><p>As deftly as possible, I reached for his bare hand and pushed a piece of fabric onto his palm. As I withdrew my hand, his fingers reached forth to cradle mine. The movement sent a ripple of heat from my fingertips to my toes. Though I could not see my face, I felt the skin from my cheeks to my clavicle warm-up, I was pinker than shepherd's delight. And his eyes... so sweet, I felt the languor overcome me. Till those amber eyes strolled down to the insignia resting on my clavicle, and when he returned my gaze the last drop of courage dissipated.</p><p> </p><p>           "The sun shall set very soon. We must return inside for supper."</p><p> </p><p>Though I wish we interacted more afterwards, his attention was pulled to all directions by my family. Mama questioned him on how he found New Orleans. Gerald on his boxing and shooting. Louis on some political man or Bill. Papa rarely spoke, and seemed rather agitated at the Scoundrel charming his way into the rest of the family's hearts. I could not blame him, if things had turned different he could have been having supper with his son-in-law. </p><p> </p><p>Yet, when Benjamin stood at the entrance of the house and said his goodbyes, no one batted an eye as he leaned down to kiss my bare hand. And no one noticed that he left with an embroidered handkerchief.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi.</p><p> </p><p>Your comments have really helped me get through this difficult time in my life, and I'm so grateful for your kind words.</p><p> </p><p>Thanks ever so much to my beta reader: <a href="https://twitter.com/NewerConstella1">newerconstella1.</a> I'm over here on <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">twitter.</a></p><p>Avec amour,<br/>Lapinrose</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. * The Before *</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>See the asterisk in the title? "UwU what's this?" but make it historical...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On my second outing with Benjamin, Mama had to chaperone as Louis left for Baton Rouge, ahead of Presidential election, and Papa was bedridden. With regard to the election, I could not care less—what care had I for the state of a country when I was so close to sixteen and unwed? As for Papa’s declining health; well it always seemed to decline and improve. Inside, I thanked the Lord for blessing me with a Beta Mother. While it was not strictly proper, people would understand given Louis’ employment and Papa’s ill health. Any family in our position would jump through hoops to ensure their daughter was married off.</p><p> </p><p>True to his promise, Benjamin took us to the French Opera House. La Traviata was beautiful, however, despite my passion for music I could not focus on the Soprano. We sat at Box Five, for Benjamin was a man of considerable wealth, and I sat between Benjamin and Mama. It started at the tail end of the first act: the scent of petrichor and leather, wafting and teasing my nose. After the intermission, it lessened but returned with anger once Benjamin returned to sit at my side. Now, it was obvious that Benjamin was the offender. Yet, how could I be mad at such an appetizing man scent?</p><p> </p><p>After a year-long abstinence from the Opera, the outing should have excited me, but I was strangely vexed at Benjamin’s choice of activity. The Opera was always grand and entertaining but it allowed little time to interact. He was a man with eccentric modes of flirtation. For in one moment he kissed my hand and spoke in double entendres, then the next he sat politely like we were in church. It made me wonder whether his behavior would change once we were married. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'If we were married', Rey, do not allow yourself to be deceived.’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>At the end of the night, we rode home in Benjamin’s carriage. Mama and he spoke with rapid delight about the costumery and furnishings, whilst I meditated on Benjamin’s scent. Recalling the brief time I spent with his scarf, the scent was as rich and luxuriant as I remembered. How queer it was then that the smell should strengthen over time. He kissed my hand as usual but to my disappointment did not gift me his handkerchief. When he left, I only had my memory to remember his scent.</p><p> </p><p>In the few days that followed, Papa’s health worsened. He lay coughing in bed with a florid face, and Mama was convinced it was his last days on Earth. But she always thought so. Then Florrie joined her in sobbing and wailing, ‘Monsieur Camille’ this and ‘Monsieur Camille’ that!  The anxious atmosphere of the Camille manor became overbearing. If I had stayed any longer I may have received a tearful harangue about my supposed heartlessness, so I made plans to go shopping with Bazine.</p><p> </p><p>How fortunate it was that Bazine assented to an outing. We set forth on our small shopping adventure on a sunny day and were chaperoned by an uncle of hers. I did not bother to learn his name as I felt it was unnecessary. The man had one foot in the grave and his presence could have easily been replaced by an upright broom. Two hours passed where we compared ribbons on bonnets, then the initial awkwardness of our meeting was broken as we silently addressed our common connection: Benjamin Solo Augustus.</p><p> </p><p>                  “Bazine,” I said, “Have my eyes failed me or is that an engagement ring?”</p><p>                  She could not contain her smirk, “Yes! Your eyes see true. I am recently engaged, and to a handsome, wealthy,” even in times of peace between us, she could not help but boast, “amiable, strong…well, I could go on for two days speaking his praise. But it is true…  I am engaged and likely very soon to be married.”</p><p>                  “Bazine, you have my congratulations!” I kissed her cheeks, “This is the best news a girl could receive! You should purchase a new bonnet to celebrate sharing the news.”</p><p>                  She laughed, “Rey! Don’t tempt me further. For the past few weeks, I have been unable to face anyone except in church. But Monsieur F----- insisted on meeting me, and the first thing he did was propose. Rey, I can only hope you find such happiness in life, for the joy overflows and overcomes my past grief. Monsieur Augustus—I acted like a fool around him.”</p><p>                  I could not face her knowing Benjamin’s attention to me. “You have nothing to feel foolish for. What happened to you was unfair, but the Lord is merciful, and now you are to be wed.”</p><p>                  “You’re such a supportive friend. I confess I was at first confused at receiving your invitation to shop, for I thought you would laugh at me. Don’t give me that pitiful look, I know all the ladies of New Orleans laughed at me when it transpired that <em> he </em>did not propose.” well they only laughed because you would not stop discussing it, “But I have been paying close attention to Father Jacque’s sermons and was committed to moving past the embarrassment.”</p><p>                  “Yes… Father Jacque is a knowledgeable man,” always giving sermons relevant to the gossip spreading around, that little git, “but enough! I’ve had enough of men.”</p><p>                  She gave me a mocking look, “And what about you Mademoiselle Camille? Hmm? I’ve heard little about you and Carter! Who is your new beau? You must have one! I’ve never known you to be unprepared.”</p><p>I hid behind a bonnet, “I’m afraid nothing is set in stone.”</p><p>                  “Has he proposed yet?”</p><p>                  I shook my head, “Hmph. No.”</p><p>                  “Then you must wear your prettiest dress and paint your lips, then he will not be able to resist you.”</p><p>                  “I must examine the linens, I need a new handkerchief.”</p><p> </p><p>We separated as she looked at dresses and I made my way to the back of the boutique. Where the more colorful fabrics were kept. Though I had no intention of buying anything during our outing, that did not mean I had no intention of perusing my choices. </p><p> </p><p>As soon as I was away I focused on calming my breathing. My stomach twisted. How foolish was I—I should have told her sooner. I had hoped she was aware of Benjamin courting me but had not the heart to correct her. What would she say? Thank you for your time, you traitorous wench, enjoy walking home! </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You must tell her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>No do not tell her, you will only injure her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ridiculous, she is understanding of what is expected of us. And sometimes that means engagements with ex-beaus.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You aren’t even engaged to him!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>I grabbed a nearby skirt and muffled a scream. As I withdraw my face from the fabric, a passing clerk gave me a queer look. Feeling the awkwardness, I smiled then made my escape. I had not walked far when I stumbled into the tall frame of a gentleman. Who should appear but Monsieur Augustus himself? The meeting was most unfortunate on my end, as it became clear I would have to navigate the awkward interaction between Augustus and Netal. He was looking at a mint green dress and starting to turn his head when I swiftly turned around. Without allowing him a moment to recognize my silhouette I tiptoed toward the adjacent corner of the boutique.</p><p> </p><p>Step by step, I heard another person walk behind me and my stomach threatened to overthrow my tea. What awful luck I had. I felt his hand on my shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>                  “Rey?” He spun me around, “Rey, I thought I saw you.” He smiled and bowed.</p><p>                  I curtsied, “Though it is a surprize to see you here, it is still a pleasure to see you.”</p><p>                  He gestured to my dress, “You’ve demonstrated your love for dresses, it’s hardly a surprize.”</p><p>                  I laughed but remembering myself continued, “Oui... Well, I must be off!”</p><p>                  He gripped my elbow, “What’s all this froideur for? It couldn’t be because of Miss Netal.”</p><p>                  “Benjamin, you are a devil! You know I cannot allow her to see us.”</p><p>                  He released my elbow but blocked my freedom by putting his arm out, “You’re right. Have you ate dinner?” I shook my head, “You should join me for dinner today.”</p><p>                  “What? No.”</p><p>                  “It’s only dinner and you look terribly famished.”</p><p>                  “You must be joking.”</p><p>                  “I would never joke about your health.”</p><p>                  Unable to keep a serious face, I replied, “Goodbye, Benjamin.”</p><p>                  “Merely an hour would do.”</p><p>                  “Goodbye.” I sneered and made to join Bazine when he stood before me again.</p><p>                  “You know I like a girl with an appetite.”</p><p>                  “Then you may dine with her, whoever she is. Farewell.”</p><p>                  “What a shame. And to think I planned to give you a gift.”</p><p>                  I spun dramatically, “I cannot be so easily enticed, perhaps you should spend less time listening to Louis’s advice.”</p><p> </p><p>                  Without missing a beat he moved closer, “Then join me—not because of any gifts I would bequeath you, but because I wish it. I relish time with you where you can act freely, without a chaperone flying about us like a vulture.”</p><p>                  Mama was right. He had a silver tongue. “And just how, Monsieur Augustus, do you propose I sneak away from a friend and chaperone?”</p><p>                  He licked his lips, “Ask for an hour away from her and your chaperone, then join me outside.”</p><p>                  “You’re a madman.” I dismissed him. What bizarre plans he had! And what queer modes of flirtation. Truly, he meant to ruin my image: Rey Camille caught enjoying dinner without a chaperone and with a strange Alpha. What a queer fellow. It was very strange then that upon finding Bazine I began pleading with her: </p><p> </p><p>                  “I must ask a favor of you.”</p><p>                  </p><p>Bazine was easily convinced. Further, she was adamant that I should spend an hour and a half, rather than the requested hour, to sit with my <em> beau </em>. Though it pained me to deceive her, it pained me more to think of potentially failing to keep Benjamin’s interest. If I were to betray her to secure my future, would that be a sin? With the agreement that we would meet back at Lafitte, and before she could change her mind, I confidently sauntered out of the boutique. You see it would have been more suspicious if I tried to sneak out. Outside, I saw Benjamin’s carriage waiting in front of the nearby store and jogged to grab his driver’s attention. Benjamin stuck his head out the window and wore the cheekiest schoolboy grin. His eyes announced his thoughts: Rey had done it, she had arrived and the real fun was about to begin.</p><p> </p><p>The inside was immaculately clean and rich, just like its owner.</p><p> </p><p>                  “I forgot to ask one or two integral questions. Where shall we be eating? And how do you plan to get away with this?”</p><p>                  “<em>How do you,</em>” he shook his head, “you mean how do we.”</p><p>                  “You have a talent for avoiding questions.”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin instructed his driver to take us to Pietro Jewellery and bade me remain in the carriage. When he returned he thrust a cheap velvet box toward me. Opening it revealed a plain gold band.</p><p> </p><p>                  Stupefied, I questioned, “Is this your proposal?”</p><p>                  “For the remainder of the day.”</p><p>                  I bit my lip, “Am I to also expect this for any future proposal?”</p><p>                  He laughed, “If you please me, I might even give you a ring with a gem.”</p><p>                  Without missing a beat I replied, “Most improper Monsieur.”</p><p>                  “Recall young lady, you’re the one who initially met me without a chaperone.”</p><p>                  “If you still wish for me to join you, don’t remind me.” I loathed being reminded of my improprieties.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin did not wait, instead, he placed the band on my ring finger. The ride to the restaurant was short and smooth. Upon arriving, he helped me down and locked my arm in his elbow. Despite my extroversion and all my outings, I did not recognise the restaurant. Benjamin, in comparison, appeared to be quite familiar and friendly with the staff. The maitre de welcomed him with a bow.</p><p> </p><p>                  “Monsieur Augustus.”</p><p>                  “Mr Bernard, I would like a <em> quiet </em>private dinner.”</p><p>                  “Of course, and will Mademoiselle—”</p><p>                  “Madame Augustus.” Benjamin replied with such confidence and assertiveness that I thought that was my true name.</p><p>                  “Oh, I see.” Monsieur Bernard’s eyes flit between us, sparking my suspicion that Benjamin had done this before, “My apologies. Follow me.”</p><p>                  He whispered, “It would be strange for a Monsieur to appear with a Mademoiselle, outside of marriage and a chaperone, correct?”</p><p>                  I bit back the bitter taste of reality and smiled, “Yes. You are a quick thinker.”</p><p> </p><p>The maitre de led us to a private alcove with booth seating, far away from the other patrons. We sat across from each other and I hid from Benjamin’s steadfast gaze behind the menu.</p><p>                  “I’ve determined upon a name for you.” He said.</p><p>                  “And what might that be?” I batted my bristly lashes.</p><p>                  “Inamorata.”</p><p>                  “What does it mean?”</p><p>                  “Oh my,” he closed his menu, “it seems the young lady DOES NOT know everything.”</p><p>                  Unable to contain my glee, I chuckled, “I never claimed to know everything.” He made no attempt to clarify its meaning, “Go on. What does it mean?”</p><p>                  “First, give me your name for me then I may explain it. Yes, I said <em> may.</em> I retain all rights not to share.”</p><p>                  “You are a very strange man. Fine. In truth, I have been meditating on what name to bless you with. Dadais.”</p><p>                  “I won’t give you the pleasure of attempting to pronounce that. Pick a better name.”</p><p>                  I sipped my water, “How demanding, for a man who refuses to explain his name for me.” He leaned back on his chair and interlaced his fingers, “How about mon petit chou?”</p><p>                  “Petite. No, that won’t do. Have you seen me? There’s nothing petite about me.”</p><p> </p><p>His eyes gleamed, I suspected he made a comment with a double meaning. </p><p> </p><p>                  “Oh very well,” I fought down my laughter, “Then... Canaille.” </p><p> </p><p><em> Scoundrel</em>.</p><p> </p><p>He thought about it for a minute then nodded in acceptance, little fool that he was, he did not bother to ask what it meant. A waiter approached and served us wine but was waived away as Benjamin informed him we would order in a moment.</p><p> </p><p>We were discussing the opera when I noticed something odd. Initially when we sat down, Benjamin sat across from me, how strange it was that he appeared to be sitting closer. Coolly, he placed his hand over mine, but I did not withdraw mine. </p><p> </p><p>                  “I adore any kind of music. As long as the musician is talented.”</p><p>                  “And do you play?” He asked.</p><p>                  “Yes, but not very well. I’m afraid I’m only average.”</p><p>                  He laughed, “Interesting. Music is one of the few topics you are humble about.”</p><p>                  “I’m a very humble person.”</p><p>                  He scrunched his face, “Are you now?”</p><p>                  “Continue teasing me and you can warm your own hands.” I joked.</p><p>                  “No, that would not do,” he kissed my hand, “Inamorata.”</p><p>                  “So quick to make amends like a newlywed man. You’re becoming a cliche, mon chou.”</p><p> </p><p>As he smiled up at me from his low position, I noticed it again: that supplicant scent. It travelled through my nostrils to the bottom of my lungs. It filled me completely. How had I never noticed how his hair shone with such lustre? I ran my fingers through his hair and my hand came to rest on his face. Benjamin had such a regal face that reflected intelligence, raw strength, violent passion, lofty grace and light spirit and… it was… coming closer.</p><p> </p><p>Once again his plump lips rested on mine. The kiss began slowly and felt tender as his large hands roamed my chest. For once in my life I wished I was not wearing such a luxurious dress; it was an impediment to his hands. All my nerves were set aflame; I wanted him to grab more of me, to enrapture all of me, to reach under my dress and corset to touch the flesh underneath. I threw my arms around his neck to draw him closer—at that moment, I would have committed treason to be skin-to-skin against him. My hands travelled down his shoulder to his broad chest, it felt like velvet covering a rock: soft yet hard. When he suddenly squeezed my breasts I let out a strangled yelp against his lips. It was not unpleasant, merely unexpected.</p><p> </p><p>We were almost laying down on the booth seat, with him above me, when, in a lapse of judgment, I thrust my hips against his. He growled, that was the first time I had heard him make such a carnal sound, and roughly grounded his hips against mine. Suddenly, I felt as his lips enveloped mine with an open mouth kiss. Recall, I was an innocent to the ways of the lovers, if I was doing it wrong—he didn't say anything. But he guided me through it. Once more, his strong hands moved from grabbing me to squeezing and massaging my breasts. Blast these fabrics and hoops! Drunk on lust and pheromones; I wanted him to rip through my clothes and bite into my flesh, to thrust into my very being and be completely possessed by him. My skin was on fire.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin pulled on the high-neck of the dress and exposed the flesh underneath. His lips continued trailing downwards, stealing more kisses on hidden flesh, till he was hovering over my experience. Despite my fervent passion, I was not <em> completely</em> mindless.</p><p> </p><p>                  “Don't bite me.” I whimpered with fatigued breaths. </p><p> </p><p>He only grumbled but was agonisingly gentle as he licked and nipped at the gland. I was getting dizzy.</p><p> </p><p>My head was spinning until I heard a waiter approach. Benjamin clamped his teeth over my gland and growled in warning to him. The waiter retreated. Upon releasing me, I fell backwards from the force of vertigo. Benjamin towered over me:</p><p> </p><p>                  “Are you well?”</p><p>                  I bit my lips but could not help back the laugh, “Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>We giggled like school children as he helped me sit up.</p><p> </p><p>                  “I do believe, Miss Camille, our passions carried us away.” He said softly.</p><p> </p><p>Soon enough, the waiter found the courage to return and take our orders. Thankfully, we dined in silence. I could not sit with myself remembering my lascivious thrusting and kissing and groping—to the devil with those thoughts! Blast them. Occasionally he glanced at me.</p><p> </p><p>How I wish the waiter returned the menu so I had somewhere to hide. I was a weak woman, one who eschewed all her lessons and acted like a loose woman. Benjamin had already warned me about my behavior before, would he ever forgive me for acting so loosely with him?</p><p> </p><p>                  “You are suddenly indolent, Miss Camille. Did I tire you out?”</p><p> </p><p>I shook my head.</p><p> </p><p>                  “You haven’t the spirit to reply! Did I harm you?” He touched my elbow but I drew back.</p><p>                  “No, Monsieur. You did nothing wrong. The misbehavior was my own. It is one thing to run off without a chaperone, but my behavior: I am not usually foolish and libidinous. I’m sorry. That’s not who I am.”</p><p>                  “Ah,” his brows raised in realization, “I see the effects of my words, any harm they've caused is inexcusable."</p><p>                  “No, no! The wrong lies with me, not you.”</p><p>                  “Save your breath to cool your food. I may be <em> exuberant </em> and <em> spirited</em>, but I am not dull, Rey. My inamorata,” he lifted my chin, “you are all loveliness and amiability. There is nothing deficient in your behavior, before I never understood why you acted as you did but now I understand. Truly, if you must blame anyone, blame me. I battle between what is due to a lady such as yourself—and the conduct expected of a gentleman—with the impulse to ravish.”</p><p>                  “Monsieur.”</p><p>                  “Why is it suprizing? There's only so much teasing I can withstand. Neither of us cares about what others expect of us. As long as I have my money and you have your good looks, we can escape almost all consequences.”</p><p>                  “Monsieur!” I went to slap his arm but he grasped me in a close embrace.</p><p>                  “If you must remember something, remember this, I do not kiss or give out my affections freely. And I will never judge you, my little love scavenger, for the feelings which God bestowed onto all mankind.”</p><p>                  “A lady should not—”</p><p>                  “Ah, but as you recall. You are not a lady.” He said, his hot breath against my parting lips, “But neither am I a gentleman.”</p><p> </p><p>He kissed me again with that hot, possessive yet tender, open mouth kiss. “You’ll get better with practice.”</p><p> </p><p>He cooled my distress with such ease and rapidity that a part of me felt he was too well practised. In truth, I was conflicted: the passion I felt wrestled with the inextricable shame. But every time his lips met mine, when he held me, when he whispered his apology, I felt myself becoming more at ease.</p><p> </p><p>To my disappointment, we kissed only once in his carriage. True, it was a goodbye kiss that lasted for a few minutes but I would never be averse to a few more minutes. When I joined Bazine she had no change in countenance. Luckily, she was not as developed as others so she could not place his scent. Neither could her half-dead uncle, I figured it gave me enough time to lose his scent before I returned home.</p><p> </p><p>Rest did not come as easily that night. Every movement of fabric against my skin reminded of his soft caress. Placing the pad of my fingers on my lips, they paled in comparison to the plumpness of his lips. Benjamin was the only man I ever met who excited such admirations.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for your comments! They always cheer me up, I’ve been going back to reread comments lately and I love you all! Your comments have really helped me get through this difficult time in my life ♡</p><p> </p><p>Thanks to my free translator, <a href="https://twitter.com/ao3animal">Animal.</a> Meanwhile, you can also find me on <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">twitter.</a></p><p>Also yeah don't attack me we're halfway through.</p><p>Avec amour,<br/>Lapinrose</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. * The Storm *</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Three things to note:</p><p>1 - More asterisks? The sin train never stops.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Monday, 15th October 1860.</p>
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  <p>Monsieur Armitage Huxley requests the pleasure of Mademoiselle Rey Camille and a chaperone for a supper party, on Friday 19th, at six o’clock at the Huxley Mansion. Monsieur Augustus will pick you up in his carriage, for your convenience.</p>
  <p><br/>
                                      ——A.A. Huxley</p>
</blockquote><p>* * * * *</p><p>I sat in Papa’s study reading aloud a sermon for his pleasure. Nothing made me giddier than reading sermons. What fun.</p><p> </p><p>Though I often thought he was an ass, I felt some love for him, nonetheless. He was still my father. My provider. Papa’s health continued to decline and I was concerned that perhaps this was no passing sickness. If that were the case, reading boring sermons, something he enjoyed while I did not, was a sufficient sacrifice to please my Papa. </p><p> </p><p>However, let Papa hear you worry about his health and off he went! It was one of the few times he spoke, whenever someone queried about his health. I yawned and turned a page, I had been reading for over an hour and kept glancing at the clock. Hopeful that it was close to six so I could join Benjamin, even if we were seated with Monsieur rat-face Armitage. In comparison to her husband, Madame Armitage was fun and an amiable entertainer. She could never host a boring dance or dinner party.</p><p> </p><p>Glancing up from the sermon, Papa sat with his eyes closed and his head resting on the back of his armchair.</p><p> </p><p>                  “Have you fallen asleep?” I whispered, secretly hoping he was so I could stop.</p><p>                  He cleared his throat, “Continue.”</p><p> </p><p>I read on. No more than five or so minutes passed before Florrie knocked on the door and upon entering announced that Benjamin’s carriage would arrive soon. </p><p> </p><p>                  “Rey, your Mama insists you get ready now.” She spoke barely above a whisper.</p><p>                  “I’ll be with you soon, Florrie. I will finish this page then join you in my room.”</p><p> </p><p>                  As I went to leave the room, Papa called out, “Rey.”</p><p>                  “Yes, Papa?”</p><p>                  He coughed into his handkerchief, dotted with blood, “I will go to bed soon.”</p><p>                  “But what of your supper?”</p><p>                  “No food.” He waved the handkerchief back and forth, “Come, my dear.”</p><p>                  At his request, I stood by his shoulder.  He wheezed, “You are to dine with Monsieur Augustus tonight?”</p><p>                  “Yes, and I am doing my very best to make him love me. But nothing so far as to shame you!”</p><p>                  “Rey.” He clasped my hand, “I know you do your best.”</p><p> </p><p>My dear Lord! Papa was beyond ill if he was praising me! What dread parasite has taken hold of my Papa? What flutterings and convulsions he must be suffering. I rummaged through my memory of Louis’ medical books: I could not recall an illness which caused grand levels of delusions.</p><p> </p><p>                  “You. I know I have not been the gentlest patriarch to you. Know that I am proud of you, and bestowed unto you the name Josephine after my own mother. I hoped you would grow to have her strength, but I fear you have superseded her.”</p><p>                  “I do not know what to say.”</p><p>                  He smiled, “Be on your best behavior tonight.”</p><p>                  Leaning forward I placed a kiss on his cheek, “I love you too, Papa.”</p><p> </p><p> Turning to leave the room, I noticed the window was still open. Yet when I asked Papa if he felt the draft, he insisted:</p><p> </p><p>                  “Leave the window open. It is a comforting breeze. Go on, enjoy your supper. Capture your man.” He laughed at his own joke.</p><p>                  “Sleep well, Papa.”</p><p> </p><p>Papa’s revelation about the origin of my middle name was odd, but he tended to be sentimental when ill. No matter, I had a supper party to enjoy, and with my dear canaille no less. I struggled to hide my smile as I made my way to my room. What a gullible dunce, he assented to the nickname without knowing its meaning. <em>Does Inamorata mean foolish?</em> I resolved to ask him later.</p><p> </p><p>I spread open my wardrobe and was immediately overcome with the shame of not having a suitable dress. What would I wear that could capture Benjamin’s attention? Were only Louis here, he would laugh in bewilderment.</p><p> </p><p>                  “Rey!” He would say, “Where did your brain slither off to? Since when did a man overcome your love of dresses?”</p><p> </p><p>On finding an adequate dress, for one can never find the perfect dress when it is needed, I yelled for Florrie. A few minutes later, she was helping me dress while I hummed <em> Sempre Libera </em>.</p><p> </p><p>                  “You are very happy, Rey.”</p><p>                  “Hmmm. Oh. Yes, I suppose I am happy.”</p><p>                  “Monsieur Augustus treats you well.”</p><p>                  “He is confounding at times. But most of the time I leave our interactions happy, so I suppose he treats me well.”</p><p>                  “You suppose? That hardly inspires confidence.”</p><p> </p><p>What was I supposed to say? Florrie, he snuck us away to a private dinner and we paraded as a married couple. Every time I scented him or touched him perverse cravings filled me. We kissed with so much passion that I was scared he would claim me. No, none such confessions would do. </p><p> </p><p>                  “I know that my heart flutters when I think of him, and he always kisses my hand.”</p><p>                  She cocked her head and with an endearing smile added, “And he loves you, too.”</p><p>                  “Love? Who said anything of love?”</p><p>                  “Those reactions you described are indicative of love.”</p><p>                  “Poppycock.”</p><p> </p><p>I yelped as she tightened my corset in response.</p><p> </p><p>                  “We want you to look your best, don't we, ma cherie?”</p><p>                  “You’re fortunate that I love you, Florrie.”</p><p> </p><p>On reaching to put on my gloves, I recalled the plain band Benjamin gifted me for a day. I had to return it as it would raise suspicion, especially from Florrie. Otherwise, I purchased nothing new. I made a secret promise not to buy anything after discovering our debt to Plutt. But such disappointing memories were to be set aside when merriment was called for! I would dance with Benjamin if given the chance, I wondered if Monsieur Huxley would play the piano as he always did. Hopefully, he would not play obnoxiously long complex pieces and could be pressured to play music to dance to.</p><p> </p><p>Soon I was fully dressed and ready to be seen. As I descended the stairs, I felt a tingle of pain in my abdomen, but resolved to allow nothing to disturb my night with Benjamin.</p><p> </p><p>Mama was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs tapping her foot impatiently.</p><p>                  “You must learn to dress quicker.”</p><p>                  I shrugged, “We have enough time to arrive on schedule to the party.”</p><p>                  “Then you did not see. Monsieur Augustus’s carriage is already outside.”</p><p>                  “Great balls of fire! We must hurry then!”</p><p> </p><p>My heart beat furiously in my chest, but as I glanced at the clock at the entrance of the house, I noticed that Benjamin was ahead of schedule. How odd. I stopped Mama before a servant opened the door and forced her to ensure there was nothing off with my outfit.</p><p> </p><p>Outside, the evening sky was gloomy. Massive lumbering grey clouds crawled on  the horizon, as the setting Sun's rays struggled to pierce through. Before we reached the carriage, Benjamin stepped out but he did not return my smile. He stopped by the carriage door and put his hand out for someone, obviously a lady, to step out.</p><p> </p><p>I felt positively ill. Who was this woman? Why was Benjamin frowning? Oh, how sick I felt!</p><p> </p><p>To my delight, an elderly woman stepped forth. Her brows downturned and her lips stern. She wore a dour expression as she looked at the ground, as though the dirt was not good enough to receive her steps. Something about her felt familiar.</p><p> </p><p>With a severe glare at Benjamin, she cleared her throat. Benjamin pursed his lips:</p><p> </p><p>                  “Good evening Mrs Camille.” He bowed and kissed my hand.  “Miss Camille. Might I introduce to you, Mrs Augustus.”</p><p>                  “Leia Organa Perrot Augustus. I am Benjamin’s mother.” She stated.</p><p> </p><p>Mama and I shared an awkward glance then curtsied. Benjamin was so unaware of what was expected of him. I cleared my throat. How awkward.</p><p> </p><p>                  “Excuse me. Mrs Augustus, this is Mrs Camille and her daughter, Miss Camille.”</p><p>                  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Madame. I wish I knew you were coming sooner, we would have invited you to dine with us.” Mama greeted her as a southern belle should.</p><p>                  “Thank you, but I prefer the dishes of our cook.” Leia cut through all politeness swiftly. How low brow.</p><p>                  “We should leave for the Huxley mansion, we wouldn’t wish to be late.” Benjamin added, it did nothing to resolve the tension.</p><p> </p><p>Leia turned to the carriage as if expecting Benjamin to wait on her. He wore a placid expression as he helped all the ladies enter the carriage.</p><p> </p><p>The ride to the mansion began entirely silent save for the sounds of the street and Leia’s breathing. Her gaunt face reflected years of hardship and ordeals. Merely hearing her breathe intimidated me: I felt the urge to sit perfectly upright and make no noise. I was in awe of such a small creature who wielded the power to brush away Benjamin’s typically playful attitude. Meanwhile, Benjamin stared impassibly out the window and breathed noisily as well. His mother pursed her lips again then fixed her analytical gaze on me.</p><p> </p><p>                  “Miss Camille.”</p><p>                  Every cell in my body was called to attention, “Yes, Madame?”</p><p>                  “How old are you? Twenty?”</p><p>                  “No, Madame, I am fifteen.”</p><p>                  “Fifteen." She thought for a moment, "Just two years older. Jaina will love that.” She said smugly eyeing Benjamin with upturned lips.</p><p> </p><p>Without knowing who Jaina was I felt uncomfortable answering. For the remainder of the ride, nobody spoke. Benjamin flatly refused to make eye contact with me. In turn, I refused to feel guilty for having earned his silence: I did nothing! There were no more wrongdoings on my end. </p><p> </p><p>Whether by bad luck or providence, the journey ended and we arrived. I whispered a quick prayer to the Lord, that the night would pass smoothly.</p><p> </p><p>Upon entering the house Mama and I greeted our lovely hostess, Madame Huxley, and tolerable host, Monsieur Huxley. Madame Huxley, sensing the awkward silence of the carriage ride, immediately signalled for supper. How unfortunate it was that this did not soften Benjamin or Leia’s edges. Leia took my place and Benjamin escorted her to the table.</p><p> </p><p>In the dining room, Madame Huxley sat the head of the table while her husband was at the foot. I was seated directly next to Mama while Benjamin and his mother sat across the table, which vexed me greatly. Leia’s small frame and female status did nothing to erode the iron grip she had over the supper atmosphere. Why, if I did not know any better, I would have thought the entire supper party was for her rather than a chance for Benjamin and I to grow accustomed to each other.</p><p> </p><p>Madame Huxley, Mama and I were chatting about Madame O’Connor’s upcoming tea party: what we would wear, making bets on whether she would hover over the pistachios again, and updating each other on newly circulated gossip. In the meantime, Monsieur Huxley and Benjamin were talking about the elections. When Leia halted our split conversational harmony, she addressed her question to me:</p><p> </p><p>                  “Miss Camille. Do you sew?”</p><p>                  “Yes, Madame.”</p><p>                  She dismissed a waiter who was serving her wine, “Do you read? Sing? Play any instruments?”</p><p> </p><p>The string of questions captured our fellow diners’ attention, who failed to conceal their eavesdropping. </p><p> </p><p>                  “I enjoy reading. As for your other questions,” <em> catch the hint you old demon, stop asking so many questions</em>, "I sing and play the piano.”</p><p>                  “Right.”</p><p>                  “What about you Madame Augustus—”</p><p>                  “I do read as well, I sing, and play the piano, harp and violin. Though married women rarely have the time to entertain. I ensured my daughter was as accomplished as I was at her age.” </p><p>                  I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at her ridiculousness, “I see, Madame. I was going to ask—earlier you mentioned the name Perrot, are you related to the Perrots of New Orleans?”</p><p>                  “Yes, although the Northern branch is quite separate, we all belong to the same family tree.”</p><p>                  “And do you know Suzanne Perrot?”</p><p>                  “Suzanne? Not closely, though I did attend her wedding. She married Mr Booke. A respectable businessman, he lives a few blocks away from us.” She placed her fork down and with a pinched smile replied, “The Perrot family tree is rather large. Perhaps you have not had the privilege of interacting with such an extensive family. How large is the Camille family line?”</p><p>                  I stabbed a piece of chicken, “I could not say. We’re split up between the Americas and Europe.”</p><p>                  “How lucky you are, to have the fortune of moving within such small society. It must make gift-giving quite easy. Do you find it to be so, Mrs Camille?”</p><p> </p><p>So she wanted war. Why else would she ask such provocative questions? I peeked at Benjamin. He gripped his fork with such force as to whiten his knuckles. Yet he carried on conversing lightly with Armitage.</p><p> </p><p>                  “I could not say.” Mama replied.</p><p>                  “Perhaps,” Leia began, “if you were afforded the opportunity to move about in higher society you would have an answer.”</p><p>                  “Who can say.” I added with a malevolent gaze focused on the she-witch.</p><p> </p><p>Leia appeared indifferent, whether this was genuine or she was putting on airs, I could not discern. All the tension and anxiety caused my stomach to grumble. Otherwise, all was well until the next course.</p><p> </p><p>                  “Miss Camille.” She commanded my attention once more as I was lifting the spoon to my lips. The conduct required of me insisted that I put my spoon down, even if I wanted to throw it at her pinched lips. It seemed she intended to prolong my torture, and I was further agitated by Benjamin’s refusal to say anything.</p><p>                  “Were you ever engaged?”</p><p>                  Time to play the dimwitted Southerner, “Engaged to do what?”</p><p>                  She set down her cutlery, “Engaged to be married.”</p><p>                  “No, never.”</p><p>                  “Never? If I recall, you were previously engaged to be married to a certain Mr Carter Lucien.”</p><p>                  “I’m afraid, Madame, that whoever shared such intelligence with you was incorrect. I was never engaged to Monsieur Lucien. In fact, I have never been engaged to be married.”</p><p>                  “And,” she swallowed loudly, rude brute, “are you presently engaged?”</p><p>                  “Aside from being engaged to eat. No, I am not.”</p><p> </p><p>She breathed contently. Thankfully she asked no further questions, and Madame Huxley, all politeness and kindness that she was, attempted to lighten the mood.</p><p> </p><p>                  “How is Louis? Will he be returning soon?”</p><p>                  Mama was delighted to be discussing her eldest son, “Louis is very well, thank you. He may be returning quite soon after the elections.”</p><p>                  “Is he a Democrat?” Leia cut into the conversation.</p><p>                  “Madame.” Mama laughed, “I would hate to ruin our lovely conversation by bringing up politics.”</p><p>                  Leia did not hesitate and responded with cold accuracy, “And yet you mentioned the elections.”</p><p>                  “You know what I mean. Perhaps you're more accustomed to different customs but we do not cross such boundaries around here. Unless we want a duel!" Mama said in the sweetest way possible. The Huxleys laughed, and I readily joined them.<em> That’s it, Mama, kill her with kindness.</em></p><p>                  “Hmm.”</p><p> </p><p>But of course it was not long before Leia began to ask another set of questions.</p><p> </p><p>                  “Rey.” She presumed to know me well enough to use my Christian name, “What does your father do? Is he a tradesman?”</p><p>                  With every question, I felt like I was closer to vomiting, “No, Madame. He owns a plantation.”</p><p>                  “But he did not always own a plantation.”</p><p>                  “Correct, but you asked me what he does not what he <em> did. </em>Really, Madame Augustus, it appears you have all the answers you seek.”</p><p>                  “I meant no offense,” she said offensively, “I simply meant to have you, the best source to consult on your life, confirm whether the things I know were false.”</p><p>                  “He used his inheritance to come to America and eventually purchased land to build a plantation.” I did not believe that giving her Papa’s entire history was necessary. It was not my goal to prove myself to her but to her son.</p><p>                  “And what did he do beforehand? What did his parents do—”</p><p>                  “Mother.” Benjamin drove his fist onto the table shaking the glasses. “I hardly believe it’s necessary to question Miss Camille on every facet of her life.”</p><p>                  “And I hardly believe it’s advisable for me to give my approval without knowing more about the girl you are courting.”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin’s past behavior gave me the impression that he did not need her permission, or even well wishes, to marry whomever he pleased.</p><p>                  “Mr Camille is an excellent man. On the many occasions I’ve met him, he was everything a gentleman should be.” Benjamin’s resolve did not falter. How admirable, he was defending my Papa even though Papa likely wished to shoot him.</p><p>                  Looking to move the conversation along, I asked, “Will we have the chance to meet the senior Monsieur Augustus?”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin finally met my gaze.</p><p> </p><p>                  “My father passed away.”</p><p>                  “I’m sorry.”</p><p>                  “Thank you. But you’ve caused no distress, you were unaware so it is only natural to ask. At least Mr Camille is more reliable than he ever was.”</p><p> </p><p>Leia’s chair squeaked as she quickly stood up, practically spilling over her drink: “A tradesman elevated above his status—”</p><p> </p><p>The loud squeak as Benjamin jumped up  pushing his chair backward made my stomach turn. He stood up to match his mother’s imposing aura: “A gentleman, by ill luck stripped of all that was rightfully his, subjected to poverty and then elevated himself and his family back to the position they belong to!”</p><p> </p><p>A third squeak was heard as Monsieur Huxley jumped up to join the Augustus's parade:</p><p>                  “Friends, please!” </p><p> </p><p>Leia and Benjamin argued, their words streamed forth with such rapidity that I could scarcely keep up. Occasionally I would hear ‘gentleman’, ‘improper’, ‘connections’. It was perfectly clear to me: Leia was completely, whole-heartedly opposed to my potential union with Benjamin. Meanwhile, Benjamin was adamant that she had no power over him, that he could choose whoever pleased him, and she had no right to demand answers from me. Monsieur Huxley was a terrible negotiator. He attempted to calm them but managed to raise their choleric tempers. Madame Huxley, in comparison, appeared to have become accustomed to such violent displays of incivility and disharmony. She ate her dessert in peace. Mama’s head was rapidly turning to face whoever was speaking. Her fast movement and the cacophony of noise soon became overwhelming.  I was going to be sick.</p><p> </p><p>                  “I am going to be sick.” I announced. Then I was.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>After vomiting on Madame Huxley’s freshly polished floors, a servant helped me to a drawing-room where I lay on a settee and she began fanning me. Despite the thickness of the walls, Leia and Benjamin’s voices carried through.</p><p> </p><p>A few minutes later, the voices subsided then Mama and Madame Huxley joined me. Mama insisted we should leave. But, having come in Benjamin’s carriage we would have to wait for a long period for our carriage to arrive with a servant. Outside thunder and lightning crackled as it poured from the sky so heavily that we had to raise our voices to converse comfortably. Madame Huxley insisted we remain as ‘invalids should never be moved in dreadful weather’ and having been sick a second time, Mama had to agree. </p><p> </p><p>We would spend the night.</p><p> </p><p>Mama and I were led upstairs to a guest room with a view of the back garden. My joints ached from all the tension; I rolled my neck and flexed my arms to calm myself. I thought bitterly of Benjamin offering his carriage, if only we had come in our own carriage I could have been home receiving a bath and massage from Florrie. After bathing, I was given a nightgown to wear and I chose to keep my stockings on. As the servants prepared us for bed, Mama and I said nothing. Servants had ears and mouths with which to inform their masters and their friends. As soon as they left, I began:</p><p> </p><p>                  “She’s an awful woman.”</p><p> </p><p>Mama nodded.</p><p> </p><p>                  “I could never imagine that someone as amiable and agreeable as Benjamin could be born from such an insipid creature.”</p><p>                  “Hush now, Rey.” She kissed my forehead, “You are only allowed one rude comment. Let us rest so that we may leave and never again have her shadow grace our presence.”</p><p> </p><p>We both slipped into the bed. For such a wealthy family, the Huxleys had terrible beds. Perhaps to an ordinary person, they would be heavenly but when you are accustomed to the finer things in life, and when you are very ill, every little lump keeps you awake.</p><p> </p><p>Mama fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow. Poor soul, she must have been exhausted continuously looking after Monsieur Camille. Unlike her, I was not so fortunate. My stomach had calmed down but my mind had not. Not wanting to disturb her sorely needed rest, I tiptoed out of bed and sat by the window watching the back garden.</p><p> </p><p>The garden was immaculately maintained. It is always a pleasure to see that the mistress of the house keeps up her duties, in all areas of the property. If I were mistress of an estate as great as the Huxley mansion, I would spend my days overseeing the servants in the gardens and lounging with Suzanne. I missed my other half so dearly.</p><p> </p><p>My eyes were drawn to a corner of the garden where I could see some movement in the rain. With my curiosity piqued, I moved until I was almost flat against the glass window. There looked to be a tall figure committed to completing a repetitive task.</p><p> </p><p>In the few moments where the rain lessened and my vision cleared I saw the figure clearly. It was Benjamin. And he was shirtless, wearing only his pants in the rain.</p><p>                  “What a fool.” My breath fogged the glass but I quickly wiped it to see what he was doing.</p><p> </p><p>He appeared to be holding something, lifting it, then bringing it down. </p><p> </p><p>He was cutting logs in the rain!</p><p> </p><p><em>Why </em> is <em> he chopping logs in the rain? We have servants for that.</em></p><p> </p><p>Benjamin raised the axe and righteously brought it down through the log. I stood for several minutes watching him repeat the monotonous task: his hands encircling the handle of the axe, his arms bulging and moving as he moved in a fluid motion, his broad chest puffing out as he thrust the axe backwards, and his strong legs steadying him as he moved to grab more logs.</p><p> </p><p>His wet hair curled around his cheeks and covered some of his vision. Thankfully, that shielded me from embarrassment as he did not discover me leering over his half-nude body. I felt something tug at my neckline, looking down I realised it was my hand. Autonomously, it ran over my breasts causing me to stagger back in shock. In the distance, I saw Benjamin’s figure still as he stared in my direction. Did he witness my little mishap? </p><p> </p><p>I shut the curtains and, finding a settee, kneeled and began to pray.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>Sometime in the night, someone left and came into the room, but I was not a light enough sleeper to wake up at the sounds. It was only when I felt burning hot hands on my shoulders that I awoke.</p><p> </p><p>                  I mumbled, “Mama?”</p><p>                  “No, it’s only me.” He whispered.</p><p>                  “Oh—” I looked around, my eyes slowly becoming accustomed to the dark, I called forth again, “Mama?”</p><p>                 He cleared his throat, “I saw her leave.”</p><p>                 “What for?”</p><p>                 “I don’t know, but she appeared to be in a hurry. You should be sleeping in bed.” He placed his hand on my back and led me to the bed.</p><p>                 “I should… You’re wet.” I complained quietly.</p><p>                 "Yes, I was outside. As you know."</p><p>                 “Why were you out in the rain?” And why was I whispering?</p><p>                 He kissed my cheeks, “I was upset and needed some exercise. I’m sorry for today. Leia has always been easy to anger, a trait I inherited from her, but I did not expect her to interrogate you. I should have spoken up sooner.”</p><p>                 In my sleepy state I was inclined to be calm, to seek peace with Benjamin. My smile beamed, no doubt he could see it in the dark being an Alpha and all, “I suspect she may not like me. Maybe she wanted you to marry a Northern girl?”</p><p>                 He chuckled as he helped me slide on top of the duvet, “And court a lady above the Mason-Dixon? Perish the thought.”</p><p> </p><p>As I laughed, my chest moved and my breasts followed. Suddenly, I was painfully aware of the situation. I was all alone with Benjamin, we were practically nude, and the only thing separating us were my stockings and light nightgown.</p><p> </p><p>The heat from his palm resting on my stomach seeped through the thin fabric. This was the closest we had ever been.</p><p> </p><p>He slowly removed his hand.</p><p> </p><p>                 “I should let you get some rest, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>I watched his back as he took long strides toward the door, but before he could touch the doorknob I sat up:</p><p> </p><p>                 “Before you go. May I have a kiss?”</p><p>                 He exhaled through his nostrils then inhaled deeply, with a coquettish grin he strutted back to me, “Of course, inamorata.”</p><p> </p><p>I walked on my knees to the edge of the bed where he now proudly stood, showing off his body like a peacock. Despite his exercise in the rain, his skin was on fire, for a moment I thought he may have been sick. Yet, he did not appear ill or paler than usual though his face and chest were pink. Through half-lidded eyes, he gazed down upon me. My beautiful saint. I ran my hands from his arms to his shoulders then from his abdomen to his chest. His chest felt impenetrable: taut skin pulled over well-developed muscles. After tracing the soft lines, my hands travelled to discover the landscape of his back. He placed his arms around me, he flexed; exaggerating the contours of the valleys on his back.</p><p> </p><p>Turning my face to meet his, I pecked his lips. </p><p> </p><p>That was not satisfying. I wanted to be touched. To be grabbed and be wholly possessed.</p><p> </p><p>                 “My turn.” He whispered.</p><p> </p><p>He allowed little time for the words to sink in before he spun me around and I felt his hands begin to roam all over my arms. Unlike me, Benjamin was less patient, less supplicant in his exploration of my body. Almost immediately, he reached for my breasts, they seemed to be a favorite of his. Yet, even though he was worshipping my body, I felt like I was receiving the blessing. Blessed by the way his hands expertly flowed over the natural contours of my torso. His nose dug into my experience as he took deep breaths of my very being.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin surprised me by reaching down and squeezing my buttocks, I could barely yelp before he covered my mouth with one hand. </p><p> </p><p>                 “Hush. Sit down.”</p><p> </p><p>Like a good girl, I followed his instructions.</p><p> </p><p>Without waiting another moment, he recommenced his ravishing explorations of my breasts, my waist, my buttocks, the space where my legs met my hips... his hand was dangerously close to my quim:</p><p> </p><p>                 “Do you like that?”</p><p>                 Being unable to reply, I nodded against his hand.</p><p> </p><p>He guided me onto the middle of the bed. I felt the bed dip behind me as he drew me to sit on his lap, with my back to his chest.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Open your legs.”</p><p> </p><p>I hesitated.</p><p> </p><p>                 Removing his hand, he kissed my cheek, “Worry not inamorata, I will not take your maidenhead. I want to show you how I can give you pleasure.”</p><p> </p><p>My mind, being overtaken by passions, disregarded all possible thoughts of sin. But thoughts of protecting my maidenhead were at the forefront. I obeyed, spreading my legs slowly, he leaned forward and lifted my nightgown up until my legs were out and my quim was bare to the cool air.</p><p>As he cusped my mound my hips spasmed involuntarily. The foreign sensation of a stranger’s hand on such a private place made me jump. This was a secret only to be shared with my future husband, but Benjamin, tempting as he was, was allowed to take part of the forbidden fruit. </p><p> </p><p>                 “Sorry.” I went to cover my face.</p><p>                 He forced my hands away, “Don’t be frightened. I want to see your face redden and hear you cry out as you come.”</p><p>                 “Good heavens, Monsieur.” I colored.</p><p> </p><p>Automatically, his hand massaged the outer lips of my quim. He was systematically massaging the tender skin and brushing up and down my quim. Occasionally, his fingers would slide dangerously close or skim over my entrance, but he stuck to his word. </p><p> </p><p>                 “Do you like that?” He asked in between peppering my lips with kisses.</p><p> </p><p>The intrusion, far from being hurtful, was intoxicating.</p><p> </p><p>                  “Yes, I like it a lot.” I breathed lustfully against his lips.</p><p>                 He nipped at my experience and taking a moment he stopped to lick his fingers. Imagine my shock when he brought those fingers to pleasure that sweet spot, my clitoris. “How about <em> this</em>?” </p><p>                 The pleasure was almost too much and somehow never enough. Filled with undeterred greed, I want more and more and more. “Ohh, Benjamin. Very much! I luh-like it very much.” In the height of passion, I almost yelled out "I love it."</p><p>                 “I can never have enough of you.”</p><p> </p><p>He rolled and pressed on my clitoris with varying degrees of pressure: constantly bringing me to the cusp of exploding then pulling me back. I was madly starving for release. My hips twitched upwards to meet his hand, to which he, with his Alpha strength, met easily and pushed back. All my bucking and movement was not an impediment to his fondling.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Good girl. You’ve earned this.”</p><p> </p><p>His other hand lifted up my leg while his hand endeavoured to make me experience that small death. To experience that explosion of lust and delight with Benjamin was an entirely new adventure. With his hand forcing my legs open, I felt he was torturing me with stimulation. My cup of pleasure was overflowing and it fell over giving way to a deluge of tingling, convulsing, and relaxation from my abdomen to all corners of my body.</p><p> </p><p>I fell back against him smiling and panting.</p><p> </p><p>The scent of my spend filled the air, though I could not put down precisely what it smelt like. I knew there was something in the air. Looking up at Benjamin I saw his vacant stare.My short-lived relief did not last long as Benjamin grabbed me by the back of the head. He thrust my face forward onto the pillows. Rough nails tugged on the neck of my nightgown as he ripped the fabric from the back. </p><p> </p><p>                 “Benjamin!” My groan was muffled against the pillow. </p><p> </p><p>He was a rampaging beast. Ripping apart my nightgown in two and throwing it aside, he thrust his hips against mine. This experience was unlike the one in the restaurant, I felt his stiff member poke at me. I twisted my head back only to feel his weight upon my back.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Omega.” He growled close to my experience.</p><p>                 “Benjamin—stop!” I twisted my arm in an attempt to remove his iron grip from my neck.</p><p>                 “<em>O</em><em>mega</em>.” The word struggled out of his lips, barely reminiscent of how it was pronounced. He seemed more animal than man and my legs felt like cotton. Throwing my arm up in a final attempt to push him away, he clamped his teeth over my hand.</p><p> </p><p>I squeaked in pain, immediately he released me. Benjamin shuffled quickly off the bed.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Rey, I—I—I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Aghast with the sudden shift, I froze.</p><p> </p><p>                  Benjamin’s rapid breaths filled the room, “I have to leave.”</p><p> </p><p>I did not bother to turn around as he left the room. Laying amongst the shreds of my nightgown, the storm outside raged on.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know you’re mad at me. Just know that I’m on twitter, come fight me @ <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">my twitter.</a> Thank you for your comments, every time I see Inbox(1) I smile, they cheer me up so I appreciate it! ♡</p><p> </p><p>Thanks to my beta, <a href="https://twitter.com/NewerConstella1">newerconstella1.</a> (I love free labour).</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sleep did not visit that night.</p><p> </p><p>Once my heart calmed, I noticed I was shivering. Yet, even with the cold, the discomfort, and the rampaging storm wailing outside, I could not find the strength to move. My trembling lips scratched the silk pillow.</p><p> </p><p>Being fully aware of the predicament which could arise were I found half-nude alone in bed, I crawled off and returned to the settee. The nightgown, now split and ruined, barely clung onto my body. In turn, my mind was also split in two. One half meditated on the outcomes of calling for a servant in the morning versus calling for one right away. The other half was an endless void, uncomfortable, unsure of what to do, slinking around the periphery of my conscious thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>There were two beings in that room: Rey, the physical, and Rey, the ethereal. </p><p> </p><p>I saw Rey seated on the settee, staring out the window. And she sat there debating whether she would call for a servant. Would it expose her to slander if she asked for someone immediately? They would question why she needed another nightgown in the middle of the night and she wasn’t on her menses, so her excuses were little and rapidly depleting. Would it raise eyebrows if she asked for someone in the morning? They would ask what happened during the night, <em> but </em>she would not smell of that Monsieur.</p><p> </p><p>That Monsieur. </p><p> </p><p>                 “Ben.” Someone said.</p><p> </p><p>Whipping my head around, I sought to discover the culprit but found no one.</p><p> </p><p>I sat on the settee for hours, recalling the image of lively honey-amber eyes turning vacant. Who was that creature that took his place? The Alpha. </p><p> </p><p>Logically, I knew I was an Omega, knew the effect the designations had on each other. Yet, I never thought I would be that close to an Alpha, nor did I imagine that primal strength could be turned against me. Was that what it meant to be with such a man? Would I be forced to confront those canines and vacant eyes again?</p><p> </p><p>And if he were to bite me, my hand traced the pink gland, always several degrees warmer than the rest of me, would it hurt? It must! Anything so sharp and pointed must-he was a regular dracul.</p><p> </p><p>My melancholy was disturbed by the knock and entrance of a servant. She froze when she saw me sitting with my head on my hand.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Help me prepare to leave.” I instructed her; I would bathe at home, I needed to quit the mansion immediately. With that singular mission of escaping, I found the strength to move forward.</p><p> </p><p>She quickly informed me that a servant arrived with a dress for me and a message from Mama. However glad I was to have my own clothes to wear, I wanted to leave immediately. We worked in sync: after a toilette, she brushed my hair and helped me dress.</p><p> </p><p>I was so enveloped in recalling those sharp teeth that it did not occur to me to consider where Mama went. How mysterious it was that Mama should send a servant rather than return. Something awful and distressing must have occurred to keep her away from her child. Once I was fully dressed and fit to be seen, and wearing gloves, the servant opened the door to Finn.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Mademoiselle Camille.” He addressed me.</p><p>                 Standing up with my hands clasped I approached, “What’s the matter, Finn?”</p><p>                 “It’s your Papa. I’m sorry Rey. He passed away during the night.”</p><p> </p><p>Surprised and overcome with melancholia, I felt my anxiety washed aside by his kind brown eyes. There were times and places to cry but this was not one of them.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Take me home. Now.”</p><p> </p><p>Naturally, Finn insisted we needed a chaperone to travel with me but with a father dead, who could pay attention to prudence and good judgment? Who could shackle themselves to the opinion of others when in an emergency? Madame Huxley and Monsieur Huxley were nothing but polite and understanding. After waiting for Madame Huxley to get dressed, they were able to chaperone me to the Camille manor.</p><p> </p><p>The ride back home did not take long, I felt that heading to the party last night somehow took longer, although we followed the same route. The previous journey was made tortuous with the company of Leia Augustus. I could not help but recall her incendiary words… treacherous viper! My hot breath hit my upper lip; she felt fit to speak ill of my Papa and now he was gone.  All thoughts of that dreadful woman were set aside upon the carriage stopping at my house. </p><p> </p><p>Upon setting foot on the Camille property, I noted that everything was functionally the same. The rugs were clean, the floors were polished, the paintings—paintings of our family and Papa—still hung perfectly straight. I felt myself gasp for breath between tears and pushing Finn aside, ran upstairs to Papa’s study.</p><p> </p><p>The room appeared exactly as I had seen it yesterday. Everything the same, save for the most valuable thing. Now gone. The tumult of clashing emotions was overbearing, and I collapsed on his armchair. The room was filled with small touches, all serving as a headstone of his: the dents of his fingers on the armrest, the opened business letters stuffed back into envelopes, and the stained cup of coffee. My body trembled and shook as the tears burst forth. It felt as though I was swallowing coal—so hot and constricting was the effect of my grief. </p><p> </p><p>Part of me considered ripping through the fabric of the chair and moulding the cotton into his figure. Perhaps, with a tear and a prayer, the Lord would give the imitation form and resurrect Papa. </p><p> </p><p>At some point, several people came in and out of the room trying to console me. Seeing that their efforts had no effects, they allowed me to remain crying. I could not think, I could only cry. I needed my protector.</p><p> </p><p>Remembering Mama, the poor lady, I wiped my tears and walked to her bedroom. It used to be <em> their </em> bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>Mama stood facing a window, already dressed in funeral black. She turned to me with glossy eyes and opened her arms to accept me.</p><p> </p><p>                 She shuddered against me, “I’ve already sent word to Louis, he shall be joining us soon.”</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>The week following Papa's passing was tiring. Louis had returned in time for Papa’s funeral but had to leave his pregnant wife. The lady, soon to be the most recognised Madame Camille, remained in Baton Rouge preparing to depart with their belongings and saying her farewells to her family. Soon an Omega would become the mistress of Camille manor and plantation. But Louis was a great son, and Mama, as well as Gerald, could continue living on Louis’ property and under his care.</p><p> </p><p>Truthfully, it was difficult to feel anything beyond apathy and exhaustion. The only respite from grief was the amicable manner in which Papa and I parted. </p><p> </p><p>A swirling mass of faces passed before my eyes, all providing their condolences, as they came to pay their respect. However, none of them were Benjamin. My spirits were somewhat lifted, however, when Madame Huxley visited and delivered a letter of condolence signed by him. It appeared to be in her hand writing, the ease and flow was almost entirely reminiscent of her invitations for supper. </p><p> </p><p>What good were empty words when he hurt me twice: first, by his assault, second, by his refusal to appear in person to console me?</p><p> </p><p>On the seventh day after Papa’s passing, without an appearance from him, I took up my pen to write a short letter:</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>'My Dearest Benjamin, </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>I received your letter. Even with its handwriting being most similar to that of the woman delivering it, I am thankful for your well wishes and consolatory remarks. None of us can grieve as deeply as Mama who not only lost her husband, but also her mate. Despite this she remains strong and gay. As gay as one can be in such circumstances. Though I must confess, I am disappointed in not having received a visit from you. I am not so selfish as to always demand your attention but in these circumstances, your presence would have been comforting. Nonetheless, I await your arrival and your company in Camille manor.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Yours sincerely and devoted,</p>
  <p>Rey'</p>
</blockquote><p>*</p><p> </p><p>How foolish I was to reach out! Particularly when I was the injured party… the teeth marks in my hand were almost gone but the pain of his actions remained. Regardless, I had the letter sent to the Huxley mansion.</p><p> </p><p>All the guests had piteous looks in their eyes. My tongue tired of repeating the same phrases: <em> thank you, I am well, thank you, Mama is well, the family is well </em> . They did not need to say the words out loud for one to discern their thoughts: <em> poor girl </em> , <em> her Papa gone and she’s still unmarried </em> , <em> poor Camille never had the privilege of seeing Rey marry or to see his grandchildren </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Mama was the prime Southern Belle. She wore no other colors but black, and her spirit could withstand meeting multiple people to accept their regretful wishes. Perhaps she was stronger than all of us combined, but I could see the grief pour out of her eyes. Her eyes were the same as Caroline’s, Caroline who spent almost every day with us and even slept at the Camille manor. When I awoke, in that brief moment between sleep and awareness, I could almost imagine everything was as it was before. When Caroline was still Mademoiselle Camille.</p><p> </p><p>Unlike Mama, I did not feel Papa’s loss as strongly. She, in comparison, lost her mate. While their bind was broken by his death, as it could as well have been broken by great distance, his love had taken root in her soul. Such a powerful bond overcame even the physically bond. </p><p> </p><p>During one quiet afternoon, the Luciens and O’Connors visited. We greeted them in the drawing room and Florrie was serving tea when I noticed Carter’s eyes could not help but seek out mine. Even with Benjamin's coldness, I could not betray my feelings toward him. Nor could I confront the pity in Carter’s eyes. I refused to acknowledge Carter instead turning my attention to Jane and Madame O'Connor. He never approached me however, perhaps he feared Benjamin would jump out and shoot him. His fear was unfounded. Benjamin was nowhere to be seen.</p><p> </p><p>Almost two weeks after Papa’s passing, Finn summoned me to the drawing room to greet a guest.</p><p> </p><p>My heart jumped to my throat. I patted my black skirt and spritzed some perfume. If Benjamin was there to visit, then he would see the beauty he must grovel to. Before leaving my room I also rubbed a small amount of rouge on my lips… most improper as a grieving lady but, all the grief left me pale. Some color was called for.</p><p> </p><p>When I entered the drawing room, I saw a familiar torpid figure.</p><p> </p><p>                 I sighed and curtsied, “Monsieur Plutt.”</p><p>                 He bowed, “Miss Camille. Please, call me Uncle.”</p><p> </p><p>I’d rather call you deceased.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Why are you here?” I asked, cutting through the false friendliness.</p><p>                 He looked taken aback but the mask of gentility returned, “To pay my respect.”</p><p>                 “Indeed. Please, sit.”</p><p>                 He began spouting empty condolences as I poured tea, “... imagine my shock when they told me about Mr Camille’s passing, awful, just dreadful. I always thought, no I knew, he was a good fellow and so agreeable and such a good business partner.”</p><p> </p><p>He rambled on and the thought of poisoning him was growing more and more attractive. </p><p> </p><p>                 “Well, I thought, and said to the steward, I must visit the Camilles and share in their bereavement. No one enjoyed Mr Camille’s company as much as I.”</p><p> </p><p>Forget it Rey, better to drink the poison yourself and save yourself the pain of listening to him babble.</p><p> </p><p>                 “You look healthy.” He said and not continuing on I recognised the pause as a means for me to speak.</p><p>                 “Thank you.”</p><p>                 “You look pale and yet,” he leaned forward so Finn could not hear, “your lips are as red as ever.”</p><p>                 Disgusting, horrid sea creature. “I… thank you?”</p><p>                 “Where is your mother? Where is Louis?”</p><p>                 “In the house and in the house.”</p><p>                 He laughed, unhinging his jaw like the snake he was, “Young women and your humor. Such great entertainment. What of mother Camille? I hope she is close by.  Young man, be good and bring Mrs Camille to greet me.”</p><p>                 Finn made to leave the room, but I stopped him, “No need Finn. Monsieur Plutt… surely, your coming here will only further upset her.”</p><p>                 “I mean no offense, I only wish to pay my respect.”</p><p>                 “While we all appreciate your sentiment,I fear it would be inappropriate given our present situation.” His eyes twinkled in recognition of the debt, “Perhaps I may relay your message to the remainder of the Camilles.”</p><p>                 “Perhaps.” He spoke plainly now and with no forced joviality, “I have a letter for Louis. Be a dear and give it to him.”</p><p>                 “Thank you.”</p><p>                 “No, thank you.” He squeezed my hand as he gave me the letter.</p><p> </p><p>Wretched.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as he left, I demanded the servants clean everything he touched or breathed on. The tea cups were to be thrown out. Let no essence of Plutt remain in such a sacred place.</p><p> </p><p>Ascending the stairs, I felt pained by the vast difference between my expectation and reality. Why had I so ardently wished for Benjamin to appear? Did I believe he would apologize and immediately propose to make up for his indecency or… It was too much, all of it! Now I had to marry a man who frightened me, both protector and aggressor, he could transform from Benjamin to that beast. It made little difference what happened between us, the debt remained and I would still have to marry. </p><p> </p><p>In Papa’s study, now Louis’ study, I set the letter on the desk and sitting on Papa’s armchair began to listen to the rain outside. The smell of wet earth and plants slipped through the window gap, nestling in my nose and heart. Everything reminded me of Benjamin.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p>Louis soon joined me. Upon entering the room, he tutted.</p><p>                 “You’re like a cat, always lounging where you ought not to.”</p><p>                 “I go where I please. As lord of the manor, you must become accustomed to my presence. Even in your study.”</p><p>                 He kissed my forehead, “Good afternoon to you too, Rey.” Seeing my flat expression he tilted my face to meet his, “What’s the matter?”</p><p> </p><p>I indicated to Plutt’s letter. Louis slipped behind Papa’s desk so effortlessly. As though this had always been his study. As he opened and read the letter his brows furrowed and having finished the letter, he leaned back on the chair. So like the blessed Monsieur Camille.</p><p> </p><p>                 “What does he say?”</p><p>                 He rubbed his forehead, “Don’t concern yourself with business. When did he leave this?”</p><p>                 “I do not carry the name Camille for decoration. I have the right to know what he said.”</p><p>                 “You have the right to know, I do not contest that. But for your health, I will not share. We must turn our attention to more pleasant business and away from that insolent slob. How is your dear Monsieur Augustus?”</p><p> </p><p>With a reticent expression I focused on the window once more.</p><p> </p><p>                 “He is not mine. We have not spoken in two weeks.”</p><p>                 Louis appeared genuinely confused, “Not even to pay his condolences?”</p><p>                 “There was a letter, but it was in a woman’s handwriting.”</p><p>                 “Mon dieu.”</p><p>                 “Do not take the Lord’s name in vain.”</p><p>                 “What a scoundrel.”</p><p>                 I laughed, “Yes, but before you proceed, know that it was likely Madame Huxley’s writing.”</p><p>                 “Well then. What are we to do? I had never known Madame Huxley to be a promiscuous lass.” He joked.</p><p>                 “Louis, don't hate me. I’m afraid we left each other so horribly that I cannot say whether we will marry.”</p><p>                 “Not speaking for two weeks is not necessarily an indication of disinterest. There may be other reasons. We must be cognizant of his busy schedule, not to mention his constitution. It could be that his tempers are flared. If you intend to marry someone of his particular constitution, you must be aware of it.”</p><p> </p><p>Immediately, I recalled all the times when Louis would remain in his room, and his delicate Omega sisters were quartered away. I kicked myself for forgetting the effect of the moon on all of us, particularly on men of Benjamin's constitution. Merely thinking of the effects on his health and body I blanched.</p><p> </p><p>                 “This may be crude but it must be said.” I swallowed, “I do not recall such instances lasting for longer than a week.”</p><p>                 “They typically do not, but biology can be unpredictable.”</p><p> </p><p>I thought of my own impending heat. If Caroline experienced hers when she turned 16, I would face mine around that period too. Unless Louis’s words were true and I could face it sooner. Or later if I were lucky.</p><p> </p><p>                 Seeking to change the subject I spoke again, “I met his mother.”</p><p>                 “And how was Madame Augustus?”</p><p>                 “She is a viper! As soon as we met, she began interrogating me about my age, my accomplishments, my background, about Papa and his estate.” I breathed in, “As though I lacked the breeding, education, and manner to be joined to a man like Benjamin.”</p><p>                 Louis laughed, “Then she is a fool not worthy of your attention. A man like Monsieur Augustus has the freedom and standing to choose as he pleases. Dont concern yourself with that sour woman, save your efforts for making Benjamin love you, not Madame Augustus.”</p><p>                 “In truth, if his silence continues, the next time we meet, we shall meet as acquaintances.”</p><p>                 “His silence? Have you written to him? Addressed your lover’s tiff?”</p><p>                 “I did write to him but I did not see it fit to address the issue. He wronged me.”</p><p>                 Louis sighed, “Even when I am hurt by something Adrienne does or says, or what she ought to say, I know the best way to solve our disagreement is to speak of it.”</p><p>                 “Perhaps.”</p><p>                 “Perhaps.” He nodded. Without another word he set to writing letters.</p><p> </p><p>Feeling my company was no longer required I bid Louis farewell and sought out Gerald for a distraction. </p><p> </p><p>I did not yet have the spine to tell Louis or anyone else about the incident. And I certainly did not want to write.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Mademoiselle.” Florrie addressed me, “Two letters arrived for you, along with a trunk.”</p><p>                 “Merci.” I took the letters and abandoning my plan to irritate Gerald, I returned to my room to read the letters. The first was from Suzanne, my sweet, and the second was from Poe. I opened Suzanne’s letter first.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>'My Dear Rey, </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>The last time I wrote to you I was still Mademoiselle Perrot, now as Madame Booke I feel it incumbent on me to keep you abreast of the changes in my life.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Paris was beyond beautiful and often indescribable. With that being said, I shall now take on the arduous task of describing that august city. The people were friendly, at least they were friendly to me once they heard me speak French. Booke struggled to speak French, I took it upon myself to order everything for us at restaurants. And the restaurants! Rey, you would have loved them, I was saddened not to have your company. We could have run about freely and caused so much trouble for the French! For you must know, Omegas are allowed to roam about where they please, and all ladies, regardless of status and constitution, dressed luxuriously. Though I admit they have a scandalous mode of dress, I did not spend a day without peaking and seeing another lady’s ankles. How fortunate for me then that Booke only had eyes for me.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>We spent our mornings sleeping, our afternoons dining alfresco, and our evenings were filled with such great entertainment! I wished we could live in such a languorous state forever, but it was not to be.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Now I have returned to America. We are thousands of miles apart and it pains me. Being on my native soil, I feel our bond again, I can almost smell your scent or see your chest rising and falling as you read this in your bedroom . Would you feel it if I pricked my finger?</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>New York is very different from New Orleans but Booke’s family have been so kind and receptive. Most importantly, New York shares many traits with Paris- save for the exorbitant fashion and excellent food- Omegas may travel freely. My dear Rey, I hope this letter arrives alongside the trunk of dresses I have sent for you. I hope you will delay your wedding long enough so I may travel and be your most favored bridesmaid. Tell Carter, it is of the highest importance!</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Yours sincerely, your closest friend and sister,</p>
  <p>Suzanne'</p>
</blockquote><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Wiping the moisture from my eyes, I kissed Suzanne’s signature. It occurred to me that the letter was rather old, for Suzanne was not aware of my Benjamin’s actions nor Papa’s passing. I wondered how she would react if she knew I was being courted by her cousin. Finally, we would achieve our chilfhood dream, we would be related, at least legally. </p><p> </p><p>Suzanne, fae that she was, always made me smile. I resolved then to write a letter to Benjamin expressing my hurt. Putting away both letters, Poe’s remained unopened, and took up my pen once more.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>'<strike>D</strike><strike>earest Benjamin,</strike></p>
  <p>
    <strike> Dear Monsieur Augustus, </strike>
  </p>
  <p>Dear Benjamin,</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>I hope you’re well. To pre-empt any future questions: I am well, my hand has fully recovered. It is raining and <strike> the scent reminds me of you </strike> it appears the poor weather will continue.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>With pleasantries aside, I hope you will not take offense with my frankness of writing. It is with pain that I recall our last meeting. I confess, your conduct on the evening of Friday 19th October frightened me. I have forgiven you for your Mama’s obvious disapproval of me, such things cannot be helped. But your energetic outburst both surprized and hurt me. I am not so ignorant that I am blind to my foolish behavior that night, but your behavior, I fear, cannot be overlooked.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>I suppose you have been overcome by the side effects of your constitution. On that matter, I can forgive you I understand it cannot be helped. But surely you have not been so overpowered as to disable you from responding, to pick up a pen and write a short note. Many times have I resisted the temptation to write and beg you to elucidate how I have displeased you. For I can think of no other reason for your prolonged silence. Up til now, my courage has wavered, but I must ask you: do I displease you? I understand you have found fault in my behavior before, but have I been so unladylike, so beyond reproach, that you felt it fit to discontinue our acquaintance in such a cold, cruel manner?</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>I hope to hear from you soon. One week or a few days may be understandable, but almost two weeks raises my concerns. Please write to me so I may know whether I still hold your affections for I fear I displease you so greatly, that you wish to never be in my society again.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Yours sincerely, devoted but confused,</p>
  <p>Rey '</p>
</blockquote><p>*</p><p>Devoted but confused indeed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for your comments. It seems 2020 keeps punching me down with bad news but every time I interact with you, I smile.♡</p><p>Thank procrastination for expedient updates. Here is <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">my twitter.</a> </p><p>Thanks to my beta, <a href="https://twitter.com/NewerConstella1">newerconstella1.</a> The nicest person I've ever met.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Trinket</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hi.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I sighed.</p><p> </p><p>Mama, Gerald, and I sat in the drawing-room after the last guest for the day left. For two tortuous days, I received no response from Benjamin. My stomach, upturned by anxiety and anticipation, could scarcely digest a meal larger than a few spoonfuls. His prolonged silence could only mean one thing: he despised me. Evidently, I had displeased him to such a great extent as to necessitate my being cast out.</p><p> </p><p>The blow of two losses was so powerful as to drive away my concentration. In vain, I tried to distract myself by rereading old favorites or playing Mozart, poorly, on the piano but it was all for naught. My mind could only focus on one object: Benjamin. Resigned to my apathetic state, I took to embroidering a shirt for Gerald.</p><p> </p><p>I grasped the embroidery hoop, examining the poorly sewn leaf. Regret enveloped all memories of Benjamin and I. I sighed. Why should he desire me now? I had provoked his beast with my lascivious request and—</p><p>                 “Will you stop sighing so much?” Gerald complained.</p><p>                 “Me?” I asked.</p><p>                 “No other being in this household has been sighing as loudly as you have.”</p><p>                 I sighed, “Sorry.”</p><p>                 “There you go again!”</p><p>                 “Gerald. Behave. Ma chérie, are you feeling unwell?” Mama looked up from her book, Papa’s bible.</p><p>                 “I am well thank you. This is a difficult piece to embroider.” I bit my lips.</p><p>We settled back into our respective employments. Mama and Gerald returned to reading, meanwhile, I bent over the hoop with a furrowed brow. The leaf appeared more like a bean. I could not sew, I could not embroider, I could not play the harp or the violin, and I could not be successful in anything I did in life. I stabbed the leaf-bean hybrid. Failure! Failure! Failure!</p><p>What was to be done with a directionless creature such as myself? Fool that I am, I brought ruin everywhere I turned. Stabbing the leaf some more, I was careless and accidentally nipped my index finger. I pulled back so as to save Florrie the trouble of scrubbing blood out of linen, and instead watched a drop of blood spread on my handkerchief. </p><p> </p><p>The sting drew back memories of my first kiss. <em> He </em>was right in his first estimation of my character: I am ridiculous. My ridiculousness had outweighed all beauty, wit, and amiability which he enjoyed praising, and now he was gone. </p><p> </p><p>But why should I be disappointed? Marriage is a transaction, if these past few months have taught me anything, and if I am to succeed then I should relieve myself of the requirement of love.</p><p>Setting the hoop aside, I sighed as I reached for the closest book.</p><p>                 “Stop sighing!”</p><p>                 “Gerald!” Mama’s authoritative voice bounced off the walls, “Go play outside if she bothers you so much.”</p><p>With a rebellious air, Gerald threw his book aside and rapidly quitted the room.</p><p>                 “He's right. You are sighing an awful lot dear.”</p><p>                 “Truly, I’m fine.”</p><p>                 She moved to sit by me and placed a hand on my shoulder, “Rey, Rey, Rey. My sweet. Your pretty countenance is weighed down by whatever it is that troubles you. Is this because of someone?”</p><p>                 “No. Mama, please, if I speak of it, I’ll cry.” Dabbing the moisture of my eyes, I turned away from her gaze. <em> Read, Rey, read and focus on anything else </em>. The shape of the letters, the color, the border of the page—how strange the letter ‘n’ looks! Like an arch or open door. </p><p>‘<em> Much like the door you opened when you asked for that kiss, and threw yourself out of the Garden as Eve did! </em>’</p><p>I pinched the loose skin on my knuckle. </p><p>I shall never be wild again. Such is my punishment for having the courage to chase what I desired, I always ruined things for myself as if I’d been struck by a curse greater than that of Eve.</p><p>                 “Sacrilege.”</p><p>                 “What?” Mama looked up from her book.</p><p>                 “Merely thinking out loud.” I smiled.</p><p>Barely an hour later, I was 12 pages into a novel, though I understood none of it, when the familiar sound of the entrance doors opening caught my attention. </p><p>                 “Are we expecting guests?” I asked.</p><p>                 Mama checked her watch, “Not this close to supper.”</p><p>Putting the novel aside, I made to exit the room when Florrie burst through the door with an overwhelmed look. She slammed the door behind her and smiled at me. Afterward, she made no movement.</p><p>                 I had to confirm this was not a delusion “Florrie?”</p><p>                 “Oui.”</p><p>                 “Why are you doing… whatever it is that you’re doing?”</p><p>                 “Standing about, you mean. I have been instructed by the lord of the house to keep you in this room.”</p><p> </p><p>I shared a confused look with Mama. </p><p>                 “Why?”</p><p>                 “How tired you look. You should sit, Rey.” Florrie began pushing me toward the settee.</p><p> </p><p>Perplexed, I followed her instruction until I recalled that I was sovereign of my own body.</p><p> </p><p>                 “It’s my house as much as his!” I slapped her hands away, “Step aside. I want to see who has arrived.”</p><p>                 “Louis fears <em> he </em>may upset you should you see him.”</p><p>                 My expression stiffened, “If it is Plutt, my courage shall never waiver. I have a talent for stamping out bugs.”</p><p>                 She looked away, eyes full of guilt, “That’s precisely his fear.” Pushing me again, she insisted, “Do not concern yourself with such matters. Sit.”</p><p>                 Mama grumbled, “Rey, please, I have a dreadful headache. Listen to Florrie and sit.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Not seeking to cause a ruckus, or bring further pain to my Mama, I did as I was told. </p><p> </p><p>Florrie watched like a hawk as I picked up the hoop again. Though I had not misbehaved today,I averted my eyes, as if I had. Sewing with a small rice grain length, my curiosity grew. Who could the person be?</p><p> </p><p>No, be off with you curiosity! I refused to cause further issues for myself by acting out.</p><p> </p><p><em> But who could it be? </em> Who would visit at such an improper hour—none other than that lecherous, venomous, pompous, irritating—Plutt! Or maybe if I was lucky, Benjamin. But I had not been lucky, I could scarcely allow my heart to hope. Should I imagine it was Plutt then I could not be disappointed! And my traitorous brother, who thought he knew best, who was perfectly aware of my short temper when in the presence of that slug, tried to keep us apart. I could not stay unaware of business that affected the whole family. I had a date with destiny.</p><p> </p><p>                 I jumped up, “Excuse me.”</p><p>                 Florrie mirrored my action, “Where are you off to, young lady?”</p><p>                 With a sardonic grin I began, “If you must know, I am going to visit the bathroom. But since I am no longer a child,” she appeared unconvinced, “that means I no longer need your company.”</p><p>                 “Of course.” Florrie opened the door, her eyes gleamed as if to say ‘I dare you’.</p><p> </p><p>Without waiting for her to change her mind, I slipped past and toward the staircase but she was quicker.</p><p>                 “Mademoiselle. There is a bathroom downstairs.”</p><p>                 “I want to use the upstairs bathroom, the guests don’t use that one.”</p><p>                 “Ahhh, I see through your tricks,” She gripped my elbow, “if you are so desperate, you will go to the downstairs one.”</p><p> </p><p>Dejected, but no less irritated, I complied.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>After half an hour, who should appear in the drawing room, but Monsieur Camille himself.</p><p>                 “Louis.” I glared past the embroidery hoop.</p><p>                 “Would you join me upstairs?”</p><p> </p><p>As we walked to his study, I noticed the scent of lemon mixing with earth. But the lemon was far too strong and rubbed abrasively against my nose. Some unknown servant tried to cover up a smell but failed: the scents blended together to create a repulsive mixture, destroying the earthy fragrance. The mixed scent was almost overpowering in his study, but I swallowed the bitterness and sat across from Louis.</p><p>                 He tilted his head, “You may ask your questions now.”</p><p>                 “Who visited?”</p><p>                 “You know who.”</p><p>                 “Plutt.” I sighed. There I went, sighing again. </p><p>                 Louis scrunched his face then he laughed, “No. For once I am glad to say you are wrong. Our late visitor was none other than your dear Monsieur Augustus.”</p><p> </p><p>My heart skipped a beat. Could I hope? Recalling the being who occupied my thoughts, anxiety stirred and rumbled in my guts. Hypothetically, he could have visited to wish Louis farewell and express his regrets at ending our relationship. </p><p> </p><p>                 I could wait no longer, I cut to the point, “What did he say? Will he still have me?”</p><p>                 He shook his head in disbelief, “Your quarrel must have been troubling indeed if you believe it should end your acquaintance.” Louis moved past his desk and sat on the settee by me, “Your poor Benjamin—he believed he was solely responsible, and for matters which I intend to expand on, he gave the impression that you would no longer have him. But I’m getting ahead of myself, there are two matters which I must discuss with you. Firstly,” he leaned forward smiling from ear to ear and whispered “ Plutt shall never bother us again. Our debt is discharged.”</p><p>                 Leaping with uncontainable excitement I threw my arms around Louis’ neck, “Truly?”</p><p>                 He patted my back, “Truly.”</p><p> </p><p>Unable to hold back, I peppered his face with kisses. I had lost countless hours agonizing over our debt. Prior visions of a spinster Rey began to fade. Or was I still in a fantasy? Immediately, theories as to how raced through my mind. And to think Plutt insisted we repay him within 3 months or all would be lost! I could no longer bear it—I had to know how!</p><p>                 “Oh Louis, I did not believe I could ever know such happiness! How did this come to be?” I squeezed him once more.</p><p> </p><p>No more Plutt, no more debt, the Camilles would survive. Louis could not help laughing as he wiped away my tears.</p><p> </p><p>                 “To answer that, I must discuss the second matter. This will require delicate care. Sit.”</p><p>                 Fanning myself with my hand I asked, “What is it?”</p><p>                 “Rey, it is difficult. I’m struggling to grasp it myself. Benjamin has asked me for your hand in marriage.”</p><p> </p><p>All sense of decorum and calm shattered at once! My knees gave in but luckily I was already seated. The evening was proving to be unbelievable. First, Plutt, now Benjamin. My Benjamin who ensnared my heart, who I had called a scoundrel and acted unreserved with, asked for <em> my </em> hand. Struggling to free myself from my shock, I coughed. Benjamin did want me. Knowing he would not ask for my hand, or ask for anything, lightly, I felt the strength of his regard. Soon I would call him my husband. But the seed of doubt remained: did he wish to marry me because he loved me or because of our impropriety?</p><p>                 “What did you say?”</p><p>                 Louis scratched his head, “Well. It is more complicated than it seems. He explained to me that the sum, which <em> coincidentally </em>is a few hundred dollars over the amount owing to Plutt—that sum would go toward your trousseau. That is, should you agree to marry him, for I insisted I needed some time to make my decision. I am not entirely of Papa’s philosophy, bless his heart… I want you to choose, Rey. If you decline the offer then he assured me that we may consider the amount as compensation for the time wasted and embarrassment caused.”</p><p> </p><p>Then Louis, grasping my hand, reassured me, “I consider myself merely a consultant on your choice. You, my sweet, may choose as you please though I suspect I know your answer.”</p><p> </p><p>With all the strength and courage I could reach I took a deep breath in. The bitterness of being robbed of a proper proposal was not lost on me. Since I was young I pictured a beautiful tableau of a garden in spring with the pink sky behind me. Of a man whom I dearly loved espousing a spontaneous passionate speech of his love for me, then he would prostrate himself and beg me to marry him. The reality was not what Jane Austen prepared me for. </p><p>                 “And why could he not propose to me himself?”</p><p>                 “He was,” he cleared his throat, “indisposed.”</p><p>                 “Indisposed? Is he very ill?” Why would I be affianced to a dying man?</p><p>                 “He is not well. He could not see you.”</p><p>                 “Yet he was fit enough to see you?”</p><p>                 “Rey.” Louis warned, “Men of our constitution often lose ourselves to the cycles. He was recovering, your presence may have further upset his humors, he would have <em> acted out </em>. Do not alarm yourself, I am to understand that he has been recovering for a few days now. All that aside and whatnot, I cannot contain myself, what is your answer?”</p><p> </p><p>Louis was too much of a gentleman to say it. Benjamin, the Alpha, was in a r-u-t. But I dare not say it either, even in my own mind, most improper. Even with him being indisposed, I could scarcely believe a, <em> r-u-t </em>, could last for over two weeks. I resolved to forgive him for the first week, but the second week? No. On that account, a groveling apology or explanation was wanting.</p><p> </p><p>                 “By all means, I should accept this proposal, he is a wealthy man of respectable background and breeding. He has all the manners and education required of a gentleman. And I admit I feel a life debt to him, he who repaid our debt and granted us freedom.”</p><p>                 “Further, lest I forget, should you accept then you may visit his estate. He has invited you, and a chaperone, to visit his family in the North. A respectable method of acclimating you to your future home, and he has no quarrels on hosting the wedding in New Orleans.”</p><p>                 I shook my head. “Louis, slow down. I-I need more time.”</p><p>                 He rubbed my hand, “Ma chérie, listen. You have fewer and fewer days to decide. Though our debt will soon be discharged, it is my duty to ensure your future. I should like you to accept it. For you will then be engaged and later married, even if he were to break off the engagement it would not reflect poorly on your character.”</p><p>                 “I certainly hope not!”</p><p>                 “And you very well know. Though I may be liberal at times, I cannot allow my youngest sister to leave Louisiana merely to court a man in a strange land.”</p><p>                 The ridiculousness of his statement caused me to chuckle, or was it the ridiculousness of the situation? “Surely, it’s not so strange. It’s the North, it’s hardly Saturn.”</p><p>                 With a forced stern look he pursed his lips, “It might as well be. As far as standards and manners are concerned. So, make your choice and I shall send a reply to your beau. But do not make it too quickly, we may be desperate but we shouldn’t appear too desperate. I shall wait until after supper to send my approval.”</p><p>                 “Your approval? But I have not yet accepted.”</p><p>                 Louis giggled, “‘<em> Yet’ </em> she says. You already know your answer. Here,” he handed me a letter, “this is for you.”</p><p>                 “Are you suddenly a postman?” I joked.</p><p>                 He laughed, “Why I’m so thrilled, you can call me whatever you please.  I see you averting your gaze, I won’t hinder you any further. Go on, read your letter in private, then return to me with your answer.”</p><p> </p><p>With zeal, I practically ran out of his study to my bedroom. Panting, I held the letter against my chest. I twirled the letter in my hand and bit back a smile.</p><p>
  <em> ‘Madame Augustus.’ </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ‘Madame Rey Josephine Camille Augustus.’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>                 I greeted my reflection, “Mrs Benjamin Augustus.”</p><p> </p><p>How fitting it sounds, yet I cannot help that I feel the exact same. I watched myself twirl in the mirror, nothing in my appearance changed. Neither did anything in my mind transform. Yet so much had changed in a single moment! I was to marry! Holding out my hands as though I were dancing with Benjamin, I spun around my room.</p><p>                 “Rey Augustus! Rey Augustus!” My heat threatened to convulse, I collapsed on my bed.</p><p> </p><p>Despite all my excitement, I could not forget how he wronged me. To have kept me ignorant for so long, then to suddenly appear, without the courage to face me, and ask Louis for my hand. Well, it appeared he was more aware of proper customs when it suited him.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Canaille. I’ll make him pay for his cruelty. I shall be as cold to him as he has been to me, only the most sincere groveling shall influence me. Yes, I’ll wear my most provocative dresses and my rouge, and even then he won’t be allowed to kiss my feet.”</p><p> </p><p>Madame Leia Augustus will be most displeased. I could picture her pinched lips cracking once she discovered that her Benjamin would be marrying a Southern Belle who can’t play the harp. And a French one too! I laughed, practically cackling. But poor Bazine will be displeased, though for an entirely different reason. I resolved to write to her, explaining my new circumstances, I wanted no ill between us.</p><p> </p><p>And my trousseau! I would use the trunk Suzanne sent. Oh! Suzanne must be informed, we are to be united as relatives! As if I needed a trousseau, there would be a mansion waiting for me. But my dresses! So much to do, so much to plan, luckily Mama, Caroline, and Florrie would help. And I had a few months to prepare. But first, the letter. </p><p> </p><p>A gold locket fell out of the envelope. The outside was engraved with flowers, upon opening the locket a wave of pleasant fragrance made me shiver. Petrichor. Inside was a lock of hair. Kissing the lock of hair, I delicately placed it in the locket and wore it. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>‘My Dearest Rey,</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>I imagine you’re furious and it grieves me to know you thought I was displeased with you. In truth, my heart is weighed down by shame and guilt when I recall my conduct toward you. Please, believe when I say, or rather write, that I hold you in the highest esteem and would never waver in my affections for you because of my own savage act. I regret my behavior, but even more I regret my silence. It pains me to cause you discomfort but I could not visit you in your moment of grief.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Unfortunately, I was overcome by the cycles of my constitution and would have caused greater offense had I appeared. I’ve struggled to completely recover, and my situation was further complicated when I received news that I was needed in New York. Therefore, I set about preparing for my journey and finalizing my business in New Orleans. But I shall not mock your intelligence: I relied on my business to avoid you because of my great shame. Rey, I am an irksome fiend, to have waited so long to respond. Though I had hoped my consolatory letter would lessen the offense, I re-read every line of your letter hundreds of times and came to the conclusion that it only highlighted my mistakes in not approaching you sooner.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>I am still ill and for the sake of decorum chose not to see you again, lest I offended you. By now, Louis must have informed you of my offer of marriage. This is true. Dearest inamorata, I cherish every second spent with you, and ask for your hand <em> if </em>you would have me. I wish I were a writer or a poet so I could express to you in animated language, which you so rightly deserve, the violent emotions you have afflicted in my chest. But your gaze, your attention, is so powerful as to deprive me of all sense and composure. If I were not so bewitched, perhaps I could express myself, but that is not the case.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>I hold with me the handkerchief you blessed me with and as my fingers run over the initials ‘R.J.C’ I cannot help but imagine you embroidering a final ‘A’. Is it too much to ask for?  Inamorata, I will be the luckiest, most blessed, man to ever offend your good graces if you would have me. In return for your handkerchief, I leave you with a locket and a lock of my hair. Should you refuse me, then do what you please with it, burn it if you must. However, should you accept, which I pray that I am worthy of accepting, then please keep it with you.  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Within a few days I will leave the South to return home. It grieves me to say that I will not recover in time to see you. I hope to quickly settle matters and prepare the estate for your arrival, for I desire you should spend Spring and Summer in New York. Once you arrive, you shall have whatever you like: a coach, new dresses, pin money to spend, and, if it pleases you, <em> me </em>.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>All power rests with you.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>God bless you,</p>
  <p>Your devoted, committed, and affectionate,</p>
  <p>Ben.’</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>My tears slowly dried on the paper. Words could never capture my elation. Never could I believe such relief and happiness could cause me to be speechless. There was no need to offer me riches when all I wanted was his affection... Ben, sweet love and companion of my future life, of course, I would accept your request.</p><p> </p><p>Returning to Louis, I gently knocked on the door. He understood everything I wanted to say with a simple look at my red eyes. Taking his hands in mine, I placed a soft kiss on each one, “Thank you for all you’ve done, my sweet. In truth, I do know my answer. My feelings and conditions in life make it so: you may send word to Benjamin. I accept his offer.”</p><p>Now it was Louis’ turn to express his delight, grasping me tightly he began, “Another sister married. I cannot go with you. But I know our Northern brothers are more accepting.”</p><p>                 “I would like to visit his home, my future home, to see how people live there outside of the novels.” I said as he released me and made his way to his desk.</p><p>                 “Then you shall go. Not only as thanks for repaying the debt but to secure his heart. And although they may be more forgiving of indiscretions in New York, compared to Louisiana, I insist you travel everywhere with Mama. Do not lose yourself to looser customs. Finn shall leave with you.”</p><p>                 “Does Mama know?”</p><p>                 “Not a soul but you and I. Though Florrie has likely informed half of the neighborhood by now. Leave me to finalize this business, and you can look forward to leaving for New York in early spring. Go, ma chérie, prepare your trousseau.” With a kiss on my forehead, Louis dismissed me so he could return to his business.</p><p> </p><p>As I quitted the room, I was struck by the heavenly beauty of the honeyed rays of a setting sun. The sky was a great canvas of orange and pink bursting over calm blue. The sunlight bounced off the locket and drew my attention back to the trinket. Holding it to my lips, I settled a soft kiss on that gorgeous scent.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Bye. ／(●ᆺ●)＼</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">My twitter.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Snow in Louisiana</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello there.</p><p>You look great today, even if you look great everyday I felt it incumbent on me to remind you how much I adore you. Love those pyjamas by the way. Let get's into this chapter:</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Tuesday, 20th November 1860,</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Madame Huxley requests the pleasure of Mademoiselle Rey Camille’s, soon to be Madame Augustus, company for tea at one o’clock at the Huxley mansion.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>— M. Huxley</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Florrie was brushing my hair as I daydreamed about Madame Huxley’s note. ‘Madame Augustus.’ She was such a scamp! I hummed and gave into reverie. Rey Augustus walking into a store and being greeted: <em> Madame Augustus. </em> The shopkeep would call a clerk: <em> Please show Madame Augustus the new dresses. </em> I pictured myself sitting by the fireplace in a large drawing room reading when a servant interrupted me: <em> Madame Augustus, a letter has arrived for you. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> ‘Madame Augustus! But you are not yet Madame Augustus.’ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>True. Best not to be too hasty until all matters were settled. I would be a true fool to believe Benjamin solely proposed because he loved me. It seemed obvious to me then, our indiscretions muddied the purity of his intent in proposing. But, his letter was very well written, there must have been an ounce of truth, an ounce of love. He even admitted he pictured me embroidering my initials ‘R.J.C.A.’ That did soothe my insecurities somewhat.</p><p> </p><p>As I turned the invitation in my hand I noticed a small brown scar, barely the length of a rice grain: the only evidence of the bite. For the remainder of my life,  it would serve as a reminder of my indiscretion. Shame forbade Benjamin from meeting me in person, perhaps I was shameless in comparison as I dearly wished to be near him. No, it could not be. Shame tempered my feelings: how could he truly love me when he had to pay my family’s debt and shield us from the repercussions of our extramarital affair. I huffed. That was the first time I admitted it. Extramarital affair. </p><p> </p><p>Fear, shame, and anger bubbled within me. I should have been shunned long ago, to think I was the savior of my family merely because a man felt guilty for my actions. For the rage and discourse, I had instigated between him and his beast. With deep breaths I tilted my head back and did not blink, I refused to cry—Florrie had just completed powdering my face! He purchased me like a trinket he accidentally broke at the general store.</p><p> </p><p>I sighed and was relieved that Gerald was not nearby.</p><p> </p><p>With the debt gone, and a marriage on the horizon, I should have felt ecstatic so why did fear petrify me? By the time I set off for the North, I would no longer need to wear black. I could freely return to the luxe dresses and extreme richness that used to elicit great joy. To prepare for my Northern visit I would buy new dresses for every social occasion! Dinner dresses, Evening party dresses, several indoor dresses, and of course a whole collection of Ballgowns. Benjamin would take me to every ball, whether or not he desired it. He owed it to me, to make amends for his atrocious behavior…</p><p> </p><p>Oh, to hell with ball gowns, I only wanted him to face me! What a disgrace; to be engaged and have not seen nor heard from my fiancé in almost a month!</p><p> </p><p>Turning the invitation in my hand once more, I tried to ground myself in the moment. </p><p> </p><p>                 “Very well expressed. So eloquent, most unlike his earlier letter following Papa’s passing.” I whispered.</p><p>                 Florrie giggled, fully aware of what I was referring to. I had read his letter to her numerous times, “So well written that perhaps, Madame Huxley helped write it?”</p><p> </p><p>Hurt, I whipped my head up to look at her.</p><p>                 “Please don’t say that.”</p><p> </p><p>Florrie, having a mother’s heart, wrapped her arms around my shoulders and placed a delicate kiss on my nose.</p><p>                 “Don’t worry ma <span class="QXzCSe"><span class="fJyiwb">chérie</span></span>, I do not doubt he wrote it himself.”</p><p>                 “Of course.” I returned to my position and she continued to braid my hair.</p><p> </p><p>The feeling of my insensibility crept along the periphery of my mind. Having been engaged for a week, I had not caught sight of my fiancé. Nor had I spoken to him. Nor had he sent any other letters than the one he proposed with. But he was traveling North! And the post, despite all its advances, could lose letters.</p><p> </p><p>Had I shown my hand by admitting I recognized Madame Huxley’s handwriting? Had she dictated the letter and he, simple-minded Alpha recovering from a r-u-t, followed her commands? It could not be but the theory seemed self-evident now that I turned my mind to it. </p><p> </p><p>No, I am first and foremost an optimist. Most of the time.</p><p> </p><p>                 “What’s the matter now, Madame Augustus?”</p><p>                 “That perpetual scoundrel, he continues to vex me even when he is out of state.”</p><p>                 “Is it wise to marry a man you call a scoundrel before you are joined?”</p><p>                 “Is it wise to remain single, with no one around to take my hand? But we shall not dwell on such matters. It is better I know less until a marriage is guaranteed.”</p><p>                 “Right.” She sounded unconvinced, “And have you packed your trousseau?”</p><p>                 “I hardly need one.”</p><p>                 “You should arrange it regardless, what of your friend’s letters? Your pretty dresses?”</p><p> </p><p>I assented to her point and she resumed braiding my hair.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Louis and I arrived on time for tea at the Huxley mansion. As a widow, Mama could not attend social events but New Orleans was less strict on children of deceased parents. Louis would not have chaperoned me, would have asked me to decline Madame Huxley’s invitation, had he not had business to discuss with Monsieur Huxley.</p><p> </p><p>We parted at the entrance and I was led to the drawing room where I was rudely greeted with Madame O’Connor’s laughter.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Rey!” Madame Huxley put her tea down, “I am so delighted you came. I must apologize for the late invitation.”</p><p>                 Kissing her on both cheeks, I dismissed any concerns, “Ridiculous. There’s no need to apologize. We are close enough that you did not cause offense.”</p><p>                 “Of course,” she returned the kisses and leading me to join her on the settee continued, “ And soon, dare I say, you will be staying in the Huxley mansion when you visit New Orleans”</p><p>                 Not content to enjoy delightful conversation, Madame O’Connor intended to have her part, “Visit New Orleans? Is she not in New Orleans now?”</p><p>                 Madame Huxley laughed with her, “Have you heard the good news? Mademoiselle Camille is soon to become Madame Augustus.”</p><p>                 Madame O’Connor, blanching, began, “Oh! The Northern gentleman…”</p><p> </p><p>Recalling Madame O’Connor’s comments about Benjamin’s ‘interesting face, I frowned.’ Though she did not find his countenance pleasing, any man with a great fortune is pleasing and handsome. Regardless, he proposed to me, not Madame O’Connor, or her daughters.</p><p> </p><p>                 Attempting to lighten the tension, I spoke, “I did not expect to be joined to a Yankee either, but life is full of surprises.”</p><p>                 “So wise for someone so young.” Madame Huxley teased.</p><p> </p><p>There we passed almost half an hour discussing all the ways in which life had surprised us when a footman entered the room and coughed, grabbing our attention.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Mademoiselle Netal.”</p><p> </p><p>Instantly, my hands felt hot and dry. Had she heard the news? How would she react?</p><p> </p><p>Click, click, click, click. Bazine took a few graceful steps and curtsied before being joined in greeting by Madame Huxley. I began counting the second down until my death. Bazine surveyed the room, and as her eyes fell on me she smiled. So her manners were still open and easy. She either did not care or did not know my fiancé’s identity.</p><p> </p><p>First, she greeted Madame Huxley, then Madame O’Connor, and finally she approached me.</p><p>                 “Rey.”</p><p>                 “Bazine.” I curtsied.</p><p>                 “You look well.”</p><p>                 “You too, thank you.” I said, barely above a whisper. Feeling like a child about to be scolded, I sat on the settee and crossed my ankles.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Bazine, how is Monsieur F-----?” Madame O’Connor sputtered before shoving a sweet in her mouth.</p><p>                 “He is well, thank you.”</p><p>                 Seeking to cut off Madame O’Connor, I sought to distract Bazine, “And how are you? Is that a new dress?”</p><p>                 Bazine laughed, “You know me too well. I am well, and it is new. Though I have decided to follow in the steps of the English and settled for less jewelry.”</p><p>                 “Quite unpatriotic.”</p><p>                 Before Bazine could reply, Madame O’Connor whistled, “How different their styles are. Though I daresay I much prefer the French, the luxury of their dresses cannot be resisted, even if they burn a hole in my pin money.”</p><p>                 “Quite right.” I said, unenthused.</p><p>                 Madame O’Connor wiped her hand, “Bazine, dear, have you heard the good news?”</p><p>                 “No, more news? Pray, tell.”</p><p>                 “I hear it is to be a light winter.” I added.</p><p>                 “That hardly seems like news… It’s not as though we have snow.” Bazine laughed again, so carefree. So unaware of how I had betrayed her. </p><p> </p><p>Whatever punishment God sought to place me through was surely deserved for having kept my affair secret from her. Her of all people!</p><p> </p><p>                 “No, the real good news!” Madame O’Connor would not quit!</p><p>                 “Pray tell. And this time I hope it is real news!”</p><p>                 I chided O’Connor, staring daggers, “It’s hardly necessary.” </p><p>                 “No, I insist! Rey is engaged and to Monsieur Augustus of all men.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>                 “Oh.” Bazine muttered.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She need not say more, her feelings were obvious to me. She spoke little afterward but her silence was more indicative of her discomfort and rage than words could ever be. She responded to others when called upon and refused another cup of tea, leaving her first cup to cool in her lap. I could not be insensible to her feelings; recalling how terribly I felt when I discovered that Poe was promised to another. To think that I increased her grief pained me. But was I upset I was caught or that I had lied to her? Perhaps both.</p><p> </p><p>                 “And how is the good fellow?” O’Connor’s nasal pitch grabbed my attention.</p><p>                 “Well, I believe.”I ejaculated.</p><p>                 Bazine huffed, “You <em> believe </em>your fiancé is well?”</p><p>                 Madame Huxley spoke up, “He was ill. But he recovered before he left.”</p><p>                 “I never knew he was ill!” The she-demon, O’Connor, continued to speak, never content to be quiet, “Well if he was, he must have recovered remarkably quickly, all men of his constitution often do, though some do not, why I saw him a few days before he left.”</p><p> </p><p>She was full of twists.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Was he out while he was ill?” I asked Madame Huxley.</p><p>                 “He did not appear ill to me, he looked to be recovered, though I must admit I have never seen him invalid so I cannot be sure what he looks like ill. BUT he appeared very much the same.”</p><p> </p><p>Madame Huxley said nothing and, avoiding my gaze, continued sipping her tea.</p><p> </p><p>                 “And where did you see him?”</p><p>                 “At Lafitte, I believe it was last Thursday or Friday. I cannot exactly recall which, as those days feel so similar to me.”</p><p> </p><p>I counted the days in my head… If he had proposed last week and informed me he was leaving in a few days, then how did he find enough time to visit Lafitte before leaving instead of visiting me? Was he in two places at once?</p><p> </p><p>Once again, he hid from me. Even after securing my hand, he sought to hide his presence. Despite his excellent letter, despite his begging me to marry him, I could not overlook his continued insolence. That bastard. He easily weaved words into poetry, but still had not the courage to visit me face-to-face. The words of his letter rushed through my mind, my thoughts were a violent storm, why had he avoided me? Fear gripped my throat. He spoke of shame and sorrow for the pain he caused but his actions expressed his lack of care. He continued to avoid me. </p><p> </p><p>                 Seeking to compose myself, I blew on my tea. “The days blend together.”</p><p>                 A teacup clinked against a saucer as Madame Huxley joined the conversation once more, “Absolutely! It was only a few days ago or was it weeks ago, that my dear Monsieur Huxley installed a fountain in the garden. I believe you have not had a look at it, Madame O’Connor, please let me show you.”</p><p> </p><p>Madame Huxley led Madame O’Connor away. My gratefulness for her actions was tempered by my anger at her having concealed Benjamin’s continued presence from me. </p><p> </p><p>How I loathed surprises. And Benjamin was one surprise after the other. He disregarded my feelings, he shrugged off his duties as my future husband, and instead gave me a gift likely believing it would satisfy me! I felt for the locket under the high neck of my dress, if he wished to be insolent and cruel, then I would too! I resolved to be a cold and distant creature once I visited the North.</p><p> </p><p>At least for a little while till he learned his lesson or explained himself. This act required more than groveling, he would need to repent for every sin and transgression.</p><p> </p><p>The mere idea of him aggravated me. What had I done to deserve such silence?</p><p> </p><p>Bazine fanned herself.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Bazine.” I said.</p><p>                 “Don’t. I thought you were my friend.”</p><p>                 “I am, I’m sorry I tried to tell you sooner—”</p><p>                 “Don’t bother, Mademoiselle Camille. You speak of camaraderie between women but then you behave as though the rules do not apply to you. Tell me, was he your beau? The day I risked my family’s reputation and allowed you to trot off for dinner—was that secret beau?”</p><p> </p><p>I could not respond. </p><p> </p><p>                 She smiled, “And you don’t even know where he is or if he is alive.”</p><p> </p><p>We did not sit in silence for long as Madame O’Connor soon returned and having sat down Bazine instantly stood up.</p><p> </p><p>                 “Thank you for the lovely tea and the conversation.”</p><p>                 Madame Huxley could barely protest before Bazine continued, “I must apologize for I forgot I must prepare for supper with Monsieur F----’s family. Congratulations to you Mademoiselle Camille. Your Monsieur Augustus is certainly lively, I could not imagine a better couple. You deserve each other.” </p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>On the ride home, Louis tried to make small conversation but I was simmering in humiliation and rage. I had lost the only friend I had left in the South and would endure a winter alone. If I was lucky, I would receive a single letter from Benjamin, if he deigned to write to his back up in the South. </p><p> </p><p>And what need does a gentleman have of Lafitte?</p><p> </p><p>I was not unaccustomed to being misled, I had courted Poe for a year! But Poe was never so cruel as to raise my hopes. Even when he was set to marry Mademoiselle whats-her-face. He was cold, yes, but not so cruel as to give me the impression that he cared for me. But Benjamin was a totally different breed of man: he was not a rogue, he was a scoundrel.</p><p> </p><p>He penned heartfelt letters in place of human interaction because he knew how to fuel one’s affection. I was done agonizing over what I had done wrong. No! No! No! He was in the wrong, not me.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as I was in my bedroom, I flung myself headfirst onto my bed and screamed into my pillows. Not content with that, I stumbled out of bed and stuffed all memoirs of Benjamin into the trunk Suzanne gifted me, alongside my other dresses and letters I had received.</p><p> </p><p>The Debutante Ball dress, the ripped glove, the letter, all of it thrown into the trunk laying atop the perfectly folded clothes without skill. The last item to be thrown in was the locket. With that, I shut the trunk and stomped out of the room.</p><p> </p><p>However, as I crossed the threshold into the hallway, I felt a pull, like a string, tugging on my experience, gently pulling my head back. Feverish anxiety clouded my mind, what if <em> it </em> was no longer there? Hurriedly, I ran back in and opened the trunk again to look at the locket. Delicately, I picked it up and opened it. The smell of belonging comforted me. Somehow rage and comfort could exist within one vessel! Benjamin, my dearest, how was he capable of making me feel such a strange mixture of emotions, thousands of miles away? I felt drawn to place a tender kiss on the lock of hair but resisted. I did not care if it was <em> merely </em> hair, I refused to give any part of him the pleasure of my affection! Even the immobile parts.</p><p> </p><p>Somewhere, in a carriage, I hoped he was feeling the pain of having lost my lips and my kisses</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Bye. ／(●ᆺ●)＼ <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">My twitter.</a></p><p>P.S. Did I correctly guess that you were wearing pyjamas?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. * Deliver me unto Benjamin *</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey.</p><p>Your smile is brighter than ever. UwU what's this? Asterisk in the title, I'm sure it's nothing.</p><p>Warning of non con.<br/>Stop reading at "Going to claim you."</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Sunday, 2nd December, 1860 </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>My dearest Rey, </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>You will be glad to hear that I have arranged for your travel to New York. I have sent word to Louis with detailed instructions but shall provide a brief summary: firstly, you will take a steamboat, up the Mississippi, to Indiana, and travel by rail eastward to New York. A two day rest stop has been arranged in Indiana, to alleviate the fatigue of travel. Forgive me if I am too presumptuous in assuming you have never traveled such a long distance before. At present, I am enjoying myself as much as I can under the circumstances, my time could be improved by your presence, but I make do with what I have.  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>I hope you shall be with me by Spring 1861. The lack of your society threatens to make this the coldest winter of my life, but my disappointment is lessened with the knowledge that you will visit soon. Please accept my apologies for the length of this letter, I admit I have been preoccupied with matters of business and failed to find words which adequately reflect the contents of my heart. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Please accept the dress alongside this letter, I hope to see you wearing it when you arrive. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Your ever-affectionate fiancé, </p>
  <p>Ben.</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>* * * * * </p><p> </p><p>Benjamin's letter had arrived in the afternoon, and, though thrilled by the prospect of hearing from him, my heart fell when I saw that he only sent one page. The dress was beautiful, but I was far too concerned with the letter to appreciate it. Even if it was silk. The sentiments expressed in the letter appeared genuine, but such a slow drip of affection was painful. How did he expect me to endure a winter without a long letter, I never expected a novel, merely four pages. Maybe six. No six is too much, four is adequate. </p><p> </p><p>To only receive one page was beyond disappointing. And he did not answer the questions in my previous letter sent on November 20th. If I dwelled on Benjamin’s writing for too long, I might distress myself, thus, seeking amusement I took up a pen to reply to Suzanne. A few days earlier, a letter from Suzanne arrived, providing condolences and announcing her pregnancy. Everyone was moving away from me. I had lost Suzanne to Booke and now Booke junior threatened to whisk her away entirely. But I resolved to think of the possibilities: if she had a daughter, I would have a new playmate.  Even then, that thought barely dulled the bitter taste of losing my Suzanne.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * * </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>My dear Suzanne, </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Having just received your letter, please accept my congratulations on your recent announcement! To think, I will be an aunt, though not related by blood, I expect future Monsieur or Mademoiselle Booke to call me Aunt Rey. I hope we get along splendidly. I look forward to spoiling the little one! Although I do regret that she enters this world at times of trouble, I hope we can improve as a people, and as a nation, to provide the little one with a world she rightly deserves. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Thank you for your condolences, you can imagine my shock at Papa's passing. Part of me is glad he did not have to witness the state of the world. But he detested people ruminating on things they cannot change so I will follow his example, and move on. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>No doubt, by now you are aware of my engagement to Monsieur Augustus. You must think me a fool: to have called him a scoundrel and spoke of his shortcomings, only then to change my mind and accept his hand. It came as a shock to me as well, but I felt it right to accept. I would have been a fool not to. I wish I could say I know his heart, but he is the most confounding man I have ever met. Perhaps when we next meet in person, when I travel to New York in the Spring, I shall inform you of all he has done to perplex me. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Words cannot capture the sheer delight he raises when he turns his attention to me. When he looks at me, his amber eyes warm my skin like the rays of the sun. When he laughs, it’s music. And when he kisses me, I become ravenous. Then he transforms into a scoundrel and the most irritating being I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. How can one man spark such contrasting emotions in my mind? That is the effect he has on me. And I have been most discouraged for he recently sent a letter lasting only one page! I suspect he wrote in large lettering to make it appear longer, to my eyes the content was better suited to half a page.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>But here I go on rambling. I look forward to meeting the little Booke when she arrives, <strike>should the little Booke arrive as a boy, keep a copy of the receipt</strike> though I hope they are a ‘she’ so I can have someone to talk dresses with. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Your affectionate friend, future aunt, </p>
  <p>Rey.</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>* * * * * </p><p> </p><p>My response to Benjamin could wait. He would receive a mirror of what he sent: a sparse one page letter. Springing up from my desk, I paced the floor, formulating an appropriate response. Something cold but not so cold as to allow myself to appear disinterested, then again I had to show my disappointment at the lack of affection... and the lack of answers. I sincerely doubted one man could be so busy as disallow him from answering simple questions. </p><p> </p><p>I grasped the locket hanging off the chain and, opening the small contraption, was struck once more with his scent. Over the past few months, I had begun to notice scents but could not determine my own. Louis smelled of mint, Florrie of lavender and honey, but Benjamin had the sweetest smell. </p><p> </p><p>My lips thinned. Turning back to my desk, I grabbed his letter and placed it in the trunk. I did not trust myself to <em> not </em> destroy the letter in anger. As I went to close the trunk, I perceived one letter awkwardly curled against a corner. With haste, I straightened it when I was struck with the familiarity of the handwriting on the envelope.  </p><p>  </p><p>Poe Dameron. </p><p> </p><p>Would I cause Benjamin offense if I were to open it? Did my curiosity know no bounds? Yes and yes. </p><p> </p><p>I opened it. </p><p> </p><p>* * * * * </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>My dear Rey, </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>In imagining what your thoughts are upon receiving this letter, I am ashamed of what I said the last time I spoke to you. I recall our last meeting with distaste, all of it directed at myself of course. How detestable my actions were. For weeks I have been harassed with thoughts of you. You occupy every corner of my mind: no sport, no dance, no line of song, not even sleep provides me with escape. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Do not let my confession alarm you, I speak of my passionate devotion to you. Sweetling, I am the greatest fool to ever live. Losing your society has exposed how very dear you are to me. And if I may judge from our last meeting, you have not lost the remembrance of our love. My attentions to Mademoiselle Hennick were influenced by my family’s plans for my future. Not seeking to disappoint my family, and my knowledge of her circumstances—the last remaining child of a dynasty, who, months beforehand, lost both parents—I carried forth with courting her. How wrong I was. Every moment I spent with her, my mind dwelled on your shining face. Believe me, sweetling, when I profess that my affections for her were never as deep as my feelings for you. Being raised, in part, out of obligation, I could never feel for her what I feel for you. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Darling, words cannot express how deeply heart aches for you. Everything, outside of you and all your that gaze falls upon, has lost its luster. You have monopolized my attention. Music is dull. Paintings are drab. And food is bland. Be assured, Sweetling, this description of my feelings is true. I hope these words convey to you, the grand passion I possess for your loveliness, I do not wish to string you along, I hope I do not offend you. In truth, I regret everything I have said and done. Rey, I hope you, in your infinite mercy, can forgive me. Further, I hope that you still retain those affections which you held for me. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Be assured, sweetling, everything written above is the truth. </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Yours sincerely, your devoted and smitten, </p>
  <p>Poe.</p>
</blockquote><p>* * * * * </p><p> </p><p>I was beyond astonished. Poe continued to hold affection for me. Ever since our meeting at the Ball, I thought he felt nothing. But his letter must be true. At first, I felt flattered, to be held in such high esteem by a man such as Poe is a compliment. Poe who had convinced me that my future happiness rested on our union. The man for whom I had breached expectations of women to actively court as though I were the man in the relationship. </p><p> </p><p>The letter, as lovely as a letter could be, was perfect. Or rather almost perfect. It provided no explanation for Mademoiselle Hennick’s current situation. But the charm of his prose could not be denied. The animated language was so powerful as to influence my heart for a moment. Was there anything more delightful in the world than obscene flattery directed at oneself?</p><p> </p><p>But flattery was the only emotion his words raised. For I was an engaged woman now, and my heart, being preoccupied with loving and being vexed at Benjamin, had little room for another. I colored slightly as I placed the letter back into the trunk, though his words no longer caused my heart to jump, his letter would serve as a reminder of my desirableness. I resolved to read it whenever I felt low again. Picking up my pen once more, I set out to thank Poe for his heartfelt sentiments and inform him of my engagement. </p><p> </p><p>* * * * * </p><p>Journal. </p><p> </p><p>18th January 1861, </p><p> </p><p>I received a letter from Benjamin a few days before Christmas, with emerald earrings as a gift. Their gorgeous green is so vibrant, like the moss growing on rocks I used to play on. If I feel he has earned it, I shall wear them when I visit him. I received another letter, a few days after New Year. Neither were longer than two pages and although they expressed the same endearments as his December letter, I could not help but feel as though I were a side matter. Not that I expected all of his attention, it was just that I wanted more. </p><p> </p><p>On the homefront, the atmosphere of the Camille manor is unbearable. Louis is miserable, Adrienne moved recently and she looks like she swallowed a watermelon—I avoid her whenever I can, to think I must be in her possession in a few months!—she’s equally miserable given her state, Gerald is mindless and playful as always, and Mama is the sun. She regularly argues with Louis, who is convinced he is a realist, about the potential of a war. War this. War that. Pshaw, my head whirls with all this talk of secession and war. I hope Louisiana does secede, so all these men would finally have something new to talk about. Florrie refuses to acknowledge the state of the world, meanwhile, when I asked Finn of his opinion, he stated he had none. Obviously he does, he has an opinion on everything. I have never known Finn to shy away from sharing his feelings with me— </p><p> </p><p>I will write more tomorrow; Caroline and Enric are visiting from Georgia. They are to dine with us tonight. I must warn them of Louis’ foul mood. He cannot let a few seconds pass before muttering something about Lincoln. He is exactly as my dear Papa was when he was angry. </p><p> </p><p>* * * * * </p><p> Journal.</p><p> </p><p>March 13th 1861,</p><p> </p><p>How loathsome Louis has become. I am grateful for all his efforts to rebuild the Camille wealth, but he has said certain things, which to me, suggests he desires I halt my engagement to Benjamin. I dare not think it, but I fear he may soon desire that I cease my engagement altogether and remain in New Orleans. I know he is caring but O Lord be kind to us, keep us safe, and deliver me unto Benjamin. </p><p> </p><p>— </p><p> </p><p>A knock at the door halted my pen. Closing the journal, I hid it amongst my other books. </p><p> </p><p>                 I cleared my throat, “Come in.” </p><p>                 Louis entered. “Rey, you did not join us for supper, are you unwell?” </p><p>                 Seeking to avoid his placing a hand on my forehead I stepped back, “I am well, thank you.” </p><p>                 “Are you cross with me then?” </p><p> </p><p>Louis was always forward. But as my elder brother and patriarch of the family, he was allowed to be. </p><p> </p><p>                 “Somewhat.” </p><p>                 “Rey, spit it out.” </p><p>                 “I’m afraid you may no longer wish for me to visit Benjamin.” </p><p> </p><p>He ruffled his hair, and sighing sat on the seat before my vanity facing me. </p><p>                 “And what would you say if I didn’t want you to go?” </p><p>                 “You must!” I almost yelled, “We are promised to each other. And what would people think of us, breaking off an engagement—” </p><p>                 “Breaking off an engagement to an alien.” </p><p>                 “He is the savior of our family. Do you not recall only a few months back we were on the verge of destitution?” </p><p>                 He stood up quickly, “And what will people say if I allow you to marry a Yankee? We’re not even part of the same country anymore.” </p><p> </p><p>                 Unwilling to accept his point, I reiterated mine, “You would be breaking off an engagement, from the man who single-handedly saved your family from becoming paupers.” </p><p> </p><p>He rubbed his forehead; it became clear to me that this was a choice which he battled over. But in my perspective, there was no other possible choice.  </p><p> </p><p>                 “Papa would—” He began but I interrupted him. </p><p>                 “Papa would be proud; I did the Camille name right by ensuring our existence.” </p><p> </p><p>                 “You love him, don’t you?” He asked, sincere. I was in shock. I had never been asked such a direct question. It was a question I never addressed, even within my mind. Louis strode till he was standing in front of me and bending forward left a light kiss on my forehead, “I may be making the biggest mistake of my life thus far. You may go to him. I will have to arrange for several travel passes, and I want you to leave earlier than planned.” </p><p> </p><p><em> The last day before leaving New Orleans </em> * * * * * </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was another hot Louisiana day as I strode along the bank of the Mississippi River. This portion of the river was so near the lower half of the Camille plantation that I could get away with walking without a chaperone. The hot sun was unusually unbearable today. The dirt burned like hot coals under my bare feet. I quickly ran to the edge of the bank and dipped my feet into the water. The  current massaged away the burning. I leaned on my elbows and kicked my feet about, allowing the cold water to flow between my toes. The Mississippi always found ways to provide for me; whether it was through irrigation or  relief on a sunny day. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>On my right, a small steamboat lazily floated on the surface of the river. It created light waves like a finger  lazily skimming the top of the water. I sat up and stared at it, trying to determine who was in it. To my confusion, there was no one on the boat. No one was steering it, and I could see no passengers. I watched as it slowly glided on the waterline and almost passed me. At the back of the boat stood a woman dressed entirely in black with a black veil. She threw a handkerchief into the water and watched as it soaked up water before drowning. </p><p>  </p><p>Something inside me recognized her and felt her sorrow, she had lost something meaningful. I knew what that felt like. Unconsciously, a single tear ran down my face. I reached up to wipe it and laid down on the grass. Intrinsically I knew that I did not need to concern myself with her or the handkerchief. Instead, I closed my eyes and listened to the beautiful sounds of the river. The wet sound of waves hitting waves. A cool breeze gently lifted my skirt, allowing more waves to touch my feet. </p><p>  </p><p>The touch was calming. Like water against a burn. </p><p>  </p><p>I felt the water reach up and massage my calves. A moan escaped my lips, the wetness was a great relief against the oppressing heat. Again, I listened to the sounds of bugs skittering about and the gentle slaps of leaves against leaves. I was enchanted by the sounds of nature: the wind blowing through the trees playing its own part in the orchestra. The cool water continued slithering up my legs, wrapping around them like vines to a column. Suddenly, I felt the water pull me further along the bank so that my hips and upper body remained on the earth. </p><p>  </p><p>Panicked, I looked down and there he was. His hazel eyes watched me with reverence, so unexpected was his presence that my next word was almost a squeak: “Benjamin?” </p><p>  </p><p>He was standing waist-deep in the water. His black hair was curled and wet against his scalp and forehead. His  linen shirt was wet, it clung so tightly that I could see the dips and peaks of his chest. His broad chest moved up and down slowly; he was taking calm measured breaths like always. I watched as a drop of water traveled down from his hair, following the bridge of his nose, and onto his wet shirt. His eyes were heavy-lidded, with a sultry look, and his pouty lips parted. I leaned forward to get a closer look at him, “Benjamin? What are you doing?” </p><p>  </p><p>He quickly glanced down at his shirt. His eyes flit up to mine and with a cheeky grin, he removed a hand from my leg and drew it up to his collar. Slowly, he began unbuttoning his shirt with one hand, then the other hand joined it as he slipped the wet linen off. </p><p>  </p><p>                 “I didn’t think we’d do this so soon. <em> After last time </em>.” I confessed. He lifted his brows once and smirked. His hands rested on my hips and he drew me in for a prolonged kiss. I leaned into it, drawing out everything I could; I wanted him. All of him. I pressed my torso into him in a slovenly manner, desperate to feel more of him. His chest was warm yet solid, and it moved up and down: he was a living marble statue of Mars. This man was going to be joined to me. </p><p>  </p><p>Pushing me down again, he drew my legs to his lips and dotted my thighs with kisses. A visceral instinct guided me to open my legs to leave room for him. </p><p> </p><p>                 He finally spoke, “Going to kiss you.” </p><p>                 “You already are.” I fought back a smile. </p><p>                 “Show you what it is to be with a man.” </p><p> </p><p>This scoundrel and his way with words…  </p><p> </p><p>                 “Yes.” I moaned.</p><p>                 “You want it.” He said. It was not a question. His lips moved from my hips to my stomach. </p><p>                 “Ah yes.” The words came out, I was almost breathless. That familiar electric feeling drew up from my abdomen and tingled the back of my thighs. </p><p>                 “Going to claim you.” His voice strained, all hoarse and grotesque. </p><p>                 “What? No.” I put my legs on his shoulders as I tried to push him away. The water caused my legs to slip, allowing him to grip my ankles as he jumped forward on top of me. The droplets were no longer dripping off his fingers, they felt like claws of frost holding me down. </p><p>                 “Going to breed you.” </p><p>                 “No! I don’t want that!” </p><p>                 “Yes, you do.” He pressed down on where my womb lay, “I will help you. I will start your heat.” </p><p>                 Tears blinded me, “No!” </p><p>                 “Yes. Be a good young lady and open your legs.” That beast was now over me. His claws dug into my jaw as he forced my head up. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>All around us, in a semicircle, stood everyone I knew. In the middle, Papa leaned on his cane as Mama stood by him. </p><p>                 “Help!” </p><p>                 “He is helping, dear. Give yourself to him.” Papa said. </p><p> </p><p>I threw my arms around, thrashing like a trapped deer. As Benjamin’s canines drew near my gland, I let out a final scream. </p><p> </p><p>As my scream died down, I woke up sweating with my chemise clinging to me. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh my, I told you it was nothing.</p><p>This is the first time I have written with drastic time jumps, how did I do? Also, I've decided to add more smut chapters so I will be reworking my outline and updating the chapter count.</p><p>Bye. ／(●ᆺ●)＼ <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">My twitter.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Pit Viper</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I must post because the gods will it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The setting sun had passed its zenith and strangers on the platform bustled about. The air was thick and heady with a mixture of scents. Other travelers had not been as lucky as Mama and I. They did not have access to a private car. As a result, or perhaps due to poor hygiene habits, some passengers smelt awful. I raised my handkerchief to my scrunched nose. Mama noticed and smiled:</p><p> </p><p>            “Crowds will be familiar to you soon. You must adapt, there are many more people here than in New Orleans.” She whispered. I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. Mama loved to repeat herself. Finn stood watching our luggage and the trunk. His soft brown eyes rolled over the sea of strangers, searching for the solace of Monsieur Benjamin’s face.</p><p> </p><p>            Mama checked her watch, “I believe Benjamin said he’d pick us up as soon as we arrived, that he would be waiting for us, where is your beau?”</p><p> </p><p>My stomach grumbled, long-distance travel did not agree with me. If Benjamin had brought me all across the country, only to disappear again, I’d strangle him. I’d strangle him with his own hair. And I’d get away with it too. The light, the scents, the noise—all of it sickened me. It was overwhelming, like sticking your head in a typhoon. A man bumped into me and grumbled an apology as he hobbled away. </p><p> </p><p>            “I hate New York. I hope people outside the station are more pleasant.” I whispered to Mama. We had taken to whispering so as to avoid strangers recognizing our southern lilt. If we were forced to speak, we spoke in French, better to be mistaken for a frank than a confederate lady. Not that I was scared anything dangerous would happen to us, we were ladies after all! Unfortunately, being a lady did not protect one from thieves and vagabonds. And New York was sure to be full of them! At least with Benjamin around, if he were to magically appear then, we would have a shield.</p><p> </p><p>A portion of the crowd separated as a small elderly woman stepped forth followed by a young lady and two servants. The woman, with her dour expression look and poor taste in fashion, was immediately recognizable: Leia. The young lady with her appeared to be of twelve or thirteen years of age. Her dark wavy hair was parted in the middle and most of it hidden beneath a bonnet, but her hazel eyes betrayed her relation. She was Jaina, Benjamin’s younger sister.</p><p> </p><p>As Leia stopped before us, Leia curtsied:</p><p>            “Mrs and Miss Camille, and,” she looked at Finn, unimpressed as usual, “servant. Welcome to New York.”</p><p>            We curtsied, Mama spoke first, “Merci. It’s delightful to be here.”</p><p>            “Yes, everything is so <em>different </em>” I added. Smelly. Tight. Overcrowded. </p><p>            “I imagine New York <em> is </em> very different from New Orleans. It is a large city after all. Mrs and Miss Camille, might I introduce you to my daughter?”</p><p>            Jaina stepped forth, clutching her hands together. Poor meek creature.</p><p>            I curtsied, “Pleasure to meet you. I’m Mademoiselle Camille, and this is my mother Madame Camille. Though I imagine you’re more accustomed to using Miss and Mrs.”</p><p>            She nodded, and curtsied, “Pleasure to make your acquaintance. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you.”</p><p>            Leia looked at our luggage, “Shall we head off?”</p><p>            “Of course. Where is Benjamin?” The words dashed out.</p><p>            “Busy. As usual. It’s unfortunate he was unable to greet you but he sends his regrets. He will be joining us for supper.”</p><p> </p><p>Little toad. </p><p> </p><p>He did not propose to me in person, he did not apologize in person, and woe of all woes he sent General Leia to greet me. Blinking rapidly, I sought to dissolve all tears from my startled eyes. Likewise, Mama was no more tranquil. Thus, I resolved to be angry at Benjamin. He would receive no warmth from me. Nothing he could do or say could console my bruised heart. Without another word, the servants took our luggage and we were led to a private coach. </p><p>Horses and carriages were far more suitable for me. After a quiet ride past mansions, clean alleyways, and well-decorated avenues, we soon arrived at the Augustus estate. </p><p> </p><p>Imagine my shock, as I descended the step with Finn’s helping hand, when I set my eyes on a vast two-storey mansion. The broad walls, dotted with large windows likely taller than I, stood tall as though they sprang from the earth. On both sides, the house was rounded by bay windows and an Italian style porch wrap. Only a passerby with discerning eyes would recognize the elements of second empire architecture. It appeared powerful. Protecting and proud. By the Lord! I forced my eyes down once more, Leia should never have the pleasure of seeing my appreciative gaze. The mansion was excellently situated and the small front garden was immaculately manicured. The house was too much like its owner. I bit my cheek.</p><p> </p><p>            “I hope our home meets your expectation,” Leia said.</p><p>            I blushed, so she <em> had </em>noticed my astonishment. “It is pretty.”</p><p>            “Just pretty?”</p><p>            “<em> Very </em> pretty.”</p><p> </p><p>With a sardonic smile, she whipped forward and began instructing the servants to take our luggage. I felt Jaina’s warmth as she joined me, with a soft warm arm grasp my elbow, she whispered:</p><p>            “Don’t let Maz hear you say so, she’d prefer great compliments.” </p><p>I nodded. Whoever this Maz was, she’d receive my most elaborate compliments. The servants began carrying the luggage toward the entrance. My heartbeat unnaturally fast after climbing the stairs, and it was not because of the light exercise. Soon I would be reunited with my scoundrel.  Unconsciously my throat constricted, the dryness only caused further irritation.</p><p> </p><p>As we entered I kept my eyes low. A number of servants stood by to greet us, a large man paced back and forth. I watched as his black leather congress shoes carried his feet safely from one end of the hall till he was standing before me.  So, Augustus came to face his confederate intruders. He appeared tired but otherwise, very much the same. Our eyes met, and it was like he never left.</p><p> </p><p>He grinned till I could see his dimple. He wore a black suit with a navy vest. I had never noticed his vests before, funny that they should draw my attention now. </p><p> </p><p>Poor Rey. When those hazel hues turned their stalwart gaze to me, I knew I was in danger of forgiving everything. He would learn nothing. Well I refused, I would not melt under his gaze. If he thought I would readily forgive, he underestimated the wrath of his fiancée. Before he could grab my hand, I pulled away and curtsied.</p><p> </p><p>He bowed:</p><p>            “Mrs Camille.” He looked at Mama, then turned back to me “<em>Miss Camille </em>.”</p><p>            “It’s a delight to see you again after so long.” He appeared momentarily confused.</p><p>            Perhaps I would not be so cruel, “I apologize. I have just arrived from long-distance travel, I’m not yet fit to be seen.” I excused myself. Looking satisfied he turned to Mama and began asking about the trip. From where I stood, I could see his Adam apple bob as he laughed at something, his hair reflected the light deliciously as he gestured. What an excellent specimen.</p><p> </p><p>I wondered when we would kiss again.</p><p> </p><p>            “I hope you are well enough to join us for supper.” He said, looking back to me.</p><p>            “I thank you for your concern, but if I may, I would call it an early night. Mama, naturally you have my permission to enjoy supper with the others. I need some time to be still.” I teased, stopping to cease Mama’s protests before she began. Benjamin chuckled. </p><p> </p><p>To be pedantic, it was not necessarily a lie. My bones ached from exhaustion, traveling took its toll, and my courage required time to recover. Or else I could not withstand General Leia’s attacks so soon. He looked disappointed but accepting my half-lie nodded.</p><p>            “Rest may hasten your recovery. Travel is never easy, especially with such a long-distance. I hope to share the pleasure of your society tomorrow.”</p><p>I curtsied once more.</p><p>            “Maz, please show Miss Camille to her apartments.”</p><p> </p><p>An elderly woman curtsied and gestured for me to follow her. Was this the formidable Maz that Jaina warned me of? Why, she was so small and her round-rimmed glasses widened her eyes. She looked, dare I say, adorable. As she led me up the stairs I happened to glance back and caught Benjamin watching me. Not seeking to give him the satisfaction of knowing I missed him, I quickly averted my gaze. Secretly, I was elated. </p><p> </p><p>My brain whirred with ideas. First, I would punish him by withdrawing all touches and kisses. Then I would avoid his gaze, till he begged me to explain how and why he displeased me. Then I would rant at that fop, I could picture myself now. Wearing the emerald earrings he sent. I bit my lips.</p><p> </p><p>            “Here you are, ma’am.” Maz’s voice broke me from my reverie.</p><p>            “Thank you, Maz, what is your role in the Augustus estate?”</p><p>            She smiled, “I’m the housekeeper, my dear. Should you need anything, simply call for me. The new girls have hands but they don’t yet know how to use them.”</p><p>            “You keep a lovely home.”</p><p>            “If it were merely lovely, I should be ashamed.” She looked partly offended, “Do you require assistance preparing for bed?”</p><p> </p><p>Taken aback by her capricious attitude, I could not speak but nodded. In truth, I was not ready to sleep, my mind was preoccupied with thoughts of dimples. As I removed my gloves, I was greeted once more by the small brown scar. Those dimples hid a dangerous bite. Suddenly, I was not so disappointed to be without their bearer’s company. Doubtless, however, seeing him made me yearn for him. Vexed at his absence, I thought I should shorten his days of punishment. He, who wrote short letters and thought dresses and emeralds would soothe the hurt he caused. He who robbed me of my childhood dream of a proper proposal. He would still receive his punishment, but being without him was punishment in itself.</p><p>The guest room was made up in the French style which pleased me immensely. Evidently, he was set on making me feel at home. </p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>When I awoke the following morning, I momentarily believed I was back in New Orleans. The sunlight bouncing off the English style architecture of surrounding homes served as a reminder. I was not in Louisiana anymore. I was in a land foreign to me. Most importantly, I was in my fiancé's home.</p><p> </p><p>As I watched out the window, I noticed the sun was high in the sky. Draft! I overslept. Immediately, I rang for a servant and Maz appeared. As she helped me bathe and prepare for the day, she spoke extensively of the lord of the house's many attributes and the new servant girl’s many faults. Her speeches left some to be desired: I missed Florrie's singing. </p><p> </p><p>            "How long did I sleep? Why did no one wake me?" </p><p>            She cleared her throat, "I cannot count the exact hours. But the time is just about twelve o'clock, dinner will be served soon. Mr Augustus instructed me to let you rest, and your mother agreed."</p><p>            Relaxing as she brushed my hair I asked, as nonchalant as possible, "And where is Monsieur Augustus?"</p><p>            "Likely with the factory foreman or talking to a contractor. Safe to say he is busy."</p><p> </p><p>She was as brief and blunt as Leia! Like master, like servant.</p><p> </p><p>            She was fixing my skirt when she added, with a small smile, "Don't fret my dear. He'll be home for supper."</p><p> </p><p>I blanched, did I appear to desire his attention so viciously?</p><p> </p><p>Maz led me to a drawing room where Leia sat reading. To her right Mama was reading, her favorite book: Papa's old bible. Jaina, meanwhile, sat with an older woman playing the piano. Given her dress and familiarity, she addressed Jaina by her first name you see, I assumed she was her governess. </p><p> </p><p>I joined the older ladies and borrowed a book to read. Leia barely acknowledged my presence and appeared agitated the moment I sat next to Mama, on a settee across from Leia. To an extent I understood her grievance, her wealthy son chose a woman for himself without her consultations. And here the stranger sat in her home, not only as a lady to be courted but as his fiancée.</p><p> </p><p>On the other hand, she was far too cruel given the circumstances. I came from a respectable family, I had a respectable reputation, barring all the wrongs she was unaware of, and many had complimented me on my open and easy to admire countenance. On all matters she should like me, evidently, she was committed to hate.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Envy me all you want, you want old so and so, I have Benjamin’s attention. And I captured it effortlessly. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jania stopped playing when her Governess announced it was time for a break. The young Augustus stretched and sat in a seat adjacent to me.</p><p> </p><p>            "Miss Camille." She spoke softly.</p><p>            Looking up from my book, and feeling rather mischievous, I replied, "Please, call me Rey."</p><p>            Leia’s eyes flitted from her book to me, clearly irritated then swooped back to the book.</p><p>            "Very well, in turn, you may call me Jaina. Miss—Rey. Do you play?"</p><p>            “Not as well as you do.”</p><p>            “Oh, I don't play very well.”</p><p>            “The harmony I witnessed earlier disproves your modest reassurances. It's quite fine by me, I am better suited to reading and writing."</p><p>            Her face lit up, "And who is your favorite author?"</p><p>            I thought for a moment, "I could never pick a favorite. But I've been known to reread Hentz."</p><p>            She scrunched her nose, "You only like her because she writes about Louisiana."</p><p>            "Precisely!" I laughed.</p><p>            "Have you ever read Stowe?" Seeing my shake my head, her smile grew, "Then I insist you must—that is... I greatly desire that you read it. So we may discuss it."</p><p>            "If that is your wish, ma chérie."</p><p>            "Merci, je serai heureuse de partager votre compagnie." <em> Thank you, I look forward to your continued company. </em></p><p>            "Vous parlez français?" <em> You speak french? </em></p><p>            "Oui, mais pas parfaitement." <em> Yes, although not greatly. </em></p><p>            “Again, you are far too humble."</p><p>            "Miss Garland," Leia spoke, breaking the peace. "I believe Jaina has another lesson planned for today, perhaps you should begin early.”</p><p>            "But mother—”</p><p>            "By Jove." <em> Sacrilege </em>, "Go."</p><p> </p><p>Jaina left to join her governess, Miss Garland. The silence which followed was mighty awkward. </p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>With Jaina occupied and Leia intent on ignoring my existence, the remainder of the day was spent reading. </p><p> </p><p>At supper, a servant girl struggled to help me dress. Though I knew little of Maz, I quickly learned her words were true. Knowing that Benjamin would be joining the living for supper I wore a peach dress Suzanne gifted me from her Paris trip. An off-shoulder one, with the almost-scandalous decolletage.</p><p> </p><p>            Maz joined us later and seeing me in my dazzling dress she whistled, "Yes Miss. That will grab his attention. It will do fine."</p><p>            "I'm not sure what you mean Maz? Is he a fan of peach?" I joked.</p><p>            She laughed, it was sweet despite the slight rash in her voice, "He warned me you were spirited, but he never told me you were funny."</p><p> </p><p>At this, I could not help but smile. I was unaccustomed to servants who spoke openly and in such a forward manner. How reassuring it was, to see such a resourceful kind servant who spoke freely: she must have been very dear to the family to have that privilege.</p><p> </p><p>As I entered the room for supper, Benjamin's eyes flowed down my body like mercury. Instinctively,  I felt myself shiver. Leia, in comparison, was not amused. Leia stood at the head of the table with Benjamin and Jaina on either side. Before I could move to stand by him, Leia commanded that I join Jaina as ‘the young ladies have books to discuss and whatnot.’</p><p> </p><p>To my fancy, this was a foolish move. From my new position, the light struck my bosom with such an advantage, as to draw the wandering eyes of her delinquent pup. Benjamin's eyes would occasionally glance in my direction in a covert attempt to draw my attention. But I did not give him the pleasure of returning his glance even if I was giddy to be his sole focus.</p><p> </p><p>            "Miss Camille." Leia began, "How are you finding New York?"</p><p>            “I cannot say. I’ve yet to have the pleasure of exploring it.”</p><p>            “Are you fond of books?”</p><p>            “Many people are,” to this she stared with a raised brow, “and I am one of them, yes.”</p><p>            “And are you fond of novels? I recall you mentioned Hentz.”</p><p>            “Yes, I am exceedingly fond of novels.”</p><p>            “Mrs Camille, have you heard that clergymen often criticize novels as they ‘give way to small acts of savagery.’ While I cannot agree with them entirely, one cannot help but note how men in novels are emotionally crippled.”</p><p>            Mama ran her finger over the handle of her fork, “I can’t imagine what savagery words on a page induce. Do they lead young ladies to hear the voice of God and proclaim themselves our saviors?”</p><p>            Leia laughed, “Nothing of that sort. But one cannot deny their influence. Many times, I have seen them corrupt many respectable young ladies. Leading them to think of themselves as mordant caustic creatures. Delighting in the fancy of always having the last word.”</p><p>            “I see what you mean,” I added, “too often do ladies speak with empty sentiments. Unwilling to stop till they feel they’ve amazed their guests with a quip or snark.”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded and supper continued thus. Occasionally, Leia would ask Jaina of her progress on the piano or the harp. Jaina gave curt prompt replies and set about devouring her food. Benjamin had even less to say, when asked about the factory it was ‘busy’, when asked about his day—‘busy’. Perhaps I should have gifted him a thesaurus.</p><p>            “Miss Camille—” Leia began but Benjamin spoke over her.</p><p>            “Miss Camille, I understand you spent your first day in New York reading.”</p><p>            He was testing me, I could not ignore him in the presence of others, but neither did I need to give a speech, “Yes.”</p><p>            “I know you adore the theatre, perhaps you and Jaina should visit the theatre. I hear they’re performing Shakespeare this season. Since you are so fond of novels and dramatics, I think it should be well suited to your tastes.”</p><p>            Unable to contain my smile, I quickly drew my spoon to my lips, “Perhaps.”</p><p>            “Perhaps indeed.”</p><p>            “Don’t tease me so.” I almost laughed in response.</p><p>            Leia could not help herself, “I hope it’s not Macbeth.”</p><p>            “But I adore lady Macbeth!” Jaina protested.</p><p>            Benjamin joined in, “As do I.”</p><p>            “Ben, don’t encourage her. You have no need to look up to such ladies.” She turned back to her soup and whispered, “No one likes a social climber.”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin glared at Leia.</p><p> </p><p>I was the person to whom her comment was addressed. I wanted to cross my face in humiliation. To be spoken of so abhorrent and so openly while a guest in someone else’s home. My chest burned. I coughed once.</p><p>            “Excuse me,” I stammered, “I must ... get some rest.”</p><p>            “Are you still tired?” Leia asked.</p><p>            My eyes began to water, “Yes.”</p><p>            “Surely, you have room for dessert?”</p><p>            “I—I—I cannot.” I stammered.</p><p>            “I insist you sit.”</p><p>            It was evident to everyone now. I was going to cry. “Mother, let her rest.” Benjamin called out.</p><p> </p><p>I could not look anyone in the eye as I left the room. Mama found me crumpled on the floor of my apartments crying.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>GoodBye. ／(●ᆺ●)＼ <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">My twitter.</a></p><p> </p><p>Thanks so much for your comments, I love returning to them . They've really helped through this time 💌</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Concord</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi. Miss me?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Etiquette demands a guest be cordial, respectful, and polite. For the two days that followed the supper incident, I could meet only two of those criterias.</p><p> </p><p>I was cordial and polite, but whenever my path crossed Leia’s, I was conveniently ill. Being around that viper knotted my stomach; one should not cross paths with venomous beasts too often. Their poison will wear you down till you can no longer withstand the killing blow. Slowly, however, I noticed my terror congeal into rage. I was Rey Camille, descendant of French royalty... somewhere down the line, I am sure of it, and if not then I carried myself with their grace and manners. Playing the harp and piano was well suited for ladies without the mental clarity to devise their own fun! The next time she tried to shame me I would throw her sub-standard tea in her face, for everyone knows, the tea is better in the South.</p><p> </p><p>But.</p><p> </p><p>To avoid the chaos and potential fallout, especially as my Benjamin would be furious, I avoided her. That did not mean I did not know how to work a net, and I had no qualms using it should I need to. Regardless, I was convinced that any attempt at reaching a truce would be as useful as filling a wicker basket with water. All the better to avoid the snake.</p><p> </p><p>For two days, I pretended to be sicker than I was. It was on the second day, when Jaina was teaching me to play a ‘simple tune by Chopin’, as she described it, when Benjamin entered the drawing room. Taking his gloves off, he sat and watched us.</p><p> </p><p>            “Rey,” Jaina whispered, “You’re rigid.”</p><p>            "Strange. I feel fine.”</p><p>            “What has affected you so? Or should I say who?”</p><p>            “You’re both pests that love to tease.”</p><p>            Speaking loudly, she continued teasing, “You need to relax.”</p><p>            “I am relaxed.”</p><p>            Benjamin finally spoke up, “And when will you allow our guest to leave the house?”</p><p>            “She need not seek my permission. Rey is a free woman and is entitled to leave whenever she pleases. Perhaps, she needs new dresses?”</p><p>            With false affront I gasped, “Dear Jaina, aren’t my dresses pretty enough? Do they fall short of your standards?”</p><p>            “Nothing of the sort, but we may improve upon them. You must fetch your purse, we must shop! Benjamin, may I have a small amount above my monthly pin allowance, please?”</p><p>            “I see your game now.” I laughed.</p><p>            “You’ve monopolized enough of her time.” Benjamin said and slid next to me, “I’ll teach her the rest.”</p><p> </p><p>In my Augustus sandwich, I felt the heat emanating off Benjamin. Jaina gave me a sly wink, poor as it was, though her brother did not notice the attempt. Not only did she slide away from the piano, she left the room entirely!</p><p> </p><p>All that remained to keep me company was the furniture, the music, Benjamin, and the butterflies in my stomach.</p><p> </p><p>            “Jaina is right. You need to relax and straighten up your posture.” He slid a finger up my spine; I straightened like a marionette and he was pulling a string.</p><p>            He listened for a few minutes then placing his warm hand on my lower back he continued, “Practice makes perfect. If you’re not perfect then I believe you may be very close to it.”</p><p>            The heat on my cheeks was rivalled only by the heat on my lower abdomen, “Thank you.”</p><p>            “Good. Continue.”</p><p> </p><p>I continued playing but suffered a few slip ups. My playing was almost-perfect before <em> he </em> arrived. Benjamin, being the demon he was, did not remove his hand but slowly massaged my lower back. After each mistake he addressed me in a soft and tender tone, ‘go on’ and ‘keep going.’ At the corner of my eye, I felt his eyes were fixed on my fingers and I felt grateful that his burning gaze was not turned to me. Trying to absorb myself in the music, my brittle concentration was shattered when he spoke again:</p><p> </p><p>            “Rey, you’ve been here for four days and you haven’t left the house.”</p><p>              “I went on walks.”</p><p>            “Beyond our little block, I don’t believe you’ve enjoyed New York. We’re going to the theatre tonight. And you love the theatre.”</p><p> </p><p>My imagination began to churn. Benjamin and I, alone, in a box seat, for he would purchase no others. <em> Alone </em>. My legs felt weak. Skipping a key but regaining my composure, I felt the courage to tease back.</p><p> </p><p>            “Is that a command?”</p><p>             “By no means,” he smiled, “later tonight, we, all of us, will go. If you feel well enough.”</p><p> </p><p><em> ‘Social climber </em>.’ Leia’s words rang out across my memory. My palms landed on the keys letting out a noise of tangled notes.</p><p> </p><p>            “I have a headache. I fear I am not fit to join the party tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>He exhaled hot air on my shoulder. I am a vexing creature indeed. Causing agitation, especially to Benjamin, weighed heavily on my heart, but I reasoned that it was to protect myself. If he were in my position then surely he would act the same. In fact, given his behavior during the last days of his stay in New Orleans, I knew he had done the same. </p><p> </p><p>            “Of course. Your health is of the most utmost importance.” He stood up and patting down his shirt said, “I will call for a doctor.”</p><p>            I whipped my head to meet his cheeky grin, “There’s no need!”</p><p>            “But there is,” he grabbed my hand, “if my guest, and dear fiancée, is unwell then I must do all I can. Since I am not a healer, I will send for the doctor. Rey, I insist.”</p><p> </p><p>The sly bastard kissed my hand and bid me adieu almost immediately.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as he quitted the room, I was left defeated and slumped over the piano, when Jaina ran back in. She beamed with the most gorgeous smile. They truly were teasing pests.</p><p> </p><p>            “Please tell me you will join our romp tonight?” Absorbing my dumbfounded expression she heaved, “I assume, from your countenance, that you don’t yet feel well enough. If you must remain home, then read my copy of Stowe. You’ve proclaimed to be a fast reader, I should hope to discuss the text with you tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>She thrust a book into my lap. I could barely read the cover, it mentioned a cabin, but how could I read when Benjamin pulled tricks? For the first time since my stay in New York, I felt well and truly ill. Before I could compose myself, I was roused by a servant to receive an invitation to dine with a 'Mrs Booke.'</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>The Booke estate was to my liking. Even though it rivalled the Augustus estate, it could never overcome my liking for it. Monsieur Booke was unavailable, not that I felt his loss greatly, but Madame Booke was waiting for me in a grand drawing room.</p><p> </p><p>Suzanne looked almost the same. Almost. Were it not for the sizable bump in her midsection, I could have mistaken her for the same girl. My Suzanne. After holding onto each other for dear life, for I feared she would disappear mere seconds after stepping into my view, we greeted each other as ladies should. With a kiss on each cheek.</p><p> </p><p>            “Ma chérie. You don’t know how pleased I am to see another belle. Especially my favorite belle.” The words flowed forth, I could scarcely keep up as she kissed my cheeks.</p><p>           “I’ve missed you! I’ve missed you so much! It feels like an eternity.”</p><p> </p><p>After overcoming our elation, we sat on a settee, mere inches apart. I began my onslaught of questions:</p><p> </p><p>            “You’ve been away for so long, pray, what news do you have? How is Booke? How are you? How is the little Booke?”</p><p>            “Miserable, darling, we’re all miserable.”</p><p>            “Good heavens, why is that?”</p><p>            She rubbed her belly, which irked me greatly, “I blame Booke for placing me in this predicament. And I intend to push all grievances onto him. Though he often charges the servants to deal with me.”</p><p> </p><p>I was aghast. From where I sat one could clearly see the round shape of her belly. I wondered: Did it hurt? How could she walk with such an impairment?</p><p> </p><p>            Suzanne laughed, “Rey, truly, we are all well. But pregnancy does not agree with me.”</p><p>            “But our bodies were made for it.” I said automatically.</p><p>            “That does not mean I enjoy it. In fact I rather loathe it, I’m swollen and tired. Few of my old dresses fit and those that do are dreadful. And the little one, I haven’t decided upon a name for him yet, he is unruly.”</p><p>            “Oh my. I hope I fall down a hole before I ever fall pregnant.”</p><p>            “That’s what I said! But these men have their ways… you must know, Rey. Imagine my shock when I read your letter and found out you were engaged to Benjamin of all people! I thought you hated him, you once called him a scoundrel. In fact, you called him that repeatedly.”</p><p>            I couldn’t help but laugh, “I was wrong.”</p><p>            “I told you they had their ways.”</p><p> </p><p>I hoped not. Beyond nieces and nephews, I did not desire children soon.</p><p> </p><p>            “In truth, I resolved never to forgive him. After the kiss and the way he behaved—”</p><p>            “He kissed you?!” Her voice reached a new height, I had never heard my sweet Suzanne speak at such a volume.</p><p>            “Hush, I don't need your servants to know everything! I promised I’d tell you everything, and I shall, but only if you keep your voice down.”</p><p> </p><p>I began to recount my run-ins with Benjamin. The initial meeting, the nightgown, the time he referred to me as ‘rather plain’, the kiss at the ball, the duel, and the horrid proposal. By the time I was done I could scarcely breathe, the flurry of events and strength of emotions washed over me. Suzanne could not keep up with the theatrics of my story telling, often shifting from shock to laughter to anger.</p><p> </p><p>            “I would hate him too, but it seems he has wooed you.”</p><p>            “Don’t use that word.”</p><p>            “Forgive me, given your confrontation, you would naturally detest that word. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you, ma chérie, had I known, I would have swam across the Atlantic to fight my cousin.”</p><p>            I laughed, “I almost wish you had. But Suzanne do not fight him now. I was wrong. When he apologized to me, I thought I had gone mad. I could barely utter a syllable but then he was willing to lay his life down for the mere chance to court me...”</p><p>            “Rey,” she held my hand, “there must be more! You surely would not give your heart so freely to a man merely because he offered you his life.”</p><p>            “True, I do like his company. He is far more intelligent and witty than any man in Louisiana.”</p><p>            “It seems these Yankee men have strange ways but effective ways of flirting. Most importantly, however, we are to be cousins. How delightful!”</p><p>            My heart fluttered, “Not quite yet, we’ve yet to marry.”</p><p>            “We were practically relations before, but now we’re even closer. We live a few minutes apart. It’s like New Orleans, or we’ll bring New Orleans to New York. Inject some refinement into these Northerner’s veins.”</p><p>            “Or they’ll inject venom into ours. Suzanne, I must relay to you the most abhorrent behavior.” I relayed the story of Leia’s mistreatment during supper.</p><p> </p><p>Suzanne colored. Enraged, like a woman who swallowed a small pumpkin, she stomped her foot and after a slew of epithets, she fanned herself.</p><p> </p><p>            “What a vile woman, although I admit it is ironic. Given that her husband was a social climber, and far greater than you, that is—I do not believe, no rational person could believe that <em> you </em> are a social climber.”</p><p>            “I wish I could say I felt that way. But her constant criticism wounds me. The cut grows deeper with every horrid word.”</p><p>            “My, my, my. Allow me to soothe your wound with the balm of gossip.” She wriggled her brows, “The deceased senior Monsieur Augustus was an immigrant of little standing. Rumors persist to this day that he made his fortune by smuggling!”</p><p>            “Smuggling?”</p><p>            She nodded, “Yes! Outwardly, he appeared to be a respectable gentleman, until an ex-British navy man moved to the neighborhood and recognised him as an infamous smuggler! He made his profit from smuggling opium! At the time of this revelation he was engaged to Leia, even knowing this, she still married him. Climbing from ex-criminal to high-society is a rather large leap, do you not reckon?”</p><p> </p><p>I gasped. So the infallible perfect lady had a tainted past! She married a criminal. And she had the gall to look at me, well now, what use was a harp-playing polished woman to a smuggler?"</p><p>            “And that is not all. He died a drunkard. In his last moments, he was found with a drink in his fist!”</p><p>            “Most shocking indeed. Poor Benjamin and Jaina, to lose a father in such a manner and to have the world know of their shame.”</p><p>            “No, they have nothing to be ashamed of. Society here is more forgiving, and one cannot fault Benjamin. He is nothing like his father. He rarely drinks and he made his money in a clean manner. Allow me to add, you and he are well matched. I’ve had occasion to visit the Perrot family here, and from what I witnessed, I believe you compliment each other.”</p><p>            “You do? I confess we do have similar spirits and—”</p><p>            “And he is rich and you are beautiful.”</p><p>            “Suzanne! There are other factors to consider.”</p><p>            “Hentz could not dream up a more lascivious scamp and beautiful heroine.”</p><p>            “Suzanne! Stop!”</p><p>            “Then consider his wealth as an addition. Dessert, if you will. Everybody loves dessert.”</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, Mama and I were on our regular walk and discussing nothing in particular. I had to admit I was slowly growing accustomed to New York. The regal architecture, the flurry of girls walking in groups wearing expensive fabrics, the way everything seemed to move in an organized buzz. There was a strange beauty to the overly developed city.</p><p> </p><p>As we strolled we passed an unsavoury drunk gentleman, then I recalled Suzanne’s words. I could hardly believe that people were willing to overlook the deceased Monsieur Augustus' criminal past. Though I was delighted to hear that Benjamin was not judged according to the sins of his father, I could not help but feel dumbfounded at how different the people in New York were. In New Orleans, the entire Augustus family would have been cast out from respectable society.</p><p> </p><p>As we completed the walk, we noticed a carriage waiting outside the Augustus mansion. As soon as we were inside the sound of Jaina’s piano carried through the house, no doubt Leia was scowling about her minuscule mistakes as Jaina practiced. Maz took my bonnet and informed me that the doctor had arrived and was waiting in my apartments.</p><p> </p><p>Upon entering the room, I saw an old sickly fellow lounging on an armchair. He looked up from his watch:</p><p>            “I do not typically wait, but one must make an exception for Mr Augustus' fiancée.” He bowed.</p><p>            I curtsied, “Thank you. I apologize, Monsieur, I have just returned from my morning walk.”</p><p> </p><p>That blasted Benjamin, I had hoped he forgot to call for a doctor. Coughing feebly, I fluttered my lashes:</p><p>            “I’m afraid I may cause you to be ill.”</p><p>            “No such thing Miss! Do not let my age fool you, I have an exceptional immunity.” He motioned for me to sit on a stool.</p><p> </p><p>The old doctor poked and prodded cruelly. As if I were cattle and not a lady! Putting my mind to it, I could not recall being treated so roughly by a man of medicine! Then again, Carter was one of my doctors and he was easy to persuade. A blush here, a giggle there, and averting my gaze was all it took to make him think I was too much of a lady to allow him to examine me. Why then, had Benjamin picked a mean old dowager to look after me?</p><p> </p><p>            “Cough.” he commanded.</p><p> </p><p>I did my best impression of an invalid, to no avail.</p><p> </p><p>            “You appear to be healthy and safe from any medical maladies. It may simply be nerves. Mr. Augustus informed me that you have never left the South till now. He may safely attribute your aversion to company to nerves. More walks or social events can help lessen your anxieties.” He said then began to pack his bag.</p><p>            “Doctor, if I may,” Mama stood up, “Given my daughter’s disposition... That is, her constitution. When will she finish presenting?”</p><p>            He paused his task, “Ah, Mrs Camille. This is a common question. I am afraid it is difficult to say, does she have any siblings of similar constitution?”</p><p>            Mama continued as if I were not in the room, “Only one, and she completed her development at sixteen and a few months. My daughter here is not long from her sixteenth birthday.”</p><p>            He cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable discussing young ladies, young <em> Omega </em> ladies, “Well it is most likely to appear around that time. Siblings are a great indication. Otherwise, more time around an A may hasten the process.”</p><p>
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</p><p>Mama thanked him for his time and he hurried out of the room.</p><p> </p><p>My governess held few lessons on biology but it felt logical that more time around an Alpha would help. To think that to be in my dear Benjamin’s society would hasten my progress! I shivered when I recalled Suzanne’s round belly; duty or not, the charm of having children was outweighed by the fear of losing myself. I would bloat and no longer fit in my dresses, Maz would have to roll me down the street! And who would have Benjamin’s attention? The little Augustuses. I would have to share Benjamin.</p><p> </p><p>Lord knows I hate to share the limelight. Then again, could someone love their children more than their spouse?</p><p> </p><p>            Looking for a distraction I turned to Mama, “What shall we do now?”</p><p>            “Do as you please,” She yawned, “I need some rest.”</p><p>            “Madame, you’re no fun! I should have brought Louis along, he would want to explore the city. All you want to do is read and nap.”</p><p>            “You know my character so well! I shall be in my apartments should you need me.” She said and abandoned me to stew in my thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>Seeking a distraction, I perused my little library till I came across the book Jaina lended. Though the name Stowe felt familiar, I could not recall<em> why</em>. The book began with a farmer deeply in debt, it did not escape my notice that it was similar to Papa’s debt. I read paying little attention to the plot and reminiscing about Benjamin's hand on my back when a knock at the door startled me.</p><p> </p><p>As a tall figure stepped inside, I uttered his name in shock:</p><p>            “Benjamin?” I looked at the clock, “It’s mid-day.”</p><p>            “Yes, I’m aware, I own a watch. How was Dr -----?”</p><p>            “Fine. He also found I was fine, and simply needed time to recover.”</p><p>            He stalked toward me with his hands behind his back, “I spoke with him on his way out,” he smiled, bastard, “he recommended you get some fresh air.”</p><p>            “Right.”</p><p> </p><p>He stared at me and I stared back. What did he expect me to say? With an amused look, quite contrary to his tired eyes, he continued prowling toward me. He strode confidently like a lion assured that he would capture his prey. Eyes twinkling with mischief and lips upturned.</p><p> </p><p>Those lips.</p><p> </p><p>Oh my.</p><p>
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</p><p>            “You will join me for a walk.”</p><p>            I cleared my throat and played with the book ribbon, “And who else shall be attending?”</p><p>            “No one. Just us.”</p><p>            Fighting back the color rising in my cheeks, I looked at him, “But you must be occupied.”</p><p>            “Not for you.”</p><p> </p><p>Canaille. I set the book on a table, a great excuse to look away lest he noticed how I was pinker than a peach.</p><p> </p><p>            “Mama is asleep.” I whispered.</p><p>            He nodded, “And Jaina and Leia are employed downstairs, then they're going out to visit a family friend.”</p><p>            I bit my lips, “Give me a moment to grab my bonnet and I will join you downstairs.”</p><p> </p><p>He bowed. Of course you are nervous, Rey, how can any woman with a brain ignore such a man’s advances? A man of his station, his mind, and his wit ... and his hair. His scent lingered in the room and I was relieved he could not see my beaming smile for fear he would believe I forgave him. No, my dear canaille, you have debts to pay. And I have my own.</p><p> </p><p>Patting my cheeks with some rouge, I bit and rolled my lips ensuring they were as red as possible. To complete my outfit: I wore my brand new bonnet! The one with periwinkle silk outside and white silk on the inside. I would win his heart. Benjamin stood at the entrance of the house arguing with Maz about an invitation from a certain Mr. P- something or the other. In truth, I did not pay it much mind, my mind was more agreeably fixed on the idea of a private walk with Benjamin.</p><p> </p><p>As we stepped out, I instinct linked my arm on his elbow. The sun shone brilliantly on the organized streets. Small groups of people walked about, many of the women were likely Omegas, walking freely, all with a servant or friend. Each lone Omega was a reminder of how I no longer legally or socially required a chaperone, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I could walk down a street alone. How quaint New Orleans is in comparison to New York. I admit, however, New York could not compete with the grandeur and splendor of my home city. It is only natural that the French have better food and fashion. Even our revolutions are better—dramatic, exciting. Who else can say they invented the guillotine?</p><p> </p><p>Taking advantage of a cool breeze I moved to fix my bonnet, thus exposing my neck. Shock of all shocks… the movement released more of my scent.</p><p> </p><p>            He spoke first, “I apologize for not having spent more time with you.”</p><p>            “In the South?” I quipped.</p><p>            Wincing he corrected me, “No, the South is a different matter.”</p><p> </p><p>Before I could reply he led us to cross the road, but he walked with such a long stride that I struggled to match his speed as I shuffled in my layers.</p><p> </p><p>We walked in silence for a few minutes until we reached a public park. This area was less groomed, compared to the avenues and gardens of mansions, instead, nature was allowed to flourish. Small butterflies fluttered from flower to flower as the birds watched peacefully. The park was symphony of flora and fauna. A small oasis of wilderness in a relentlessly organized, efficient, busy city. It was like stepping through a portal to a scene only found in a novel.</p><p> </p><p>            “You’ve been inside for quite a length of time. Rey, you’re not avoiding me are you?” He asked and I could not help but laugh, “Do you mock my hurt? Hmm? Does my society revolt you?”</p><p>            “Do you insist on this line of questions?”</p><p>            We stopped at a bridge over a smooth flowing river of dark jade water, “You<em> are </em>avoiding me. Come, tell me why.” With his hands encasing my waist he pulled me into his orbit.</p><p> </p><p>Our chests were almost flush against each other. Benjamin was tactical and knew all my weaknesses. Being unwilling to give up, I knew it was my turn to strike.</p><p> </p><p>            “If you insist. I have a range of reasons.” I ran my hand across his arm, my fingers running over the cords of muscle, “Firstly. I am very cross with you. Secondly, Leia is cruel. Thirdly, I know I am not faultless… my past actions have betrayed your trust and thus brought me shame.”</p><p>            He tsked, “My, well, I thank you for setting your complaints out so efficiently. I see you’ve had time to mull over your grievances.” He looked up in thought, “Leia can be quite cruel. On the matter of my mother, I am afraid much of her behavior is beyond reprove given that she is my mother and her stubborn nature. But I will endeavor to impress on her the importance of family peace. Now, though I loathe to ask it: how have I offended you?”</p><p>            My eyes ran over his small smile, <em> as if he did not know</em>, “My Papa is gone. Benjamin, I needed you there.”</p><p>            “I know, but I could not have joined you, it would have been imprudent and would have only added to your vexation.” His words tinged with shame.</p><p>            “When Papa left us, my protector was gone and I… I felt vulnerable. So open to the world. And you left me.”</p><p>            He pulled me close, “No, Rey, I never abandoned you. I was temporarily ill, but I will never abandon you, you may be certain of that.”</p><p>            My chest rattled with sharp breaths, “But you left.”</p><p>            He squeezed me. “I know, I know. I had to leave to avoid further harm. And I had to ensure you had another estate to turn to.”</p><p> </p><p>After a few minutes of crying into his crisp shirt, the rattled breathing stopped.</p><p>            “I missed you.” I whispered.</p><p>            “I missed you too.”</p><p>            “And what about you? Are you upset with me?”</p><p>            “I am not. Truthfully, I am upset with myself.”</p><p> </p><p>My knees almost gave out and I was grateful he was gripping me tightly.</p><p> </p><p>            I whispered, my breath heating up the small space between my lips and his chest,  “That night… my behaviour that night… you wouldn't have reacted as you did had I not acted in such a libidinous manner.”</p><p>            I felt him shake his head, “No. The cycle was beginning. As the more developed party, I should have been more aware. I should not have given in so easily to temptation but I did.” He turned my hand till he saw the small recovered mark, “Shall we speak of it?”</p><p>            I shook my head. He kissed the mark and continued, “A reminder. It will never happen again.”</p><p>            Pulling my hand away I moved his jaw till he looked at me, forcing him to look at my pain, “May we both agree, then, that each of us had a part to play?”</p><p> </p><p>A couple passed below us in a boat.</p><p> </p><p>            Benjamin's smile strained, “If it soothes your conscience. Though I still feel I hold the majority of the blame.”</p><p> </p><p>The leather of his glove tightened and stretched strategically as he gripped my hand. I would not have been with him, safe in the North, had it not been for his efforts. </p><p> </p><p>            Licking my lips, I continued, “And I thank you, don't think I've forgotten.  Benjamin… I think the world of you for saving my family. I hope you did so out of genuine affection. But, with that night, I can't help but feel that…” I stared at the reflections in the water, my tears edging closer to joining the liquid below. “My actions left you with no other choice but to marry me.”</p><p>            “Do not forget our agreement so readily. My actions placed you in a precarious position! Propriety dictated that I ask for your hand.”</p><p>            It hurt even though I knew it was coming, “Only propriety?”</p><p>            He staggered, “It. It certainly expedited the decision. Rey, please look at me.”</p><p>            The tears rolled over my cheeks, I did not dare look away this time, “Do you mean to say you would have asked for my hand regardless? If that night had not transpired as it did, would you have asked for my hand?”</p><p> </p><p>His eye twitched. A small tell. Beneath his stoicism he was struggling to answer these questions just as I had.  As he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbed and his eyes flowed over my face. His real thoughts were imperceptible, as usual, and I was reminded that I was alone in my own head. I would never know what he was thinking or how he felt, unless he condescended to share his thoughts. But Benjamin rarely shared his thoughts. This beautiful creature was to be the cause of my destruction.</p><p> </p><p>            He finally spoke, “Is that what you wanted?”</p><p> </p><p>Yes.</p><p> </p><p>No.</p><p> </p><p>I do not know.</p><p> </p><p>Before he began courting me, I only wanted to marry Poe then Carter, then I wanted to escape the reality of my sex. Then I convinced myself that I needed Benjamin to propose and he did. And now I had a fiancé. I got what I wanted.  Then why did I feel so hopeless? Why had all my hope evaporated? Had I agreed to wed Benjamin largely to avoid the scandal of adultery or largely out of genuine love?</p><p> </p><p>            “Please don’t ask me that.” I blathered.</p><p>            “Then, you felt obliged to accept my proposal? That your hand was forced?”</p><p>            “Whatever the answer is. It is far more complicated than that.”</p><p>            “I will ask a simpler question, Rey, at present, do you desire our union?"</p><p> </p><p>Rolling my jaw, I drew my fingers into the high neck of my dress and tugging on a warm gold chain, I drew forth the locket.</p><p> </p><p>His worried brow melted. I preferred my calm teasing Benjamin. He pulled me in tightly and spun me around, peppering my head with kisses.</p><p> </p><p>            “You are the sweetest woman to grace humankind. Inamorata,” he kissed my forehead,  my lips felt lonely, “I could not have asked for a better blessing than your mercy. Look at me, I shall have to court you properly. To convince you that this was no mere accident or mistake. Whatever fancy you have, I will endeavor to fulfill it.”</p><p>            “I have but one.” I confessed, “That I am given a proper proposal.”</p><p>            “I will give you a proposal to rival Hentz’s imaginings. Rey, please do not hate me. But, I am afraid that I must ask for one more mercy from you today.” He tilted my head up till he had a clear view of my lips. I closed my eyes and pouted, trying to be as enticing as possible. “I thought so.” He whispered against my lips, cocky once again. His lips crashed over mine like an avalanche of heat and vigour. Truly, he was the one blessing me with a deep kiss, my abdomen burned and my thighs rubbed together.</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wish me luck! Thanks for your comments, I love reading your kind words! GoodBye. ／(●ᆺ●)＼ <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">My twitter.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Discord</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello. Let's talk.</p><p>In this chapter, Rey has her beliefs about the upcoming civil war challenged. She does not say anything outrageously ignorant. Neither does she know what point she is defending. As you read, I'd like you to remember that Rey is still a young sheltered (and spoilt) southern girl. She doesn't know any better and often parrots things her parents say. With that being said, the views she parrots are not things I believe in. </p><p>I put this here because I want you to know where I am coming from. As we move forward, please remember: this work is anti-slavery and does not cause pain to black characters for 'realism' or 'the plot.' </p><p>Why are you putting this here then Lapin?</p><p>As I mentioned in the past, this is as much a coming of age story as it is a romance sotry. And the cause of the civil war is not something I am going to tiptoe around. I put it best when I said this - This story features no depictions of slavery, further, it is criticised by some characters. I felt that excluding or ignoring its existence would be disrespectful, so that is why the story does not brush over it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His kiss did not last long. Yet, I could feel his hot lips against mine for the days that followed. While he could not kiss me in front of others, a dreadful situation I often lamented, I recalled the smooth texture of his lips. Delicate and plush. </p><p> </p><p>My torment was short-lived. Benjamin’s schedule had miraculously changed to coincide with Mama’s naps. With Benjamin often by my side, I felt courageous once more. Soon I returned to eating supper in Leia’s presence and engaging with Jaina in her employments. Occasionally, he condescended to join us. Though his charming eyes could scarcely focus on his books. How strange it was, his eyes peeked over the top of his books to meet my gaze. His glances caused me to lose my focus. </p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately, he did not join me often, however, our interactions were still… invigorating. </p><p> </p><p>On one occasion, I almost let slip to Mama where I went during her naps. Had I confessed the truth to her, she would have turned her head and said something reminiscent of the dear Papa. ‘<em> It’s not the way we do things! </em>’ I could hear her yell.</p><p> </p><p>On a particularly sunny day, Benjamin and I were walking in Central Park, arm in arm, and were deep in conversation over Napoleon’s height. Benjamin was adamant he was a small fellow, but I was convinced that he was, at minimum, of average height, that the French had a different unit of measurement for height.</p><p> </p><p>            “You’re an American, Rey. Have some pride in that.” He said as he led me to sit on a park bench.</p><p>            “I’m as proud as the next Yankee, but one should never forget their heritage.”</p><p>            He chuckled, “Enough of Napoleon. In a few weeks, Leia and Jaina will be visiting our uncle, that is Leia’s brother, upstate.”</p><p>            “And why do you care to tell me that?”</p><p>            “We could have our own trip."</p><p>            "And where did you have in mind?"</p><p> </p><p>Anywhere alone with Benjamin was delightful.</p><p> </p><p>            He looked at my choker, "That's a decision for later. Why have you not spent a cent of your pin money?"</p><p>            So, he sought to escape my observations, clever dog, “Aren’t my dresses pretty enough?”</p><p>            “They’re beautiful, but we must keep up your airs and style of dress.”</p><p>            I almost bit my cheek, “What a diplomatic answer. You shouldn’t fret about being honest with me; if my dresses are not to your liking I’d be happy to dress as you please.”</p><p>            Smirking, he rubbed my hand, “I appreciate your enthusiasm. Of your bare arms, long hair, and elegant dresses, what is needing? No, I’m quite pleased with your course of fashion.”</p><p>            I coughed, “Monsieur. Don’t tease.”</p><p>            He laughed, “Rey, I insist you take advantage of your pin money. You could wear your new dresses out at the theatre, cafes, and ballrooms. If only your mother was more open-minded, we could spend an amorous evening at Lando’s ballroom.”</p><p>            “<em>Amorous!</em>” I squeaked, but seeing his delight at my response I pouted, “Why would Mama need to be more <em> open-minded </em>? I hope you’re not planning to do some unchristian things, Monsieur.”</p><p>            He grabbed my chin, “Miss Camille, I believe you’re teasing me now.”</p><p> </p><p>Our closeness granted a closer look at his hazel eye dilating. I leaned forward and greedily devoured the sight before me: his lips parted and upturned, his eyes wide, and his soft breath on my lips. A sudden wave of shyness overcame me. Leaning back, I tried to wriggle from his light grip.</p><p> </p><p>            “You can’t escape me so easily, especially when you’re in my arms.” He cuddled me and peppered my face with kisses from my forehead, over the bridge of my nose, and onto my lips. Suddenly he stopped, my hot breath graced his lips.</p><p> </p><p>            “Take what you want.” He said in a hushed tone.</p><p> </p><p>I wrapped my arms around his shoulders for a closer inspection of his beauty. His lips were rosy. Though I could scarcely cover the breadth of his form, I drew him lower and kissed him again. With tongue, as he was so fond of. Benjamin groaned against my mouth and bared his weight down till I was holding myself up by grasping his form. My thighs instinctively squeezed together, I craved something beyond kisses, but I dared not say what. </p><p> </p><p>I pulled back with a small pop.</p><p> </p><p>            “That’s all?” He tilted his head.</p><p>            “It’s all you’ve earnt.” I gave him a small peck.</p><p>            He tsked. “Cruel mistress. Shall we return? Lest your mother believe I stole you away.”</p><p>            “Yes, we wouldn’t want that.” I said between further kisses, “We should walk back.”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin nodded and, grabbing my face, drew me in for further kisses. His lips trailed from my mouth, over my cheek, down my neck, until he found my experience. He mumbled something like ‘lovely neck’ against my sensitive spot, which raised my excitement. His canines grazed the hot skin while his tongue circled the gland. It was almost too much, yet still quite pleasurable till he pulled away. </p><p> </p><p>Standing up, he straightened his outfit and I did the same. Without another word, he gave me his hand and we began walking back to the Augustus mansion. His fingers twitched as he grabbed my hand, unintentionally squeezing my palm. We walked on as if nothing happened. As if Benjamin had not been assaulting my gland in public. Of course, it was beneath our status to commit such acts, but within each other’s society: such lewdness was permitted.</p><p> </p><p>As we walked by the street, amongst the throngs of passersby, drays, and carriages, an extravagant coach slowed its approach. Embossed on the side was a golden ‘P.’ Benjamin stiffened as it stopped on the road, a few yards before. His manners were obviously affected as he lowered his arm, then I was barely clinging onto his forearm, and he approached the coach.</p><p> </p><p>The curtains inside were pulled to shield the travellers within, till a dainty gloved hand moved the lace curtain and rested against the glass. Meanwhile, the window closer to us opened and an old man stuck his head through. </p><p> </p><p>His thin hair was brushed back, neat and orderly. He smiled, his teeth were white and perfectly straight like a military cemetery. To others, he may have appeared disarming, endearing even, like a sweet grandfather. But his smile never reached his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>            With a formal air, he greeted Benjamin, “Mr Augustus!”</p><p>            Benjamin touched his hat and bowed slightly, “Mr Palpatine.”</p><p> </p><p>The gloved hand pushed the window open with a simple push of a finger. As the light shone on the lace gloves, I knew immediately that it belonged to a woman. Her hand lowered gracefully and Benjamin hesitated briefly before he shuffled forth and kissed it.</p><p> </p><p>Mr Palpatin’s eyes glowered over Benjamin’s figure as he did so, “And Mr Augustus, will you introduce me to your fair friend?” He turned his benevolent gaze to me.</p><p>            “I’d be delighted to. Mr Palpatine, this is Miss Camille. My fiancée.”</p><p> </p><p>The owner of the elegant hand-pulled their limb back safely into the carriage</p><p> </p><p>            “Ah!” Palpatine tipped his hat to me, “A pleasure. We’ve heard little of you. Benjamin seems resolute on hiding you from us and all of New York. But, oh my, where is your ring?”</p><p>            “It’s being resized.” Benjamin lied cooly.</p><p>            Mr Palpatine’s smile finally reached his eyes, “You did not resize it before proposing?”</p><p> </p><p>The question was closer to an accusation. Despite his good-humored tone, his words were accusatory and venomous. Benjamin forced out a laugh. The verbal game of tennis was escalating. What hidden motives did this Palpatine have? Asking such questions and in <em> that </em>tone?</p><p> </p><p>            Benjamin's shoulders relaxed, and, though I could not tell how, I sensed his adrenaline releasing, “When one is in love, one can be blind.”</p><p> </p><p>Love? Love was a strong word. Benjamin had previously said nothing of love. Mr Palpatine’s smell shifted, from relaxed to something stronger. It stung like bitter coffee at the roof of my mouth. Still, nothing was as bitter as the taste of Benjamin mentioning love only to escape someone else’s investigative questions.</p><p> </p><p>            Palpatine cackled, “A trait, I hope, that is only limited to intimate relations. Young lady, who is your father?”</p><p>            “Mister Wilhuff Tarkin Camille.” My fiancé answered for me.</p><p>            With a change of tone, Palpatine questioned, “When you stole her heart did you steal her tongue too?” Noting his shift, he smiled once more. “I jest.”</p><p> </p><p>The lady’s figure, though still hidden from my sight given where I stood, leaned forward and spoke with a nuanced lilt:</p><p>            “She must be from out of town.”</p><p>            “Yes. She’s from Louisiana.” Benjamin answered once more, he gripped my hand and I took that as a sign not to speak. I watched him lead the conversation.</p><p>            Her voice had a nasal touch to it, “I’ve never been to Louisiana. Her company would add to our supper party. I insist, Benjamin and his fianceé must join our supper party.”</p><p>            Palpatine added, “Yes. Yes. And Mrs Augustus too.” </p><p>            “It may be too late notice-”</p><p>            “Nonsense. If you can make time for midday walks, you can make time for a supper party.” </p><p> </p><p>Benjamin bowed but the small shift of his jaw betrayed his annoyance. Following in his example, I curtsied but as I returned to standing Mr Palpatine had already closed his window and the coach began to move. We stood in silence. </p><p> </p><p>            “Let’s go.” Benjamin said.</p><p> </p><p>He began to walk as though he had not babbled incoherent empty words to a complete stranger and now we were invited to their supper party. I let go of his arm. He moved ahead looking at the ground, when, squeezing his hand around thin air, he stopped and whipped around to face me.</p><p> </p><p>            “Who were they?”</p><p>            He gave me a dismissive smile. Rubbing his thumb on his chin he attempted to sway my concerns, “Only the most scandalous businessman to ever live and his daughter. Don’t concern yourself with them.”</p><p>            As he tucked my arm in his elbow, I continued, “And are we now to join their supper party?”</p><p>            “I’m afraid we’ve no choice.”</p><p>            My lips compressed. “Why did he behave in that manner?”</p><p>            He kissed my hand, but he had kissed hers, too, “Do you trust me, Rey?”</p><p> </p><p>I was vulnerable to the entire world. Where else would I turn to if not Benjamin’s embrace?</p><p> </p><p>I nodded.</p><p> </p><p>            “Then don’t concern yourself. You have my full attention and heart.” Then he whispered, “Not everyone desires our happiness.”</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>The evening of the supper party, I stood in my apartments with numerous dresses on the floor. None were of suitable quality or finesse! Everything was woefully close to perfect, but nothing was perfect! How were the upper echelons of New York high society to appreciate my figure and manners when my dresses were drab? And from last season, too! I stared at my reflection, my hair curled around my face, framing my disgruntled expression. The emeralds glinted.</p><p> </p><p>I huffed. At least <em>they</em> were beautiful.</p><p> </p><p>I stomped around my apartments till I found my trunk. Pushing past Poe’s letter, Suzanne letters, and various trinkets, I pulled out the other dresses Suzanne gifted me. </p><p> </p><p>Dare I commit a faux pas and dress <em> too </em> provocatively? </p><p> </p><p>No!</p><p> </p><p>I shut the trunk.</p><p> </p><p>Or dare I?</p><p> </p><p>I opened the trunk and shut it twice before I drew out a midnight blue dress. it would require more lace to cover <strike> my breasts </strike>my reputation, then I would be presentable. And so what if the New York fops found Benjamin had a beautiful fiancée? If my wit could not win their hearts, surely my figure would.</p><p> </p><p>On Leia’s insistence, we left several minutes before we planned to as she insisted we not run on ‘Louisiana time.’ We rode in separate coaches to the Palpatine mansion. One coach with Leia and Benjamin, and the other had Mama, Jaina, and I. Jaina and I were exceedingly close, much to Leia’s distaste, but I imagine Leia would find any fun to be distasteful. As we disembarked, Benjamin took his place by me and we led our small party followed by Leia, Mama, and Jaina. All in rank. Naturally, as future Madame Augustus, I took my rightful place by him.</p><p> </p><p>Once I was able to pry my eyes away from Benjamin’s figure, I was free to appreciate the Palpatine mansion. The mansion, being three stories tall, was opulent. The grandeur was vast and splendid enough to put Monsieur Huxley to shame! Twice the number of footmen! Thrice the use of expensive fabrics! And in the entrance, marble busts lined the wall, before a set of winding staircases. Everything was layered, like Mr Palpatine’s wrinkled face. </p><p> </p><p>At the end of the entrance stood the familiar figure of Mr Palpatine and by his side was a young lady. She looked beautiful. Though her dress was not as current as mine, one could not deny she had a most pleasing figure and she filled the bust of her dress better than I ever could. When her eyes landed on Benjamin, she held back a wide grin.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin made to bow to both, but Miss Palpatine offered her hand to be kissed. He complied.</p><p> </p><p>            “Mr Palpatine, Miss Palpatine.”</p><p>            Miss Palpatine giggled, “Benji, we’ve known each other long enough. You may call me by my Christian name.”</p><p> </p><p>Benji.</p><p> </p><p>Who was Miss Palpatine to speak so casually to my Benjamin? And I had every right to call him my Benjamin now that we were affianced. Pushing aside thoughts of dragging the ugly butterfly pins out of her hair, I curled my hand tighter around his elbow. Somehow, for I am most innocent and do not know how it came to be, my fingers began to trail along the curve of his bicep. I moved my head from Benjamin to Miss Palpatine, prompting the emerald earrings to swing. If only I had an engagement ring...</p><p> </p><p>            “I’m afraid I’m too old for that nickname.”</p><p> </p><p>No, he much preferred canaille. I doubt he ever christened her inamorata. </p><p> </p><p>            Miss Palpatine put her arms out to greet Leia and kissed her on both cheeks, “Mrs Augustus, I am elated that you were able to come!”</p><p>            Leia beamed and returned her kisses, “Darling Kaydel, you’re such a sweet girl to be thinking of little old me.”</p><p>            “Old?! Why, you haven’t a single grey hair!”</p><p>            “Quite right. Mr Augustus, the gentlemen and I are in a separate drawing room discussing current events, should you wish to join us.” Mr Palpatine cut through.</p><p>            “I’d be delighted. Allow me to leave the ladies in good company and I will join you soon.” Benjamin bowed once more and led us toward the other room which Miss Palpatine gestured to. </p><p> </p><p>As we shuffled into the large space, the chattering of the other ladies filled the air, mixing with the violin music. Benjamin informed us that he would join us for supper as he was needed with the men.</p><p> </p><p>Before leaving, he placed his hand on my back and bent down to whisper to me. Instinctively, I opened my fan to protect from prying eyes:</p><p>            “Inamorata, I will dearly miss your society. How shameful it is, that your complexion and curls are to be wasted on these plebeians.” </p><p> </p><p>He wore a casual smile as he quitted the room. The dimples decorating his smile were burned into my memory, charming con! How strange it was then, when I turned my mind to our first meeting, that I never noticed how charming and roguish he could be. I fanned myself till my blush settled.</p><p> </p><p>I stalked closer till I was near Jaina and pulling her aside, I began my questioning:</p><p>            “Who exactly is Miss Palpatine?”</p><p>            “You mean Kaydel?”</p><p>            “Yes, yes, Kaydel Palpatine. I’m intrigued by her.”</p><p>            “No, you’re intrigued by her familiarity with <em> Benji</em>.”</p><p>            I slapped her arm, “You’re a pest. You’re lucky I adore your company.”</p><p>            She smiled, satisfied with the response she received, “I can tell you, but you must promise not to be too upset with me. Or Benjamin. You see,” she looked about for any prying ears, “Benjamin and Kaydel have known one another for years, since childhood even. I think mother expected them to marry. Mr Palpatine, the odd old fellow, and his business partner, certainly did. What a handsome union it would be—to have a close friend and business partner marry your daughter.”</p><p>            My mind was focused on their potential union. Logically, I knew he could galavant with other ladies, and he must have had a life before meeting me. “Were they courting?”</p><p>            “No. I can assure you he never courted Kaydel. He’s been a bachelor all these years. Until last spring, he left for the South and suddenly returned with a fiancée! Imagine our collective shock when the man, who was steadfast that he was not yet interested in marriage, returned with a young <em> fiancée </em>!”</p><p> </p><p>I breathed away all contempt. I could not fault his taste in women, Kaydel appeared to be a respectable, beautiful, young lady of high society. Suitable. But I had Benjamin in the end. And I was his <em> fiancée </em>. There was no competition. Briefly, I wondered if he graced her with his lips and if she felt the heat of his tongue on her experience. There was little competition.</p><p> </p><p>            “Rey! Providence blessed me with an excellent future sister-in-law. Allow me to soothe your worries, I am convinced Benjamin loves you.”</p><p>            “Loves me?”</p><p>            “Why do you color so? Why else would he propose? I am convinced that only the deepest love would drive him to propose!”</p><p>            “I see.” I smiled, shifting my gaze away.</p><p>            “And he has made the most excellent choice.”</p><p>            “Enough of this talk,” I squeezed her hand, “but thank you for your kind words, you are a dear friend.”</p><p> </p><p>A servant announced that supper was to be served. In the dining room, I was pleased to find the place card on the plate next to mine read Benjamin Augustus. Though I was less than delighted to see we were only a seat away from Miss Palpatine. Soon the men joined the women. I felt Benjamin before I saw him, as he took his place by me, his hand grazed my shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Mr Palpatine began with a toast for ‘good health, success, and winning all future battles.’ The Northerners raised their glasses in support. I pretended to be unaware of the ‘battles’ he was referring to. Every person at the dining table was dressed like a civilized person, in truth, they only wore the mask of civility. Of gallantry. Their actions and words evidenced their true coarse nature.</p><p> </p><p>They turned their deprecating faces to me then quickly returned to their drinks. One guest, whose too rich clothing barely covered his corpulent figure, smiled at me while making some crude joke about Lincoln and the confederates.</p><p> </p><p>No doubt he witnessed my pale look. Underneath the table, my fingers torturously gripped my skirt. Benjamin’s large hand found my fist and he loosened my fingers.</p><p> </p><p>            “I’m here.” He said.</p><p> </p><p>Waiters began serving the food. Leia sat directly across from me, but a candelabra shielded my eyes from her constant scowl. Miss Palpatine began a deep discussion with the dreaded she-viper, about her trip in upstate New York, and ‘how grand it is to see you again! I’ve missed you so! I’ve missed drinking tea with you, we must, oh we absolutely must have another tea party!’ For such a pretty girl, Kaydel was rather dull. What does a young lady have in common with a dowager?</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin, Jaina, and I were chatting inconsequentially about the Ragù, till Miss Palpatine set her sight on me.</p><p> </p><p>            “Miss Camille, how did you meet Benji?” She made a small jump after saying his name.</p><p>              I was willing to overlook the use of the nickname in private, but not in the dining room. “Mademoiselle Perrot, well now I suppose we call her Madame Booke, is his relative. We met at her birthday party.” And he saw me with the man I thought I would marry.</p><p>            “He told us you’re from Louisiana. Where in Louisiana are you from?”</p><p>            “New Orleans.”</p><p>            “And did your family come here from France?” Her eyes flit to Benjamin then back to me.</p><p>            “Originally, yes, but I can assure you, I’m as American as anyone else here.”</p><p>            Palpatine interjected, “The confederacy would disagree.”</p><p>            An acute silence followed. Till, smiling, I spoke once more, “But one person does not hold the opinion of all their countrymen. Isn’t that the beauty of democracy?”</p><p> </p><p>His brow relaxed, and he laughed. The tension in the atmosphere dissipated and the conversation began to flow again.</p><p> </p><p>            “Quite right, my girl.” He smiled.</p><p>            “Father, we would like Miss Camille’s attention, too!” Kaydel joked, “I hope you will not take offence at my questions. From what I knew of Benjamin, I never imagined he’d marry a French girl. Benjamin, wasn’t your father English, bless his soul?”</p><p>            Benjamin drew a spoonful of soup to his lips, “Yes, but you shouldn’t be surprised Kaydel. You know I love French cuisine.”</p><p> </p><p>Kaydel colored, several guests nearby chuckled, and Palpatine struggled to smile. That seemed to put an end to her questioning. It must have been an inappropriate joke for everyone to react in such a manner. I recalled hearing such a phrase before, but I was utterly ignorant of what it pertained to. So what if he enjoyed eating French? I enjoyed all varieties of meals, yet no one blushed when I mentioned my love for shepherds pie.</p><p> </p><p>The conversation continued to flow. Occasionally, Benjamin’s hand would rest on my knee and I held onto it for strength. His presence provided a small oasis of relief against the horrible dinner guests and Leia's domineering steadfast gaze.</p><p> </p><p>All was calm till the corpulent fellow, not satisfied to keep his voice low, began speaking of the potential war.</p><p> </p><p>            “I spoke to Mr M-----, and he agrees! There is to be a war!”</p><p>            “A war? So early in the evening?” Palpatine raised his brows with a smile.</p><p>            “Without a doubt. I know you too well, Mr Palpatine, you’ve been speculating too. What a pretty penny, or thousands, you’ll make at the end of the war.”</p><p>            “We will see. And what of threats to conscript Alphas?” Something twinkled in Palpatine’s eyes.</p><p>            “Nothing we cannot navigate. What’s the value of the fine? A few hundred dollars, it’s a trifle.”</p><p> </p><p>How fortunate. The old toad would never know the pain of exertion. Tiring of the constant talk of battles, I turned to my companion for solace.</p><p> </p><p>            I whispered to Jaina, “War. War. War. Do gentlemen talk of anything else these days?”</p><p>            She laughed, “Tiring it may be, but It’s for a worthy cause.”</p><p> </p><p>Her comment disrupted my train of thought. Papa had never allowed Caroline or I to take part in political discussions, or even listen to them! For my admiration of free-spirited Northern women, it felt strange to hear a lady, especially a young one, share her opinion on current matters.</p><p> </p><p>Instantly, my mind drew back to Papa's ramblings about 'our rights' and Yankees who knew nothing of 'our way of life.' The discussion of every function in the South eventually led to men arguing and states' rights. </p><p> </p><p>How odd then, that an intelligent young lady like Jaina was opposed to upholding the rights. Whatever they were; they seemed to wax and wane depending on the gentleman complaining.</p><p> </p><p>            “What’s so worthy about quashing states’ rights?”</p><p>            Her smile faltered. “Rights?” She put down her fork, “Surely, you jest Rey.”</p><p>            “Oh, I do not. If Louis or Papa, bless his soul, or any man from the South were here they'd deliver a lengthy harangue about states’ rights. They'd also go on about <em> Yankee this and that </em>, though they typically use far less pleasant terms, a lady should not repeat such things.”</p><p>            “Your brother is opposed to the cause?”</p><p>            “Yes. Though it is only natural. Papa worked hard for the plantation, and now Louis is to manage it.”</p><p>            Her fork clattered onto the table, “Plantation?! So your father was a plantation owner and now your brother is one too. Lord, how I loathe such stubborn self-justificating men. Rey, I hope you're not serious. Any man opposed to freedom on the basis that his profits are more valuable is selfish."</p><p>            "Louis doesn't have a selfish bone in his body!"</p><p>            Kaydel stuck her nose in, "And what topic of conversation has awakened this enthusiasm? I demand to know."</p><p>            Jaina turned to her with an incredulous look, "Rey believes in the states' rights argument."</p><p> </p><p>Believes was a strong word. I believed whatever Papa said, for his word was law. That's how it was always done. </p><p> </p><p>            Kaydel smiled, "And what rights would these be Rey?"</p><p>            My mind was blank. I only eavesdropped in for gossip, never political or commercial conversations. My chin drew to my chest as I stabbed randomly at my food, "Different rights. I don't want to spoil our conversation! You have a lovely home."</p><p>            Kaydel shot a playful glance at Jaina and asked again, "And what rights would these be Rey?"</p><p> </p><p>I felt my supper churn and bubble uneasily in my stomach. Why did I speak without knowing, they would soon all know me for the fool I was. I felt the guests eyes turn to me. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 'Rey is making a spectacle!' </em>
</p><p> </p><p>            "I think you ladies have had your fun. You can move on to something else." Benjamin commanded. I had forgotten he was sitting with us.</p><p>            Jaina sucked her lips, "No I don't feel I have. Rey. Tell me. Do you truly believe the Southern propaganda about states' rights?"</p><p> </p><p>Backed into a corner, my mind strained to come up with a rebuttal.</p><p> </p><p>             “It’s more complicated than that. Papa, like many, came here with nothing and built his wealth from nothing. Could you picture it: imagine setting forth to a new land for the chance at opportunity. Now after everything we've built, foreigners to our culture, our way of life, come in all high and mighty and threaten to walk all over our liberties."</p><p>            "I don't know how you could defend them, Rey. You've read Stowe!"</p><p>            "See it from my perspective, Jaina, I’ve never known any other place aside from Louisiana. And now strangers are coming to take away everything! I can’t help but reminisce;  I think of the plantation—”</p><p>            “And do you think those men appreciate being owned?” She bit back.</p><p> </p><p>            Unaccustomed to such ferocity from gentle Jaina, I was momentarily staggered. How queer it was that I immediately recalled the time when Finn warned me that friends do not deliver each other's mail. Then, swallowing the accusation, I fought back in outrage, “We own no one, if it pleases you to know: we are not wealthy enough... Florrie and Finn are free people. They are our paid servants. Papa was nothing like these caricatures of Southerners in your books, he never abused others or owned men.”</p><p>            Her knuckles were white. Her shoulders raised up till they were almost level with her ears. She could no longer contain her rage and yelled out, “Yet, he profited from the system, all the same, you ignorant twit!”</p><p>            Benjamin chided her, “Jaina.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Bye.</p><p>It did end up going well, thanks for wishing me luck. ／(●ᆺ●)＼ <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">My twitter.</a></p><p>Thank you once more to <a href="https://twitter.com/NewerConstella1">newerconstella1.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Reconcilliation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dinner following Jaina’s outburst was stilted. Humbled and ashamed, I barely ate the remaining courses. The other guests must have whispered about our argument, but I struggled to be cognizant of much as the tumult in my soul grew. At one point, Kaydel tried to ask me something, presumably to allow the conversation to flow once more, but I could only mumble. My thighs were numb and my palms were burning hot.</p><p> </p><p>I felt ill. </p><p> </p><p>Like I had swallowed a glass of acid. My outspoken ignorance caused me to lose my only Northern friend. Over a topic, I did not even partially understand. Benjamin tried unsuccessfully to catch my eye, but heartily ashamed of being exposed for an intellectual fraud, I focused on my plate. </p><p> </p><p>It was to my great relief that supper ended somewhat quickly. My heart was beating so loudly I heard it over my steps to the coach. My saliva pooled in my mouth, and my organs pushed on my stomach. I was prepared to vomit. As we said our farewells to our hosts, Kaydel hugged Jaina and whispered something in her ear. If she was trying to be discreet, she failed. </p><p> </p><p>            “Keep your ground.”</p><p> </p><p>With Jaina lost, who else was left to keep me company?  There was Suzanne, but she was busy fawning over Booke and being pregnant. Soon enough, she would have another Booke to take up her time. That traitor. Meanwhile, Mama was far too Christianly to have fun and spent her spare time napping. And Benjamin? He was either busy or … no there was no other. So what was left for me?</p><p> </p><p>Swallowing my nerves I entered the coach. It was a cold ride home. Our small party split up once more. Leia replaced Jaina as the young Mademoiselle Augustus sat with Benjamin upon his request. In our coach, Mama squeezed my hands and kissed my head:</p><p>            “Ma chérie, that was very unworthy of her. It was unworthy of all of them.” She whispered.</p><p>            I hugged her, unafraid to show such a display of love in front of the viper, I replied, “I’m so ashamed, Mama. I’ve lost Jaina now. But the others… I hate them, they’re all so cruel.”</p><p>            “Hush. Rey, remember all the values I worked hard to impress upon you. Forgiveness and kindness above all else.”</p><p> </p><p>Mama and I separated but she continued holding my hand. Despite her aggravating advice, her presence was comforting. Leia, sitting across from us, did not smile, but I felt the pleasure radiating off her aura. My embarrassment was to her the greatest delight. How grand it is, to have the Southern bumpkin embarrassed in front of your neighbors, friends, and lovely Miss Palpatine. She did not endeavour to soothe my anxieties, instead, the smug slight upward turn of her lips was enraging.</p><p> </p><p>The coach came to a smooth stop and a layer of passive melancholy blanketed my mind. Were I to step out, which I must, I would be confronted with Jaina’s shocked and disappointed face. No longer did she look at me as her favorite, and only, future sister-in-law, but as the ignorant hick destined to be her relative.</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, I was greeted by Finn’s warm eyes as he opened the door and helped us step out of the coach. Unlike Mama and Suzanne, he would not abandon me for a book or to have children. Finn made to open the door for Benjamin and Jaina’s coach when suddenly the door slammed open. Jaina sprang forth, followed by Benjamin yelling her name.</p><p> </p><p>            As she landed safely on the ground, she turned to Leia, her eyes red and brimming with tears. Behind me, Leia gasped, “My dear.”</p><p> </p><p>Following those two words, she burst into tears and ran up the stairs into the house. Leia followed closely behind. It was somewhat unnerving to see the usually cold and distant Leia acting anxious. For a moment, she seemed so human, so hurt, that I empathized.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin stepped onto the sidewalk but before he could say anything I tugged Mama to the entrance of the house. I could not face him. I could not! From my earliest acquaintance with him, I knew he had an opinion on everything!  My mind whirled with ideas: he would either laugh at my idiocy or find out how truly ignorant his bride-to-be was. </p><p> </p><p>The familiarity of the house’s interior eased my frustrations, though only slightly. It was better to be in comfortable, homely, surroundings. Maz awaited our arrival with a smile. She would never show such kindness again once Jaina informed her of what I did.</p><p> </p><p>            “Help me prepare for bed.” I instructed her.</p><p>            “Tired so soon, my lady?” She teased.</p><p>            I began taking off my bonnet, “I’ve had a long night.”</p><p>            Benjamin’s low voice struck my left ear, “Before you go to bed, join me in my study. We must talk.”</p><p> </p><p>His sudden appearance caused me to jump. He sidestepped Mama and I, striding languidly till he reached the stairs.</p><p> </p><p>            “What’s the matter, dear?” Mama asked.</p><p>            “Nothing. I did not hear him approach.” Technically not a lie.</p><p> </p><p>Mama and I climbed upstairs and separated to our apartments. How fortunate that Benjamin arranged for separate rooms, it made it easier to sneak in the middle of the night to meet him. I looked to Mama with a silent appeal, but she informed me she would sleep earlier tonight. Following the events of the supper, how could she be more tired than I was? What effort did she exert?</p><p> </p><p>I waited till Mama closed the door to her room before I slunked to Benjamin’s study. I blanched as my hand hovered over the doorknob. Having never stepped a foot in his den, I was unsure of what to expect, but his scent was striking. The smell seeped through the cracks and small gaps. Usually, it evoked tranquillity, but now it served as a reminder: <em> ‘Rey, you’re a fool. And now everyone in the North knows. And Benjamin will know.’ </em></p><p> </p><p>With cold decisiveness, I thrust the door open. The rapid movement caused a tsunami of his scent to strike me. The whole room was enveloped in his scent, I doubt anyone could extricate it from the walls or the furniture. A few hours earlier, the smell would have been reassuring, enrapturing even, like being held in his arms. </p><p> </p><p>At present, he sat on a settee in the middle of the room. He ran his hand through his hair and exhaled causing me to clutch my hands together.</p><p> </p><p>            He looked up at me, his head hanging low, “Come here.”</p><p> </p><p>I stopped gawking and walked toward him. My vision blurred with each step.</p><p> </p><p>            He grabbed my hands, “Why are you crying?”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin asked the question so earnestly that I was taken aback. How could he be sincerely concerned after a disastrous social blunder that was sure to bring shame to him or the whole Augustus family? Surely, only a cruel man would show such kindness! Why did he feel it necessary to prolong my torture by acting unaware?</p><p> </p><p>            My lips trembled, “It was so embarrassing!” </p><p> </p><p>Unable to control myself, my body wracked with sobs. Benjamin pulled me down till I was sitting by him. I could not find the strength to resist, nor did I want to. I longed for him to hold me and tell me all would be well. I needed my protector.</p><p> </p><p>            “Breathe.” He patted my hair.</p><p>            "Everyone is laughing, they all know me for the fool I am! Worst of all, Jaina hates me now.”</p><p>            He sighed against my head, “She does not hate you.”</p><p>            “Well, she should! I instigated it.”</p><p> </p><p>He pulled me till I was flush against his body and squeezed. Alarmed at such a show of mercy, I began crying. He continued repeating soothing words, his mellow voice washing over my anxieties. Grabbing my face, he forced me to look at him. There was an expression which I could not put a name to: a mixture of pity, remorse, and acquiescence.</p><p> </p><p>            “Papa was not a bad person.” I tried to reassure him, my words struggling to escape through my sobs.</p><p>            With both hands clutching my face, he smoothed my tears against my cheeks with his thumbs.</p><p>            “And being in the North is so different. They’ve treated me so cruelly!”</p><p>            “They have. No one can deny that, inamorata.” His forehead rested against mine.</p><p>            I shuddered, “I tried to tell her. You know—the debt—we weren’t wealthy enough. Oh, it makes my head hurt.”</p><p>            “Jaina is an abolitionist. A young and relentless one, too. She does not yet appreciate the delicacy of your circumstances.” He continued wiping my tears, “But I understand, Rey. Hush. I know. Raised ignorant and uprooted to a new world. You’re in a different place where people have different beliefs. I felt that way in Louisiana.”</p><p> </p><p>Stunned. I was silent. <em> Raised ignorant? </em> A creeping feeling was slowly blooming. I felt then what I had denied all my life, the miserable truth of growing up female in Monsieur Camille’s home, always hidden from worthwhile decisions beyond marriage. Papa was not the best man, even if he was not entirely evil. I often complained about how awfully he treated me but failed to recognize the pain of my fellow residents: that of Mama, who was expected to be the perfect quiet bride. Or of Louis, who was groomed to be the ultimate patriarch. </p><p> </p><p>But he would always be my Papa, even if he was gone. My protector.</p><p> </p><p>            “Jaina is not upset at you directly—”</p><p>            The preposterous statement broke me from my reverie, “She called me an ignorant twit! Oh, what mortification. Why was I brought here, just to be dissected and mocked.”</p><p>            “She was wrong to address you in such a manner: to have caused you such public embarrassment. But what I say is true, she’s upset for the right reasons, on that account I do not blame her, and what your Papa did—”</p><p>            “Papa was as flawed as the next man. But no man, not even a man of God, can proclaim himself to be faultless. She never knew him. None of them did. I hardly believe that I did. But I did not ask for any of this. I’m constantly attacked or teased. And not the playful kind from you. Even Leia, she’s to become my mother in law, and she hates me, I know she does! And I’m to live alongside her when she cannot withstand my presence. And the Palpatine girl—” The words burst out and struck his face like waves of repressed anger.</p><p> </p><p>He nodded, his lips parted with an incredulous look.</p><p>            “Laughed along with Jaina. Worst of all, I thought Jaina was my friend, and now I’ve ruined it.”</p><p>            “Stop saying you’ve ruined things!” He barked, shaking my shoulders. Seeing my alarm he kissed my cheek and sought to ease my nerves, “Sorry. Dear Rey, it is not a catastrophe to have a disagreement. Do you truly believe what you said earlier?”</p><p> </p><p>This was the moment I feared. Benjamin would discover the depth of my foolery. That I was so unbelievably foolish and ignorant as to argue in support of a position I did not know. What pain I invited unto myself. In flashes of my future, I saw myself sitting in a carriage with Mama, on our way back to Louisiana.</p><p> </p><p>            Reluctant, I shook my head, “I am only guilty of speaking out of turn. And now I have shamed you. I see now my words were empty and impudent. Benjamin, though you are free to do so, please do not hate me.”</p><p> </p><p>He could not hide his true emotions. His brows relaxed and his lips softened, his expression, so tender and impassioned, conveyed relief.</p><p> </p><p>            He licked his lips, “If you don’t know something, especially in this neighbourhood, it is best not to speak at all.” He let go of my face and held me against his broad chest.</p><p>            “And what if people ask me again?” My lips trailed against the soft material of his shirt.</p><p>            “This is a matter we must address, but not right now. Until then, you do not owe them an answer. If you must then tell them the truth. Kind, intelligent folks will know you’re new to our way of doing things. Rey, I promise, not all of us are cruel. Jaina will make amends, and Leia will adjust. Don’t concern yourself with others. You will always have me.”</p><p> </p><p>The sobbing wracking my chest slowed till I could control my breath. To be in Benjamin’s arms was medicine against  my anxieties. I sat in his grasp, allowing myself to be bathed in his scent. Benjamin radiated peace. </p><p> </p><p>Pressed close to his chest, I felt his heartbeat against my palm. I fell languid against him, like a silk ribbon over bare skin. His hand rested on the nape of my neck and I felt content. Calmness entwined with my anxieties till I ceased crying. I felt compelled to let go… My mind’s eye was drawn to the memory of the garden at the Camille Manor. I could see the swaths of colorful flowers and hummingbirds, their little bodies moving swiftly cutting through the air. I recalled the way the flowers moved and shivered against their light touches. I shivered when I realized his hand was on my neck.</p><p> </p><p>The calm rolled over my mind and settled over all thoughts. It was an intruding miasma, so why did it feel so welcoming? How could it enrapture my soul so? I laid upon his chest like a patient etherised. I moved my eyes till I could see his fingers deftly massaging my neck.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, he removed his hand from my experience. I blinked and clutched his hand, I demanded:</p><p>            “Why do you always do that?”</p><p>            “Do what? Oh, my hand, it’s a force of habit.” He smiled. “It helps calm persons of our designations.”</p><p> </p><p>Moving my hand to my neck, I felt the heat radiating off that small misshapen circle of flesh.</p><p> </p><p>            With a furrowed brow, he spoke again, “Your gland is extremely pink.”</p><p>            I gasped, “Don’t speak so freely, Monsieur!”</p><p>            He chuckled, “Your <em> experience </em> is extremely pink. Shall I call for the Doctor?”</p><p>            Shaking my head ardently, I felt I must protest, “Please. No. It is unnecessary. I feel well.” Seeking to change the subject, I inquired after Jaina, “So Jaina does not hate me?”</p><p>            He smirked, “Give me credit, Rey. Jaina has the most tender heart, despite her earlier outburst, she could never bear to be cold. And once she knows more of your character, once she knows of the same Rey I know, the one who approached Bazine with kindness at Caroline’s wedding, then she will be as open and easy as she once was.”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin had witnessed that? </p><p> </p><p><em>Benjamin was watching</em>!</p><p> </p><p>            “You know of my approaching Bazine?”</p><p>            He played with a curled hair, “I was searching for you the entire night. When I saw you approach her, the girl you were so jealous of, I knew then you were capable of change. That is the rarest trait of all. If Jaina doesn’t fall in love with you, she is blind.”</p><p> </p><p>            "I was never jealous of her." I whispered in defiance.</p><p> </p><p>We returned to silence, once more, I laid against his chest with his arms around me. Relaxed. For the first time that night, I felt assured of his acceptance. I was safe from rejection. </p><p> </p><p>            “Benjamin.” I said. He hummed. “Who is Kaydel to you?”</p><p>            I shook slightly as his chest moved with laughter, “Still so jealous, inamorata. A childhood friend. Nothing more. Nothing less. Do you trust me?” His eyes raked over mine, likely looking for any insecurity.</p><p>            “Of course.”</p><p>            “Good. Rey, let us promise to be truthful to each other. I will tell whatever you ask of me, and you need not hide your true self from me.”</p><p> </p><p>I nodded.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin continued to rub my experience.</p><p> </p><p>Who could dislike Benjamin? The Rey of a few months ago did. She went so far as to despise him. But I could never despise him. When he smiled, I melted. When he laughed, my heart could not contain its joy.  And he was patient, understanding, and jovial. He was a greater protector than Papa had ever been. Then, soaked in the smell of petrichor, I realized that I  had let all guards down. I was in the middle of falling in love for Benjamin or I already had.</p><p> </p><p>That night I fell asleep in his arms.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>For the three days that followed, all interaction between Jaina and I ceased.</p><p> </p><p>Despite Benjamin’s soothing words, Jaina appeared unconcerned with my existence. Despite her cold glances, his words raised a level of confidence. I could not divest myself of the hope that she would forgive me. Though it was difficult to avoid her given that it was her house.</p><p> </p><p>Seeking to engage in a different employment, as I could no longer sit in the downstairs drawing room and listen to Jaina play, I took up embroidery. </p><p> </p><p>My embroidery skills had not improved.</p><p> </p><p>What a surprise. Then again, I had not expended any effort to improve. I then thought to myself what strange turn of luck, I was afforded the opportunity to be alone, so I would capitalize on my self-imposed exile and practice. </p><p> </p><p>Still, my skills did not improve.</p><p> </p><p>I then came to the realization: embroidery is for spinsters, and my time would be better engaged with friends and family. To my great disappointment, every ally was either busy or boring: Suzanne was busy preparing her home for the arrival of little Booke, Mama insisted we read Fordyce’s sermons, and Benjamin was busy arranging for new employees to be trained since many were conscripted. How skilled did a man need to be to work at a textile factory?</p><p> </p><p>On the fourth day, my routine was interrupted by the arrival of the ‘P’ embossed carriage parked outside of the house. From the window in the library, I watched as Miss Palpatine strut to the front door and heard as she was greeted by the over-enthusiastic Leia.</p><p> </p><p>Lovely Leia. She must have felt she had the upper-hand, afterall, Jaina was cold to me and Benjamin was too busy to sit with me. But she did not know that Benjamin was set on marrying me, and I loved him.</p><p> </p><p>Without further thought, I sat and continued reading Don Juan. I could not help but smile.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>On the fifth day, Mama, Finn, and I were returning from our morning walk. As we approached the Augustus mansion, we noticed three men dressed in military uniforms knocking on the front door.</p><p> </p><p>            Mama gripped my wrist, “We shouldn’t approach. We must wait till they’re gone.”</p><p>            Shaking my head I pulled my wrist free, “Look at their dress, they’re lowly officers. And we have nothing to fear from them—”</p><p>            Finn stepped forward, “No, Mademoiselle, she is right. It is best to avoid them.”</p><p> </p><p>Seeking to calm my companions, I remained in place even though I felt I had nothing to fear. From where we stood, several feet from the door, we could the officers as they spoke loudly. Maz opened the door and mumbled something before the youngest officer spoke up:</p><p>            “Benjamin Solo Augustus.”</p><p>            Maz curled her lip, hand on hip she asked, “And what did you want with the Sir?”</p><p>            “We will not speak with the servants. I desire you summon Mr Augustus.”</p><p> </p><p>He was barely taller than her yet he thought he could intimidate her!</p><p> </p><p>            “Mr Augustus will not see just anyone.”</p><p>            “I am not just anyone.”</p><p> </p><p>She did not respond.</p><p> </p><p>            The young man sighed, “Mr R-----, Junior Officer. Now, will he see me?”</p><p>            I could hear the smile in her voice, “Perhaps. If he is available. Please wait outside.”</p><p> </p><p>Maz slammed the door in their faces. In the few moments that followed, the officers began looking about. Mama pretended to fix a pin on my dress, trying to make us look inconspicuous. Benjamin, with a sweep, opened the door and leaned with one arm on the door frame. The young officer was undeterred.</p><p> </p><p>            “Benjamin Solo Aug—”</p><p>            Benjamin corrected him, “Mr Augustus.”</p><p>            “Sir. You are hereby notified that you are legally drafted—”</p><p>            “I’ve paid the fine.”</p><p>            “Sir. It has increased. By order of the legislature, and Mr H-----, the Marshall who is—”</p><p>            Benjamin rubbed his jaw, “A highwayman.” He looked to the other officers, “Haven’t you anything better to do? Or was it not enough for your Fathers' to buy your officer positions?”</p><p>            “Sir! You may either pay the fine or be deemed a deserter and thus be—”</p><p>            “Subject to penalty. Yes. I’m aware. Is your marshall in need of new silver cutlery?” He chuckled.</p><p>            The young man shook with aggravation, he handed Benjamin a letter, “Three hundred dollars.”</p><p> </p><p>With a passive-aggressive smile, Benjamin reached into his pocket and withdrew several bills. He exchanged the money for a piece of paper. Two hundred dollars! That could feed a family.  A lowly one, yes, but it could sustain them. The officers turned on their heels and walked by us, likely on their way to the next house. </p><p> </p><p>            “Scoundrels.” Mama whispered.</p><p>            “Indeed.” I added.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin waved to us but promptly returned inside. Fixing my eyes on his figure, I could hardly believe he was able to throw away money so easily.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as we were inside, Mama began fretting once more:</p><p>            “Civil officers. In such a respectable neighborhood, too!” She fumbled as she took off her bonnet.</p><p>            “Mama, they’re no better than highwaymen.” I said helping her untie her ribbon.</p><p>            “Highwaymen typically have charm.” To this comment I could not help but chuckle, she continued, “With such… tensions… have you and Benjamin discussed proceeding with the wedding?”</p><p> </p><p>I paused. Her words sparked an urgency in my belly. While Benjamin and I had grown close, we talked little of serious matters. He preferred to kiss me or tease me, and I felt the same. But with a country at war, what was I supposed to do? Who was to walk me down the aisle? In which church would we host the ceremony? Suzanne had to be at the wedding, of that I was certain. With or without the little Booke. It would be a grand occasion, a wedding to make the Vanderbilts blush.</p><p> </p><p>            Mama put her fist to her mouth, “We could never invite Madame Perrot or Netal or even O’Connor.”</p><p>            There was one good thing to have come out of the war, no Madame O’Connor, “That is a blessing in disguise.”</p><p> </p><p>It would not be long before bad news would arrive. I felt it in my stomach. Of my own family, of little Gerald and Louis who was expecting a son, I was most concerned. My fear was lessened by the reminder that they had the means to escape any draft or to shield themselves from rogues. And poor Florrie! She was too sweet, how could a tender heart like hers survive?!</p><p> </p><p>Mama noticed my anxious glance and, holding my hands, reminded me to have faith in Him. For He would deliver us safely through this trial. I may have had moments of doubt, but the oppression of cynicism and fear left no other sanctity: the Lord would guide us.</p><p> </p><p>            “Dieu donne-moi la force.” She whispered. <em> God give me strength. </em></p><p> </p><p>After completing our afternoon prayers, Mama and I parted. She left to take her daily afternoon nap. Having no one else to bother I returned to my room. </p><p> </p><p>I dwelled on Mama’s questions. With a war on the horizon, the opportunity to invite our Southern neighbors was swept away. Not that a wedding was guaranteed, though I hoped so. But before I could marry Benjamin he would have to propose properly! In my agony over world events out of my control I did not notice a note slipped under my door. I set aside my novel, given that I was reading the same paragraph without making progress it was hardly a loss.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Rey,</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>I pray you excuse my horrid behavior. My heart trembles when I recall my words and actions toward you. Let us soothe our grievances with the balm of friendship. Let us reconnect after my afternoon lessons.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>- Yours sincerely,</p>
  <p>Jaina</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Her handwriting expressed elegance and grace. Cradling the note in my palm, I held it against my chest. Feeling the phantom heat of her hug, I breathed a sigh of relief. I would have much to apologize for myself.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. * By the Lake *</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry I spilled smut all over this chapter :(</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>After an agreeable evening, the opportunity arose to speak with Jaina. After supper, Jaina invited me to join her in the library. Ascending the stairs, I passed the portraits of the Augustus family and felt Jaina’s warm eyes gaze upon me. Like a blessing. As if her human counterpart would forgive me and we could move on from this mess. Though I doubted I would escape unscathed.</p><p> </p><p>She stood by a tall bookcase, hands behind her back, so like her brother. I coughed to draw her attention and strolling forth, I curtsied:</p><p>            “Mademoiselle Augustus.”</p><p>            She returned the curtsy, “Mademoiselle Camille, shall we sit?” She led us to two seats by a large window. The sun had set, but the library was well lit, I could still see Jaina’s worried brow.</p><p>            “Rey,” she played with her bracelet, “Rey, I owe you an apology for the way I expressed myself.”</p><p> </p><p>Unable to contain my smile, I tried to appear sincere, for I was, but appearing too excited could have misled her into believing I only cared about maintaining peace rather than addressing the issue.</p><p> </p><p>            “But, I stand by what I said. Of course, I do regret calling you <em> those words</em>. I was, however, sincere in my original sentiments. I will not ignore injustice.”</p><p> </p><p>Possessed by the need to be liked, I observed her closely. Searching for the smallest hint, anything to suggest she was insincere. </p><p> </p><p>            “Do you despise me now?”</p><p>            She looked guilty for a moment, “That night. I was extremely vexed. For a moment I was furious with you. But during the ride home, Benjamin explained to me. That you were raised in a different place, with different ways.” She shook her head at the ground, “Is that enough? Do we not worship the same God? Ben knows as well as I do, that I would never stay silent against injustice. Rey. I can never be as warm and trusting as I once was if you do not come to learn the truth.”</p><p> </p><p>She sat silent. Now it was my turn to speak.</p><p> </p><p>            “In truth, I am exhausted from being told I am ignorant. Or being told that I am not behaving like a proper lady. It feels like a curse hanging over my head, to constantly be spoken to as if I were a child and expected to behave as if I knew everything.” I watched as her brows turned up in concern, and I sighed, “You’ve invoked the Lord. If you will help me learn the truth, the <em> real </em>truth, and not that which others felt was best for me, then I will try to learn.”</p><p>            Jaina smiled once more, returning to her old calmer self, “So long as you are genuine, you will always find solace in our friendship.”</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>To no one's surprise, Leia was displeased with Jaina and I rekindling our friendship. Her glares and tutting were fruitless. How could I fear her when I had so many supporting me? She could keep her scowls to herself, they had no effect.</p><p> </p><p>She was further unimpressed to find we spent more time together. We spent three consecutive nights at the Opera. We toured the parks and grand estates of their neighbors. One warm afternoon, Jaina gave me a tour of her favorite boutiques and department stores. She informed me that Benjamin increased our pin money for that month so we were free to shop to our heart's content. Shopping in New York was nothing like the boutiques in New Orleans, most were, at a minimum, three storeys tall. So captivated was I of the ornaments and complex choices, that I could scarcely recall what Jaina and I spoke of.</p><p> </p><p>Naturally, I invited Suzanne, for I would be a fool to not capitalize on the opportunity to go shopping with my dearest friend. To my extreme disappointment, she declined. In her note she mentioned she felt ‘not fit enough’ and ‘little Booke had been causing trouble.’ Though I was sorely in need of her company, my Suzanne’s comfort was more important than my entertainment. Instead of shopping with her, I would shop for her.</p><p> </p><p>Of all boutiques, Holdo’s Bazaar was most exquisite. It held the largest selection of French dresses, though this had <em> very little </em> impact on my choice of favorites. Just as I was beginning to tire, Jaina delivered me to my own small slice of Parisian paradise. Only a honeymoon in Paris would topple such an experience. Setting that thought aside I searched all floors till I found a stunning cream day dress, with a lowered neckline.</p><p> </p><p>Having secured another scandalous dress, I set about securing the address of a reliable seamstress who could reliably tailor dresses for Suzanne's pregnant body. As I waited for a clerk to retrieve the address of some recommendations, my reverie of dresses was halted by the image of Miss Palpatine approaching me with a smile.</p><p> </p><p>    She greeted me then began, “Miss Camille” I replied with an equally courteous greeting but she interrupted me before I could reply, "Miss Camille, I trust you will be joining us at our annual ball.”</p><p>            “I did not know—”</p><p>            “I trust you will be attending with Benjamin.”</p><p>            “I should hope so.” I joked.</p><p>            At that moment, the clerk returned, “Ma’am. I have your list of seamstresses, the first is particularly recommended by Ms Holdo who used her services when she was with child.”</p><p>            I thanked him and turning to Kaydel, withered under her glance. Her eyes flit to my midsection then back to my face. Her smile did not let up. It was impossible to disentangle the shock from the horror seeping out of her face.</p><p>            “When is the ball?” I asked.</p><p>            Several seconds of silence passed. “Soon. I have forwarded an invitation to the Augustus house. Excuse me, I must be off.”</p><p> </p><p>My eyes followed her as she quitted the boutique.</p><p> </p><p>She had nothing to be frightened of, aside from that night when Benjamin, on the precipice of his r-u-t… I touched my stomach, had I gained weight? No! My corset measurements remained steadfast. </p><p> </p><p>Unless Maz was lying to me.</p><p> </p><p>I resolved to have no more sweets. </p><p> </p><p>After a long day of spending Benjamin’s money, Jaina and I were passing our evening sewing. I could not displace Miss Palpatine’s anxious glance from my mind. How strange it was, to see such anxiety as I thought only I felt it. Jaina and I were debating what we would wear to the ball when Benjamin joined us. </p><p> </p><p>I sensed beneath his steely exterior, he was exhausted. He smiled, nodded, and asked us questions about our day but I could sense the need for sleep.</p><p> </p><p>            "Then we finished by visiting Holdo’s. We saw Kaydel." Jaina spoke as she sewed.</p><p>            Benjamin lounged, "So you've had a lovely day of spending your pin money."</p><p>            "Dresses are of the utmost importance, Monsieur," I spoke, attempting to join in their teasing, "it's integral to being a lady."</p><p>            "More integral than all your accomplishments?"</p><p>            "Men do not marry ladies for their pretty accomplishments."</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin laughed and Jaina appeared momentarily shocked.</p><p> </p><p>            "Rey, I did not think you teased others so awfully. You're a poor influence, Ben."</p><p>            Benjamin was quick to reply. "You'd be surprised. We're both poor influences upon each other."</p><p>            Seeing his tired expression, I asked, “Would you like me to call for some tea?”</p><p>            “At this stage of the day. I need wine.”  </p><p> </p><p>            A servant was called for and Benjamin appeared to calm as he sipped wine, "I'm glad you purchased new dresses today. I've arranged for a picnic, and I expect it will be an excellent time to showcase your prettiest day dress. What say you, Rey?"</p><p> </p><p>            I set my needle down, "A picnic, I do not know if Mama’s naps last long enough."</p><p>            "It's a family affair. But I'm confident I can arrange for Mrs Camille to be distracted."</p><p>            "Then what, we'll go for a long walk?"</p><p>            He smiled earnestly, "We will have a boat ride. Worry not, I'll do the rowing."</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>A honey bee buzzed past Mama’s head, it did not pause to examine our spread of pastoral foods: the figs, cheese, berries, were left untouched. Evidently, the bee was eager to return to its hive rather than join our mid-day picnic. I could not fault it, the surroundings of the picnic blanket were far more beautiful than the spread of food. The pathways and trails of the park cut through tracts of preened nature. Though I was opposed to the over-disturbance of nature; I could not deny the blend of geometric buildings rising above the treeline and emerald green fields was a sight to behold.</p><p> </p><p>The picnic blanket was most favorably situated beneath a large tree, not overburdened by shade as to rob us of warmth. Jaina laughed, disrupting my focus, but her felicity was not any less beautiful than the scenery. Her governess, Leia, and Mama were pleasantly conversing about the newest novel in Jaina’s collection.</p><p> </p><p>Nearby the servants sat together, conversing and laughing. Yet, nowhere could I see Finn amongst them. I then recalled the last time I had spoken or seen Finn was during me and Mama’s morning walk. When we came across those unsightly provost officers. I made a mental note to speak with Finn; he was such lively, good conversation, it seemed a waste not to invite him to the picnic. Perhaps he did not feel like conversing on such a fine day, he was rather fond of reading.</p><p> </p><p>I reached for a berry. Another honey bee buzzed past my fingertips and Benjamin pulled me back by my elbow:</p><p>            “Careful. Lest the bees confuse you for another flower.” He whispered.</p><p> </p><p>I fought back a laugh. Sometimes he could be too sweet for my palate, but I appreciated it nonetheless. Taking Benjamin’s previous advice, I wore my pretty new cream-colored day dress. Along with matching cream gloves, a new bonnet, and a fringed parasol.</p><p> </p><p>Upon Jaina’s insistence, Benjamin read her favorite passages of her new book, 'Reina.' Jaina lent the book to me and although I was half finished with the tale, I found the romance to be uninspired and foolish. Jaina was entirely opposed to my critique. After Benjamin finished reading the Grand Duke's proposal, he joined Jaina and I as we engaged in a heated discussion about the heroine.</p><p> </p><p>            “She’s far too irritating for my liking. Heroines need not be perfect, merely engaging. And her faults far outweigh her virtues.” I said. “It’s silly! How can the Grand Duke love her so dearly? She does not feel half the love that he feels for her.”</p><p>            Benjamin and Jaina shared a glance, but he spoke first, “Sometimes, a person may feel greatly for another, and the other may not feel as deeply. That does not mean they cannot love equally ... some day.”</p><p>            Intent on making my point, I continued, “He is a fool. There must be another noble lady for him to marry.”</p><p>            Benjamin smiled, “Then you have never been in love.”</p><p>            I put on airs of dramatized offence, the conversation was all in good fun, “I know love. I happen to be in love.”</p><p>            He raised his brow, “With whom? You cannot say your reflection.”</p><p> </p><p>I slapped his thigh. Jaina burst into a fit of laughter at our verbal game of tennis.</p><p> </p><p>We teased and laughed in this manner for several minutes till Benjamin looked at his watch and addressed Jaina. She smiled at me and left to speak with Mama.</p><p> </p><p>            "Shall we walk?" Benjamin asked,  I looked at Mama who nodded approvingly. Confused, I watched as Benjamin, who did not witness Mama nod, stood up and offered me his hand.</p><p> </p><p>We began walking without a chaperone. I had Mama’s permission to be alone with Benjamin.</p><p> </p><p>            With a perplexed expression, I turned to Benjamin, "Mama… Is allowing this?"</p><p>            "She's a more reasonable chaperone than Louis or your Papa, bless him."</p><p>            </p><p>We walked around the lake for a few minutes before Benjamin spoke once more.</p><p> </p><p>            He patted my hand, "How are you finding Jaina?"</p><p>            "Our friendship has recovered. I would go so far as to suggest it has improved. We are free and open with another once more. Jaina has taught me much that I did not realize. Every day I realize how little I know, perhaps tomorrow I will discover the Earth is flat."</p><p> </p><p>He laughed, his smile reaching wide and drawing attention to his dimples. There appeared to me then that there was warmth in everything he did. From the warmth of his hand on my back to the warmth radiating from his eyes. He reminded me of home.</p><p> </p><p>Upon reaching the lake, Benjamin indicated toward a rowing boat with a basket and helped me climb onto it. I could not help but admire his arms as he pushed the boat onto the water.</p><p> </p><p>When he took hold of the oars I asked, "Is this boat for us?"</p><p>            "Yes. I've arranged for it."</p><p> </p><p>The boat glided smoothly against the surface of the water, creating a small wave. Occasionally, we passed other couples in their own rowboats but Benjamin held all my attention.</p><p> </p><p>            "Where are you taking us?" I asked.</p><p>            "My favorite spot. This park is a particular haunt of mine."</p><p>            "And the basket?"</p><p>            "Full of treats for us. Some pistachios, petit fours, and a few more of your favorites. I borrowed Mr Booke’s French cook, so I know the quality will be to your standard."</p><p> </p><p>I curled inward slightly, trying to make myself appear smaller. I could not eat any more sweets, and if he insisted I would tell him I was full. With food on my mind, I suddenly recalled his comment during the Palpatine supper party.</p><p> </p><p>            I licked my lips, "Benjamin, if I may, what did you mean when you said you loved French cuisine? And why did people laugh?"</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin looked confused for a moment then began laughing. One oar slipped out of his hand but he caught it.</p><p> </p><p>            His eyes beamed mischievously, "I'll show you."</p><p> </p><p>Why was it necessary to show me rather than explain it? No matter, I did not seek to press my questions further.</p><p> </p><p>He rowed till we reached a hidden area of wood. The trees were stocky, their bottom halves covered in moss, and long flexible branches hung overhead decorated with leaves. Such a scene was easy to admire, it encapsulated the essence of spring: green, healthy, reborn. In the middle of the natural alcove sat a blanket. Upon witnessing it, I spun back to face Benjamin. He gave his usual smile,  but behind his gaze, I sensed more scheming.</p><p> </p><p>Upon reaching the shore, he grabbed the basket and helped me onto land. He walked ahead of me and began plating the food, meanwhile, I was too shocked to move. My hands were warm with sweat. I could have dropped my parasol that moment. I knew what he was doing.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin paused to look back at me. He made a come hither motion with two fingers.  My legs felt like cotton. The grass was soft against my shoes as I stepped toward my fate. I sat adjacent to Benjamin and the spread of cream, strawberries, petit fours, and pistachios.</p><p> </p><p>            He drew a fresh strawberry to my lips, "Try one."</p><p> </p><p>Mechanically, I opened my mouth. His eyes roamed from my face to my chest. He leaned toward me, I could feel his lips against my cheek, where he placed a luscious kiss.</p><p> </p><p>            "Rey."</p><p> </p><p>I said nothing. My heart was banging against my ribcage.</p><p> </p><p>            "Rey, why won't you speak?"</p><p>            I turned to face my gorgeous Benjamin, "I cannot, Monsieur. I do not know what to say. I've read of this many times, but now it is happening… to me."</p><p>            He smiled, "Such a pretty flower. Always so confident when insulting me, then you shy away when I flirt back."</p><p> </p><p>The heat rose in my cheeks, I made to turn away, but, with one hand, he turned my head. He radiated warmth, his hazel eyes pierced through me like he could see everything that I was.</p><p> </p><p>            Benjamin kissed my lips. "You know I am no poet. I cannot recite a soliloquy."</p><p>            "Benjamin." I breathed.</p><p>            "But, I would do anything to see you smile. So I will make an attempt. Rey, you are the most affectionate, open, soul to have come into my life. My heart has been yours for months. At times you affect me so greatly that I am alarmed at the violent emotions you ignite within me. When I left Louisiana, everything reminded me of you: the boutiques, the sound of laughter, the books that litter Jaina’s room. So greatly was your image fixed in my memory. Rey, I came to realize that happiness is impossible without you. You are the sole object of my love."</p><p>            "Benjamin." My lips trembled.</p><p>            "Marry me?" He whispered; the first time I heard fear in his voice.</p><p>            "Benjamin." I collapsed against his chest nodding. "Yes."</p><p> </p><p>He gripped me tightly. I could feel my heartbeat in my fingertips. My love, my Benjamin.</p><p> </p><p>            "Then I am blessed." </p><p>            "Why would I not accede?" I swallowed dryly.</p><p>            "I have treated you poorly. When I left the South. I was sure you hated me.  And we knew little of each other.  Your recent disagreement with Jaina convinced me of your dislike for the North. You're the most gracious soul," he kissed my head, "you've forgiven me numerous times, and you always amaze me; so willing to change. I'm blessed to have you."</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin pulled away, I felt empty for a moment until he reached into his pocket and brought out a gold ring. Keeping to his old promise, there were gems: a large sapphire surrounded by pearls.</p><p> </p><p>            "It was my grandmother's. She was ferocious, passionate, and loyal. She would have been glad to give it to you." He said as he removed my glove and, sliding it onto my ring finger, he kissed my hand. </p><p> </p><p>Not only was I engaged, the man I was engaged to previously saved my family and myself. Benjamin, how wrong I was in my estimation of you. He was the greatest man I'd ever met and now he was mine, we belonged to each other. I threw my arms around his neck and dotted his face with kisses. </p><p> </p><p>            "Benjamin—"</p><p>            "You've long ago earned the right to call me Ben!"</p><p>            "Oh, Ben! You've blessed me with such happiness. I could die!"</p><p> </p><p>I felt like my heart could erupt with joy. In large part because Ben truly desired my hand for marriage. In small part because my sixteenth birthday was less than a few weeks away. The clock till my presentation was ticking, not that I had a real reason to be concerned. We already were engaged but now I had confirmation that he felt for me. As I felt for him.</p><p> </p><p>Overcome with passion, I gripped his chin and began an open mouth kiss. Ben appeared to have grown accustomed to my animated displays of affection as he returned my enthusiasm in kind. </p><p> </p><p>            He bit my lower lip, "We mustn't, I need to return you to your mother unaffected." I sat down dismayed, "That doesn't mean we can't enjoy ourselves a little."</p><p> </p><p>He dipped a strawberry in cream, coating my lower lip in cream before licking and biting my lip. When he tried to feed me anything too sweet, I refused. </p><p> </p><p>            "You are making a dreadful sacrifice if you refuse to eat the petit fours. They're my personal favorite." He said popping one in his mouth.</p><p>            "You know petit fours are French. Now, will you tell—or rather show me what you meant at the supper party?"</p><p> </p><p>Ben almost choked on the sweet before forcing himself to swallow. He licked some cream off a finger and, wiping his hand on a handkerchief, spoke in a dulcet tone:</p><p>            "I could show you," he pushed me to lay on the blanket, his hands running over my breasts and clavicle "do you trust me? Do you trust me not to give in to my beast?"</p><p>            "Yes." My voice shook slightly. I had become accustomed to his scent, instinctively, I knew he was not near his r-u-t. And I was far too excited to discover what he meant.</p><p>            Ben eased over me, "Playful scamp that you are, inamorata. I will give you whatever you ask for." He reached under the hem of my dress, eliciting a hiccup, "Worry not, we are to be man and wife."</p><p> </p><p>His hand ran up the underside of my leg, his fingertips tracing my garter. I never realized how much I missed his fingers till he gripped my thighs as he planted kisses down my neck.</p><p> </p><p>His right hand slithered up to my quim whilst the left encircled my waist. He breathed against my lips:</p><p>            "Part your legs."</p><p> </p><p>I realized then that my thighs were locked together. Breathing slowly, I parted my legs, leaving myself open to him. Ben kissed down my body till he, horror of horrors, pushed my skirts and petticoat up. Exposing me to the world. </p><p> </p><p>            "Eep." I covered my face with my hands.</p><p> </p><p>His tongue against my spot was most unexpected, unwillingly my hips jumped up, I looked down to see his hair falling over my thighs and stomach. Ben's tongue danced on my sweet spot, he repeated this motion for a minute or so.</p><p> </p><p>            He looked up, his eyes met mine. "We'll discover what you prefer. This or this?"</p><p> </p><p>He sucked on my clit. I wailed in protest but such a sensual assault could never be resisted. My hands fell to my sides and I gripped the blanket. The pressure in my loins was slowly increasing, and the cruel man did not let up.</p><p> </p><p>But for a task to be done so publicly! I whipped my head around, there was no one around. He picked the perfect place for such a lewd act. Not content to leave me able to breathe, Ben rubbed his tongue more forcefully against my clit, alternating his attacks but keeping a steady pace.</p><p> </p><p>            "I am dying!" I cried out. Squeezing my buttocks and causing my hips to rise, but he was relentless. I felt his finger enter me, increasing the white-hot pressure. Previously, I never had the courage to do so. Given his size, his finger was larger than my thumb. Perhaps a hint of things to come?</p><p>            He stopped using his mouth but continued to work his fingers, he looked up, lips plump and wet, "Inamorata, I've wanted this for a long time."  </p><p>            I huffed, unable to speak. His eyes roamed over me, like a predator. Red from my cheeks to my chest with wet curly hair stuck to my forehead, I wanted him to see his effect, I wanted every inch of myself to be exposed to him. <em> Claim me, I am yours. </em></p><p>            "Since you first insulted me." He squeezed my buttocks and opened his mouth over my mound.</p><p> </p><p>Ben did not wait long before he continued his assault, to think he wanted to touch me in such a beastly manner! Inflamed by his words, I turned my mind to the pleasure he raised. His finger made a come hither motion. The combination of attouchements could not be withstood: it was too luxurious. Seeking some relief, I pushed my feet against his shoulders, to no effect. Ben growled as he slapped my buttocks and pressed himself tighter against me.</p><p> </p><p>I laid back as the waves of pleasure were too great, it almost burnt me. The pressure hit a fever point, I thrust up and cried out as I spent.</p><p> </p><p>My quim pulsed around an object; Benjamin had not removed his finger. As the pulsations ceased, I felt him remove his finger and plant a final kiss on my clit.</p><p> </p><p>            When he reappeared into view, his eyes were still warm. He was the same Benjamin, unlike last time. We kissed once more, our saliva bore a strange salty tang. He spoke as he rubbed my quim, "Poor dear, she's grasping for something more."</p><p> </p><p>After a few moments of rest, he kissed me and groped my breasts, igniting my lascivious desire once more.</p><p> </p><p>            "Now, my darling creature, I'd like you to give me the same enjoyment."</p><p>            "I would not know how, I admit freely that I don't know much, though you've taught me some things."</p><p>            "And what an excellent teacher I've been."</p><p>            "I have not yet been able to compare, I cannot give you such praise."</p><p>            He grumbled as his teeth latched over my experience before he licked the spot, "You won't be doing any comparisons soon."</p><p>            When he rubbed his crotch against my bare quim I slapped his arm, "We may be engaged but we are not married!"</p><p>            He collapsed onto me, his chest shaking with laughter, "Rey! Oh, please never change. You let me put my lips on your precious cunt—"</p><p>            "BEN! One does not speak of such matters."</p><p>            "My apologies, <em> your quim</em>." He imitated my accent, "One does not speak of such matters, but is glad to engage in them."</p><p> </p><p>Before I could defend myself, he forced his lips on mine and continued to thrust against my quim. He undid his trousers and looking down, I witnessed his member in the flesh. Its appearance was not wholly frightening, and for that, I had to thank Louis’s medical books. It stood tall and proud like a pillar with a ruby head that acutely curved upwards. The skin was relatively uniform, barring a slightly raised ring of plum-colored skin just above… well I had never seen it before. Not in Louis's medical books nor in the flesh.</p><p> </p><p>            I pointed to it, "Is that your knot?"</p><p>            Benjamin blanched then broke into a fit of laughter, "You're right, Rey, you do not know much."</p><p>            Disregarding my embarrassed look, he led my hand to the ring of plum-colored flesh above the protrusions, "This is my knot. It swells before I spend. And these are testicles."</p><p>            "Oh." I could scarcely believe I was holding a man in the flesh, in such an open manner. I could feel his essence and the peculiar softness of the knot compared to the shaft.</p><p>            "We are not born aware, I do not expect you to know everything, "  I squeezed the knot, it was right there—who could blame me?  This caused him to hiss, "Not so soon! The skin is sensitive, I will spend too quickly if you continue this pattern."</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed me down. </p><p> </p><p>            "Not inside." I entreated.</p><p> </p><p>He readily conceded with a nod and took his position between my legs, I naturally latched around his middle. Pulling me up by my buttocks, Benjamin began a back and forth motion, thrusting his cock between the lips of my quim. I admit it was a different experience but not necessarily a negative one. Each time he moved up, the ruby head hit my clit, I felt a bolt run from my sweet spot to my stomach. This man was to be my husband.</p><p> </p><p>The libidinous sounds of flesh against flesh should have been embarrassing but it was not. Rather, it was invigorating, I found myself grinding against his cock. He tugged the low neckline of my dress to expose my breasts and, using his thumbs, toyed with my nipples. A favorite of his. Like a sly fox, he slipped another finger inside me, increasing the mounting pressure.</p><p> </p><p>In such a mode we continued for a few minutes till Benjamin grunted, the muscles in his neck protruding,  and he sped his thrusts. We were in unison. I felt myself nearing release once more. Standing on his knees, he took himself in one hand, the other held up the fabric of my outfit, he worked himself as his eyes trailed from my breasts to my quim. He spent over my exposed stomach and mound.</p><p> </p><p>The charming creature panted as he looked down at his handiwork, his friend, far from finished, continued to leak. He lazily stroked his cock, coating his thumb in slick. I would have been pleased to leave matters as they were but he took a look till he applied the glossy thumb to my clit once more.</p><p> </p><p>            My face flushed, "I don't think I can." </p><p>            "I know you can."</p><p> </p><p>I could never believe it was possible, from my own practices I could never finish more than once. Benjamin, cruel man that he was, was forcing me to run a sexual marathon. But far from causing agony, it excited me further, till my delight peaked.</p><p> </p><p>With two fingers he repeated the same come hither motion. He drove his fingers over a particularly sensitive spot and I could have passed out from the euphoria.</p><p> </p><p>            "Oh, Ben." I whimpered, grasping his arm, he was undeterred and I soon succumbed to the sweet excitement. My hips naturally rose to meet his hand till I could not withstand such violence, hips stuttering as I spent.</p><p> </p><p>             He rubbed my pulsing quim, one hand enveloping my mound. "My inamorata,  Rey, you little flirt," he collapsed next to me, "I knew you could do it."</p><p> </p><p>There we laid for several minutes, holding each other and planting light kisses on the other's face. I could have remained there forever.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin was the first to recover.  Drawing a handkerchief from his pocket, he tended to me first then himself.</p><p> </p><p>            As he ran the handkerchief over his cock I noticed his knot was fuller than before. His member appeared as if it swallowed an apple. I could not understand how it would fit me if merely two fingers overwhelmed me. </p><p>            "We'll have plenty of opportunities after today." He said redressing himself.</p><p>            Embarrassed by my own inquisitive glances, I looked away, "That's not what I was thinking of."</p><p>            "Then what were you thinking of?"</p><p>            <em> I think I love you </em>. "How grateful I am for you. You saved my family and me."</p><p>            "I see... We've been gone for far too long. Any longer and the others will become suspicious."</p><p>            Everything smelled like him from my hands, to my dress, to my breath, "Won't the others smell us on each other?"</p><p>            "Quite right. I suppose we should rest for a moment, to allow the smells to diffuse." He laid back on the blanket.</p><p>            "Ben, I know your scent: you smell like spring rain at home... What is mine?"</p><p>            He smiled at me, "I'm delighted to hear that, but you must be aware that a person can smell differently to different people. They say those who are better-suited partners will have a pleasant smell." He looked away to watch the clouds, "One old wives tale teaches us that those scents that reminds one of home are most compatible. You smell like a blend of hibiscus, crushed petals, and peppermint."</p><p>            Not seeking to appear presumptuous by asking if I smelled like home,  I asked, "And what does that remind you of?"</p><p>            "The tea my grandmother drank."</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm not actually sorry, got ya. :)!</p><p>／(●ᆺ●)＼ <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">My twitter.</a></p><p>These quick posts are made thanks to the efforts of the amazing <a href="https://twitter.com/NewerConstella1">newerconstella1.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. *A lover scorned*</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If Leia was displeased with Benjamin’s proposal, she did not show it. As Benjamin and I returned to our friends’ picnic, they greeted us with warm smiles and hugs. Leia patted my hand and gave a sheepish smile. It would be most outrageous for her to reveal what she felt: an upstart ingénue was to be her daughter-in-law, ring the alarms!</p><p> </p><p>Mama was most pleased, and when she inquired as to why we did not hurriedly return, I waved away her concern with the explanation that I felt so emotionally overwhelmed. Yes, I know it was a lie by omission, but she should hardly concern herself with Benjamin and I did in private. I was practically a married woman. Soon our actions would be no one else’s concerns but our own. Each lady in attendance took turns examining the ring and complimenting me on the contrast of the sapphire against my skin. Although I wanted to declare our love to the world, my soul was content knowing that Benjamin held me so dear in his heart; I wore my gloves thus covering the ring.</p><p> </p><p>Jaina was the most excitable. She appeared far keener on our engagement than my own Mama! She shook Benjamin’s hand, as if she was my Papa giving me away to Benjamin, and spoke hastily of "Madame Augustus!"</p><p> </p><p>            “Mrs Rey Augustus. La! What a beautiful ring it has! And now, what a beautiful ring you have!” She giggled.</p><p> </p><p>Leia could only smile and nod. </p><p> </p><p>After passing an excellent afternoon and evening together, we all separated to prepare for slumber. While we were in the company of others, Benjamin was a gentleman. He inquired about my plans for the week and offered to have a servant serve me wine when he noticed how pink I looked, as if he had not ravaged me earlier in the day. As he led me back to my apartments he began to wish me good night when I leaned up and stole kiss. I did not care who saw,  I was practically mistress of the house. If I wanted to kiss my fiancé in the hallway, I would.</p><p> </p><p>Later that night, Maz announced the arrival of a visitor as I was preparing for bed. I pinched my cheeks and rolled my lips in preparation for who I hoped would be Benjamin. To my disappointment and Maz’s delight, Mama entered the room.</p><p> </p><p>            “Maz, I would like a moment to speak with my daughter.” Mama spoke. As soon as Maz quitted the room she rushed me with a hug, “Oh, my sweetest youngest daughter. I’m eternally proud of you.”</p><p>            I could barely speak, she was squeezing me tightly, “Mama, my curls!”</p><p>            “You will make Monsieur Augustus an excellent wife. And I have no doubt, he will make an excellent husband. Even with Louis being my first and oldest, I dare say you’ve become the wealthiest Camille.”</p><p>            “Mama! I do adore him, you must know that.”</p><p>            “I know.” She nuzzled my neck, “And he adores you too. But ma chérie, for your wedding, you must have your brother give you away.”</p><p>            “It is only natural that Louis, and the rest of my less fortunate siblings attend,” I joked, she jabbed my side, “but Mama. You don’t think, perhaps, he may be unable to attend to me?”</p><p>            Mama let go of me, “I have not received a letter from Louis in some time.”</p><p>            Neither of us would admit why, “But he must deliver me down the aisle! He simply must! We can consider no other alternative.”</p><p>            “Rey, you and I both know that is unlikely. There are other issues at hand.”</p><p>            I turned back to my vanity, “Mama. Call it what it is: a war.”,</p><p>            “Well, then. What will we do?”</p><p> </p><p>I could not dwell too long on the subject of war. The thought of Caroline, Louis, and Gerald being targeted! Or, Lord forbid, dead! I squeezed my hands into tight fists. I would not allow myself to weep over a possibility out of the fear that my tears would make it a reality. The only path left was to place my faith in the Lord. He would see me through.</p><p>            “I’ll write to Louis, and I will discuss his involvement in the wedding.” I said.</p><p>            “On the topic of weddings. I thought of a summer wedding, perhaps closer to the evening, so the weather is cooler. Have you put much thought to it, Rey?”</p><p>            “In truth, Mama, I haven’t put too much thought to it, but I’ve known what I've wanted since I was five: I must have an open carriage to take me away from the ceremony, with white horses, and my dress must be pearl white.”</p><p>            “Absolutely, and I was so confident in Monsieur Augustus’ commitment to you, I brought with me my wedding veil.”</p><p>            Surprised, I turned back to Mama and was humbled by her earnest gaze, “Mama! Oh, how wonderful it all is.”</p><p>            “Keep in mind, my dear, you must discuss the wedding plans with your bridegroom. Of course, men must never be allowed to have power over the specifics but the larger points. Such as the date, the guests, and the mains—but not the entrees!”</p><p> </p><p>I laid in bed in a dreamlike state. Without a care in the world; I had endured trials of fire to become Madame Augustus, and now I was at the doorstep of marriage. Papa would be proud. Or at least pleased. Oh! At the moment, it hardly mattered whether Papa would have been proud or pleased, for I would be married, and I never need concern myself with the Camille name again. </p><p> </p><p>Desperate for some cold air, I threw my blanket off and opened the windows. I could have sung to the whole neighborhood until my voice reached all the blocks of eighth avenue. I was to marry my Benjamin, my silly arrogant Ben, and not some stranger or much less Carter!</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Then admit you love him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>I might. Soon.</p><p> </p><p>The mere thought of Benjamin elicited such vigor that I exhausted myself to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>Two steps forward, one step back. Soon after we were <em> officially </em>engaged, Benjamin's schedule became busy once more. Just my luck. Not content to sit about and wait for an opportune moment to discuss wedding plans with him, I busied myself with gossip and tea—my third and fourth favorite things in the world, right after dresses and Benjamin. </p><p> </p><p>In the week that followed our lakeside romp, Benjamin scarcely uttered three affectionate sentences to me! On Monday, he asked me if I slept well; on Wednesday, he complimented me on my new hairpin, and on Thursday, he stole a kiss as I took off my Bonnet after visiting Suzanne with Jaina. As repayment for such an overt show of affection, he gifted Jaina and me with extra pin money to prepare for the upcoming Palpatine ball.</p><p> </p><p>But what good was pin money and pretty dresses if I could not enjoy Benjamin's society?</p><p> </p><p>On my second visit to Holdo’s, Suzanne joined Jaina and me. So ecstatic was I that I could hardly stop smiling and laughing as we walked arm in arm around the counters. The dresses hung off the dummies like rich velvet, silk, and linen curtains. If I closed my eyes, I could almost fool myself into believing it was still 1860, and Suzanne and I were visiting Lafitte’s. But when I opened my eyes, I saw Suzanne’s expanding midsection and had to accept that I was not in Louisianna. It was not 1860. Despite the changes, I secured Suzanne’s promise that she would be attending the dreaded Palpatine ball, though I was the only one to dread it.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>Naturally, Mama could not attend the ball, being a widow in mourning. I eased her anxieties by assuring her that Monsieur and Madame Booke would chaperone me, and I would remain on my best behavior. But I was perfectly aware that her lack of attendance did provide an excellent opportunity for a private rendezvous with Benjamin.</p><p> </p><p>Leaving her to sister with Maz, I immediately set my mind to how I could coax Benjamin's eyes to my figure. I chose to forgo propriety and wore no gloves. If it allowed Benjamin to better enjoy my arms, then so be it. And if Mademoiselle Palpatine caught sight of my engagement ring… well, all the better for her to gawk at Benji's symbol of commitment to me. Really, I intended no ill will! With one aspect of proper dress disregarded, another gave way: I wore another scandalous dress.</p><p> </p><p>But la! To my continued disappointment, Benjamin was far too busy to see us to the ball, although he promised he would be in attendance.</p><p> </p><p>For the carriage ride to the Palpatine mansion, I joined Monsieur Booke, the rascal, and Suzanne, my angel. Meanwhile, Jaina and Leia rode together in a separate carriage. Once more, the Palpatine mansion was well decorated. Despite my dislike for Kaydel, I could not deny the floors were well polished, and the flowers were fresh. But that was all the praise I could spare.</p><p> </p><p>            “And where is your dear Benjamin?” Charles teased, his irritating quip barely carried over the sound of the band.</p><p>            “He will be arriving soon.” I bit back.</p><p>            “And he was so preoccupied that he could not join you for the journey TO—”</p><p>            “Charles,” Suzanne silenced her husband with a simple word, “I’m thirsty. Please find a waiter.”</p><p> </p><p>He gave her an unamused look.</p><p> </p><p>            She rubbed her belly, “It’s for his betterment.”</p><p> </p><p>Having made a persuasive argument, he took that as his cue to leave and immediately turned away in search of help.</p><p> </p><p>            “Thank you.” I squeezed her hand.</p><p>            “I can convince him to do almost anything if I say it’s for the babe.”</p><p>            “Lord forbid I ever get that power.” I joked, and we laughed. Though I doubted I could ever convince Benjamin to do things for me. My powers of persuasion appeared to have little effect on him.</p><p> </p><p>We strolled about the ballroom, and Suzanne whispered to me about the guests. Many were influential New Yorkers. Every second person was a senator, businessman, or socialite. I quickly drew their attention as a newcomer, but the glances of the women assured me they were unimpressed. Some of the men, however, I imagine were transfixed by my charming dress. As we walked about chatting to Suzanne’s Northern acquaintances, I kept my eye on the entrance. I hoped to catch the familiar tall figure of Benjamin.</p><p> </p><p>            “Rey, where is your mind? Or do my jokes no longer entertain you?” Suzanne asked.</p><p>            I took out my fan, “You have my apologies, ma chérie, it’s so hot and … I confess my humors have been further irritated by Ben’s lateness.”</p><p>            “Hot?! It’s hardly warm.” She rubbed my hand, “Don’t fret. If Benjamin does not appear, then he will have tarnished our family name.”</p><p> </p><p>Mademoiselle Palpatine walked toward us along with a tall young gentleman.</p><p> </p><p>            “Here comes the insufferable one.” I whispered before greeting Kaydel with a smile.</p><p>            Luckily she did not hear me, and after a quick greeting, Kaydel spoke, “Miss Camille. Might I introduce you to Mr H-----—he is a dear friend of mine, and I believe you are both in desperate need of a dance.”</p><p>            That little!  She must have known how improper it would have been to dance with a stranger, even if he was introduced correctly, without at least having first danced with my fiancé. I smiled as politely as I could, “Bless your heart, but I cannot.”</p><p>            “Miss Camille! We’re all friends. And Benji still has not appeared; no one could fault you for dancing.”</p><p> </p><p>Benji... insufferable!</p><p> </p><p>            “I appreciate that you are so concerned about my amusement,” I drew my left hand to move a non-existent strand of hair from my face, making sure that my ring was in her view, “but I must insist upon it! I await Ben’s arrival.”</p><p>            Momentarily her eyes followed the light glinting off the sapphire. She breathed deeply and gave me a practiced smile, “Of course. Well, Mr H-----, I did my best. Excuse me, ladies, but I must find a dance partner for my friend.” She bid us both farewell.</p><p>            “Rey, what odd spirit overcame you when Mademoiselle Palpatine showed up!”</p><p>            “I haven't a clue as to what you're speaking of.”</p><p>            “Mayhaps you are jealous?”</p><p>            I raised my chin “Jealous? Don't be ridiculous, I’m the one to be Madame Augustus, not her.”</p><p> </p><p>Suzanne chortled and immediately began teasing me. Never had I regretted a comment so quickly. </p><p> </p><p>Not too soon afterward, I was approached by two other gentlemen and offered a dance. I turned them away. Suzanne quickly tired of walking and became overheated. Given her condition, we decided to sit with Jaina. My companions were discussing an art gallery while I was too energetic to sit still. Under the table, I bounced my leg and played with my fan.</p><p> </p><p>When I heard Benjamin's familiar laughter ring out amongst a group of men, my heart skipped a beat. I saw my fiancé standing with Monsieur Palpatine, a few strangers, Leia, and Mademoiselle Palpatine. Immediately, I thought about walking to join him but held myself back. Foolish Rey, even if we were engaged, I could not appear too keen. I would hate for my future husband to think I craved his society.</p><p> </p><p>Watching from a distance, I saw as Leia pushed Kaydel toward Benjamin by placing her hand on the young Palpatine’s lower back. Benjamin shook his head with a smile, but from my distance, I could not hear what he was refusing. After further talking and protests, Benjamin's shoulders eased, and he took Kaydel’s hand. He led her to the dance floor.</p><p> </p><p>I felt a headache come on.</p><p> </p><p>I almost broke the table in rage. I could have thrown my fan at her stupid little face! She knew, they both knew how improper it was. And they choose to insult me so happily. Benjamin especially! That insufferable scoundrel! Bastard!</p><p> </p><p>Before Jaina or Suzanne could soothe my bruised ego, I pushed my chair away from the table and paced about.</p><p> </p><p>            “Rey, I know you too well. Please, do not do anything foolish!” Suzanne pleaded.</p><p>            I stopped pacing to smile at her, “I merely intended to walk away my anger. But your words are effective.”</p><p> </p><p>Abandoning my friends, I stalked along the perimeter of the dance floor. Encircling the dancing morons like a lioness closing in on her prey. From my new vantage point I could easily see Benjamin's smarmy grin and Kaydel’s loving glances.</p><p>I would hurt him like he hurt me.</p><p> </p><p>Pulling my dress down slightly, I continued walking around the dancefloor. I was dangling myself like bait, till a gentleman approached and asked if I was engaged. I could not help but giggle, he meant to ask if I were engaged to dance, but the irony did not escape my attention. </p><p> </p><p>I did not dance with the man, I would never stoop to Benjamin’s level, but I did stress how parched and warm I was. He was intelligent enough to catch my hint and procured a table and drinks for us. I did not bother to take in his words; my eyes were focused on Benjamin and Kaydel twirling on the dance floor. When Benjamin appeared in my view, I made sure I smiled and laughed at the gentleman’s jokes. Soon, Monsieur H----- walked past and I took it upon myself to recommend he join us. In this manner I continued till I was seated with five gentlemen. Almost all of whom were Alphas. Benjamin and Kaydel had long ago ceased dancing, but I was not satisfied.</p><p> </p><p>I was determined: I had to witness Benjamin’s jealous grimace.</p><p> </p><p>I laughed at some half-hearted story about one gentleman’s adventure, and the other men joined me. Whenever I laughed, they laughed. How foolish men are. They really thought they were interesting enough to listen to. Our conversation continued for a few minutes till one particularly tall gentleman insisted he dance with me. With a coy grin, I evaded his requests. I lied and insisted It was far too much fun chatting with such fine society.</p><p> </p><p>            “Isn’t this quaint?” I asked, not seeking an answer.</p><p>            “Conversation is enjoyable, but time is limited. Tell us, Rey, who will you dance with?” One alpha asked.</p><p>            I laughed, “The night is young. I have time to dance with each gentleman here! But I fear I can only dance with my favorite gentleman twice.”</p><p> </p><p>The men began a friendly debate over who was my ‘favorite’ gentleman. Our merriment continued till someone coughed, ruining the light mood of everyone in the group. Benjamin was the source. He took small deliberate steps till he stood behind me.</p><p> </p><p>            "Gentlemen." He said coolly from behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders. He looked at each man in the eye. </p><p> </p><p>Three men left immediately, bowing quickly before they left, but two others remained. Benjamin said nothing. He bent forward and, feeling his tongue on my experience, I colored. I tried to look away, tried to cover my face, but Benjamin's hand forced me to face the remaining men. </p><p> </p><p>His face slid up my neck to my face till his lips hovered by mine.</p><p> </p><p>            "Rey, be a dear and tell these fine gentlemen that their company is no longer required." He said, lips barely an inch from mine.</p><p>            "Ben," I whispered. Unsatisfied with my response, Benjamin forced my head up till I was looking at the same men I had toyed with. "Excuse me, gentlemen, I've enjoyed your society."</p><p> </p><p>Another man left until the loud man remained, and I was in the middle, caught in a staring match between two Alphas. The man, whose name I never bothered to learn, partly vexed me, for he remained when he had outstayed his purpose, and partly frightened me, for he was taller than Benjamin. In my mind’s eye, I saw Benjamin and the stranger fight. The thought was most displeasing. Benjamin could have been injured! Inside I cursed him out; I should have learned from his threats to duel Carter—Benjamin would never retreat from a challenge.</p><p> </p><p>            Intent on saving my fiancé, I renewed my pleas, “Monsieur. Please.”</p><p> </p><p>To my relief, the gentleman bowed to me and bid me adieu. He did not direct any pleasantries toward Benjamin, but one could hardly blame him. Benjamin had asserted his claim in a vulgar public manner. Such acts are wholly unpleasant, but he was my fiancé, and the opportunity to scold him would undoubtedly arise.</p><p> </p><p>            As soon as the stranger left, Benjamin released his grip on me. “Rey, might I borrow you for a moment?”</p><p> </p><p>Without waiting for a response, Benjamin pulled me by my elbow and led me away from my little cranny. Again, providence smiled upon me as we were further away from the crowd of attendants. They could not see me color as Benjamin pulled me out to the hallway. Why he even bothered to ask if he could borrow me when he intended to drag me away, I did not know!</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin's confident strides and maneuvering around the Palpatine mansion evidenced his familiarity with the house. We walked in silence for a few moments till we reached a small study, further away from the ballroom. He released me to lock the door then, turning to me, began:</p><p>            “Rey. You little flirt”. He smiled, but there was a hidden layer of bitterness.</p><p>            I strategically circled the desk, creating some space between us, “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re referring to.”</p><p>            He gave me his trademark mischievous grin, “Should I be wary of every gentleman who approaches you?”</p><p> </p><p>We circled each other, with the desk serving as a wall.</p><p> </p><p>            “Trying to make me jealous?” He lunged over the desk but could not confidently grab hold of me. The fabric of my dress was too rich. </p><p>            “What about it?” I stepped back with a coquettish smile.</p><p>            “You know your advantages, Rey.” He continued circling the desk, “But it’s dangerous to be flirting in your,” his eyes locked on my experience, “current circumstances.”</p><p> </p><p>In that instance, my stomach dropped, and my legs trembled. If I pondered too long over what he meant he would have caught me. I jumped away from the desk and ran toward the door; in the back of my mind, I knew I would not outrun him. In a few steps, Benjamin had his arms around my waist.</p><p> </p><p>            “Let me go, you beast!” I yelped, barely protesting.</p><p>            “No. I don’t think I will.” He bit and licked at my experience. With one arm around my midsection, he used the other to force my head away and expose my neck to him. "You wanted my attention, well now you've got it."</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin continued massaging my experience with his mouth. Such efforts could not be resisted, I buckled and fell limp in his grasp. Bolts of electricity shot to my core as his canines poked at the sensitive spot, so close to biting. His touch was electric.</p><p> </p><p>            “She’s raised herself. I can almost get a hold of her.” He whispered.</p><p>            “What?”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin drew me to the desk and, bending me over, toyed with my breasts till they escaped my dress. </p><p> </p><p>            “Monsieur, you’re unoriginal.” I chided him.</p><p>            Immediately he stopped playing with my breasts. “You tease.”</p><p> </p><p>With a hand to the back of my head, he held my head against the desk. When I tried to slip, he spoke once more:</p><p>            “Hold still.” Reaching under my dress and petticoats, his hands found my buttocks.</p><p> </p><p>With a swift movement, he smacked my buttocks. I yelped in protest and made to stand up, but he forced my head against the desk. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Smack.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>            “Ben!”</p><p>            “If you intend to misbehave, there are consequences.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Smack.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>            “Monsieur, you’re too cruel-”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Smack. Smack. Smack. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>            “Your cheek is red. Do you think the other one is jealous?” A few moments of spanking later, I did not notice that he no longer held my head against the desk. My darling Benjamin varied his pace between spanking and rubbing my sore buttocks. Occasionally leaning down to plant kisses on my cheeks despite having "behaved like a bad girl." He continued his relentless assault of my experience with his tongue. As suddenly as he had stolen me away from the Ball, he quickly redressed me, rather forcefully I might add, and spun me till I was facing him.</p><p> </p><p>            His hair fell over his eyes. Benjamin’s red lips were parted as he breathed heavily, “Somebody owes someone a sweet favor.”</p><p>            I batted my bristly lashes, “What ever shall you do?”</p><p> </p><p>Leaning back on the desk, I spread my legs apart to make room for him. I was confident he would again bless me with his lips to my cunt. Instead, he forcefully closed my legs. </p><p> </p><p>            “It’s a matter of what you’ll do.” He smiled, and tugging my legs led me to kneel in front of him. From my lowered vantage point, I witnessed his smug smile and mischievous dark eyes gleaming.</p><p>            He tsked, “You’re so accustomed to your plush way of living.” He left me kneeling on the floor then quickly returned with a cushion, “Here. On your knees.” </p><p> </p><p>I felt compelled to obey. I had been used to Benjamin’s lascivious ways, though I could not predict what he intended to do. Benjamin began undoing his trousers which elicited a strange delight. I would be reunited with my dear friend.</p><p> </p><p>            He tilted my jaw up, “How sweet you look. Open your mouth.”</p><p> </p><p>I did as I was told and instinctively stuck my tongue out slightly.</p><p> </p><p>            His member stood at attention. He grabbed my face, “Be a good girl and suck.”</p><p> </p><p>Hesitantly, I reached for his cock and did as I was told. I had no clue as to what I was doing, and I was confident he knew so. It was certainly a different experience but with his knot so near my face it was also lascivious.</p><p> </p><p>            “Relax your jaw slightly, and stick your tongue out more.” He instructed me to move my head back and forth.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin began to guide me. Eager to please him I glued my lips to his dick and worked my tongue to produce him as much pleasure as possible. Breathing slowly through my nose, I relaxed my mouth till I could take as much of him in my mouth as possible. Still, I was not yet experienced enough to take all of him.</p><p> </p><p>With that thought in mind, I brought my other hand to massage his knot. I followed Benjamin’s instructions till he threw his head back in ecstasy and allowed me to take charge. Seeing him come undone under my power, I felt empowered and continued my efforts. Benjamin moaned and he released my face. </p><p> </p><p>Taking the moment to relieve my mouth, I peppered his member with kisses and licked the pre-come as if it were honey. It did not taste nearly as sweet, but in my fervor, it could have been the sweetest thing on Earth. Not content with my worship, his hands drew my face closer till I had his member in my mouth again. Again, I massaged his knot.</p><p> </p><p>            “Oh, Rey—” He moaned. I pulled away, a string of saliva connected my mouth to him, “No! Beloved, I want to spend in your mouth.”</p><p> </p><p>Eager to please, I took him in my mouth once more and continued my tender attouchements on his knot. Benjamin thrust himself as deep as he could. His spend poured into my mouth and I choked. Even though I subconsciously knew he would spend, I was not accustomed to him finishing in my mouth. His come spilled out of the corners of my mouth. Panicked, I swallowed.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin pulled himself out of my mouth and embraced me as I coughed and cleared my airways. Taking a handkerchief, he dabbed at my mouth, helping me clean and redress.</p><p> </p><p>            “Forgive me if I was too rough, inamorata.”</p><p>            I cleared my throat, “It was most unexpected.”</p><p>            He held me tightly till we were lying on the carpeted floor. He stroked my face, “I gave in. Are you hurt?”</p><p>            “No. Are you?”</p><p>            He chuckled, “Rey. I’m well, as you see. It is your wellbeing that is my concern.”</p><p>            “I would not be opposed to doing that again, but you must bless me first.”</p><p>            He laughed, his voice sweet and seductive, “Inamorata. Do you want me to?”</p><p>            I shook my head, “Please, hold me tighter.”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin held me in a tender embrace. Lazily he stroked my back as I laid with my ear against his chest. Benjamin’s heart was close, and I was confident that I was its sole occupant. I recalled the image of him dancing with Kaydel and began to push away, but he drew me closer and began kissing my face.</p><p> </p><p>            “Ben.”</p><p>            “Yes?”</p><p>            “I want Louis to give me away.”</p><p>            He exhaled through his nose, “And when did you expect Louis to arrive?”</p><p>            “I have not heard from Louis,” I squeezed my hands into fists, “but I want him there… at the wedding. I want to see Caroline and Gerlad there too!”</p><p>            He kissed the top of my head, “We can wait out the war. It will be quick. Don’t trouble yourself too greatly about Louis and the others. We are fortunate enough that the war will never touch us.”</p><p>            I struggled to swallow a sob. I did not want to address why it would be quick. I felt I had to say something, anything not to do with war, “I apologize, Mama and I must trespass on your hospitality and kindness for longer than expected.”</p><p>            “Nonsense.” I felt him smile against my forehead, “You’re my fiancée, we are family. You can never intrude on your family’s hospitality.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter was brought to you by sleep deprivation: sleep deprivation - it gets things done. Not done well but done.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. A Lover's Tiff</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Benjamin held me for a few minutes before I insisted we return to the ballroom. I did not care whether Leia or Kaydel noticed my absence, but the thought of people believing Benjamin and I found fault with another distressed me slightly. As a personal rule, I was not so desirous of other's good opinion that I would behave according to expectations, far from it, but I was also human. I could not withstand other's ascribing their beliefs onto our relationship, what if those beliefs came to fruition?</p><p> </p><p>Beliefs like those of Leia, who thought of me as a social climber. I shook my head, surely Benjamin would never believe that! He had too much wit to be manipulated. Yet, he was not shrewd enough to follow the rules of society and dance with his fiancée first. It made me question how deeply Leia had her claws in his mind.</p><p> </p><p>Despite our romp, I was still upset with Benjamin. I could scarcely understand how he allowed Leia and Kaydel to bend his will so easily. And in the midst of civilized society! Everywhere I went, I was made a fool of, first, at the dinner party and now at the Ball. On his insistence, we danced but I was so vexed I could not bring myself to look him in the eyes. Benjamin took notice of my affected mood and endeavored to discover what had affected me so greatly.</p><p> </p><p>             “I believe dancing is one of your favorite sports.” He whispered, his warm hand guiding me by my waist.</p><p>             “It is. I adore it... I am simply tired.”</p><p>              He tilted his head, “I am dancing with the prettiest girl in the room, but her beauty is diminished by her black mood.”</p><p>             “Nothing diminishes my beauty.” I bit back, staring at his eyes, I made no attempt to restrain my venom.</p><p>             “Ah, there’s the Rey I know.”</p><p> </p><p>As we continued to dance I felt myself relax somewhat. Physical exertion often had that effect on me; if Benjamin believed he moved my heart by his empty compliments, then he was a bigger fool than I. Between dancing couples, I caught Kaydel’s gaze: ambitious, unwavering, resolute. </p><p> </p><p>It was then that I was completely convinced, ring or not, that Kaydel would do all she could to separate Benjamin and I. However she was a lady, she would never push me down the stairs or throw me under a carriage, but she certainly hoped I fell.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>The following days, my anger did not dissipate. Indeed, with time, it was distilled and refined. Finn was nowhere to be found, no clothing could provide relief against the constant heat, and my mind could not move on from the events at the Ball. Even while out shopping, an activity meant to bring joy, I could not draw my focus away from my venomous mother-in-law. Jaina, Suzanne, and Mama were debating over two colors of lace whilst Leia strut about like an overfed peacock.</p><p> </p><p>Leia hated me.</p><p> </p><p>I had confirmation. Indisputable proof. Why else would she seek to embarrass and wound me so? There could be no love between us! For she fully intended to harm me. She brought about an oppressive fog whenever she was near. And the looks she gave me, oh!</p><p> </p><p>Her presence bore little comfort for me, for who could enjoy, let alone tolerate, the company of such a rude, conniving, two-faced—</p><p> </p><p>             Jaina held up the lace to my face, “Is this not a marvelous color? But if I pick the maroon then it may hide dirt better.”</p><p>             “Do you intend to jump in puddles and run in the grass?” I asked.</p><p>             She drew her arms back, “Well, no.”</p><p>             “Then choose the teal.”</p><p>             “But the maroon hides dirt better… but you’re right, Rey.” She hugged me, Leia rolled her eyes, “What would I do without you?”</p><p>             “Wear that hideous lace.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaina laughed, but I could not join in her glee. </p><p> </p><p>How could I enjoy anything when Leia’s sole mission in life was to cause me distress? She left me no other option, I resolved to instruct Benjamin and insist that he have a talk with his mother. I spent the remainder of the day with an aching stomach. </p><p> </p><p>I knew I had to tell Benjamin of my vexation but I was terrified of his response. What if his mother refused to behave? No matter. I had to remember who I was and what was due to me. As Benjamin’s fiancée, I was owed far more respect than I was given. </p><p> </p><p>In the evening, all the ladies of the Augustus house were seated in the drawing room. The others were joined by Jaina’s governess and enjoyed a deep conversation over the behavior of certain ladies at the Palpatine Ball. Meanwhile, I sat by myself in a seat, attempting to read the same news article over and over. </p><p> </p><p>‘<em>Thousands to be Conscripted' </em>read the title. It seemed everyone was at war, Leia and I included.</p><p> </p><p>When Benjamin arrived, he greeted everyone and planted a kiss on my cheek. As he sat by me, it would have been remiss of me not to notice how tired he looked. His eyes were redder than usual and his jaw was locked. Setting the newspaper aside, I hide the first page, for I did not intend to stress him further. My request would burden him enough, he hardly needed awful news of further conscription.</p><p> </p><p>             After he settled, I whispered, “May we talk?”</p><p>             “We are talking now, are we not?”</p><p>              I gave him a knowing look, “In private.”</p><p>             “Perhaps after supper. I am exhausted.”</p><p>             “Of course,” I held his hand, “Do you require refreshments?”</p><p>             Benjamin smiled, squeezing my hand, he turned to face me, “Your presence is refreshing enough. But I would not be opposed to a glass of wine.”</p><p> </p><p>I ordered that a decanter of wine be prepared for Monsieur Augustus. What followed was a standard supper, though Maz would strike me for describing her cooking as ‘standard’, but Benjamin appeared beyond tired. Why, he barely had enough energy to answer Jaina’s questions. It made me doubt whether I should inform Benjamin of my displeasure with his mother.</p><p> </p><p>The tumult of my mind was quickly overcome when, seeing that Jaina and I were laughing about my inability to resist sweets, Leia commented:</p><p> </p><p>             “That is quite like you.”</p><p> </p><p>She smiled with assumed affability. Benjamin gave his mother a glum look.</p><p> </p><p>Had she not continued her assault on every aspect of my being, I would not have found the last minute courage to storm into Benjamin's study after supper.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin, startled, looked up from a letter.</p><p> </p><p>             “My luh— dearest,” He motioned for me to come closer, “what is the matter?”</p><p>             I ran a finger along the edge of his mahogany desk, “I am merely… eager to make conversation.”</p><p>             He pat his thigh, “Come here then.”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin led me to sit on his lap whilst he continued to read. Two pages of a detailed ledger were set out in front of him, in handwriting distinct from that of the letter. The content he was reading was barely a page long and was signed ‘<em>S.R. Palpatine.'</em> He held the letter in his left hand, while his right was wrapped around my waist. In such moments, I should have been calm, but my mind was racing.</p><p> </p><p>             Eager to disturb the peace I pointed to the signature on the letter, “What’s the purpose of this letter?”</p><p>             “Mr Palpatne is my mortgagee, he sent a letter with a statement on the balance owed.”</p><p>             “Did you borrow from him to purchase this house?”</p><p>             “No, this is our family home and was purchased by my father long before I was born. The factory, on the other hand, is not entirely my own.”</p><p> </p><p>It had never occured to me, till that moment, to ask Benjamin of his father. In Louisiana he mentioned his father had passed away and Suzanne revealed that he was a smuggler. How on Earth did the Augusutus family end up on eighth avenue, then?</p><p> </p><p>             “Benjamin, if I may, how did you come to borrow from Palpatine? How did your father make his living?”</p><p>             “My father died when I was young and did not leave me a fortune. I had no other choice but to borrow. As to his living, he was a tradesman.”</p><p> </p><p>Well, I supposed smuggling was technically a form of trading.</p><p> </p><p>             “How much do you owe?” I asked, my interest piqued.</p><p>             “You did not join me for a lecture on my finances.” He set the letter down and placed both hands around my waist, “You came here to chat—”</p><p>             “How much do you owe?”</p><p>             “Much more than I’d like.” Before I could question him further, he squeezed me, “Now. What did you want to discuss?”</p><p>             I pulled away from him and sought to rest my head against his chest but I felt I needed to look him in the eyes, to stress how serious I was. “The ball.”</p><p>             “Oh?” He raised his brows, “Did you enjoy yourself?”</p><p>             “Anywhere is enjoyable with you.” I tried to lighten the mood before I ruined it.</p><p>             He laughed, “Flattery will get you everywhere, Miss Camille. Hm, I should practice calling you Mrs Augustus, I’d like to develop the habit now.” His hands rubbed my lower back, “Were you hoping for a repeat of that night, Mrs Augustus?”</p><p>             I moved my face away before he could kiss me, “Perhaps another time, I wanted to discuss your mother.”</p><p>             He winced, “Talking about my mother is not the way to excite me.”</p><p> </p><p>Now it was my turn to laugh.</p><p> </p><p>             “It is not my intention to excite you.” I pushed my arms against his chest, releasing myself from his grasp, “Ben. I am serious when I say that she hates me.”</p><p>             “Rey—”</p><p>             “Please. I may not know everything, but do not mock my intelligence by telling me she does not hate me. You saw it yourself when she mocked my eating habits at supper.”</p><p>             “I can instruct her not to discuss your eating habits.”</p><p> </p><p>I wanted to rip my hair out and screech. How could he be so foolish?</p><p> </p><p>             “I don’t care about that. What about the ball? When you danced with Mademoiselle Palpatine before you danced with your fiancée?” My eyes were glassy.</p><p> </p><p>I watched as he swallowed, he did not look away, Benjamin was far too brave to look away, but not brave enough to stand up for me. Instinctively he reached up to wipe my tear, but I took care of it myself.</p><p>             “Do you know? Do you know how embarrassing it was? I rejected every gentleman who asked to dance with me citing my fiancé Monsieur Augustus as the reason why. Then when you appear, you dance with another woman first! Not only did you make me look like a fool, you acted improperly.”</p><p>             He nudged me off his lap, “Do not speak to me about impropriety. You may not have danced with another man but when I arrived I found you giggling and flirting with several men.”</p><p>             “Only after you danced with Kaydel!” I yelled. </p><p> </p><p>Odious scamp! I could scarcely believe my own ears; the man, the clown, was willfully blind to what occurred. He made trifles out of battles! His easy manner only served to further agitate my nerves. For how could any rational being with a brain ever conceive that the impropriety laid wholly with me? How could any rational being ever convince themselves that they could treat their loved one in such an egregious manner? The answer was simple: Benjamin was not a logical rational being.</p><p> </p><p>             “I was tired.” He shook his head.</p><p>             I crossed my arms, “Is dancing the cure for tiredness?”</p><p>             “NO! I endured a long day of ensuring a survival for OUR future family, and I could not continue resisting when they hounded me to dance with Kaydel.”</p><p>             “Still. You did dance with her.” Sensing his agitation, I was dismayed that our conversation had turned into a verbal joust. I was not angry at Benjamin, I was greatly disappointed. And I wanted him to understand how I felt, “You can understand why I spoke to those gentlemen. I know it wasn’t the correct thing to do, but I had hoped it would make you realize just how much you hurt me. More than anger, I feel hurt.”</p><p>             “I know, I’m sorry Rey. That’s all I can do, I can say sorry but I cannot travel back in time and alter the events of that night.”</p><p>             I uncrossed my arms, despite his stubborn tone I sensed I was making progress, “You can speak to Leia. Tell her to stop her efforts to separate us.”</p><p>             He rested his head against his fist, “Do you believe my mother hates you enough that she is trying to separate us?”</p><p>             “I know it. She hates me.”</p><p>             “Do you also know you sound ridiculous? She may be overprotective, but she would not try to stop our union.”</p><p>             “Then why does she mock me and seek to make us quarrel?”</p><p>             “Do not impose your judgements on her behavior.  You don't know her motive and neither do I, I'm not a mindreader. ,” he said sternly, “Kaydel is a close friend, we had often danced in the past. It was only natural that Mother suggested we danced.”</p><p> </p><p>I wanted to open the top of his head and to scream inside his empty head. How could a grown man lose all wit and intelligence so rapidly, when speaking of his mother? His skull was empty and cavernous, I’d probably have heard my echo. </p><p> </p><p>             “I do not appreciate when she behaves in such a low-brow manner. She wants you for Kaydel, you know,” I gripped the fabric of my skirt, “you may ignore the truth all you like but it does not change the reality of our situation. Your mother clearly does not want our future family to happen.”</p><p> </p><p>I echoed his words.</p><p> </p><p>             “Rey,” he reached to hold me, “I understand you’re upset—”</p><p>             I could not stand listening to his dismissals, “If you do understand, as you claim you do, then speak to Leia. You have shown me that you are willing to fight for us, please do not allow your determination to falter merely because she is your mother.”</p><p> </p><p>A moment of silence followed.</p><p> </p><p>             He stopped rubbing his upper lip, “I will.”</p><p>             “Thank you.” I stepped forth seeking to place a kiss on his forehead, he made no change. Placing a light kiss on his head, I quickly quitted the room.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>The week following that night was filled with spring cleaning. Any visitor to the Augusutus household would be insensible not to notice Maz’s unofficial position as mistress of the home. Maz, ever the iron lady, took charge of the spring cleaning. Further, on her own insistence, she was to clean the kitchen and the apartments of every household member. The drawing rooms, dining rooms, library, study, and garden fell to the other servants.</p><p> </p><p>In such a tyrannical manner she ran the house for an entire week! Despite my attachments to the woman, and her peculiar ways, I felt my irritation grow as I was forced to temporarily share an apartment with Mama. Maz was cleaning Leia’s apartments at the same time and thus the spare bedroom naturally fell to her lot. It was not my Mama’s society which irritated me, I was in a foul mood regardless of what happened.</p><p> </p><p>The weather put me in a foul mood, as did the sounds of furniture being moved and the way Jaina would occasionally smack her lips together. Despite my capricious temper, I felt blessed as Leia’s wrath slackened. No longer did she throw sideward glances, or make backhanded compliments.</p><p> </p><p>Her silence was harmony to my ears. Benjamin had listened and spoke with his mother. I could have been overjoyed but my victory was somewhat dulled by Benjamin’s continued absence. The thought of him set my skin aflame and I could scarcely picture his face without picturing all of him. I wanted him, no, I needed him to be around me and to enrapture me at every moment. But he was nowhere to be found. Eager to distract myself and quell my nerves, I set about trying to discover Finn’s whereabouts. I felt great shame in having lost sight of him and our friendship, but my mind was so over wracked with shame and grief that past few weeks that I barely had time to maintain my relationships.</p><p> </p><p>I was joined only by Jaina in my confusion as to his location. If Mama knew where he was she was in no mood to share, and refused to answer my questions at every occasion. I felt lost until Jaina had the bright idea to ask Leia.</p><p> </p><p>We found Leia in the spare apartment, she sat by the window with a stack of papers and a long list of names and addresses. No doubt she was writing invitations.</p><p> </p><p>             “Mother.” Jaina spoke first.</p><p>             “What is it Jaina?”</p><p>             “Do you know where Finn is? We have looked everywhere, and asked everyone, but we cannot locate the man.”</p><p> </p><p>Leia continued to write an invitation and grabbed an envelope.</p><p> </p><p>             “How would I know where he is”</p><p>             I spoke up, “We’ve asked everyone else.”</p><p>             As she heard my voice, she looked up, “Everyone? One would think your mother would know the answer.”</p><p>             My lips stretched into a line, “She cannot say.”</p><p>             “Then I cannot say either.” She smiled. Without looking away she grabbed the list of names and addresses and crossed out a row.</p><p> </p><p>Leia continued to be insufferable, smug and self serving. Recognizing the brief moment of silence that followed as an opportunity, I knew I would not have such a chance again to bite back at her.</p><p> </p><p>             “You ‘cannot say’, that suggests you do know but you do not wish to share.” I spat.</p><p>             “Am I Finn’s keeper?” She bit back.</p><p>             I smiled, for if I did not I would have slapped the stack of papers to the floor, “Finn is like a brother to me. You can imagine how much distress his disappearance has placed me under.”</p><p>             “Finn is his own man. I for one have never had the opportunity to watch brothers serve tea and deliver letters to their sisters.”</p><p>             Incensed at her words, I fought back, “Madame. Do not presume to know our relationship.”</p><p>             Leia calmly placed her pen down, “Of course,<em> Mademoiselle</em>, I would hate to trounce into your life and make assumptions about <em> your </em>relations.”</p><p>             “Madame. I sense a strained truth in your words, please if you have a problem, speak freely.” I said, clearly setting out my challenge.</p><p>             Leia being irritated, sighed, “No. I have nothing to say. In answer to your original question. I believe Benjamin holds the answer. Perhaps your fiancé can give what you seek? Lord knows you’ve never been to one to do your own dirty work.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaina let out a small gasp, as for me, I was so taken aback that I could not respond. I could not feign civility after suffering such an attack on my character. Struggling to address such a snake-like woman, I could only chuckle!</p><p> </p><p>Without further words, I turned and left the room, as I exited I heard Jaina begin to scold her mother. So incensed and outraged by her comment about ‘dirty work’ was I that I did not think to take her advice and ask Benjamin till that night.</p><p> </p><p>I had dismissed Maz from our nightly routine as I was in no mood to be touched. As I sat by myself brushing my hair, I could not believe the events of that afternoon truly transpired. Jaina did later join me for a ramble within the garden but it did little to soothe my hurt.</p><p> </p><p>The events of the afternoon replayed in my mind. Leia was a fiery woman, and Benjamin’s talk, I could clearly see, had little to no effect on her. The comb snagged at a tangle bit of hair making me hiss, <em> what if he did not speak with her? </em> No, no, he did, I was sure she implied it when she spoke of getting others to do my dirty work.</p><p> </p><p><em> Yes, but what if he didn’t </em>.</p><p> </p><p>With that thought in mind, I imagined that any rash and irascible woman in my position would have stormed out of the room, making sure to slam the door shut, and stomped to her fiance’’s study. </p><p> </p><p>And that is precisely what I did.</p><p> </p><p>I entered Benjamin’s study in my chemise and stockings, my hair half-done, one side in a bun and the other running down to my waist with a comb trapped in a tangle, looking like a mad woman.</p><p> </p><p>The room smelt delicious, but the anger that burned in my belly was enough to overcome my salivating at Benjamin’s scent.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin sat in front of the fireplace, fully dressed, his feet on an ottoman, with a decanter of wine by his side and his face buried in a novel.</p><p> </p><p>             “Rey,” He set the novel down and sitting up continued, “just the woman I wanted to speak to.” He appeared unmoved by my sudden entrance.</p><p>             “Ben. She did it again.” </p><p> </p><p>Benjamin began walking toward me with his hands behind his back, he tilted his head:</p><p>             “Who and what?”</p><p>             “Leia. Insulting me again. Did you talk to her?” I felt the agitation in my voice.</p><p>             “Yes, Rey, I already spoke with her about this.”</p><p>             “Then you must speak to her again! There must be more that you can do!” My eyes began to tear, contrary to how I felt in my own mind. Whilst I was upset with Leia, I was not so offended that I felt I could cry. And I had never before felt such a conflicting set of emotions, unable to contain myself, my body’s only recourse was tears.</p><p>             “You’re right.” He said with incredulity, “I shall reach into her head and change her ways.”</p><p> </p><p>Dropping his mocking tone he spoke aloud:</p><p>             “What else do you expect me to do, Rey? You cannot barge into my office, at this hour of night, in your state, and make such demands of me. You know the pressures I am under.”</p><p>             My courage did not tremble, “No! I refuse to believe you can do no more. If she continues in this manner I may truly begin to hate her.”</p><p> </p><p>I turned to leave the room but he gripped my arm, the touch almost burned me. I slapped his hand away.</p><p> </p><p>             Benjamin approached more passively, with his hands up indicating his meant no harm, “Rey—"</p><p>             “Don’t, please don’t. That woman despises me.”</p><p>             “<em>That woman </em> is my mother! Beside Jaina and yourself, there is no one else I have in the whole world. I cannot discount everything she’s done: she pulled our family together, she saved this house from falling to debt collectors, she raised and protected me. I cannot abandon her now simply because you two have disagreements.”</p><p>             I could have slapped him, “They are not simple disagreements!” I felt my chest move up and down rapidly, “She’s in your head! She planted seeds of doubt about me, about us!”</p><p>             Benjamin almost rolled his eyes, “Do you think so little of me? You have been so preoccupied with studying every minute glance and sentence from her that you did not think to tell me about <em> this</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>He drew a letter from his pocket. </p><p> </p><p>             “What is that?”</p><p>             “You tell me,” He unfolded the letter and began to read aloud, “<em>D</em><em>arling Rey, words cannot express how deeply my heart aches for you </em> , and so on and so on, <em> yours sincerely, your devoted and smitten Poe. </em> Why was this in your possession?”</p><p>             I could not speak for lack of finding the right words or for overcoming my shock, “Did you-you- go through my trunk?”</p><p>             “It fell out when Maz was cleaning it, she had the good sense to bring it to mother who brought it to me. Might I add, long before my own fiancée’  drew my attention to it.”</p><p> </p><p>Leia, again, of course, who else could it be?</p><p> </p><p>             I crossed my arms, “I am no longer surprised at having found you in such a sour mood. Allow me to inform you that firstly, I did not expect your servants to rummage through my personal belongings. And secondly, I replied to Poe with thanks for his avowal of his feelings but informed him I was happily engaged to another. I do not know what Leia’s plans were in bringing this to your attention, but her schemes are bound to fall apart when confronted with the truth.”</p><p>             “You mean to tell me that you no longer feel for Poe?”</p><p>             I could almost laugh at such a ridiculous question, “Don’t be obtuse. I do not care for Poe.”</p><p>             “When we first met, you cared for him greatly.”</p><p>             I shook my head, this line of questioning suggested nothing else but the fact that Leia planted her seeds of doubt in his mind, “Ben. That was before. Surely, after what we have been through, you know I only care for you.”</p><p> </p><p>Looking down he gripped the letter in his hand, crushing it. </p><p> </p><p>             “Then why did you keep it?” His voice was low, almost in a whisper.</p><p>             “I will not lie to you, I kept it for vanity.” I answered.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin lounged backward on his armchair before allowing the crumpled up letter to fall on the ground. He rested his face in both hands.</p><p> </p><p>A pang shot through my heart. My poor Benjamin. I was complex enough to be upset at him and also sympathize with his pain.</p><p> </p><p>             “Ben,” I reached forth to place a hand on his shoulder but he took his hands down and sat up abruptly. “Please. I do not mean to hurt you, I never mean to cause you any discomfort.”</p><p>             “Then why do you continue to fight my mother?”</p><p>             “She attacks me! It was earlier today when she accused me of having others do my dirty work, and mocked my relationship to Finn.”</p><p> </p><p>At mentioning Finn’s name I noticed the small spot beneath his eye twitch. I recalled Leia’s words earlier that afternoon.</p><p> </p><p>             “... She told me to speak to you about him. Do you know where he is?”</p><p>             He stared at me, lips parted, the swallowed, “I will not lie to you either. Finn is gone.”</p><p>             “Gone where?”</p><p>             “He left. To join the army.”</p><p>             “The Confederacy?”</p><p>             “No. The Union. Sometime after the officers visited, he volunteered to take my place.”</p><p> </p><p>My heart sank to my stomach. I drew my hand back to myself, recoiling from the betrayal.</p><p> </p><p>             “And you did not think to tell me this?”</p><p>             He rolled his jaw, “Finn is a grown man. He can make his own choice.” </p><p> </p><p>Standing up, Benjamin moved away from the armchair and walked to his desk, I followed him closely. He brought forth a letter signed by Finn. I snatched it from his hand:</p><p> </p><p>             “No! No, no, no, no! His mother, Florrie, must be waiting sick in New Orleans.” I waved the letter in his face, “Do you have any clue as to what you have done? You may have very well cost him his life!”</p><p>             "Watch yourself.” Benjamin scolded me, “He approached me with the idea.”</p><p>             “If anything has happened to him—oh no, you knew he was like a brother and best friend to me! How would you feel if I sent Armitage to fight in my place?” I tried to read the letter but my mind was filled with noise.</p><p>             “I saw the way you treated him, surely, he could not have been that dear to you. You must admit, there was a marked difference in your stations in life. He was not your brother, he was your servant.”</p><p>             “You sound far too much like Leia when you say that, did she have a part in arranging this scheme?”</p><p> </p><p>He said nothing. But his composure revealed all: Leia had a hand in this. The battlefield was no place for Finn, he was young and inexperienced. He knew far more about gardening tools than about rifles, canons, and taking the lives of others. </p><p> </p><p>             “Viper bitch. She is going to be the death of him!”</p><p>             “Do not call my mother a bitch.” He yelled.</p><p> </p><p>All the weeks of stress and torment crashed over my body leaving me weak. From Jaina’s attacks on my character, to Kaydel and Leia’s attacks, and now Benjamin’s insistence that I respect a woman who thought me lower than the dirt on her shoes: it was all too much! I recalled her upturned look of disgust when she first met me, the way she questioned my family and my dearly departed Papa, the way she incessantly reminded me of my place at every opportunity. Mildness of spirit gave way to rage. She had stolen both Finn and Benjamin. And she had the audacity to think I aspired to take her place? That two-faced bitch.</p><p> </p><p>             “And why shouldn’t I? If she were my wife, I would have drank too.”</p><p> </p><p>As Benjamin’s expression dropped, I knew I had gone too far.</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin slammed the drawer shut and walked past me to grab his coat.</p><p> </p><p>             “Benjamin wait—” My voice shook, “Where are you going at this hour?”</p><p>             “To get a drink.” He said before turning away and mumbling, “Like father, like son.”</p><p> </p><p>I watched, immovable, as Benjamin closed the door to his study and left me standing by myself. An overbearing wave of guilt and noise washed over my mind. I felt my legs shake and my stomach burn like I had drunk boiling water.</p><p> </p><p>In an attempt to distract myself, I tried to read Finn’s letter but my eyes stung. I watched as portions of ink were distorted and smudged by my tears.</p><p> </p><p>             “What have I done?” I whispered to myself.</p><p> </p><p>I hurt him.</p><p> </p><p>I hurt him.</p><p> </p><p>I've ruined everything for myself. But worst of all, I hurt him. I could not place the blame entirely on Leia. She did not cause those caustic words to spill between my lips.</p><p> </p><p>There I stood for what felt like hours till I heard the clock ring and knew I had to go to bed.</p><p> </p><p>I put Finn’s letter on the desk and watched myself walk through the wall and suddenly I was in my bedroom. There, a figure lay shivering in the fetal position below my blankets. Pulling the blanket back, I saw myself crying, with my chemise clinging to my body. My bun was undone and my hair laid splayed around me with strands clinging to my forehead.</p><p> </p><p>My eyes travelled down... Beneath my legs the colour of the bedsheet was darker. As if I’d soiled myself. Overcoming my disgust for a moment, I watched the Rey before me touch the wet patch and, withdrawing her hand, found it was somewhat sticky. </p><p> </p><p>Clear strands of what I thought was bile connected her fingertips to the dark patch.</p><p> </p><p>I heard the Rey on the bed take a few sharp breaths and squeeze her arms around her stomach. Taking a step back I watched as the wet patch grew.</p><p> </p><p>             “Unnggh, aaahh!” I heard myself cry out.</p><p> </p><p>I looked down to find myself in her position: my legs were cold with the exposed slick sticking to my thighs. The wind blew once more lifting the light curtains of the window and striking my body. It was like a thousand bee stings, I did not know what else I could compare it to. Taking the pillow in my mouth I bit onto the stuffing and screamed.</p><p> </p><p>The pain subsided for a moment before I felt it begin in my abdomen once more. It travelled from the front, to my hips, to my lower back and settled itself in my groin. As I shivered, my thigh accidentally made contact with my mound and I felt an intense internal pressure. Like someone forced a block of ice against my quim and held it in place.</p><p> </p><p>Unable to contain the pain any further, I threw my head back and tried to cry out for Mama but nothing came out.</p><p> </p><p>Using my right elbow to help me up, I pushed myself up but, unaware of my new found strength, I crashed onto the floor. The pain of the landing was nothing in comparison to the violent revolution my organs were holding.</p><p> </p><p>The previously soft carpet scratched at my exposed skin like rose thorns. I felt myself gulp for another breath, the overstimulation of my body by the cold and the now-rough carpet was so overbearing that I did not inhale. Gritting my teeth, I dragged myself up against the door and, forcing the door open, I cried out for Mama again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You want an update? Here’s ya goddamn update.</p><p> </p><p>Mortgagee = the person lending the money.</p><p>Speculating = investing in stock/property/venture</p><p>Yes, spring cleaning was a concept that existed in the 1800s.</p><p>／(●ᆺ●)＼ <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">My twitter.</a></p><p>These  posts are made thanks to the efforts of the amazing <a href="https://twitter.com/NewerConstella1">newerconstella1.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. * Faute De Mieux, Chrysalis *</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Summay catch up: Ben and Rey fought about Ben's mother-again-then Ben stormed out. Rey woke up in the middle of the night to slick and pain.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I continued to call out for Mama. In my weakened state, my breath burned my throat like plumes of fire inside a chimney.</p><p> </p><p>Her bedroom seemed to be getting further away. The floor felt like ice as if I were crawling on a frozen lake. My fingertips were warm, totally out of keeping with the cold surroundings. My hands buzzed. All over, my skin was sensitive, receptive, like the soft flesh under a blister one has been scratching.</p><p> </p><p>The sweat of my palms caused me to slip and hit my chin against the hardwood. The pain was nothing compared to the wildfire beneath my skin; the icy floor exacerbated the temperature difference.</p><p>               “Mama!” I cried out.</p><p>Through teary eyes, I watched the furniture double and drag across my vision. The commotion I was causing was of no concern to me. Mama would save me! She would quench the unrelenting burning! The door to Mama’s bedroom swung open, and she rushed forth in her nightgown. As she ran toward me, the vibrations of her feet hitting the ground felt like small tremors causing my vision to spin.</p><p> </p><p>               “Rey! What’s the matter with you?”</p><p>               With a pleading look, I spoke, the sound gurgling in my throat, “Burning! Stop!”</p><p>               Mama sat on her haunch and felt my forehead, “What burns dear? Help me understand.”</p><p>               I stuttered, “Please. It burns.”</p><p> </p><p>The symptoms flared and I doubled over. Another wave of thick clear liquid washed over my thighs, dampening my chemise.</p><p> </p><p>               Mama pat my cheek, “Oh dear, ma petite Rey. You’ve become a woman.”</p><p>               I grit my teeth, “I don’t want to be a woman. I want to be free from this pain.”</p><p>               “Even in pain, you tease! Maz! Maz!” Mama yelled for help.</p><p> </p><p>Seconds or hours passed before Maz joined us. She tried to call for a servant to help us, but Mama would not allow a man to touch me while in such a delicate state. Maz’s attempts to placate Mama were for naught, they carried me to bed by my shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>My muscles wrung out like sheets as they forced me to stand. They carried me back to my apartments where Maz quickly changed the bedsheets, barely taking care to tuck in the corners. From beneath the bed she drew out a thick mat, double the width of a pillow.</p><p> </p><p>As they forced me to lay in bed, I felt the pillow case fibers stab through my thin chemise and scratch at my back and thighs. I lunged to escape the thorny material but Maz held me down. Being so near, I could smell the nuance of her scent: elderberries and grit. Another time it may have been comforting, now it was caustic.</p><p> </p><p>               “Fetch my bag of vials. It’s in the first drawer of my dresser.” Mama spoke as she took Maz’s place, “Then fetch strips of fabrics and a pitcher of cold water.”</p><p> </p><p>With Maz gone, Mama struggled to keep me down. Frenzied and mad, I fought as hard as I could. I could not help myself: her warmth and scent were overbearing, like being trapped under a warm blanket smelling of spoiled milk. Everything was revolting! When Maz returned, she and Mama tied my arms to the bedposts and tied my legs together.</p><p> </p><p>The last thing I could recall was Mama wafting the scent of a vial labelled “Sleeping Spell.”</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>I awoke to find my skin already warmed by the sun. It was midday, the sun shone down on me, but, it was comforting. Better to be boiling than freezing.</p><p> </p><p>Sometime during the night, the silk restraint on my left hand had come loose. I touched my face, hot from the sun exposure and I was sure to develop more freckles but I did not care. My hand traveled down, as if with a mind of its own, over my chest and undid the ribbon of my chemise.</p><p> </p><p>I took a moment to examine my body: the charming curve of my chest, how my breast rested atop my ribs… I never noticed the full extent of its beauty till now. Unable to touch myself further, thanks to the restraints on my legs, I turned my attention to my surroundings.</p><p> </p><p>The room was lit in a golden haze and I could have enjoyed the view were it not for the wet, sticky pillow beneath me. Leaning from side to side, I tried to roll away but only succeeded in rousing my pearl. The pressure elicited an intense pleasure so beauteous, I could not control my moans. The pressure climbed till I thought I would die away but I could not finish. Frustrated, I pulled at my restraints, alas, I was trapped. Left with no other options, I flung myself about desperately.</p><p> </p><p>I continued to struggle until another wave of pain hit. My body turned traitor: my muscles contracted on their own until I tuckered myself out. Once or twice I looked to the door but no one came and I had no strength to call out.</p><p> </p><p>This was a unique form of torture.</p><p> </p><p>Being daytime, with the threat of the cool of night gone, it seemed the Lord had another set of challenges for me. The pain spread from my stomach to my lower back, like thousands of needles burrowing under the skin to stab my muscles.</p><p> </p><p>Half an hour later, the rigor of the cramps passed, their absence felt like bliss. Unable to touch myself, for fear of reigniting the torture, I stayed in place and traced the patterns of the bed frame.</p><p> </p><p>My thoughts wandered till I recalled that my birthday was mere days away. How strange it was, my mind swung from pain to pleasure to benign thoughts. I began counting the days but struggled to keep up. My mind was clouded in an oppressive atmosphere, that made my thoughts run slower than molasses.</p><p> </p><p>A glimmer caught my attention. Not that it was difficult to do so, in my fugue state any small thing could pierce my flimsy concentration. A gold locket lay on my bedside table. I struggled against the restraints to reach for it, I swayed, forcing the bed forward. Immediately, the pain returned. It did not deter me; an inner force pushed me forward.</p><p> </p><p>I opened the locket, as I had done hundreds of times before. The scent of <em> him </em> flooded the room. My sense of smell had never been so strong.</p><p> </p><p>I took a deep breath of the lock of hair. The smell of petrichor soothing me like cool water to a burn, driving away the pain and replacing it with mania. I had to find him! Almost ill from excitement, I took another huff of the hair. A burgeoning pressure of bliss grew but did not break the seal. I could not find release. I needed to be filled.</p><p> </p><p>The door creaked open, breaking me out of my fugue state.</p><p> </p><p>               “Where is he?” I yelled, my throat coarse.</p><p>               Mama stuttered in step upon witnessing my nudity, “Child. Cover yourself.”</p><p>               “Ben! I want Ben! I don’t want you!” I said, completely unaware of the words coming out of my mouth.</p><p>               “Not in your state.”</p><p> </p><p>Maz and a female attendant changed my restraints, though it was not easy as I tried to kick and bite their hands.</p><p> </p><p>               Mama applied a wet towel to my head, “Calm yourself. Through God, you will endure this, my dear.”</p><p>               “I don’t want God! I want a man! I want to be fucked, don’t touch me!” I thrashed against my captors.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Thwack! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Mama slapped my face and began to speak but I did not pay attention.</p><p> </p><p>What was happening to me? I was no longer Rey, but a beast with urges, I did not care for civility.</p><p> </p><p>My emotions were unruly: swinging from desire, to fear, to anger within minutes for hours on end. That night, Mama and Maz took turns looking after me. Occasionally, they would dab me with cool water. It did nothing to quench the fire.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>The following day I had an unexpected visitor. I could smell the doctor before I saw him. He reeked of burnt garlic and turmeric. When Mama opened the door she almost dropped her handkerchief.</p><p> </p><p>               “Rey! Stop this madness!”</p><p> </p><p>Astride a pillow, free of my restraints and chemise, I must have been a shocking sight. The Doctor, the same one Ben asked to visit me, stood behind Mama appearing shocked, he drew his handkerchief to cover his nose.</p><p> </p><p>I grabbed the lamp on my bedside table and flung it at his head.</p><p> </p><p>               To my disappointment, he missed it, “I assure you Mrs Camille, I am quite accustomed to Omegas throwing things at my head, even lamps.”</p><p>               “Please forgive her, she is not herself. Rey, cover your shame.” Mama apologized. My attempts to find release were fruitless, leaving me exhausted. Thus, Mama found it easy to redress and restrain me once more.</p><p>               The Doctor coughed, “I may need access to her back.”</p><p> </p><p>Mama glared into his soul.</p><p> </p><p>               “To listen to her heart!” He quickly explained himself.</p><p> </p><p>Mama carefully lowered the back neckline of my chemise. The Doctor examined my body, taking care not to linger lest he angered Mama, and concluded by examining my gland.</p><p> </p><p>               “It has risen, but it is irritated.” He whispered.</p><p>               “What's causing her pain? Her sister never experienced such violent outbursts."</p><p>               "Mrs Camille, you must remember, heats are dependent on the person."</p><p> </p><p>He left his hand resting on my shoulder, mere inches from my gland. Such an old man, with his revolting scent, was not fit for me. <em>He is not a fit mate</em>.</p><p> </p><p>I bit his hand.</p><p> </p><p>               "Ah!" Cried the wounded Doctor.</p><p>               "Rey!" Mama pried me away.</p><p>               "Allow me, Mrs Camille." The Doctor held up a wet handkerchief to my nose. A fog blanketed my mind. Unable to think or rebel, I laid down.</p><p>               "Now I see what you mean, she is <em> quite </em> aggressive." He cleaned the bite mark.</p><p>               "Doctor. Please. Do you know what has caused? Will she recover?"</p><p>               He laughed, "Of course she will recover. She is not ill, she's moving from one phase of life to another." Before Mama could speak he waved his hand dismissively, "In some rare cases, those of her designation can experience a more enthusiastic transformation."</p><p>               "Enthusiastic? She's a fiend."</p><p>               "Only for now! She should return to her old self after this period passes. As for what has caused this, despite our scientific advances we are not entirely sure. Her experience was greatly irritated; it could be the result of a too tight dress, scratching, or toying with the experience."</p><p>               Mama wrung her handkerchief, "And when will this be over?"</p><p>               "How long did it last for your other daughter?"</p><p>               "A week."</p><p>               "There you have it Ma'am, it should last a same amount of time."</p><p>               "Monsieur! Last time you said—"</p><p>               "It is not an exact science."</p><p> </p><p>The calming effect of the medicine passed quickly and I was again overcome with the sultry desire for something filling.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh!" I moaned, "Please. I need it."</p><p>               "What do you need my dear?" Mama hurried to my side.</p><p>               "I need a man!" I was grinding against the air, "Not an old fop, ten minutes away from death."</p><p>               "Rey!"</p><p>               The Doctor cleared his throat, "I should go. I will leave more sleeping spell with the house servants."</p><p> </p><p>As quickly as it came, the temporary bliss was replaced with pain.</p><p> </p><p>               "My little one. Behave yourself." With brute force, she forced my hips against the bed causing me to scream out. "If only Monsieur Camille were here."</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>The next time I awoke, it was the middle of the night.</p><p> </p><p>Looking about, it was incredibly dark. The moonlight cast a blue hue on the room, highlighting the furniture, unable to touch the dark corners. A caustic conviction grew in my heart. I was alone. Who was left to fight for Rey? Every person I cared for was absorbed in their own life, without any concern for my well being or happiness. Without prompt, I began to weep. I could not even wipe my tears as my hands were tied. I was all alone. Everyone had abandoned me.</p><p> </p><p>Using my new-found strength I pulled my arms free of my restraints. Immediately I ripped the restraints on my legs and threw off all clothing except my stockings. The struggle left red marks on my body. Whatever was in that sleeping spell the Doctor gave Mama was powerful. I no longer felt any pain but a soft blaze under my skin. My hair curled and clung to my forehead.</p><p> </p><p>I took this to mean that the painful phase of my heat was over. Though the physical pain was over, loneliness took its place.</p><p> </p><p>Suzanne left me to marry Booke. Caroline married Pryde. Papa abandoned me to face the world alone. Louis was preoccupied establishing his own family. Mama was busy raising Gerald. Ben, in particular, my love who I wronged. Whom I deeply wronged. He left me.</p><p> </p><p>               "He will never want me again." I whispered against my tear-stained pillow case. The ferocity of my crying caused my breath to rattle. "Ben doesn't want me."</p><p> </p><p>The pain of loss pressed on my neck until I struggled to breathe. With tears streaming down my face, I pulled at my hair.</p><p> </p><p>I was empty.</p><p> </p><p>Utterly empty and alone. I could not even muster the strength to pray for forgiveness, for I would be praying to a God who had abandoned me. How loathsome existence is: I was the creator of all my misery.</p><p> </p><p>The fibers of my blanket felt like scratches against my exposed skin. Stumbling from my bed to the window, I dragged the blanket behind me and threw it out the window. In the moonlight, I could see a massive splotch of wetness from where my body produced slick. The back of my chemise clung to my legs. Petulantly, I took it off and threw it out.</p><p> </p><p>In a sullen mood, I stalked my room looking for Ben's locket. I vaguely recalled that sometime during the day, in a fit of pain and rage, I had thrown it at someone.</p><p> </p><p>I turned out every drawer, flipped my mattress, and ripped my pillows but I could not find it! All at once, I realized someone had stolen my last memento of Ben! Left empty-handed and with an empty heart, I opened the door to find the female servant asleep on her chair by the door. Slowly, I closed the door, hiding evidence of my escape.</p><p> </p><p>I sniffed the air, searching for Ben's scent. The whole house was covered in my scent, just as it had been when Caroline had her heat, although it was stronger in my apartment.</p><p> </p><p>Like a woman, dying of thirst, I staggered toward an oasis: Ben's bedroom. Unfortunately, he was absent from his chambers, but the scent was heavenly. I rolled on his luxurious bed like a dog without their master about. Taking a moment to lay in his bed, I noticed a stronger scent coming from his wardrobe. Without haste, I ran to scour his clothes. All the gloves, shirts, and trousers, smelled divine.</p><p> </p><p>I needed him.</p><p> </p><p>My hand traveled down to rub my clit. I needed him to make me feel full.. Wearing his shirt and carrying mountains of his clothes, I walked in a haze, to his favorite room in the house. The study. His scent doused the entire room, from the walls to the carpet, like a potent shot of him. His scent was stronger here than in his own bed.</p><p> </p><p>It was the most intoxicating scent! Looking to monopolize on the euphoria of his scent, I padded the hollow underside of his desk. I made a laid against the wooden panel that would ordinarily hide Ben's legs. The panel shielded me from the view of the door, anyone entering the room would not see my make-shift nest.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>I do not know the time when I awoke again.</p><p> </p><p>I heard the soft click of a lock, then Ben's hazel eyes as he squat in front of me. To my disappointment, his eyes were not as clear and honey-like as usual. And his scent! It was mixed with Brandy. He had been drinking.</p><p> </p><p>               "Ben." I whispered before I felt myself fall apart in tears.</p><p> </p><p>He leaned forward, the smell of Brandy emanating off his clothing, he was wearing the same suit from the night we fought.</p><p> </p><p>With haste, I covered my nose. This was not entirely my Ben! s scent was tarnished with booze. I pushed him away and, to my shock, felt his solid chest underneath my palm. So, he was real. He was not another illusion conjured by my heat.</p><p> </p><p>               "No, stay away!" I shook my head and burrowed into piles of his shirts. My ailment was quite particular, not only had my ability to smell increased but so did my hearing, over my rattled breaths I heard him take off his coat.</p><p>               Ben's rigid arms enclosed my waist as he pulled me from my corner, "Rey. Be calm. It's me, your canaille."</p><p> </p><p>Biting my lip, I sniffed him again. His scent reminded me of drowsy summer days in Louisiana. Of sipping tea and lounging on my favorite settee on the front steps as a cool breeze wafted forth the scent of nature. Of home.</p><p> </p><p>I placed my hands on his shoulders and explored his chest.</p><p> </p><p>               "Rey. Never one to be outdone." He kissed my hand, "What a fortunate location for your first nest."</p><p> </p><p>Moaning, I continued to explore every ridge, hill, and dip of his chest. For a few moments I did not breathe, I wanted to note everything in my memory.</p><p> </p><p>               "Your shirt."</p><p>               "The others, they're looking for you. They went out to... to look for you." Ben struggled to speak.</p><p> </p><p>Who were "they"? It did not matter. Grasping his collar I pulled him to my neck and rubbed my experience against his face.</p><p> </p><p>               Ben gingerly pushed me away, "Inamorata. Stop or I'll call for your mother."</p><p>               I held onto his arms, pleading, "No, please, I need you. They want to keep us apart but you cannot allow that. I've always wanted you."</p><p>               He tried to appear unconvinced, but I sensed my presence had an affect on him. "You don't mean that."</p><p>               "Please," I kissed him, "Ben, my love. It is more than a want, I need you."</p><p>               "Love?" Ben stuttered, he held me in a warm embrace, "Rey, tell me, do you truly mean that?"</p><p>               "Completely. Ben, please, release me from this torture. This is what I was made for," I spread my legs, making room for him, "Is this not what you were made for? Made for this moment. From our first kiss, I have been imagining this moment with you. Only you."</p><p> </p><p>My beast and I were in accordance, but she spoke for us.</p><p> </p><p>               "Lover. Maybe it's the wolf in me, but do you want my help?" He tilted his head, I nodded, "I will fulfill my duty to you, as your future husband."</p><p> </p><p>Ben kissed me as if he would never get another opportunity to lay his lips on mine. He had me, I was utterly lost in his grasp. He began running his hands on my sides, while I worshiped his body. Ben moaned as my lips traveled to his clavicle and I palmed his cock. I could never have enough of his body, taking my time to kiss every freckle and beauty mark. I ran my fingertips over his pale chest.</p><p> </p><p>I was rough in my exploration, suckling too hard at his skin, but he was too indulged to care. Ben cupped my quim, delicately rubbing the skin immediately next to my pearl, never willing to bless me with direct contact. Unexpectedly, he slapped my ass.</p><p> </p><p>               I gasped but was silenced with an aggressive kiss. "Already wet. Have you been behaving yourself?"</p><p>               "You know I never do, take this off." I pulled at his shirt. He acquiesced but I demanded more, "Take it all off."</p><p>               "You don't make the orders." He forced me to lay on my make-shift nest.</p><p> </p><p>Looking me straight in the eye, Ben ripped my shirt, or rather his shirt, from the middle down. Exposed to the air, I had goosebumps, and my nipples stood proud. Reunited with his old friends, Ben took my left nipple in his mouth. Meanwhile, he rolled the other one in his fingertips.</p><p> </p><p>               I worked my wet quim against his cock, "More."</p><p> </p><p>Eagerly, he alternated between sucking each nipple. That was not enough for me, I had to have more of Ben's charming body. I wanted it against me, thrusting deep into my core, displacing my slick, until I was quivering in venery. While he was distracted, I undid his trousers and was slowly peeling them off.</p><p> </p><p>Ben would have none of it. He held my hands above my head.</p><p> </p><p>His eyes were stern, looking directly into my soul. My impropriety knew no bounds.</p><p> </p><p>               I licked at his bottom lip, impertinently, "Tie me down or pull me apart. Only give me what I want: I want you naked, now."</p><p>               He growled, "I’ll make sure you’re sore.”</p><p> </p><p>He flipped me onto my stomach and pulled me by my legs. I was laying on top of him, with his cock in my face, standing proud in a tuft of hair, and my thighs over his shoulders. A stream of precome ran past the ruby head. I was hypnotized. When his tongue stroked my clit, I jumped.</p><p> </p><p>               “Ah! More.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s lips moved like he was whispering a fervent prayer. Like his lungs never burned for air. In the height of my heat, each stroke of his tongue could be felt on every nerve. It should have been overwhelming but it merely fanned the flames. I wanted more. Extracting more pleasure, he inserted two fingers inside me, stretching me.</p><p> </p><p>Desperate to have me join him, he thrust his hips upwards. I grasped his member, which once frightened me, desperate to feel every part of Ben in my body. Opening my mouth as wide as it would go, I took him in, as deep as possible. The last rational part of me knew I was a novice but I persisted in my efforts. I recalled my previous education at the end of Ben’s cock: to keep my jaw lax and lick the head as if it were a sweetie.</p><p> </p><p>Feeling Ben moan against my quim, I grounded my clit against his tongue till I thought I would spend. But Ben was as selfish a creature as I. With his hand in my hair, he forced me to take more of his cumbersome cock. Oh, Ben! He knew how to drive my desire. I kept up my pace, occasionally my legs shook as his tongue slid inside me, replacing his fingers.</p><p> </p><p>A thought occurred to me: if I wished to be joined with Ben soon, I had to incentivize him. He grumbled when I took his cock out of my mouth, strings of saliva still connected to my lips. I would never leave Ben dissatisfied, especially when his pleasure would lead to mine.</p><p> </p><p>Holding my plush lips against his knot, I sucked hungrily, the caress caused him to cease his attouchements. Ben threw his head back in euphoria, moaning under his breath.</p><p> </p><p>               “Fuck.” He snarled, he pushed my head against his knot, “You're filthy."</p><p> </p><p>I continued fondling his knot for a few moments before he pulled me off and I slid back onto my comfortable nest.</p><p> </p><p>               I looked back at him. I was a sight to behold: lips bruised and wet from kissing his knot, “Monsieur, let us join.”</p><p> </p><p>He made no response, moving toward me with his member swaying slightly. </p><p> </p><p>               I pushed my buttocks out, giving him a view of my quim, “Please. Alpha.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben crawled toward me, his rigid cock rigid pointing to his stomach, his plum-colored knot expanding.</p><p> </p><p>               “Alpha. I want you. Deep inside me.” I begged like a meek lamb. Fully aware of the effect calling him Alpha had on him.</p><p>               He flipped me onto my back, “I want to watch you, inamorata, I want to remember the bliss on your face when I make you come.”</p><p> </p><p>He lazily stroked his cock as I opened my legs to make room for him. It was going to happen. We were to be joined. The mounting desire made me delirious. I struggled to lie still like a good little Omega, I could not resist grabbing his hips.</p><p> </p><p>               “Smug little thing that you are.” He lined up the ruby head to my entrance, “Do you think you can accommodate me?”</p><p> </p><p>Halfway through nodding, I felt something stiff in my entrance. It was, at first, the most gratifying feeling in the world. A moan escaped my lips. No wonder my family never left me alone with a man, if I had discovered such pleasure before engagement I would have thrown away all good sense! Being a scandalous young lady, I was accustomed to playing with myself but I never progressed deeper, for fear of God's retribution. Imagine my shock when Ben pushed himself deeper into my core, eliciting a sharp sting and making my back curve.</p><p> </p><p>               “Ah! Ben!” I placed my hands on his large chest, momentarily regretting my choice.</p><p>               He shushed me and kissed my face, “We will take it slow.”</p><p> </p><p>His body weight on top of me was reassuring. Gently, he began to suck and flick at my experience with his tongue. Combined with his gentle thrusts, the waves of pleasure were irresistible. Slowly, the sting lessened as I became accustomed to his size. Drunk on lust, I began to mumble:</p><p> </p><p>               “I will die soon if you keep to this,” I latched my legs around his middle, trying to force him flush against me, “ more.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben continued pushing forward with one slow thrust, allowing me to feel every part of him, to feel full, till he was buried to the hilt. I felt the pressure on my abdomen increase, it became clear to me then why I was driven to lie with a man. My body knew what it needed to relieve itself.</p><p> </p><p>Ben increase his pace, assaulting my core. He scraped his canines against my experience, a few degrees of pressure away from biting and claiming me.</p><p> </p><p>               “You libertine. Harder.” I whimpered.</p><p> </p><p>He smiled and did not relent. Ben held my legs against my chest as he continued to fuck me. Slowly, a new friction began to develop at my entrance. Something large and bulbous, far more delicious than anything I had ever experienced.</p><p> </p><p>His knot was growing.</p><p> </p><p>I dared not imagine how it would fit! I struggled to accommodate him, how did he expect me to take <em> all </em> of him? Yet, I wanted to. I wanted to be filled with all of him, I never realized how empty I was before this night. The mounting desire mixed with my excitement caused me to hiccup.</p><p> </p><p>Lost in ecstasy, I could no longer control myself as I flailed my hands. Ben was incensed by my pleasure, he continued thrusting into my quim, undeterred until his knot passed the precipice and began to take hold. If I felt full before, I was now overstuffed.</p><p> </p><p>               “Vous êtes un animal!” I screamed.</p><p>               Ben smiled like a devil, eyes drowsy and full of mirth, he stormed my core thrusting deeply. "You love being fucked, admit it."</p><p> </p><p>He brought his rough hand down on my ass as he drove himself deeper, fucking me with his knot. Yet, I took all of him. My body was made for this. Ben's fingers stroked my clit, sending me into a frenzy of delight. Like a possessive beast, he refused to let go of his hold over my gland.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>So close. Claim me.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>My legs began to shake, and I latched on his gland desperate for some form of relief. Like a bolt of lightning, the orgasm struck the core of my abdomen. I could no longer hold back, the seal was broken, unconsciously I began to buck and shake underneath him. What a divine experience: Ben, fucking me with his knot, his teeth about to puncture my mating gland. I could have bit him and we would be one. All that was needed was for each person to bite the other and our unity would be complete. Ben followed closely, though I could not feel it, no doubt, he was spurting inside me.</p><p> </p><p>Then came the bite… followed by the languid flow of metallic substance… so rich and euphoric. The greatest drugs could never compete, truly, such a grand experience could not be recreated. It was like watching the aurora Borealis behind one's eyelids. I opened my eyes to witness...</p><p> </p><p>               Ben leaned over me, eyes half-lidded. He put his hand to his experience, a droplet of blood running from the juncture of his neck and shoulder, “You bit me!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Why wait for marriage, right ;) To clarify: in the end, Rey bites Ben but he has not bitten her. Their mating is incomplete... for now. </p><p>／(●ᆺ●)＼ <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">My twitter.</a><br/>Thanks to beta reader extraordinaire: <a href="https://twitter.com/NewerConstella1">NewerConstella.</a><br/>Thanks to my free translator: <a href="https://twitter.com/ao3animal">Animal.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. * When we part *</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The crimson droplet landed on my cheek. Like a lizard, I ran my tongue to lap at it; the taste was deviously sweet like aphrodisiac honey. Ben’s lips moved. If any words came out, I did not listen. Undeterred, I ran my hands over his shoulder until I hooked my arms around him and smushed his face against my gland. I was exhibiting myself like a beast in heat.</p><p> </p><p>               “Bite me, take me. I am, happily, your plaything.”</p><p> </p><p>With some considerable strength, Ben pulled himself away, I could see his canines as he panted. His teeth, so sharp, so brutal, more beautiful than all my dresses and pearls. Exhilaration and desire entwined in my chest till the emotions burst forth, the  words tumbling:</p><p> </p><p>               “Ben—take me whole—I'm begging—do it!”</p><p> </p><p>In a blind rage, Ben swooped down.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Bite. Bite. BITE!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben brought his hand to his mouth and chomped on his arm repeatedly.</p><p> </p><p>               I whined, “No! Bite me!”</p><p> </p><p>He was ravenous. He growled and gurgled on top of me as he continued to flagellate himself. Streaks of blood ran down his arm, almost reaching his elbow, the flow jagged and zagging like tree branches. I had never encountered a wolf in the wild; I imagined this deranged Ben behaved as they do.</p><p> </p><p>Seconds later, in a manic fit, Ben unwrapped himself from my grasp and began to pull away. As he withdrew, his knot pulled at my insides. </p><p> </p><p>It was not a gentle dislodgement. </p><p> </p><p>His violent withdrawal nearly burst me in half. So unbearable was the pain, a deadly mixture of burning and stinging, that I shrieked.</p><p> </p><p>The ecstasy of the bite was short-lived, as the painful withdrawal of his knot tore my womanhood apart. My memory of that night began to fade at that point. I could not recall much, but I remembered the hot tears and begging him to bite me. His cruelty grew ten-fold, for he refused. I could scarcely remember the words he used, but there was one which he repeated: “promise.”</p><p> </p><p>I laid moaning and mewling, begging even, for Benjamin to take away the pain and bestow the final kiss upon my gland. Instead, Benjamin rose from his position, his neck tensing and his hand covering his mouth. He stumbled against his desk, pleading for me to stay away, for my “safety.” In a matter of seconds, I turned from a prize to a revolting daemon. Paralyzed by pain, I watched as his figure stumbled away and eventually heard the door close. </p><p> </p><p>Soon Maz entered the room and removed Benjamin’s clothing before returning to carry me to my apartments. Maz carried me over her shoulder up the stairs and threw me onto my bed without any help. Despite her small frame, her body did not give out. Mama arrived shortly after, but I preferred not to think about her finding me mewling and begging to be bit.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>Minty incense smoke curled in the air and creeped out my bedroom window. I sat upright in bed, my back against the headboard, an unopened book at my side. My mind could not escape the memories of that night or the way we were cocooned in our scents and lust.</p><p> </p><p>I bit my thumb in an attempt to direct my mind. I wanted to be present, not lost in a sea of memory. Having my hand so close to my face, I could barely see the small brown scar Benjamin gave me months ago. </p><p> </p><p>No doubt Benjamin had his scars now.</p><p> </p><p>I was almost confident that Maz knew that I laid with Benjamin. She had to have known. However, I was unsure whether she saw my mark on his neck or witnessed his bloody hand. Meanwhile, I felt that Mama suspected something unchristianly occurred that night. She did not ask outright, perhaps for fear of learning the truth, but her eyes seemed to linger on my experience. As if some phantom mark would appear if she stared at it from the correct angle.</p><p> </p><p>Cogitating on how Mama found me, I felt ashamed. Mama and Maz had thought me missing; they had thought I ran away that night. Throwing a slick-stained blanket out my window added to their misapprehension. So they set forth looking for me throughout the neighborhood. Meanwhile, I was in Benjamin’s arms... betraying all the propriety and decorum of a Southern Belle.</p><p> </p><p>Outside, carriages ran past, occasionally strangers would converse with one another. Meanwhile, the servants scurried around the house, eradicating all evidence of my heightened scent. Proclaiming there was no Omega here, she simply did not exist. The sounds of the world blended like a melody of work, and I was not invited. </p><p> </p><p>With the violent emotions gone, loneliness took their place. I did not have the strength to keep crying. On the contrary, I felt utterly indifferent to the world. What little energy I had left, I used to continuously apologize to Mama, Maz, and the female servant who had looked over me. </p><p> </p><p>Complete apathy settled over my mind.</p><p> </p><p>I could scarcely find the strength to think of bathing. Benjamin and my untarnished experience, not to say anything of my maidenhead, occupied my mind. Always humming in the background. After <em> that night </em>, I sat in self-imposed solitary. Time did not move, yet all the time in existence passed as I stared at the wallpaper. The trees outside the windows swayed in the breeze through day and night, their branches dancing regardless of the hour. Time became meaningless. Maz appeared one day to bathe and change my clothes, then I returned to watching the walls’ intricate patterns.</p><p> </p><p>The mental fog was barely beginning to lift when Jaina and Benjamin visited my room on a Tuesday. Mama was reading aloud from the book of Psalms, upon seeing Benjamin, she shut the book.</p><p> </p><p>               “Monsieur, my daughter can have no visitors.”</p><p>               Jaina addressed Mama, “As you are addressing my brother directly, I assume I need not leave?”</p><p>               “It is better that she have <em> no visitors </em>, regardless of sex.”</p><p>               Gingerly, I placed my hand on Mama’s forearm and weakly beckoned her, “Jaina is a dear friend.”</p><p> </p><p>My volume mere degrees above a whisper.</p><p> </p><p>               Mama’s brow softened, “Only Jaina may remain.”</p><p> </p><p>At the door, Benjamin and Jaina whispered before he abruptly bowed and left. He did not look at me as he deftly shut the door. Mama dismissed herself, seeking to “keep the gentleman company.” She had another motive, but I did not have the mental fortitude to think of multiple issues at once.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>            Jaina grasped my hand, “Rey, how are you feeling?” She beamed, eyes warmed by the daylight reminiscent of her brother’s eyes.</p><p>            “Jaina,” My voice strained from lack of use, “I’m immensely sorry that you had to leave your own home—“</p><p>            “Nonsense. When your Mama told us what was happening, Mother insisted we leave out of respect for your privacy! I would want others to do the same for me. Well, the same is likely to happen to me,” she looked away,  then with a forced smile continued, “but you have survived it! You have made it to the other side. Are you feeling well?”</p><p>            “I am fine, thank you.”</p><p>            “I am so delighted to hear that. I suppose you should know, not much did transpire while you were an invalid. Well, nothing that would capture your interests! Though I suppose the war must interest you. I’m as sure as the sky is blue; one could call this an all-out war, and things are only escalating. Ben was wrong, though he can hardly stand to hear that, it <em> is </em>looking to be a long war. Rey—”</p><p> </p><p>I could hardly keep up. </p><p> </p><p>How could I focus on what she was saying when her eyes were warm and amber-like, and her lips were full and pouting? She was Benjamin in female form.</p><p> </p><p>            “Your hair seems to have more luster, or is that my imagination?”</p><p>               “I do not know.”</p><p>               “And are your nails truly stronger? My governess has taught me much about <em>heats</em>,” she whispered the word, “but books and pamphlets pale in comparison to the real experience.”</p><p>               “Yes.”</p><p>               “Was it painful?”</p><p>               My womanhood pulsed, like Benjamin’s knot was ripping me apart again, I winced, “Yes.”</p><p>               “I do not mean to cause you discomfort, but—” Jaina continued to ask questions. Words came out of her mouth, and I recognized their sounds, but it was as if I were translating hieroglyphs.</p><p>               “Excuse me—“ My lips trembled.</p><p>               “What’s the matter?”</p><p>               “Mama.” I called out.</p><p> </p><p>Swiftly, Mama opened the door and beckoned Jaina away. Benjamin stood at the threshold to my room, rigid, his gloved hands formed into fists by his sides.</p><p> </p><p>               “Ben! Why—” I cried.</p><p>               Mama covered my lips with her palm, “My daughter needs to be alone.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaina stood in awe of my transformation.</p><p> </p><p>               “Jaina!” Benjamin’s voice was coarse.</p><p> </p><p>His gravelly shout broke Jaina out of her spell, she stumbled, as elegantly as a lady could, backward and quit the room. I watched, trapped in Mama’s iron grip, as Jaina slowly closed the door.</p><p> </p><p>               I shook in her arms, “I want to go home.”</p><p>               “You are in your new home, dear.”</p><p>               “I miss New Orleans. I miss Papa and Louis and Caroline and Gerald.”</p><p>               “Hush, I will fetch your sleeping draft.”</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>The next day, I was reading in bed when Suzanne came to visit. It was a surprise, but a pleasant one to be sure. Suzanne struggled to sit on the seat by my bed, her protruding belly obstructing her movement.</p><p> </p><p>Seeking to avoid all conversation, I asked her to read for me, “in remembrance of my childhood.” Mercifully, she acquiesced. Suzanne’s voice was melodic, almost musical, as she read Madame Colet’s poetry. After three poems, she set the book down and focused her eyes on me.</p><p> </p><p>Suzanne, ever the attentive friend, inquired about my well-being and was not swayed by my placations.</p><p> </p><p>               “That lie would not even convince Caroline, as sweet as she is, bless her heart, though she can be gullible. I will ask once more, how are you?”</p><p>               “I do not know.” I shook my head.</p><p> </p><p>Suzanne offered to hold me and I readily accepted. </p><p> </p><p>               “You are still powerful. You are the same girl as before.”</p><p>               “I doubt that. This alteration has not only changed me physically. I feel my very spirit has shifted.”</p><p>               Suzanne shook her head, “You will return to your previous self. After my heat, I felt I had lost myself. I was all alone. I could not even enjoy my favorite novels! The pages felt like stunning nettles against my fingertips.”</p><p>               “Precisely. Although I confess, I feel completely alone.”</p><p>               “How can you proclaim so?!” She whistled, “Though I cannot be with you as much as I would like, you will always have Benjamin. My, my, Rey! Your heat can convince you that you can fly to Japan!”</p><p>               I slammed my hand against the mattress, “My heat is not the issue! It’s my fiery temper. It is the cause of all my misery.”</p><p>               Suzanne exhaled through her nostrils and looked me up and down, “What has happened?”</p><p>               “I may have insulted Ben's mother.”</p><p>               “Rey.”</p><p>               “I may have called her a bitch.” And I may have implied I would have drunk myself to death if I were her husband. Yet, I was not ready to admit <em> that </em>.</p><p>               “Rey!” She jumped up, “You must remedy this immediately!”</p><p>               “How can I? Mama will not allow a man near me, let alone my fiancé!”</p><p>               “I saw your dear Benjamin sequestered in the library his study earlier. You may steal a moment with him... in the meantime, I shall talk to your dearest Mama and ask her for advice on rearing children.” She rubbed her belly, “That should keep her occupied. And if she asks, I shall say that the elderly lady servant is sitting with you.”</p><p>               “You mean to say—”</p><p>               “Do not remind me of her name! Otherwise, I will become too conscious of my lies.”</p><p>               “Sometimes I wonder: am I the poor influence or are you?”</p><p> </p><p>* * * * * </p><p>Suzanne instructed me to wait ten minutes before I joined Benjamin. She left me with my thoughts: what would I say to Benjamin? Would I apologize? Would he forgive me? Why did he refuse to complete our bond? Did he know the torture his absence <em> and </em>presence put me through?</p><p> </p><p>Six minutes elapsed before I resolved to leave my bedroom. In my weakened state, I almost fell as I attempted to stand. Whether this could be attributed to my exhaustion or the lack of movement, I did not know. Nonetheless, I rested on the bedposts for strength. Unable to put on my shoes, I settled for a robe over my nightgown and stockings.</p><p> </p><p>The faint scent of rain wafted from under the library door.  As I entered the room, I found Benjamin standing over a desk. Ledgers and pens lay strewn about, and a large bottle of whiskey acted as a paperweight. From the desk’s mismatched appearance to the other furniture, I suspected it was brought in to accommodate his paperwork from the desk’s mismatched appearance to the other furniture. </p><p> </p><p>Upon witnessing my abrupt entrance, he paled.</p><p> </p><p>               I shut the door, and, not knowing how to conduct myself, I curtsied, “Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>He clenched his jaw.</p><p> </p><p>               Carefully stepping toward him, I continued, “I’m glad you’re here. I had hoped to speak with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin took a step back, placing his chair in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>               Smiling meekly, I inquired, “Why are you standing so far away?”</p><p>               “You know why.”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin’s eyes ran over my frame. He cleared his throat before striding to a window. </p><p> </p><p>               “I—I—I don’t think I understand.”</p><p>               His words were terse as he opened the window, “Why did you bite me?”</p><p>               I pinched myself, lest I began to cry. My hand trembled as I held my knuckles to my lips, “Ben, I am so sorry, I cannot recall much. Had I been in the right frame of mind—”</p><p>               He massaged the bridge of his nose, “That’s good. I’d prefer that you did not remember much.” He stared intently at my eyes as if examining my very soul, “I take it that your beast overcame you.”</p><p>               I stumbled over myself to appease him, anything to placate the man I cherished, anything to be bit, “Please forgive me. I have tried to escape my memory of that night. If I were in a rational state of mind—”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin flexed his jaw and turned his back to me. With his hands behind his back, I could not discern his feelings, but the rigidity of his frame suggested he was perturbed. Unsettled by his cold demeanor, I began to close the distance between us.</p><p> </p><p>               “So you were not cognizant of yourself the <em> entire </em>time?”</p><p>               “I was wild. I was a beast. I wish I did not give in and … do what I did. But that is in the past. I cannot change anything. Do not hate me, for truthfully, I am conflicted. My only regret is that we could not complete our bond.”</p><p>               He spun around to face me, mouth agape, “I cannot listen to you. You’re still feverish.”</p><p>               “No, I am perfectly lucid.” I stomped, only his desk and chair separated us. “Why did you not bite me?”</p><p>    He shook his head, “I made a promise, which I kept, that I would not claim you during your first heat.”</p><p>               “Well,” I tugged at my robe to expose my shoulders, my heart stammering against my breasts, “my heat has passed. You have my consent to claim me now.”</p><p>               Benjamin’s eyes traveled over my shoulders and landed on my experience. He stuttered, then scoffed, “Dress yourself appropriately, Rey. You should return to bed.” His tone was bitter, “I will not claim you. Not until you change your ways.”</p><p> </p><p>Growing up as a <em> respectable Omega </em> and in a family not keen to imitate the Yankee’s style of raising daughters, Benjamin’s refusal to join me made my skin itch. Yes, we had played with one another, but we never went as far as coitus. Every Omega worth her weight in gold should wait till marriage before she lets a man take her. So why did I give in to lust? </p><p> </p><p>I was beyond astonishment, likely due to my inability to think clearly. Here was the same man who laid with me, who kissed me without prompt, informing me that I did not meet his expectations. While some faults could be ascribed to me, I refused to believe Benjamin was morally superior. Let alone to believe that he was in a position to instruct me on my ways.</p><p>               He continued, “You and Mother must make peace with one another. And, I desire you to dispose of Mr Dameron’s letter in a fireplace.”</p><p> </p><p>Dejected, I pulled my robes to cover my shoulders. I struggled to recollect myself upon hearing his wishes.</p><p> </p><p>               “Poe’s letter is meaningless to me. I would destroy it a thousand times over if that is your wish.” My resentful feelings towards Leia could not be disguised, and I could not help but take a stand against her officious ways, “But surely you of all people can recognize my struggle in attaining <em> peace </em> with that meddlesome—”</p><p>               Benjamin came to life, wildly gesturing with his hands, “Rey!” I jumped back, “Do you expect me to tolerate the insults you fling at my Mother? Even if she behaved in an untoward manner, she is still my Mother! Respect is owed.”</p><p>               “She is also the very woman who has tried to separate us! While she cannot injure you she revels in injuring me. I have tried avoiding her, I have tried speaking with her, and she will not stop.”</p><p> </p><p>He threw his hands up dismissively and slumped on a seat near the window. Quickly, I scrambled toward him:</p><p>               “Listen to me, I truly regret using the words I did on the night you left. I did not mean to speak in such a manner as would slander your father’s character.” Benjamin stared at the ground, I proceeded with a request, “I only ask that you pull the wool from your eyes and acknowledge that your Mother schemes to destroy any possible union between us! She loathes me entirely!”</p><p>               He appeared apathetic. Resting his head against his fist, he began, “Do you expect me to believe you’re truly sorry? You regret the slight against my dead Father but not the injury toward my still-living Mother. You regret that your actions had consequences!” His gaze was unwavering, “I find fault with your behavior, Rey. Your relationship with Mother is not the sole matter where I find fault; are you so carefree that you are blind to the ways you’ve injured your canaille?”</p><p>               I wanted to slap him! His venomous words disrupted my stomach till I thought I’d vomit, “And are you so carefree that you are blind to Leia’s tactics? She has poisoned your mind against me! Yes, I do regret my words, but I do not regret their message. Leia is a manipulative old dowager.”</p><p>               “Manipulative?! How can you continue to torment me so? Forgive me if your proclamations do not dissuade me. You, the delicate peach,” he gestured toward me, “who never speaks openly. You, who speaks in circles, whispering honeyed words till I am soothed. Everything you say or do has a hidden agenda.”</p><p>               I whimpered, “What?”</p><p> </p><p>A nagging voice in the back of my mind reaffirmed his accusation. But so what if I occasionally giggle and flutter my lashes? What else is a girl to do? I pictured Carter’s face, red and distorted, as Benjamin threatened to duel him in order to court me. I imagined Finn’s worried frown as I forced him to break the law at risk of his life. I envisioned Bazine, whom I befriended to save her from loneliness, and I saw her disgust as she discovered that I convinced her to lie to her chaperone so I could have dinner with the man she wanted. </p><p> </p><p>               “Do you care for me?” His eyes watered, “Or am I to become another forgotten beau like Poe, and whichever forgotten man that came before him. Always disposed of when we outlive our usefulness?”</p><p>               “Benjamin!”</p><p> </p><p>My body, my heart, and my very soul were startled! How long had he held such doubts? The anxiety poured over my legs till my knees wobbled, and I thought I would crash onto the floor. But my dear Benjamin was not Poe! He was better than that arrogant rogue. Benjamin, who accepted me as I was, now terrified that I had used my charms against him.</p><p> </p><p>               I rasped, tears beginning to form, “Do you believe me to be so callous? If you believe I use men, then you do not know me. I have sacrificed so we may be together, I have given you everything I have: my attention, my devotion—even my maidenhead!”</p><p>               “No one knows the real you. You know, Rey, sometimes I suspected you only express love to sway me or when you need something. Only under the influence of your beast were you driven to hold me and call me your love. Even then you were only seeking release.”</p><p> </p><p>               I felt like falling to my knees and begging for forgiveness. I reached for his cheek, “But I do care for you—” he slapped my hand away.</p><p>               “Do not touch me! Even now, you flaunt your power over me. Please,” Benjamin pushed me away, eyes wet, “you don’t understand the grip you have over my soul. Your smile is heavenly, but your contempt is venomous. It coils in my chest till I feel driven to beg for your forgiveness. Were I not so bewitched—”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin’s words were genuine. He felt trapped under my spell, his expression confirmed it. Yet, there I stood, a woman half his size, and he claimed that I held power over <em> him </em>? He could have bumped into me, and I would have flown through the wall. I could not stand to think of my Alpha Benjamin as weak.</p><p> </p><p>               “You misunderstand, Monsieur. You wield all the power. Who am I to refuse your wishes and whims? I may as well ask why am I never enough? Nothing I ever do pleases you!” Recalling his betrayal, I continued, “That night at the Palpatine Ball, why did you dance with Kaydel? Do not tell me you were exhausted, for I would fight for you even if I were starving and my weak hands could not form fists. Benjamin, you cannot see how I care for you because you are blind to everything I have surrendered for you.”</p><p>               “You are not the only one to have sacrificed. I find it ironic that you claim you’ve sacrificed for me when I have risked my name and livelihood to save you from your own family. I can never please Palpatine; my mortgagee loathes me for choosing you over Kaydel. I risked bringing you to the North and being disowned by my Mother to save <em> you</em>! I work day and night to ensure that we have the future <em> you </em>read about in your overstuffed novels!” </p><p>               Unwilling to face any more baseless attacks, I spoke over him: “I wish everyone would stop throwing baseless accusations! You, and your whole family, call me spoiled, ignorant, and now you claim I am manipulative?! I see the truth now: you do not know me and you have never known me. Your time is much better occupied mocking my ignorance of the world. In that respect, you did not save me from my family!”</p><p>               “You cannot compare my family to yours. We have taught you more in the past weeks than—”</p><p>               “Stop! Can’t you see? You’ve taken everything from me, but you will not dull my spirit. You’re not as righteous as you think. I cannot read minds, Benjamin,” I said, mimicking his excuses about his Mother’s behavior, “what am I to you? Am I your mate? Or a vessel for you to find release and eventually bear your children? You treat me like a child, not as an equal. Why don’t you love me?”</p><p>               “How can I be sure of your sentiments? The only time you express your love is when we’re intimate.” He muttered bitterly.</p><p> </p><p>Silence followed.</p><p> </p><p>I could hear my heartbeat in my ears.</p><p> </p><p>What was I meant to say? My words fell on deaf ears. I was exhausted. Exhausted from my transformation and from fighting for us.</p><p> </p><p>               “Do you hate me now?” I asked.</p><p> </p><p>Do you want me?</p><p> </p><p>               “I don’t think I can hate you. That is what makes you so dangerous.”</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, I wanted to implode. I wish I could say that I wept for Benjamin, but I cried for the old Rey. I wept for all her dreams of true love, her dreams of respect and equality.</p><p> </p><p>               “But I am not the woman you make me out to be. I wish I could speak freely, but that is a luxury I cannot afford. We both know I stand to lose everything if a man does not take me. That does not mean I cannot also love. Do not decide my feelings for me. When you do so, can you blame me for being bitter?”</p><p>               “It does not matter anymore.” He rubbed his lips, “I spoke with Palpatine.”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin pointed to an open letter on the desk. </p><p> </p><p>               I picked up the letter, a large ‘P’ embossed at the bottom, “What is this?”</p><p>               “Palpatine’s latest threat. Or should I say blackmail?”</p><p>               “You seem sullen. What’s the matter?”</p><p>               “Palpatine has offered me the chance to fight in the South, in exchange, he will not foreclose on the factory. Nor will he take my home, which is security for the loan.”</p><p> </p><p>A shot of pain ran up my spine and through the center of my head. The sides of the letter crumpled as, unknowingly, my grip on the paper tightened.</p><p> </p><p>               “What? I do not understand.” Benjamin stared unimpressed, I continued, “Do you mean to say that he is forcing you to fight in exchange for not calling in your debts? But would you not be able to clear your debts had you remained here?”</p><p>               “You are half right. I imagine he expects to be rid of me finally: he would bolster his hold over the textile market and get rid of me for daring to propose to you rather than Kaydel.”</p><p>               “Benjamin.”</p><p>               He stood up and made his way to the bottle of whiskey, “So, my dear, I have two options: I may fight in the war and die, or I can lose everything and die.”</p><p>               “No!” I almost yelled, his sarcasm did nothing to abate my worries. My mind was overwrought with the change of emotions within minutes, “You cannot fight! You could be fighting Louis! Or Monsieur Pryde! You could be fighting my family, my very brothers!”</p><p>               The liquid glugged as he poured himself a glass, “Do not make this more painful for me.”</p><p>               “But I must object, Monsieur! You are a wealthy man—”</p><p>               “But Monsieur Palpatine owns me. I am only a conduit for his will. My wealth, my home, my factory, everything is contingent on his happiness. And his goodwill has run out. I imagine he chose Louisiana to insult you; the intolerable old bastard has connections across the world, he likely called a favor on a Union friend to set up such an arrangement.”</p><p>               “You have escaped conscription before, I have seen you pay off the officers, you need only do so again.” I shook the letter in my hand. Benjamin slumped in his seat again, defeated. “Benjamin, why are you giving up so easily?”</p><p>               “I cannot fight this juggernaut. However, I am convinced that I must battle to save my family and our brittle reputation. To save Mother and Jaina from a life of destitution. To save you and our potential future family. Such is Palpatine’s ultimatum: either fight and serve my country, or he will take it upon himself to run up my debts and force those I love into poverty.” He shook his head, “Mother has suffered too long and single-handedly raised me when Father was found dead at a saloon. She taught me to save and negotiate every penny until we could purchase our old home again. Jaina was too young to remember. She is too soft and precious to face hardships. And you, you will hate me regardless of what I choose.”</p><p>               “You cannot fight. I forbid you. What if I were to lose you and my Louis! No! I forbid you! I forbid you! I forbid you!”</p><p>            He raised his brows and took a sip, “And yet I must. To save those I love. With this choice, I can be glad that I am making it myself and that there is a possibility I will survive.”</p><p>               “Benjamin, you will be a murderer.”</p><p>               “That is what happens in war.”</p><p>               “If you kill anyone I love—I can never forgive you.”</p><p>               “Inamorata, do not be angry.”</p><p>               “You’ve lost the right to call me your inamorata.” I threw the letter on the floor and stomped back to my bedroom.</p>
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<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Straining</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Let's rub some salt in the wound, shall we?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I grit my teeth as Maz pulled the laces of my corset taut. She pulled so tightly that I thought I would make quick friends with the ground. I swatted at her hands.</p><p> </p><p>               “Young Miss, this was your idea.”</p><p>               “You needn’t treat me so rough. There’s flesh and blood under these fabrics.”</p><p>               She scrunched her lips, unknowingly mimicking Florrie’s disapproving glare, “One’s body changes as one ages, especially young Omegas. You may never have an 18-inch waist again.”</p><p> </p><p>I felt my abdomen, bloated and tender, refusing to lay down. I pushed her hands away.</p><p> </p><p>               “Isn’t life miserable enough without you bringing that up?” My comment instantly overcame her restraint, and she rested her hands on her hips. I turned to face her, “You’re dismissed.”</p><p> </p><p>Maz, ever the magnanimous figure, bowed and left.</p><p> </p><p>Exhausted and irritated, I sat in front of my vanity and stared at my disheveled appearance. The bedroom swam with the scent of mint and lavender. The servants were still trying to remove all evidence of my heat. I smiled to myself; if they sought to remove <em> all </em> evidence of my heat, they would have to replace Benjamin’s punctured mating gland.</p><p> </p><p>I kneaded my temple at the thought of Benjamin. Life with him was difficult but the monotonous ebb and flow of life without him was suffocating. Every minute felt like an hour and every hour like a day. When I could not withstand my own company, I sat by Mama and pretended to read. Yet even with my desire to reunite, I could hardly forget Benjamin’s bitter words. </p><p> </p><p>To call me a manipulator. To think that he believed I did not love him, even after I gave him my heart and maidenhead. What did I have left? My temper! Hmmph! Truly, men are the most insolent selfish creatures to ever exist. They take and take and take and are never satisfied. If men were made in God’s image, I should have been an atheist.</p><p> </p><p>If I did not hate him yet, I was very close to. Paradoxically, the lack of his society deepened my despair. But when have my thoughts made sense?</p><p> </p><p>As if sensing my traitorous longing, the organs underneath my abdomen shifted causing me to fold over in pain. My womanhood throbbed, still unaccustomed to Benjamin’s rude dislodgement. No amount of cold baths or ointment could soothe my parts, only time.</p><p> </p><p>How could Benjamin know my pain—physical or emotional? His actions cut deep into my soul till I thought I could never recover. And he ignored all my wishes to fight in the South. I scolded myself for falling for his honeyed words. He was far too concerned with other’s opinions and protecting his wealth, meager as it was given that he could not escape Palpatine! Taking my hairbrush in my hands, I split it in two.</p><p> </p><p>               “He is no different than any other gentleman I’ve encountered!” I said to myself. </p><p> </p><p>His scent crept in between the cracks between the door and walls, sliding into my nostrils, clamping onto my brain like a parasite. My skin itched and my armpits stung, I could not stand to be in his house!</p><p> </p><p>There was nowhere to escape him.</p><p> </p><p>I could not withstand another moment in the house just as I could not withstand Leia’s company. Such a suffocating atmosphere made me wish for Madame O’Connor’s company. I missed my home! I missed Florrie’s soft hymns! I wanted to return to Louisiana. To drown myself in the smell of roasted almonds and pistachios, sipping tea on a lazy summer afternoon. Anything but the dizzying scent of petrichor.</p><p> </p><p>New York did not shine like New Orleans. The water did not sparkle like diamonds under the setting sun, nor did the people carry themselves with such joviality and kindness. </p><p> </p><p>My stomach churned.</p><p> </p><p>Despite my hatred for New York and all it entailed, how could I abandon Benjamin? A schism formed in my mind: I could have fought with Benjamin, prevented him from joining the war, or I could have left. Gone back home. Back to the bosom of Louisiana.</p><p> </p><p>After sloppily changing into my morning dress, still wearing my engagement ring, I joined Mama who was sewing in her bedroom. </p><p> </p><p>               She quirked a brow, “Rey. You appear to have improved, though the same cannot be said of that dress.” She teased, “Are you well?”</p><p>               “Yes, I am slowly improving but I do feel better. Madame Camille.” I smiled meekly, “These weeks in New York make one long for New Orleans.”</p><p>               She smiled to herself as picked up a yellow thread, “You long for your maiden home. Such are the consequences of matrimony.”</p><p>               “Consequences? I’m not yet married.” And I suspected I might never <em> be </em> married.</p><p> </p><p>Mama sewed in silence.</p><p> </p><p>Who would I hurt by leaving? Benjamin would go to war, Suzanne would have her man, and Jaina had her own family. I’d be doing everyone and myself a favor. </p><p> </p><p>‘<em> I want him </em>.’</p><p> </p><p>               I massaged my hand, “What would you say if I were to suggest we return to the South?”</p><p>               Mama stabbed the needle into the fabric, her mouth agape, “What of your engagement?”</p><p>               “We can worry about it when we’re back home.”</p><p>               “Mademoiselle. <em> We </em>are not marrying Monsieur Augustus. Worry about that thought now.”</p><p> </p><p>Had she sensed how serious I was?</p><p> </p><p>               “It would be too dangerous now. Lord knows what will be waiting for us: rogues, ruffians, deserters.” Mama muttered.</p><p>               “Better than the hell we face here.”</p><p>               “What would Louis say?”</p><p>               “Come back to the South, Mama.” I mimicked his low voice.</p><p>               “Rey, come here.” Not waiting for me to move, Mama pulled at my hands. “Times between Monsieur Camille and I were not always easy. But we kept trying. We fought against our own bad habits to strengthen our bond. That was what made us happy.”</p><p> </p><p>I pulled into myself, withering under her words. Poor Mama. She was too good for this world; too good for her scornful sinful daughter. Mama never slept with Papa before marriage. Neither did she have to lie or act coy. Madame Camille never rode a horse, as she was in the habit of keeping herself intact for her future husband, a habit she maintained even after marriage and four children.</p><p> </p><p>               “Perhaps—”</p><p> </p><p>Someone softly knocked on the door.</p><p> </p><p>               Mama spoke first, “Come in.”</p><p>               Jaina smiled at me as she entered, “Good morning Mrs Camille.” She bowed, “Rey.”</p><p>               Mama motioned to the young Augustus, “Jaina here, sweet dear that she is, has been lonely without you.”</p><p>               “It’s true! Mother is preoccupied organising fundraising events and Benjamin has been downtrodden since, well—”</p><p>               “Ma chérie, it’s best Rey hears the news from her fiancé.”</p><p>               “What news?” I looked between them, Jaina avoided my eyes but Mama did not frighten easily.</p><p>               “As I said, it is best that your Benjamin inform you himself.”</p><p> </p><p>I pinched and pulled at the fabric of my skirt. What further news was Benjamin hiding? But I had not the strength to wonder absently.</p><p> </p><p>               “Mama. Might I speak with Benjamin?”</p><p>               “While it is only right that he should be able to tell you himself, you cannot be alone.”</p><p>               I looked at her, almost reproaching, “Mama! If this is so important, and given he is my fiance´, I should be free to speak to him.”</p><p>               “And free you are. Only with your Mama in the room. Don’t look so glum, I will keep my distance.”</p><p> </p><p>If only Mama knew what I had done, she would have other concerns beyond social distancing. Perhaps she imagined some further impropriety would take place? Or perhaps Benjamin would force me down and bite me? In the latter case, what was a frail Beta woman to do against an Alpha man in his prime? Nonetheless, I consented and we stood to leave. Jaina, to her credit, was a sweet sister-in-law.  Only satisfied to part after I assured her that I was feeling better and I promised her that I would join her for a walk.</p><p> </p><p>A servant directed us to a drawing room downstairs where Benjamin sat arguing with Leia. For once I was grateful for Leia’s presence, her wretched smell dampened Benjamin’s delicious scent. Benjamin sat hunched over, appearing to count something with his fingers, likely making several points. Meanwhile, Leia lounged back on her settee and she appeared unwilling to change her view. As we entered, they desisted and took on a calm, unaffected air.</p><p> </p><p>               Mama bowed, “Madame Augustus, Monsieur Augustus. A moment of your time, if you please.”</p><p> </p><p>Moving like a newborn deer, I stuttered into a bow. My midsection was still inflamed and as we were led to the parallel seats I could hardly sit without leaning on my side.</p><p> </p><p>               “Miss Camille. I see you are well enough to join us.” Leia said coolly. Being in an irritable state, I did not care whether she spoke kindly or gave me the time of day. There were pressing matters to be addressed.</p><p>               “I am, thank you.”</p><p>               “And Mrs Camille—”</p><p>               “I believe, Madame Augustus, the affianced pair have something to discuss.” Mama stood up, still radiant and authoritative in her mourning dress, “Will you join me by the window?”</p><p>               “I hardly think—”</p><p>               “Do you find the fireplace more suitable?”</p><p>               Leia gave in, “I do.”</p><p> </p><p>As she walked away she gave a peculiar look to her son, a cross between disgust and distress. Benjamin, unperturbed, took his place on a seat closer to me. I kept my eyes on the floor. Having him so near did not help me compose myself. How could I have allowed Mama to draw me into this predicament?</p><p> </p><p>               “Rey.” He whispered, I felt his eyes roam over me, “Do you need a cushion?”</p><p>               Blood instantly flowed to my cheeks! So, he was conscious of my inability to sit; the tip of my fingers were on fire, “No, thank you. I am well.”</p><p>               “You would be more comfortable with one.”</p><p>               “Truly, I mean it.” I jumped at the chance to change the subject, “Mama invited me here today to... she supposes you have news to share with me.”</p><p>               “I leave in two days. Other than that, nothing more than you already know. I suspect the others are unaware of our rendezvous.”</p><p>               “Yes.” I sighed, “How fortunate.”</p><p>               He nodded, “How fortunate.”</p><p> </p><p>I bit my tongue. Why did I blather about? Benjamin’s light breaths filled my mind. Thoughts bubbled in my mind, creating a mixture of grief, mortification, resentment, and fear. Fear, most of all, gripped my soul.</p><p> </p><p>‘<em> Benjamin is going to die! He cannot go! My love! </em>’</p><p> </p><p>            “These are my people. If you leave, you will forever lose your fiancée.”</p><p>            He gripped my left hand, “You would not dare!” He ran his fingers over the engagement ring, “I am doing this for us, don't make this more painful than it already is.”</p><p>            Mama and Leia whispered quietly, though I knew they were both likely listening, “Benjamin, we are both pained. But please see reason, if you are half as wealthy as you claimed to be—”</p><p>            He released my hand, “You are too obsessed with wealth.”</p><p>            I met his gaze. “You've been peacocking, showing off your wealth since I first met you, always mentioning it! You reassured me we would never be touched by this war, but here we are.”</p><p> </p><p>His eyes were bloodshot. His lips pale.</p><p> </p><p>               I could not continue attacking him in such a forthright manner, “Wealth is not the only matter which concerns. There's every possibility that you could die. You could kill one of my brothers or my neighbors.”</p><p>               “And there’s every possibility that I won't.”</p><p>               “But your brothers in arms would and that makes you just as guilty!” My voice rose above a whisper, the tone biting and accusing.</p><p>               “You’re blaming me for something that has not happened and is not guaranteed to happen.”</p><p>               “What of it? You blame me for crimes I did not commit. When did I ever force your hand Benjamin? You, who is, supposedly, the more developed party? Did you lose your head somewhere between rejecting my advances and proposing to me?”</p><p> </p><p>Benjamin once chided me for running about with boys. Yet he scampered about his family home, partaking in marital acts out of wedlock. Behaving like a loose man! He fueled my affections with one hand and punished me for loving him with the other. As though I should know what he was thinking. Was I meant to investigate every glance, every kiss, every press of his body against mine?</p><p> </p><p>               Tears streaked my cheeks, I lowered my voice, “You’ve poisoned my mind. You kiss me and make tender love but punish me for falling for you. Being in love with you is like walking on eggshells. You left to ensure I had another estate to turn to, because you wanted to care for me, and somehow I am the opportunist? When you had promised me safety and protection.”</p><p>               He leaned forward, concern clouding his face, “Rey, it hurts me to hear you speak like this.”</p><p>               “Again you make this about you. This is supposed to be about us. But we cannot be together if you wilfully misconstrue everything I say or do.”</p><p>               “Give up. There’s nothing else you or anyone else can say. I must fight to keep my family safe, to keep you safe.”</p><p>               “Fight if you must, but you have lost me as a fiancé.”</p><p>               “I thought we were meant to be family.”</p><p> </p><p>I sobbed. My body rattled with grief. Not keen to allow Benjamin to witness my pitiful state, I turned the other cheek. Despite being unworthy of any kindness, I felt soft lips against my hand.</p><p> </p><p>               “Before I leave, my love,” a pang of pain shot through my body, “I beg, might I take a lock of your hair? So that if I die, I can die holding a part of you.”</p><p> </p><p>Trembling, I tugged at a loose strand of hair. Benjamin temporarily removed himself before returning and the distinct clip of scissors rang by my ear.</p><p> </p><p>He leaned forward to kiss my cheek, but I pulled away.</p><p> </p><p>               “You break my heart, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>The sound of Benjamin’s footsteps softened as he quitted the room.</p><p> </p><p>I played with the ring. I was a fool to think I could be happier anywhere else than home. New Orleans was where I belonged, and that was where I ought to stay. I had no real friends in the North, and Benjamin was an ill-fitting companion. I suffered in silence, but no more! I resolved to leave behind Suzanne, who was starting her own family, and to leave behind the Augustuses, who wilfully misunderstood me at every chance.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>／(●ᆺ●)＼ <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">My twitter.</a><br/>Thanks to beta reader extraordinaire, I occasionally allow her out of the beta-reader basement to eat cauliflower pizza... DISGUSTANG: <a href="https://twitter.com/NewerConstella1">NewerConstella.</a><br/>She didn't do shit for this chapter, but I like her, a round of applause for <a href="https://twitter.com/ao3animal">Animal.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. From the Hudson to the Mississippi</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <em> The day he left </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The bells did not toll when <em> he </em>left home, although they should have.</p><p> </p><p>I sat alone in my bedroom, keeping away from the windows, I could not confront him, let alone watch him. I could not stand to see him. I could not even stand to hear of him.</p><p> </p><p>When the officers came to take him, they took my heart, too. The summons were expected, of course, but that did not stop the heat from spreading across my chest. As soon as I heard the knock I scuttled like a coward under my blanket. My fingers could scarcely grasp the edges of the blanket.</p><p> </p><p>               “Ma chérie.” Mama’s concerned tone drew me out of my reverie.</p><p> </p><p>I buried myself deeper under the blanket. <em>My world is colder without him</em>.</p><p> </p><p>               “Won’t you see your fiancé off?” The warmth of her hand seeped through the fabric onto my back.</p><p> </p><p>The shuffling of my blankets filled the silence.</p><p> </p><p>               “Won’t you pray for him?” Mama tugged at the edge of the fabric, exposing my shrivelled form, “Come now, he needs you as much as you need him. Won’t you give him a parting gesture?”</p><p>               I gave him my heart and he trampled it. I gave him my body and he used it. “I gave him my hair.” </p><p> </p><p>She muttered something as I drew the cover over my head.</p><p> </p><p>I felt I could hurl, despite my empty stomach.</p><p> </p><p>He was gone.</p><p>
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  <em> The day after </em>
</p><p> </p><p>I could not eat. I could not speak. I was laying in bed, dazed and slowly spiraling into oblivion. My ribs were sore from holding back my cries. The sound of my heartbeats echoed in my head. Wait, was that the grandfather clock or my weakened body?</p><p> </p><p>Sitting up at once, I recollected the canaille’s scent. The delicious smell of petrichor poured over my head, sticking to my hair like honey.</p><p> </p><p>I was slowly going crazy! Despite the warmth, my fingerprints were frozen, my teeth chattered, knots formed in my calves. Rubbing my temples, I thought of Louisiana, the only thing keeping my spirit afloat. How I missed the orange rays of the sun, how they painted the flowers and grass. I forced my mind to turn away from New York, otherwise, I’d remember what happened. I thought of Florrie with her keen gentle eyes. For a moment I lost myself, imagining her soft embrace. She had such a comforting gaze. I missed her motherly grasp and how her lips curled when she was irritated. Finn had her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Now Finn was gone just like <em> he </em>was.</p><p> </p><p>I pulled at my hair. </p><p> </p><p>Again, I forcefully turned my mind to home.</p><p> </p><p>I thought of the sun's rays, which I was named after, covering the world in a golden hue. I dreamt of sitting on the porch, sitting with my family. Mama, Caroline, and Florrie would sip tea and chat. Gerald and Louis would play card games. The young boys would quarrel with the women over table space but never bothered to have a table brought out. Meanwhile, Papa and I would read. Papa’s eyes seemed to warm in the sunlight. </p><p> </p><p>Of course, Papa’s eyes were nothing in comparison to <em> that man</em>, the canaille, whose eyes melted into honey under the sun. I dreamt of his hair dancing in the warm light. And of his ruby lips. His warmth as he held me. He smelt like home. He made me feel serene.</p><p> </p><p>
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  <em> Two days after </em>
</p><p> </p><p>On the second day, I woke up in a sweat. </p><p> </p><p>After sunset, I felt an odd shift in the air, though I heard no noise. It caused my heart to tremble. I felt I was losing him all over again. I drew a deep breath, sweating and shaking. What was happening to me? ‘<em> You’re going mad </em>.’</p><p> </p><p>               “No.” I interrupted my thought with disgust. </p><p> </p><p>After hours of laying about, I finally left my bed and began my toilette. My appearance was more unkempt than I expected; had it only been two days?</p><p> </p><p>What ruin I wrought onto myself! I had dragged my mother to this awful house! To the most duplicitous society! All of New York was rotten, truly, a cemetery for our happiness. Why had I left Louisiana? To follow a man I loved?  I left my home to follow a man who I thought loved me, but he did not understand me. He could never understand me, being what he is.</p><p> </p><p>Without restraint, I allowed the hate to flow into my heart and congeal. It was easier to pretend I hated him than to hope we would be reunited.</p><p> </p><p>               I slammed my fist against the table, “Blast that Palpatine. I hope he burns.” </p><p> </p><p>Even if he inadvertently saved me from a miserable marriage, he made his move too late. The breakdown of my union could not return my maidenhead, but, perhaps, it would remove almost all evidence of impropriety. The move was badly done indeed. To think I sacrificed so much only to be set aside, like used linen. Diminished. Painted as a lascivious social climber. </p><p> </p><p>I did not know who I hated more: Palpatine or <strike>Benjamin</strike> that canaille.</p><p> </p><p>Despite all the hatred, my heart dared to love him. To care for him. How could someone betray and destroy me, and they were still my world? The human condition never ceased to amaze me.</p><p> </p><p>Woe be to those tender hearts that dare to love. With his endearing charm, he carefully inscribed his name into the walls of my heart, to the walls of my … Well. He let me taste forbidden fruit then cast me out. If my analogy followed then I was, rightly, suffering the consequences.</p><p> </p><p>I supposed I was finally mad.</p><p> </p><p>
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  <em> Three days after </em>
</p><p> </p><p>During the day, Maz slipped an envelope under my door. I did not open it.</p><p> </p><p>At night, Maz forcefully opened the door. She bullied me into taking a bath but could not convince me to eat. Nor could she convince me to read the letter.</p><p> </p><p>
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  <em> Days after </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The door slammed open; Mama stood at the doorway. Surprising that it remained on its hinges.</p><p> </p><p>               “Heaven and Earth, Rey! You will not eat, you will not drink, what’s the matter child?”</p><p> </p><p>I stared at her between strands of hair. Her screams could not oblige me to answer. Nor could they compel me to act like I was alive.</p><p> </p><p>               “Young lady.” She entered the room, “If you will not behave like a normal—”</p><p>               “I am not hungry. I am not thirsty.” I faced the window, “I only need sleep.”</p><p>               She walked toward me, almost slipping on the letter Maz left. “You’ve been asleep for far too long. What is <em> this </em>?”</p><p> </p><p>Mama peered over the edge of the envelope.</p><p> </p><p>               My lips twitched with repressed disgust, “I cannot read it.”</p><p>               She stood over me, the letter between her fingers, “Do you want me to read it for you?”</p><p> </p><p>Did I want to hear his words? Yes. However, I entirely disagreed with the idea. I could not allow my love for him to fester, like an invasive plant, over my heart. No. It would only lead to more hurt.</p><p> </p><p>               “I desire you do no such thing.”</p><p>               “You would not see your fiancé off. You refuse to know his final words to you. You refuse to eat.  Rey, my sweet, what’s the matter? What transpired between you to draw you apart so viciously?”</p><p>               Mama was sincere, she always was. I must have broken her heart when I spat: “Simple: my heart lies elsewhere. Mama,” I cupped her cheeks, “we must return to Louisiana.”</p><p> </p><p>She released a torrent of protests. She was against any plans of returning to the South. I admit her invigorated protests startled me. Listening in silence, Benjamin’s words echoed in my memories: <em> You break my heart, Rey </em>.</p><p> </p><p>It was too much to bear! Everyone conspired to torture me. </p><p> </p><p>I blinked slowly, forcing down the venom.</p><p> </p><p>No one could accuse Mama of plotting to hurt another being, though I did not put it past my dear canaille. He sought to torment me, even if he was not in the state, he sought to torment me in spirit, I knew it! Why else was his image burned in my mind? Why, during our last encounter, did he speak like a poet walking to the noose?</p><p> </p><p>The walls were closing in.</p><p> </p><p>I had to leave.</p><p> </p><p>Any rational being in my position would be thinking of home.</p><p> </p><p>With a sharp breath, I forcefully turned my mind to the sound of Gerald’s laughter. Every being who had the privilege of listening to his laugh was blessed … but I could not distract myself for long before the image of amber eyes re-emerged.</p><p> </p><p>               “We are leaving. You cannot convince me otherwise.”</p><p>               Mama looked stunned. “If you would, please.” She began reading, <em> “Rey </em> . <em> ” </em></p><p>               “No!” I yelled over her.</p><p>               “He writes to say he regrets that your nuptials cannot move forward”</p><p>               “Stop! Madame, please!” I held my hands over my ears.</p><p> </p><p>Despite my attempts to remain ignorant, some words slipped into my mind.</p><p> </p><p>               “He desires you remain on his estate, it is his wish<em> — </em> ” she mumbled on, “ <em> I venture to hope… </em> so and so forth. <em> Farewell, know that I am thinking of you, Ben </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Prevent us moving forward with our nuptials?! Oh! Buffoon! We would never be married. Between the short length of the letter and the cold succinct words, almost abrupt speech, one could sense his coldness. I shifted in my bed, unable to lay comfortably. My body was still recovering from our dislodgement.</p><p> </p><p>If I were home I would recover faster. I would be reunited with people who loved and understood me. It would quash all remaining feelings for him. My virtue may have been compromised, but my wit remained untarnished.</p><p> </p><p>But I could never admit to Mama that I was no longer affianced. Even if Benjamin did not tell the others.</p><p>               “I bid you, Mama, stop reading. You cannot convince me to remain."</p><p> </p><p>
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  <em> A week or so after </em>
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</p><p>On the fifth day I conceded: I would drink water. But I could not eat. Partly because I could not stomach it. Partly because I could not stomach to be around Leia. Why, after such atrocious treatment, would I willfully remain in her presence? After all, I was delusional, not crazy.</p><p> </p><p>I remained steadfast in my conviction until Jaina visited.</p><p> </p><p>Not far removed from her airs and graces, she appeared to be affected. Jaina’s smile wavered. She could have looked like a Southern Belle in her light green muslin gown.</p><p>               “I know his departure weighs heavy on your heart, it does on mine too. You love him as his fiancée but I love him as his sister. In many ways, he is the only father I have ever known. I may forever lose a part of myself.”</p><p>               “As could I.”  I thought.</p><p>               Her eyes watered, “How could I go on?”</p><p> </p><p>I held her hands.</p><p> </p><p>               “Oh, if anything were to happen to him, the world would lose the sweetest, most caring creature. I couldn’t go on without him.”</p><p>               “Please do not say such things.”</p><p>               “Rey, truly,” she began to laugh, a ridiculous reaction, “I cannot—”</p><p> </p><p>Jaina wept.</p><p> </p><p>I could close off my heart to that canaille, but not Jaina. She was the sweetest most well-deserving girl in the world. I could not bear to see her in a state of disarray. She was an innocent in all matters of life, and innocence, above all, must be protected.</p><p> </p><p>               She shook against me, “I cannot live in a world without him. If he is gone, what am I to do?”</p><p>               “Hush, my sweet.” I soothed, stricken with guilt, did I feel as deeply as Jaina did? She shook against my chest as I held her tight. Jaina, along with Suzanne and all my female relations, how I wished I were strong enough to solve your pain. At least we may seek solace in sisterhood.</p><p> </p><p>Jaina continued to mutter, but she was so lost in her grief that she hardly made sense.</p><p> </p><p><em> You cannot feel as she feels. </em> A voice nipped at me. Jaina could never know her brother and I were no longer together. I could never predict how she would react. Would it hurt her? Would she feel betrayed? Next to her brother and mother, I had become her nearest relation. No, no, it would not do to tell her the truth.</p><p> </p><p>               “How are you bearing with his loss?”</p><p>               “Shush. He is not lost. He will be safe and return to us.”</p><p>               “But how can you know?”</p><p>               I stroked her hair, trying to mimic Florrie’s comforting gestures, “I have prayed for his safety. He will live. He will come back home.”</p><p>               “What if he’s injured?”</p><p>               I squeezed her, “He will come back. Even if I have to bring him back."</p><p>               “Rey, don’t joke about. I’m serious.”</p><p>               “As am I.”</p><p>               “Promise you will not tell Mother, but since he informed of his intended departure... “ her lips began to quiver, “I have been beset by such flutterings and—”</p><p> </p><p>I could scarcely make out her words between haggard breaths. After an hour of crying and consoling she composed herself and requested my presence at supper. And how could I say no to her? Leia could be severe in her reprimands, but for Jaina I would try. Maybe I was crazy after all.</p><p> </p><p>
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  <em> The last supper </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Supper was quieter than usual. Leia did not make a sound. Although I imagined I heard her tut when I entered. Perhaps it was my imagination. The room seemed dark, almost barren with deep shadows. It felt larger. More empty. I was suddenly struck with the horror of <em> his </em> absence. How could I bear to sit in my typical seat, across from my <span class="aCOpRe">fiancé </span>. </p><p> </p><p>He was not in the room, he was likely thousands of miles out of state, nonetheless, I felt his presence. Despite Jaina’s pleas that I sit in my usual spot, the sick feeling in my stomach was overbearing.  </p><p> </p><p>Leia sat at the head of the table, seemingly as gloomy and miserable as the rest of us. In her dull navy blue dress she looked like the very image of death.</p><p> </p><p>But my ex-fiancé was not the only party member missing. Mama was nowhere to be found.</p><p> </p><p>The first course passed by unbearably slow. Little clinks and clanks filled the air as we ate in silence. Not that I was paying close attention; my focus was, almost entirely, directed at keeping my food down. </p><p> </p><p>It would not do well to vomit at the supper table.</p><p> </p><p>               “Rey,” Jaina’s mousey voice called out, “are you enjoying your meal?”</p><p> </p><p>Leia glared at me from the corner of my eye. I nodded quickly, the sooner our interactions ended the sooner Leia would look away.</p><p> </p><p>               “I’m glad. I was worried sick you would starve. Benjamin would never forgive me if I allowed you to!”</p><p> </p><p>I shoved another mouthful, eager not to react.</p><p> </p><p>The door opened and Mama quickly joined our party. No doubt she had been reading again. I had half a mind to discourage her constant reading, just as she discouraged mine when I was young. Perhaps it was my turn to warn her?</p><p> </p><p>               “I wish you would not read so much.” My voice cracked, straining from use.</p><p>               “Pardon?”</p><p>               In my week of solace joking was a novelty: “You’ll ruin your eyes. And no man likes a girl with glasses.” </p><p> </p><p>I falsely chided Mama, just as she did when I read too many novels. Mama, ever the saint, ignored my awkward attempt and chuckled.</p><p> </p><p>               “All girls know, a few hours more of reading never harmed anyone.” Mama replied.</p><p>               Leia sighed, “But it may certainly instill delusions into young girl’s heads.”</p><p>               “So long as the girl has a good head on her shoulders, I do not see how she would fall victim to <em> delusional thinking. </em>”</p><p>               “We have very different modes of mothering.”</p><p>               “Indeed.”</p><p> </p><p>The food was exceptionally unappetising. A sense of unease crept over my mind. Like spiders crawling over my brain.</p><p> </p><p>               Awkwardly, Jaina joined in, “A voracious reader can never fall victim to ludicrous ideas. Benjamin often says that a wide variety of books, novels and scripture, can enhance the mind. Not lessen it.”</p><p>               “I did not know he held such a high opinion of voracious readers.” I smiled at her. For a moment I doubted that I could leave her. Her society was so complimentary: her manners so genteel and her airs so graceful.</p><p> </p><p>               Jaina began, “I have often found that—”</p><p>               Leia gripped her cutlery, allowing her fists to drop on the table, “I refuse to continue this charade. We sit here as though you are not the direct cause of our misery. I have urged and pleaded but he left… <em> for you </em>.”</p><p>               Mama was the first to defend me, “Madame, that was his choice to make.</p><p>               Jaina was quick to join, “Mother!”</p><p> </p><p>My stomach twisted. To have such accusations shot at me, every word felt like a bullet! My defenses were not prepared! And a small part of me knew she was right: I was an unwelcome interloper. I had destroyed my beloved’s peace.</p><p> </p><p>               Leia continued her ceaseless assault, “You may prance about like a small girl but you cannot fool me. You have fooled all others but you will not pull the wool so easily over my eyes.”</p><p>               My lips quivered as I tried to stand for myself, “I know you disapprove of me. That you feel I do not belong here<em> —” </em></p><p>               Mama tried to speak over Leia but Leia’s voice rang out as she attacked again: “It is not a matter of you not belonging. It is a matter of your actions, young girl, you little Peitho.  Through your arts and allurements, you may very well have cost me my only son! And you would deny these charges?! You! A confederate in my own home! You cannot escape the consequence by acting sweet and missish<em> —” </em></p><p>               Mama stood up, “Madame. I will not have you speak to my daughter in such a vile manner. It is not your place.”</p><p>               “He is my son.”</p><p>Mama did not relent, she tore her down: “First and foremost my daughter is a lady and you will speak to her as such. And he may be your son but he is marrying my daughter. Not you.”</p><p>               “She is not a lady.”</p><p>               “And <em> you </em>are?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Mama indicated for me to stand. She led me out of the room, crying and unkempt.</p><p> </p><p>
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  <em> Long enough after </em>
</p><p> </p><p> There was calm in the silence.</p><p> </p><p>My hands could not stop shaking as I slowly packed my trunk.</p><p> </p><p>I could hardly think.</p><p> </p><p>I had to return home. Louisiana became my sole motivator. I did not think of drinking, did not think of sleep. I thought of nothing but the sun setting over the Camille manor.</p><p> </p><p>Mama sat on my bed, watching me poorly pack my clothes.</p><p> </p><p>               “He instructed you to remain.” Mama whispered.</p><p>               “He wished for my safety but if my remaining is nothing more than his wish, what conviction does it hold? Especially now that the mistress of the house proclaimed I was a confederate.”</p><p>               “You are almost a married woman. Very soon you shall be mistress of this house.”</p><p>               “Almost does not make me so. I must pack—I—why should we remain?”</p><p>               “Manners. Etiquette.” She pat down the layers of her skirt, “Nay, the manners of good society dictate you should remain.”</p><p>               “After that attack? No. New York is lifeless without him,” I spoke slowly, daring myself to confess my emotions to another soul, “Not that it held any particular interest to me beforehand. Now, the sole cause of my being here is gone.”</p><p> </p><p>‘<em> And he took my heart with him </em>.’</p><p> </p><p>               I cleared my throat, “Refuse me if you must, in which case I shall leave without you.”</p><p>               “Rey Josephine Camile! Mademoiselle! Will you not oblige your mother? You are a cruel child! Dear Lord,” She held her my face in her hands, “if there is to be silence between us and Leia then so shall it be. I worry it may not be safe to leave. And I may be a suitable chaperone but I have never traveled so far before, especially not without a guardian. And I mean a real guardian; a mother’s strength can only take one so far.”</p><p>               “Save your breath to cool your food, I remain unmoved.”</p><p>               “And how do you intend we return home?”</p><p>               “Have you forgotten about a certain Monsieur Booke?”</p><p>               "You would risk death rather than remaining here?"</p><p>               "Madame Augustus has made it very clear: so long as we remain she will never recognize my place. And in one aspect she is right, New York is no place for us. Mama, conditions are not so bleak that we cannot leave. And these Yankees will soon tire of us... if not Madame Augustus then her neighbors. I shall speak to Monsieur Booke tomorrow and see if he would help us."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>／(●ᆺ●)＼ <a href="https://twitter.com/lapinrosewrites">My twitter.</a><br/>Thanks to beta reader extraordinaire, I occasionally allow her out of the beta-reader basement to get some vitamin D: <a href="https://twitter.com/Newer_Fear">Newer Fear.</a><br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Bonheur</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following morning, the inhabitants of the Augustus estate woke to a dreadful silence. There was, to my mind, an oppressive chill in the air. Everyone divided into their camps: Mama and I fighting for the Southern Belles, and everyone else, for Leia. Jaina did not choose a side. Two wars were being fought: outside, in the hills and valleys of a once unified nation. The other, between Mama Augustus and her upstart future daughter-in-law. But I was no longer to be her daughter-in-law.</p><p> </p><p>How humorous it would have been. I could have been the mistress of the Augustus house, and she would have social-climbing grandchildren. Would I dilute her family blood?</p><p> </p><p>Intent on keeping the front line, I took tea in my room and dragged Mama to visit Monsieur Booke. Leaving the Augustus house cooled my nerves as I was no longer encased in a cocoon of the scoundrel’s scent.</p><p> </p><p> Life is too short to waste it seeped in animosity and regret. Soon I would be far away from that cursed house. I would be baptised in the Mississippi and all my sins, my improprieties, would be gone. I would be born again. </p><p> </p><p>Upon arriving at the Booke mansion we were led to Charles Booke’s study.</p><p> </p><p>Therein, the master of the house sat eyeing a ledger. Meanwhile, my dearest Suzanne, looking as though she swallowed a small pumpkin, lounged atop two or three pillows on a lush armchair. She looked like the overstuffed queens in paintings of the Middle East.</p><p> </p><p>Had I not been in such an awful mood I should have joked that I liked her make-shift throne.</p><p> </p><p>But the idea of laughing was insupportable. I was there to complete a mission. </p><p> </p><p>New York sickened me. There was no pretty way to put it: I hated the artifice, the subjugation of nature to industry, and the society that always looked to disapprove. Most all I hated myself for having dragged my Mama and I to a viper’s pit.</p><p> </p><p>After some small talk, which I always dread, I spoke forthright:</p><p> </p><p>               "Monsieur Booke. We have not had the smoothest relationship, and I hope you do not think me an irresolute lady, but will you help us return to Louisiana?"</p><p> </p><p>Booke was speechless. For once. My heart beat in my head. If he refused me I would walk home. Barefoot if I had to.</p><p> </p><p>Suzanne looked like she could die of shock. Mama, who was sitting on a settee by me, pursed her lips and began to speak but Suzanne's protests overshadowed her shrill voice. For such a small being, Suzanne could be loud. Her voice bounced off the walls.</p><p> </p><p>               “What’s the meaning of this? What do you mean by this? You truly want to return home in this environment?”</p><p>               I could have cried, I craved to be home. I wanted Florrie to hold me in her grasp, to smell the lavender and musk of my bedroom, “I have made up my mind.”</p><p>               Suzanne shifted in her chair, “You cannot be serious—I will not allow you to travel about. You mustn’t leave the neighborhood, let alone the state!”</p><p> </p><p>               “Rey,” Booke’s voice cut through, “While I am not aversed to your conciliating words, I must admit this is surprizing.”</p><p> </p><p>               Suzanne did not let up, “Surprising, foolish, why do you want to leave?”</p><p>               “I have no reason to stay. I want to leave.” My voice quivered.</p><p>               “Surely you’re aware of what is happening out there? Just this week the President called for more volunteer militia men.”</p><p> </p><p>               Mama spoke over my left shoulder, “You see my dear?" She pulled me to turn by my shoulder, "'Tis better to face an enemy we know than one we don't."</p><p> </p><p>Their voices pestered my mind. It was overwhelming, like standing in the middle of a stampede. My muscles tensed. My jaw ached. I shivered.</p><p> </p><p>               "Why Rey! I never believed Louis when he called you brainless but this is the most harebrained idea you've ever formed." Suzanne placed her hands on her hips.</p><p>               Mama jumped in, "Suzanne is merely passionate, what she means is that this is dangerous. All those that care for you wish for you to remain, and their opinions are the only ones that matter."</p><p> </p><p>Monsieur Booke lounged with his head against his fist, watching me with a drole smile. He watched the scene unfold before him like a tragedy full of squabbling women.</p><p> </p><p>               “Rey, I insist you remain.” Suzanne gripped her armrests, “Charles I forbid you from helping her.”</p><p>               I retorted, “ I am entirely serious. It is a choice I make freely.”</p><p>               “Be rational. Be serious!”</p><p>               “Look at my eyes. I mean every word. If you cannot help me, so be it,” I said, turning to Charles, “but I will do everything in my power to go home.”</p><p>               “Why?” Charles barked, “The Union will crush the South come Christmas. Why not wait till then to return home?”</p><p>               “I have my reasons Monsieur. The North is no place for me. With the master of the house gone, I am no longer welcome in the Augustus estate—”</p><p>               Suzanne's eyes softened, "Both of you could remain with us."</p><p>               "I couldn't. I beg you, don't try to convince me to stay. You have a family to look after and as a Camille, I owe it to my family to return home. You might not believe it either Monsieur Booke but I have people who rely on me."</p><p>               "Pshaw. You've less sense than a June bug." Suzanne ejaculated, "Your family in New Orleans have Louis. And Caroline lives with Pryde in Georgia. You're needed here. Little Booke needs an aunt to sew for him and teach him French. Lord knows your better with the language than I am."</p><p>               I shook my head, "Please don't attempt to flatter me. You can simply hire a tutor. As for Caroline, yes, she is safe in Georgia. But we haven't heard from Louis since we arrived. Something is amiss. I feel the Lord calling me, he guides me home.”</p><p> </p><p>               Booke sat up, "It is not a surprize you have not heard from Louis, mail does not always arrive on time particularly between the North and South.”</p><p>               “The odd part is that it has been several weeks, drawing nearer to two months.”</p><p>               Mama tried to soothe me, “Ma c<b>hérie</b>, it worries me too. But with the whole country aroused, it is best we remain. So that we may endure to see our family.”</p><p>               "And what about your Benjamin?" Suzanne asked naive to the events that transpired.</p><p> </p><p>My stomach curled into itself. </p><p> </p><p>               "I pray for his safety."</p><p>               Suzanne continued, "He will be back soon. And imagine his shock when he returns and finds you missing!"</p><p> </p><p>I gave her a stern cold look and saw her shiver slightly. That man was the last thing I wanted to think about.</p><p> </p><p>               "That house is not fit for a Southern Belle. Soon the neighborhood won't be fit for me…" I spoke the latter half under my breath.</p><p>               "Rational people have been welcoming of me." My dearest friend tried to reason. She did not yet realise how fruitless her arguments were. She could stomp and wail but I was steadfast.</p><p> </p><p>Insupportable nonsense. Her experience was not mine. I was vulnerable, like an animal belly up, open to the cruel indifference of the world.</p><p> </p><p>               I took in a deep breath and spoke to silence everyone. “I must leave before conditions worsen. Do not try to convince me it will be a fast war. People tried to convince me the South could secede quickly. That the Yankees would feel our might. The more news I read, the less I am convinced. Mama, you may join me if you wish for you cannot convince me to remain.”</p><p> </p><p>After a pregnant pause Booke began to shuffle through his drawers. Mama held my hand as she whispered pleas in my left ear. Meanwhile, Suzanne tried to whisper her pleas in my right. They clung to me like children.</p><p> </p><p>The torment was relentless. The tumult of my mind was inescapable. I could not turn to Mama or Suzanne’s bosom. The world weighed heavy on my shoulders. Mama and Suzanne held me under a deluge of words. Exhaustion seeped through my muscles down to my very marrow. I was a drowning woman looking up at the distorted image of the sun, several feet away from the surface. Several feet away from breathing. From surviving.</p><p> </p><p>In comparison, Booke was merciful. After a few minutes he called me to join him. He pulled forth a map of the United States and all her territories. </p><p> </p><p>Booke and I quickly developed a plan to travel by rail as far as we could, given that it was the fastest mode of transportation. Then we would travel via a carriage to reach a steamboat that would take us to New Orleans. It was similar to the scoundrel’s travel plans but I ignored that. Booke also insisted we travel with one of his trusted manservants.</p><p> </p><p>Mama sat with her hands in each other, her lips forming a thin line. Suzanne was not as passive. She tried, as deftly as she could, to convince me to stay but seeing I was immovable she suggested we remain with her till we could leave. I acquiesced.</p><p> </p><p>After it was determined we would leave in two days, thanks to Booke’s charity, Mama and I left in a Booke carriage to collect our belongings. </p><p> </p><p>Maz and Jaina were shocked, I imagine they did not expect I would leave. That I would remain on that estate and withstand Leia’s repugnant attacks. I had endured her cutting remarks; it was as if a great rush of fire ran through me, I would never allow myself to be a victim again.</p><p> </p><p>Jaina was irrevocably heartbroken. She spoke softly of her disappointment, ‘first Ben, now you. I have lost a brother and sister within days of each other.’ She began to plead; she begged that I stayed for ‘Ben’s sake’ and that she’d fight her Mother till I felt comfortable.</p><p> </p><p>I was a contemptible creature. I insisted and soon had a squadron of servants remove our luggage. Maz pulled Jaina away as she began to cry inconsolably. I loved Jaina, my soul wept , I could not watch her cry. Let no one say I am heartless. God gifted me with empathy but I could never understand her pain.</p><p> </p><p>But I could not be around her long. The curve of her smile, her dark hair, her amber eyes—all of her being evoked an image of my canaille. His claws were so deep in my heart that everything reminiscent of him made me fall to my knees.</p><p> </p><p>The servants began to transport our luggage. As the final trunk was added to the carriage I excused myself to look over my apartments, in case the servants missed anything.</p><p> </p><p>On the way to my room I was drawn, like a bee to pollen, to the scoundrel’s bedroom. A quick look around my shoulder revealed I was alone. </p><p> </p><p>This would be the last time I could envelope myself in total ecstasy. I snuck into his room. The scent of the furniture, despite not being as strong as that of his office, was tantalising. Softly, I ran a finger over the curve of his arm chair and strolled toward the strongest source of his scent. In the closet I found an unwashed linen shirt.</p><p>
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</p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>We spent two days in the Booke mansion.</p><p> </p><p>In the first few hours I sat with Suzanne and Mama.</p><p> </p><p>A servant assisted me with my toilette.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, when I was alone, I collapsed in front of my bed and wept.</p><p> </p><p>On the second day I felt the sorrow set into my mind. </p><p> </p><p>I despised other people.I wished to be alone. Every cell in my body recoiled at the sound of other peoples’ voices.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Let me be alone in my misery. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>I could not be hurt or mistreated if I was never vulnerable like I was, again. I made a promise to myself to put myself first, to never give myself freely to a man, to never allow attacks on my soul, and to never speak his name again. I would bury him. I would survive.</p><p> </p><p>After all, it was better to not feel than to die from despair.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>Jaina joined the Bookes in wishing us farewell. Sweet summerchild as her, I tried not to be angry at her, but her insistent pleas grated my nerves. There was nothing I could say to convince her to stop, I simply smiled and kissed her wet cheeks. She was as dear to me as Caroline.</p><p> </p><p>The train ride devastated my delicate constitution. Mama slept for a few hours then read for a few before returning to sleep. Try as she might, she could not get me to sleep. Not that I did not wish to, I was incapable of resting. Every time I closed my eyes I saw his face. Occasionally I saw him in the corner of my eye: reading the paper or laughing at my stupidity.</p><p> </p><p>In the silence of Mama’s rest, I began to sew, poorly, my jewellery into my least expensive dresses. In a fit of restlessness, I imagined danger at every corner. Every rock of the cabin was a group of rogues pulling a heist. Every footstep  was a thief or a highwayman coming to take advantage of Mama and I. Yes, we had a manservant but what if we were beset by two men or five men?!</p><p> </p><p>The smoke and screeching slowly chipped at Mama’s patience. In turn she began to chip away at mine. Mama began every conversation by complaining about how dreadful trains were. How they were noisey and bothersome. As if it were in my power! To me it seemed a necessary evil. And there was a quiet thrill to watching the blur of trees and rocks and rivers flash by the window as we hurtled toward our destination.</p><p> </p><p>Try as she might nothing she said did oblige me to converse.</p><p> </p><p>I did not care to exist. I wanted to sleep for eternity.</p><p> </p><p>When our train ride finished and we booked a hotel room for ourselves I could scarcely talk but to give the manservant instructions on this and that. ‘Put that trunk in that corner,’ I would say, or ‘That’ll do.’</p><p> </p><p>As we were afraid, Mama and I decided to share a room. Mama slept like a babe once she was on solid ground. </p><p> </p><p>Her soft snoring filled the air.</p><p> </p><p>I still could find no rest. In those quiet moments I sat by the window and imagined what he was doing. Grief gripped me by the throat and I felt a hot tear hit my wrist. My experience pulsed. Drawing the locket to my nostrils I took in a deep breath and bit my lips till they bled. I could not weep. What was done was done. And if he happened to be out there, wearing a blue uniform, treading a deadly road and killing my countrymen, then I would not care. I could never care for him.</p><p> </p><p>You see, I fully intended to stop loving him. I wrangled my heart into a small box and locked it. I did not care what I had to: I would fast for 40 days and nights, abstain from rouge, wear white, and give up bread.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p>Journal.</p><p> </p><p>? May 1861,</p><p> </p><p>I do not remember what day it is.</p><p> </p><p>We have been travelling for what feels like eons.</p><p> </p><p>On the smooth waters of the Mississippi I feel that I should be able to get some rest but sleep continues to elude me.</p><p> </p><p>Not that I desire sleep.</p><p> </p><p>Last night, I stood at the deck of the boat and thought I saw him. Or more precisely, I thought I saw his face reflecting in the water but that’d be foolish. I am a troublesome fiend! I always devote myself to employments and promise never to think of him but I cannot! I imagined I could see the sky he was watching and feel the breeze that lifted his hair. How I envied that breeze———</p><p>
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</p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>Mama entered the room and I quickly shut my journal.</p><p> </p><p>She began, at first, by voicing her disapproval of the way the boat rocked. It was, to her taste, too violent and made her queasy. She could not eat. Could not rest. Walking about the boat made her even more ill.</p><p> </p><p>               “Rey,” She began, “how are you faring? You no longer speak. And I believe the last time you ate was at the hotel. Even then you ate like a small bird.”</p><p>               “I am not hungry.” My dry tongue scraped at the roof of my mouth.</p><p>               “You cannot go on in this manner. You’ll be all bones when we get to New Orleans and then what will Madame O’Connor think of me? That I have not been feeding you!”</p><p>               “It doesn’t matter what Madame O’Connor thinks.”</p><p>               “Aye. I don’t care what others think of us. However, I still think you should eat. I will call for soup. Would you like that?”</p><p>               “No Mama!” I tried to waive her away,, “I do not want anything.”</p><p>               “Rey. As your Mama, I insist you oblige me.”</p><p>               “I don’t want anything.”</p><p>               “Think of my heart. Think of your Papa, he is looking over us now. Imagine what he is saying.”</p><p> </p><p>In my frustration, I recalled Florrie’s soothing affirmations. She was more of a mother than Madame Camille.</p><p> </p><p>* * * * *</p><p> </p><p>The sun was setting when we arrived in New Orleans.</p><p> </p><p>City of beauty; of cordiality between man and nature. </p><p> </p><p>I could have kissed the grounds of the docks! But I was far too weak to walk straight let alone bend down and stand again. Even the noise was magical! To hear others speak with a languid fluid tongue was heavenly. Nothing like the harsh New York pronunciations which irritated my nerves.</p><p> </p><p>I was attached to this land for all eternity. Nothing in the world could replace its place in my heart: not the streets of Paris or the steps of the Colosseum. To me, New Orleans was like Eden on Earth.</p><p> </p><p>Within minutes the manservant, his name I never bothered to learn, led us to our hired coach. Bliss overtook my sore body as we began making our way to the Camille manor. I bit my cheek lest I explode with excitement</p><p> </p><p>The streets were lined with quaint cottages, quickly transforming into townhouses and then mansions. The Grecian pillars of New York homes near the Augustus’ residence were nothing in comparison to the masonry of the South. Nor could their decorations compete against the intricately plucked wrought-iron fences wrapping the balconies of New Orleans’ mansions. </p><p> </p><p>Put plainly, even the architecture was better back home!</p><p> </p><p>The Camille manor appeared the same as if I only left yesterday. Above the light roof,  the sun peaked through clouds which melted into each other. The red-pink canvas of the sky looked like a monet painting through my teary eyes. I would allow myself to be happy, afterall, I was finally home! My true home! Irreplaceable.</p><p> </p><p>As Mama directed the manservant to disembark our luggage I ran ahead, past the iron gate, to the door. I knocked like a madwoman.</p><p> </p><p>               “Florrie! Florrie!”</p><p>               “Carefully set it—Rey! Don’t be so quick!” Mama chided me.</p><p> </p><p>My words came out disjointed, unable to make sense, <em> Florrie! My second mama! </em></p><p> </p><p>               “Florrie, you’re slower than molasses in January! Open the door!”</p><p> </p><p>The door opened.</p><p> </p><p>I stepped back, succumbing to an air of surprise.</p><p> </p><p>               “Excuse me, Miss. Might I be of assistance?” A gingerly old man answered the door. His face was sallow and lifeless. Quite unlike the vibrancy of Florrie.</p><p>               “Who are you?” I uttered in shock. </p><p> </p><p>Mama stood behind, stuttering, equally shocked and twice as confused.</p><p> </p><p>               He bowed, “Mr Samson, steward. I manage the house in the master’s absence.”</p><p>               “Florrie manages the house.” Mama corrected him.</p><p>               “I am afraid I’m unaware of who Florrie is. I have been managing this estate for a month and we have no one here by that name.”</p><p>               “What are you doing here?” I looked at the manor; in my delirium had I arrived at the wrong address?</p><p>               “Miss—?”</p><p>               “Camille.”</p><p>               “Miss Camille. As I said, I manage this estate. Were you looking for another home? I'm happy to assist you both in finding it.”</p><p>               “This <em> is </em>our home.” I emphasised. Foolish little git, I had no patience for his nonsense.</p><p>               “You must be mistaken, Miss. This house belongs to the master, Mr Plutt.”</p><p> </p><p>Raucous terror gripped my body. My heart sank. With a nervous tremor, I drew my shawl over my shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>               “No.” Acidic anger burned in my belly, “No. No. No.”</p><p>               “Uh—Yes... Miss.”</p><p> </p><p>Outrage brewed in my stomach. Bubbling and rising, almost pouring out through the corners of my lips. Like an animal, I could have jumped onto the weak man and bit his nose off. I stared into his soul. Blind rage gleamed in my eyes. I flashed my canines involuntarily.</p><p> </p><p>Whose fault was this?! Either Louis or that forsaken scoundrel. I could never imagine Louis to be so careless. Naturally, my anger and hatred turned toward the scoundrel. To be thrown onto the street like common beggars! Vile rotten epithets gurgled in my throat. My body ached, only able to keep me standing owing to my burning rage.</p><p> </p><p>               I took in a deep breath, as deep as my corset would allow, “To the pits with Plutt.” I spat, “He has no claim over this house.”</p><p>               “I assure you the master has full legal rights to this grand estate. Mr Plutt left for the North, on a matter of trade, but should return soon. Once he returns you may bring up your disagreements.”</p><p>               “Where is Florrie? Gerald? Louis? Where are the rightful owners?”</p><p>               “I-I-I cannot say Miss.” He withered under my fierce look, “last I heard they were with a doctor. Now, I must insist you leave. This is private property.”</p><p> </p><p>I hissed at the man.</p><p> </p><p>Mama pulled me by the elbows as the false steward quickly shut the door. Coward. Dog! Cad!</p><p> </p><p>               “Rey, please, do not behave so rash!”</p><p> </p><p>Despair!</p><p> </p><p>Losing all control of my body, I stumbled as Mama pulled me up and into the carriage. I wanted to crumple into a heap on the floor. I could not go on. Had the home been burnt down I might have hoped to rebuild it. There was nothing crueler than seeing your freedom so near and being denied. I wept in silence, whether from the loss of our home or exhaustion I did not know.</p><p> </p><p>Mama’s hands shook as she threw my shawl over my shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>How could this transpire?</p><p> </p><p>Had the scoundrel lied? I supposed he must have lied. He could not afford to escape the draft, his debts, his-- oh! How I loathed that black hearted dog.</p><p> </p><p>Mama patted my eyes.</p><p> </p><p>So much had changed in such a small amount of time. I was no longer engaged, no longer the old merry Rey, and now I was without a home.</p><p> </p><p>               “What shall we do, oh dear. We must find Louis…” Mama began to whisper under her breath.</p><p> </p><p>Outside the small window of the carriage the Sun slowly set behind the Camille manor. Though I supposed it was the Plutt manor. Papa would have been ashamed. I could see his face, a mixture of shock and outrage. All his hard work, money, security—all gone! </p><p> </p><p>The thought of Papa made me recall Louis.</p><p> </p><p>The steward mentioned a doctor. I surprised myself; even in my fatigue I could recall small details. There were a few well known doctors in our circle in New Orleans. But there was only one who would bother to help a Camille.</p><p> </p><p>Mama continued to chatter away, occasionally turning to me with watery eyes.</p><p> </p><p>               “We must find Louis. This is not to be endured. To be evicted from our own home! I birthed all my children there...”</p><p>               “Oh Mama don’t go on! I cannot stand your whining! It’s bad enough that no one is home. Complaining won’t do anything.”</p><p> </p><p>Mama was shocked. I had never spoken with anyone like that before.</p><p> </p><p>               “Rey. I am your mother.” Mama began.</p><p> </p><p>I did not bother to listen.</p><p> </p><p>               “And what are you waiting for? Take us to the Lucien estate, now!” I commanded the manservant.</p>
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